Vent about Aunt's response...

[Maggimus]

I appreciate your comments. I very rarely post on this board. Actually, only when the first topic catches my eye, as one did today, which led to me viewing a second, similar, topic. I have been married for 17 yrs (next month) and frankly I just don't understand the attitude of brides in this day and age. I wasn't negative in the other thread. I just told the OP (rather politely, I thought) that she should let her sister of the hook for the MOH duties. A couple of other posters misquoted or misunderstood the OP's original post, and I corrected THEM. I wasn't about to let them jump on the bandwagon without correct information. In future I will remember that brides on this board must never be corrected, told they are wrong or be shown a different point of view. I will also remember that if I venture onto this board for any reason, I can only blow smoke up their butts like everybody else.

we disagree a lot here, and thats where I think you are misunderstanding. We do it much for tactfully though. We try to say it in a more sisterly.. 'hey, just kinda think of it this way' type approach instead of pointing the mighty finger and going at it. We disagree a lot-- its human nature. Feel free to disagree, i like hearing different types of views. But when you reread the posts you shouldnt have to make the OP feel as they though they need to feel intimidated and explain every single detail. You arent wrong in feeling the way you do-- but im sorry, i wholeheartedly disagree (as will most every person i know) that the wedding day is all about the bride and groom and isnt about the guests in attendance. I know you said you frequent the CB and I do too... and we arent sugar coating it here-- we just say things a little nicer to make one another understand (considering we have all been where the bride is sitting or are the bride/groom themself!). We hope you will come back and see that we arent all just about princesses and happy fairy tales... we are human beings who just would rather attract more bees with honey than vinegar!

 

[MickeyAnne]

I appreciate your comments. I very rarely post on this board. Actually, only when the first topic catches my eye, as one did today, which led to me viewing a second, similar, topic. I have been married for 17 yrs (next month) and frankly I just don't understand the attitude of brides in this day and age. I wasn't negative in the other thread. I just told the OP (rather politely, I thought) that she should let her sister of the hook for the MOH duties. A couple of other posters misquoted or misunderstood the OP's original post, and I corrected THEM. I wasn't about to let them jump on the bandwagon without correct information. In future I will remember that brides on this board must never be corrected, told they are wrong or be shown a different point of view. I will also remember that if I venture onto this board for any reason, I can only blow smoke up their butts like everybody else.

I think what it really boils down to is this. People on these boards post for support from people who have been there - they get the criticisms in their own life - they don't need it on a message board! You seem to feel it necessary to burst people's bubbles and thats just not fair. I don't care who is right in these arguments and who is wrong - its none of my business. But as a future bride I am looking forward to MY day. Maybe when I am married for seventeen years and a bit more jaded I will see where your negativity is coming from, but right now, all you are doing is your part to drag down a very happy place for people. So - as I can tell, you are neither getting married or honeymooning is Disney any time soon - therefore, you don't need to be here. Find a new group of people to bring down. Try theknot.com

 

[Lynn5700]

I didn't suggest you change your plans. Nor did I give you any advice. It is pretty hard to misunderstand a post that says "why spend thousands and thousands of dollars to make your guests happy". That's pretty self explanatory.

And actually, this is an INTERnational board. I was a bride once myself, and perhaps all the brides-to-be are going to say all the things you want to hear, but I am going to tell it like it is. People, in general, are not honoured to be invited. They are not honoured to spend your special day with you. Most of the threads on the CB about weddings will tell you that the invitees and the participants mostly see it as a duty and a financial hardship. THAT is the reality. Nobody respects a bridezilla. NOBODY.

What I meant by spending thousands and thousands of dollars is if I have it at my home town I am going to be spending that much to make it easier for guests to go but not easier on our pockets.

Destination weddings are popular now adays and the main reason is because of how much it is to have a big dream wedding at home.

I have been engaged since Dec 05 and I planned to have my wedding here May of 08. As I was planning I realized that this is not what we want so I went with my first place that I wanted to get married at so I did this and one family member had a problem with it but I cant change it so it can be affordable for her to go.

And I don't think that the girl is being a Bridezilla.She came to a place to vent. And if you think that what I said is being a Bridezilla then you have no idea what one is.

 

[FayeW]

we disagree a lot here, and thats where I think you are misunderstanding. We do it much for tactfully though. We try to say it in a more sisterly.. 'hey, just kinda think of it this way' type approach instead of pointing the mighty finger and going at it. We disagree a lot-- its human nature. Feel free to disagree, i like hearing different types of views. But when you reread the posts you shouldnt have to make the OP feel as they though they need to feel intimidated and explain every single detail. You arent wrong in feeling the way you do-- but im sorry, i wholeheartedly disagree (as will most every person i know) that the wedding day is all about the bride and groom and isnt about the guests in attendance. I know you said you frequent the CB and I do too... and we arent sugar coating it here-- we just say things a little nicer to make one another understand (considering we have all been where the bride is sitting or are the bride/groom themself!). We hope you will come back and see that we arent all just about princesses and happy fairy tales... we are human beings who just would rather attract more bees with honey than vinegar!

That was very tactful. Clearly I am too old and cranky to be of any help here. As I age (I am 42) I find I have less patience to put up with nonsense. I think back over the way I perceived things 15,10, even 5 years ago and I realize that alot of the things I thought were important and necessary really weren't. With age comes a different perspective. My niece got married 4 yrs ago, and she was somewhat of a bridezilla. It changed her as a person, and certainly changed how people thought about her.

 

[Maggimus]

That was very tactful. Clearly I am too old and cranky to be of any help here. As I age (I am 42) I find I have less patience to put up with nonsense. I think back over the way I perceived things 15,10, even 5 years ago and I realize that alot of the things I thought were important and necessary really weren't. With age comes a different perspective. My niece got married 4 yrs ago, and she was somewhat of a bridezilla. It changed her as a person, and certainly changed how people thought about her.

A bridezilla is someone who gets angry at every little detail and is completely mean to people in the process.

Its called normalcy when you want the only day in your life thats soley about you (other than your funeral)-- to be very memorable and important. I dont see the OP going off the bat yelling at people, or coming here saying she is going to cry and tell her mommy if she doesnt get the 15,000 wedding dress she wants and get married right at the front of the Magic Kingdom-- she isnt asking her parents to put their house up for sale and move into a trailor or anything. Shes mearly asking her family to be in attendance... she isnt crying because the neighbor isnt coming and bringing her a gift. I think you have this all wrong...

 

[Lynn5700]

I frequent this board a lot-- and Ive noticed that you have only posted on threads where you provide a lot of negative feedback. I don't understand it.

I'm afraid that here, on this board, you will find that a lot of the brides do feel that this is 'their wedding day'-- because, well, IT IS! Its the only day that they have that is ALL ABOUT THEM. I completely agree with Lynn-- she should do what makes HER happy-- and her guests should be very pleased to be able to be there in celebration of 'their day'... not 'the day that we celebrate the guests'.

You wont find a lot of support here about what you just said-- and i'm afraid with your negative feedback you have turned 2 threads now in a downward spiral. We very rarely have trouble on this board and I don't understand why we are having it now. Please don't take this the wrong way-- I do believe your opinions are of great value. But throwing in a nice comment every now and again wont exactly hurt you-- especially considering the brides here are having enough stress on their own-- without less than nice comments on the DIS boards.

JMO

Maggi, I love you

 

[FayeW]

A bridezilla is someone who gets angry at every little detail and is completely mean to people in the process.

Its called normalcy when you want the only day in your life thats soley about you (other than your funeral)-- to be very memorable and important. I dont see the OP going off the bat yelling at people, or coming here saying she is going to cry and tell her mommy if she doesnt get the 15,000 wedding dress she wants and get married right at the front of the Magic Kingdom-- she isnt asking her parents to put their house up for sale and move into a trailor or anything. Shes mearly asking her family to be in attendance... she isnt crying because the neighbor isnt coming and bringing her a gift. I think you have this all wrong...

I never said anything about the OP! As a matter of fact, I never addressed the OP at all. I certainly never indicated I thought she was a bridezilla, nothing could be further from the truth. I addressed only one poster on this thread, and then answered those who quoted me.

My last post was an attempt (clearly half-assed) at making amends. I was explaining where my perspective came from. I wasn't calling anyone, most certainly not the OP (who I agree with, by the way) a bridezilla!

 

[PrettyInTink]

You are obviously a bitter, jealous person as well! Congrats! You are achieving your goal of spreading hate and discontent throughout the boards. I see you have over 1900 posts so you should know better. You have spread your negative views enough already. Move along! The OP on this thread and the other thread you STAINED with your negative comment only posted for a little support from others who are planning a DFTW, VR, or DisneyMoon. Go spread your hate elsewhere. I have been lurking on here for a long time and have never seen you post anything positive. GO AWAY!
As for OP and others: Its your wedding, let ungrateful guests sit at home. Then make SURE you show them pics of what they missed when you get back home.

Boy, have you got your priorities wrong! You should want to make your guests happy. YOU ARE THE HOST! If you truly thought it was about "a happy couple that want to start your lives together" you would elope and start working on the marriage, not focusing on a wedding where you don't care about your guests.

 

[Maggimus]

I didn't suggest you change your plans. Nor did I give you any advice. It is pretty hard to misunderstand a post that says "why spend thousands and thousands of dollars to make your guests happy". That's pretty self explanatory.

And actually, this is an INTERnational board. I was a bride once myself, and perhaps all the brides-to-be are going to say all the things you want to hear, but I am going to tell it like it is. People, in general, are not honoured to be invited. They are not honoured to spend your special day with you. Most of the threads on the CB about weddings will tell you that the invitees and the participants mostly see it as a duty and a financial hardship. THAT is the reality. Nobody respects a bridezilla. NOBODY.

im sorry if i misinterpreted your bridezilla comment.

 

[Thumper's Tara]

I go to work for a day and my thread explodes. Alas, what's a girl to do? I so wish my job let me look at this site...but, they don't. That is probably a good thing, because I would never get any work done, I would lose my job, and then wouldn't be able to afford my wedding!

Omg I totally feel you. My aunt flipped out on me too and caled me selfish and made me feel like a spoild brat too.

I was upset at first because she called me selfish and said a lot of other hurtful things but I won't let it change my mind.

It does suck but trust me you will feel better soon. I was a nervous wreck when I had to tell my aunt. I had myself so worried and stressed out that my whole body felt like I got ran over by a truck.

Just remember it's your day it only happens one time and you have to make yourself happy. Don't let people take away your dreams.

Yes, it does totally suck. I knew that it would happen with someone eventually, I just didn't think it would happen with her or how it happened. I am still really hurt by the not telling me to my face part of it. My uncle (her husband) and I have totally different views on just about everything. We like and respect each other, but don't agree on anything! I knew his response would be less than positive, but I didn't expect her to feel the same way.

Except my source of stress is my own sister!

Totally agree with the comment on an at home wedding! I would so much rather go to my happy place and get married, with very little to stress over, than to have to pick a church (my sister joined a different church, just because she liked one sanctuary where they do weddings - uh hello?) - and not deal with everyone else's opinions on that, find a florist, a reception blah blah blah blah blah.

And I agree with the whole - not having a problem going out of town for another wedding.

Oh my. If my sister was the one doing the negative stuff, I would probably lose it. Happy thoughts going your way on that one!

The whole at home wedding would probably cost me more than my custom wedding is going to cost me. I have a HUGE extended family and a ton of people that would "need" to be there if I had it back home. One of the reasons that I choose DFTW, was I could keep it to a smaller number.

The huge guest list can be for the at-home reception. it is going to be low-key and it won't be the actual day, so I think I can handle having 300 family members and "closest" friends be there!

Then the whole fact that Disney can do it all makes me want to stay away from a Rochester Wedding!

The thing with my aunt is she would be okay going back to Rochester for my wedding, but not to Florida. Either way it is a destination for her. The last time I checked, Florida was closer to Memphis...

It really is your day and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. If they are concerned about cost, does that mean you won't receive a gift either?

Ridiculous stuff....you make and decision and be happy!

You know, when I told my MOH that I wanted to do a Disney wedding, the first thing she said to me was that I wouldn't get very many gifts because people would have to travel and spend their money there. I can understand that point, but I don't think you have a wedding to rake in the loot. Just me though...I want the wedding in Disney because that is where I am happiest and it is the place where I get the most bang for my buck.

The funny thing about the gift though - my aunt (the same one above) was telling me that her husband is cutting off gift-giving to neice's/nephew's kids because it is getting to be too much. The funny thing? he is only cutting it off now that my aunt's neice's/nephew's are getting old enough to have kids! My uncle's nephew's have been "raking it in" according to my aunt for years...

Hey, these discounts y'all are talking about, do the DFTW people tell you about those, or is there somewhere I need to be looking? Cause I am in the middle of making an information packet for everyone, and that would help (maybe) to include that! Thanks!

I am not sure if you are having a custom or intimate, but for custom weddings you get rooms and tickets at a discount. Your WC should be able to tell you what the room cost will be when you pick your resorts. For my January 2008 wedding, All Stars = $77/night, Coronado Springs = $128, and Boardwalk Inn = $228/night.

It is your day. You and your DF do what is right for the two of you. If they can't join in your happiness, that is one thing. If they choose not too, that is their loss. Enjoy your day !!! You've got friends here on the dis.

Thanks! The friends here are what keeps me sane!

wow theres been alot of catty family members trying to spoil all these DFTW brides thunder?!?!?

Whats happened to the world!?!?!

I bet if you had it at home, someone would complain about something,,,why....its human nature!!! at least that what seems like lately

I would consider it their loss & keep your positive spirit & good attitude ...things will be awesome with or without them

No doubt that someone would find something "wrong" with what I choose. I read somewhere that weddings bring out the worst in people. I never really believed it, but I can see how it can be!

I usually lurk on this board because I'm not having a Disney wedding, but I just have to say your aunt sounds just like my FI's mother. She also said nice things about the Disney wedding idea to my face and bashed it behind my back. In the end, FI really wanted to have the wedding close to home (we are in Westchester as well!) so I gave up on the Disney wedding idea. (My parents and my family were all for it - we love Disney!)

Anyway, I feel your pain. I still wish we were having a Disney wedding. If it's really what you want and you don't mind if they come or not, just do it. Their loss! Not a week goes by where I don't wish I was having a Disney wedding. It's what a really wanted. I know my home wedding will be very nice, and FI did promise me a Disney vow renewal, but I get very jealous looking at everyone's beautiful Disney wedding pictures!

I guess what I was trying to say in all of that is do what you and your FI want...don't worry about the other people. In the end it's your wedding, not theirs.

Cool! Another person from Westchester!

As far as the vow renewal, just think of your "first" wedding as a practice for your DF VR! You will know exactly what for the "second" time around!

...and NOBODY MUST attend. It is a decision and you make it. The day is about the couple-- hello-- its wedding? You are invited to MR. & MRS wedding-- not the wedding all about the guests , what do you want so we can cater to your every need, make your light bill, and get you comfy chairs to sit in with nice pillows.

It is about the couple who are getting married and what will make them happy. I have see a lot of threads on other bridal boards about family members/friends that make it about them. I do think that the Bride & Groom should make the guests can enjoy themselves, but it is about the B&G.

I can completely understand why a bride would be disappointed that certain guests she wants to share her special day with cannot be there...for whatever reason.

Its very generous that many of you have chosen to offset some of the costs for these guests.

But what you must also realize is that the cost is not just monetary...there is a time factor involved.

Regardless of whether the wedding is held over a holiday weekend or not, your plans involve your guests taking more that the usual one or two days out of their lives to participate. It still may require them to take time off work. And no matter what anyone thinks, just being at Disney is going to cause them to spend money...money they may have planned and budgeted for some other type of vacation they wanted to take their family on.

Its simply not fair for you to be so offended that they are choosing to forego being there. Most of them will, I'm sure, be disappointed that they won't be there...but its THEIR choice.

As others have stated, if this is your dream to marry at Disney, its just that...YOURS. Keep it yours, make it what you want...but understand that your choice may involve compromise in who can be there.

I am going to respectfully disagree with some of your points when it comes to my OP. Yes, I am disappointed that my aunt and her family can't/won't make the wedding for whatever reason they choose; however, the fact of the matter is they are choosing not to come to my wedding because it is in Disney NOT because of other factors. My impression is they would be willing to travel to my wedding should it be in NY, but not to WDW. That the time off, kids' out of school, expense, etc. would all be acceptable to them if the wedding was in NY, but because I choose to do something "non-traditional" I am being selfish. I disagree with that. People can choose not to come to my wedding for whatever reason they want, but I don't think they are right to call me selfish. I also don't understand the mentality of being will to do something for one location, but not another location. Take Disney out of the equation and I think they would be there. I think their issue is with the fact of it being Disney and they don't approve of me spending the money to have it there.

Now, on another note, I think that I made it clear that I was more upset at the fact that my aunt did not say this to my face and choose to "gossip" about it to my sister. I think I would have gotten over their choice of not attending my wedding, for whatever reason, if she had said to me, "Phillip and I won't be attending because the wedding isn't in NY and we don't want to attend if it isn't there" Fine. Had she told me that, I would be hurt by it, but I would get over it. WDW isn't everyone's dream and I respect that, but I am not happy about the saying one thing to my face and another thing behind my back.

What I meant by spending thousands and thousands of dollars is if I have it at my home town I am going to be spending that much to make it easier for guests to go but not easier on our pockets.

Destination weddings are popular now adays and the main reason is because of how much it is to have a big dream wedding at home.

I have been engaged since Dec 05 and I planned to have my wedding here May of 08. As I was planning I realized that this is not what we want so I went with my first place that I wanted to get married at so I did this and one family member had a problem with it but I cant change it so it can be affordable for her to go.

And I don't think that the girl is being a Bridezilla.She came to a place to vent. And if you think that what I said is being a Bridezilla then you have no idea what one is.

I did come here to vent. Nothing more, nothing less. While I respect others opinions, I do think that I have the right to be hurt and want to discuss it. People can disagree with me having it there and whether or not it is right to ask the guests to go, but I think it is my right to be upset by the fact that my aunt, who I thought I was very close to, won't be able to make my wedding and that she wasn't willing to tell me that to my face.

A bridezilla is someone who gets angry at every little detail and is completely mean to people in the process.

Its called normalcy when you want the only day in your life thats soley about you (other than your funeral)-- to be very memorable and important. I dont see the OP going off the bat yelling at people, or coming here saying she is going to cry and tell her mommy if she doesnt get the 15,000 wedding dress she wants and get married right at the front of the Magic Kingdom-- she isnt asking her parents to put their house up for sale and move into a trailor or anything. Shes mearly asking her family to be in attendance... she isnt crying because the neighbor isnt coming and bringing her a gift. I think you have this all wrong...

Thank you! I didn't think I was being (nor do I think anyone called me) a bridezilla.

On a funny note, I think my mother would have smacked me upside the head with a frying pan if I cried about a $15000 dress. Well, she probably would have rushed me to the ER to find out what was wrong with me!

I just want my dream and want my family there.



On a total positive spin to this whole thing, if my aunt and her family choose not to attend, then I am only 6 people over "budget" right now. I was worrying because people who I thought would laugh at my DFTW are actually excited and planning on coming. I thought I was going to be over on the number Ariel's can hold. It looks like it will be okay though...my MOH said it best...she said that at her first wedding (she has had 3), she had a lot of people she thought would absolutely be there, but a lot of them didn't make it. The ones she didn't think would be, showed up! So, I have a feeling I may get that as well.

Okay...I am off to check the other posts now!

ttfn,
TT

 

[FayeW]

OP, you have a great attitude. You are one classy dame!

 

[JonetteA]

I understand the OP point of view. We had a hard time to. I agree that even though you are invited you do not have to attend a wedding if you choose not to. I finally realized that the wedding was about me and my husband and not what everyone else wanted as I was forking over the dough so to speak. Basically I had to say to a few people "Come or don't come that is up to you. I will really miss you but I understand." I don't think it is unreasonable to have people come to your wedding that you really want there, but to change your plans for the few to pay for a wedding that is not what you have dreamed is not right as well.

In addition I would like to add that we do not blow smoke here. Personally how people view weddings on the CB is really not the issue. This forum addresses the other side of the coin on the planning of a wedding not as a guest. Postitive is important on this forum as we are a support group for those who are going through what we went through.

 

[Summer-Caitlin]

I think the thing with many destination weddings is that the couple actually pays for their wedding themselves. Im my mothers day, her wedding was paid for by her father as was her sisters and so on, but nowadays that doesn't really happen much anymore. My DF and I are paying for our wedding so therefore I may feel a bit more selfish in my 'demands' if you can call it that. My mother is attending and I am helping her out with her costs as I know she couldn't afford it alone. We invited others and it is purely up to them if they choose to come or not. Although I would love my family to be there, I understood that by having a destination wedding that was unlikely.
I have been to many weddings where they have thrown a lavish wedding, invited loads of people that they hadn't seen in 10 years, and it has costed thousands upon thousands of dollars. My brothers wedding last year costed above £20,000 ($40,000) my wedding is costing £7,000 ($14,000) including our 3 week honeymoon. I guess I just don't see the point in that, to me it felt like it was just to show off and he feels my wedding is to show off I believe on your wedding you can do what you like, after all it is your wedding day. I didn't want people telling us what to do and I always wanted a Disney Wedding. My brother became groomzilla, and started putting demands on his guests, which I thought was ridiculous, he felt because we were all invited that we sort of owed him in a way. He became obsessed with how much things were costing and became increasingly agitated over minor things. I don't see the OP doing this at all.
Thumper's Tara - I completely empathise with you, it's a horrible feeling when people make you feel like you are being childish. I don't think you are making any demands. As far as I can see you are inviting them to your wedding. I think your Aunt is trying to make you feel bad by having your wedding at Disney, and to make her point she is refusing to go. I really hope she comes around, but if she doesn't, don't let it get you down, you are getting married in 'the happiest place on earth' and your wedding will be beautiful, no matter what!

 

[CanadianGuy]

Wow.. you know.. this is totally a Miss Manners kind of thing.

And having read her column for years... her is what she would probably tell the OP.

It's your wedding. You may have it where you choose and you may invite whomever you choose. Opinions about your wedding will be like bellybuttons. Everyone will have one. You can't worry about those. The way you choose to celebrate your nuptuals should not be driven by others; be they family or friends. At the end of the day, it's not their wedding.

Those you might invite will choose to come or not. You can't stress over those decisions. A lot of times their decision to attend or not.. will be based on stuff that has nothing to do with you nor will it necessarily be based on how they feel about you or your betrothed.

Once you've selected your location and your guests arrive at that location, yes.. of course, you should have whatever plans you think will make them feel welcome and part of your celebration. Selecting the location isn't accomplished by doing a poll of your guests. The location should be a place that is meaningful and appropriate for your relationship. If that's Disney.. so be it. If it's the local public gardens... that's wonderful too. It sounds like .. from what you've posted .. a reasonable number of your guests are ok with your location... or at least ok enough to show up anyway.

You've invited your aunt. What she said behind your back, while it may not be pleasing to you, wasn't intended for your ears to hear. Someone betrayed her confidence by telling you that. That's worth noting. Maybe she was just 'venting' to someone else about it because she had a bad day? Hard to say. You should probably just forget you ever heard that and let it go.

In any event, hold your wedding as you wish. Invite the people you wish. And enjoy your special day with those who choose to celebrate with you!



Knox

 

[PrincessBride07]

I have been debating whether or not to respond to these posts. Mostly because I feel that this thread has gone away from the original post. All I want to say is that I hope that this thread does not discourage anyone from venting on the board. Every couple on here either is going through or has gone through this stress. We are all dealing with family issues, financial issues, issues with trying to pull off the "perfect and unique" wedding, and also dealing with the fact you are getting married. Sometimes this all adds up and you will snap. The thing that you snap about might be the stupidest thing too. My MOH snapped during her wedding planning over NAPKINS! She was so PO'd at the store, they had 3 of there employees searching every book in the store for the napkins she wanted. Was she a bridezilla? At that moment maybe, but overall no. If she had a place like this to vent out her frustrations, the poor store clerks might have not been terrorized.
Also, by venting out your frustrations you might be helping others who are going through the same thing.

Here is a hug to all the frustrated couples out there and some pixie dust to help you get through it with a memorable wedding

 

[scootert]

Dealing with stress is like trying to hug a large marshmallow -- sooner or later it's going to pop out... and sometimes when you least expect it.

When my stepchildren were married, DH and I were determined that the wedding would not be about us, not former spouses, etc. We wanted each to have a wedding that they wanted - we did not however feel that we needed to pay for the entire event. We gave both DS and DD substantial checks and told them to use them as they pleased. If they wanted a large wedding and wanted to spend the money on that, fine with us. If they wanted a smaller wedding and use the money on something else, fine with us.

In each case we had to travel quite a distance and some of the arrangements were challenging. But.... we followed our own advice, bit our tongues (just a couple of times!!), smiled broadly and wished them every happiness.

Families come in all shapes, sizes and each has its challenges. Hang in there..

 

[Thumper's Tara]

OP, you have a great attitude. You are one classy dame!

Thank you. You have me blushing!

I understand the OP point of view. We had a hard time to. I agree that even though you are invited you do not have to attend a wedding if you choose not to. I finally realized that the wedding was about me and my husband and not what everyone else wanted as I was forking over the dough so to speak. Basically I had to say to a few people "Come or don't come that is up to you. I will really miss you but I understand." I don't think it is unreasonable to have people come to your wedding that you really want there, but to change your plans for the few to pay for a wedding that is not what you have dreamed is not right as well.

I like what you have said and may use your quote directly. I have to accept that not everyone will agree with our decision, but we are paying for it, it is what we want, and those that can be there will be! I will miss those that can't, but I can't, or won't, change my wedding plans for them.

I think the thing with many destination weddings is that the couple actually pays for their wedding themselves. Im my mothers day, her wedding was paid for by her father as was her sisters and so on, but nowadays that doesn't really happen much anymore. My DF and I are paying for our wedding so therefore I may feel a bit more selfish in my 'demands' if you can call it that. My mother is attending and I am helping her out with her costs as I know she couldn't afford it alone. We invited others and it is purely up to them if they choose to come or not. Although I would love my family to be there, I understood that by having a destination wedding that was unlikely.
I have been to many weddings where they have thrown a lavish wedding, invited loads of people that they hadn't seen in 10 years, and it has costed thousands upon thousands of dollars. My brothers wedding last year costed above £20,000 ($40,000) my wedding is costing £7,000 ($14,000) including our 3 week honeymoon. I guess I just don't see the point in that, to me it felt like it was just to show off and he feels my wedding is to show off I believe on your wedding you can do what you like, after all it is your wedding day. I didn't want people telling us what to do and I always wanted a Disney Wedding. My brother became groomzilla, and started putting demands on his guests, which I thought was ridiculous, he felt because we were all invited that we sort of owed him in a way. He became obsessed with how much things were costing and became increasingly agitated over minor things. I don't see the OP doing this at all.
Thumper's Tara - I completely empathise with you, it's a horrible feeling when people make you feel like you are being childish. I don't think you are making any demands. As far as I can see you are inviting them to your wedding. I think your Aunt is trying to make you feel bad by having your wedding at Disney, and to make her point she is refusing to go. I really hope she comes around, but if she doesn't, don't let it get you down, you are getting married in 'the happiest place on earth' and your wedding will be beautiful, no matter what!

You are totally right about the destination wedding aspect. Another reason we choose the WDW thing is I have moved around a lot in my adult life. In the past 15 years, I have lived in Rochester, NY; Potsdam, NY; Houston, TX; Kiev, Ukraine; Memphis, TN; Stamford, CT and Ossining, NY - if I tried to make it "fair" to everyone, we would be having the wedding in the middle of the ocean! Anyway, thanks for the advice. I think by the time the wedding gets here, this will be forgotten.

Like you, we are helping my parents, sister, and wedding party with costs by getting their rooms. Good luck with your planning!

Wow.. you know.. this is totally a Miss Manners kind of thing.

You've invited your aunt. What she said behind your back, while it may not be pleasing to you, wasn't intended for your ears to hear. Someone betrayed her confidence by telling you that. That's worth noting. Maybe she was just 'venting' to someone else about it because she had a bad day? Hard to say. You should probably just forget you ever heard that and let it go.

In any event, hold your wedding as you wish. Invite the people you wish. And enjoy your special day with those who choose to celebrate with you!



Knox

Well said. This definitely gave me someting to think about. I probably should just forget it and I will try to do that.

I have been debating whether or not to respond to these posts. Mostly because I feel that this thread has gone away from the original post. All I want to say is that I hope that this thread does not discourage anyone from venting on the board. Every couple on here either is going through or has gone through this stress. We are all dealing with family issues, financial issues, issues with trying to pull off the "perfect and unique" wedding, and also dealing with the fact you are getting married. Sometimes this all adds up and you will snap. The thing that you snap about might be the stupidest thing too. My MOH snapped during her wedding planning over NAPKINS! She was so PO'd at the store, they had 3 of there employees searching every book in the store for the napkins she wanted. Was she a bridezilla? At that moment maybe, but overall no. If she had a place like this to vent out her frustrations, the poor store clerks might have not been terrorized.
Also, by venting out your frustrations you might be helping others who are going through the same thing.

Here is a hug to all the frustrated couples out there and some pixie dust to help you get through it with a memorable wedding

Hopefully, noone will be turned off by this thread. I think that this is a great place to come to for stress-relief and advice! As far as the napkin story, it had me rolling! DF has seen me turn into "workzilla" with our IT helpdesk in India (to quote my F-Stepdaughter, "they weren't listening to my words" and I was getting frustrated) and said that he hopes that I don't turn into a bridezilla. I promised him a Disney wedding would keep me from turning into bridezilla, because I was sure that Disney would listen to my words

Dealing with stress is like trying to hug a large marshmallow -- sooner or later it's going to pop out... and sometimes when you least expect it.

Families come in all shapes, sizes and each has its challenges. Hang in there..

Wow. Two great lines. Thanks!


In the grand scheme of things, I think that this is a minor blip and will soon be forgotten. My wedding will be what I wanted - after all, I only plan on doing this once. I don't want to regret spending the money on a wedding that wasn't even close to my vision. I know that the people closest to me (DF, F-Stepdaughter, parents, closest friends, etc) will be there and in general it will be truely magical. All of the hiccups along the way will make the actual day more joyous. I don't know about everyone else, but one of the things that I like best about a Disney vacation is planning it! I have a feeling that my wedding will be the same way.

Cheers and Happy Tuesday.
-Tara