Valentine's Day is stupid---anyone else?

[jofo]

Here's a good one for the budget board:

My DH was at a bakery on Friday buying a loaf of bread. He came home with the bread and told me they had really nice looking heart shaped pink frosting cookies for Valentine's Day that made him think of me. He was going to buy me one (I have been sick and stuck at home) but when he found out it cost $2.50, he told them no way because he couldn't in good conscious spend that much on a single cookie.

 

[DVCBELLE]

My Dh would love to be very romantic but I have never been big on flowers. This year - I got him a small gift and he got me a card. But he told me he is going to buy me a Disney Gift card!!! IHe always tries to buy things and misses the mark a lot (like a tool belt for Christmas one year!) so I suggested the Disney GC and promise to use it on something special for me!!! He wants to do this for everything now which I think is an awesome idea!

 

[NYCDiane]

My husband is away for the weekend with friends...he called this morning, wished our daughter a happy valentine's day, then said got to go, I'll call later. Ummm, aren't I your sweetie? Not suprised and in the end don't really care, but seriously you wish your daughter Happy V day and not your wife?

He is obviously away with his single friends on Valentines Day weekend because I don't see any married woman who would go for this (are you sure he's with his "friends"???).....

He calls to wish your DD a Happy V-Day and then "has to go" without speaking to you.....

I would really take a good look at this situation.

I know you say you don't care. My H and I are on the verge of a divorce (hopefully soon!). However, so long as you are living in my home, you're NOT taking a "weekend away" with anyone, especially not on a holiday (or Valentines Day) weekend.

 

[NYCDiane]

He was going to buy me one (I have been sick and stuck at home) but when he found out it cost $2.50, he told them no way because he couldn't in good conscious spend that much on a single cookie.

I LOVE it!!

Nothing says "I love you" more than staying on budget!!! Awesome!!!

 

[Rootskate]

Here's a good one for the budget board:

My DH was at a bakery on Friday buying a loaf of bread. He came home with the bread and told me they had really nice looking heart shaped pink frosting cookies for Valentine's Day that made him think of me. He was going to buy me one (I have been sick and stuck at home) but when he found out it cost $2.50, he told them no way because he couldn't in good conscious spend that much on a single cookie.

That's great...

 

[ohlas]

I would hate to be a male on vday wow some woman are blind to the fact that if a guy loves you he does the normal male thing or protect and serve.

If you want more romance and cannt ask for it write him a letter and say i would love it if you did these things atleast once in a blank, these things make me feel loved and happy. make sure its not just a demand list but i love you letter like i love your butt or putting out the garbage, or when you play with the kids it make you a sexy male that i want to be with.

I hate vday, I love it when my husband gives me weed flowers from the side of the freeway on tuesday in the middle of the month for no reason. That romanic he did something because he loves me.

 

[RachelsMommie]

But at least I'm happy that dh and I understand each other and have the same stance. If dh did something - that would be great. The fact is, that we both consider it a 'Hallmark' holiday and would rather plan a nice date night on a night OTHER than Vday. We hate going to dinner on this day - way too crowded and takes too long.

I did get him a card (because I was in a store going out of business and they had 75% off) and got some scallops (one of his favs) to make him a nice dinner. We got the kids little vday stuffed animals (got AFTER vday last year for a buck or two) and I got them heart shaped cookies for dessert after dinner tonight (will be a surprise, they're hidden on top of the frig).

Being practical - I HATE flowers on this day - they are SO EXPENSIVE. So dh has a tradition of going to Wegmans the day AFTER Valentines Day and buying them half price!

Does that mean that I wouldn't love it if he had something delivered to me at work one day?? I WOULD love that. But I'm not upset at all that it doesn't happen and honestly I would rather have that kind of gesture on our anniversary or a day that truly has a lot of meaning for us.

I agree with pp's - if you do get upset/irritated - you HAVE to tell your signifcant other - or you have no right to be upset - ESPECIALLY if you said 'no gifts'. Why in the world would you lie and say you wanted nothing if you really want something?? I'm not following that one.

I also dislike how this day causes people who can't afford it to spend anyway. My sister just did an overnight for her birthday a couple weeks ago - she and her dh decided 'no gifts' but she had somethign delivered to his work anyway (a $5 teddy bear given at home is way more reasonable I can't imagine what she paid for delivery at holiday time) AND I am certain they will get something very pricey because they want a 'nice meal' at home. Lobster tails or crab legs or something equally out of their budget. I don't get it myself...But - to each their own. If you love it and like making a big deal out of it - go for it - but don't complain to me about not having any money...Like my dsis always does.

We've been married 9 years. I hate flowers, too. They are such a waste. I guess it's because he chooses to spend $20 on flowers, which he knows I hate, and he could have spent $20 and gotten me something silly that I could use. I want to be romanced, but it doesn't have to be something expensive. Trust me, we are Dave Ramsey followers, and we have the 6-month emergency fund, no credit cards, etc. But we bought a new house 3 years ago with the required 20% down and refinanced last year. The value on our house went down, so we ended up refinancing to an 80% first and 10% second instead of doing PMI...I was going against my Dave-teachings on that. Saved us $250 a month, but I felt guilty about the second mortgage being paid off super-slowly. So now we are gazelle-intense on the second mortgage and will have it paid off in a few months. But that means money is tighter than usual.

Trust me, I'm not upset with him...just feeling a little bit un-girly right now and unappreciated. That's why I'm venting here instead of being mad at him, KWIM? I just want some kind of recognition that I'm cherished and loved. And I KNOW it's stupid...it frustrates me that I'm even feeling a bit upset.

 

[momejay]

I made heart shaped pancakes for breakfast. The kids gave out valentines at church & brought home candy for me. (like I need it?) He never even noticed that it is Valentine's Day. Of course...the day isn't over yet & he is out somewhere with kids. I guess a day to myself is a good enough gift?

 

[eliza61]

Okay, I have NO reason to be upset about Valentine's Day. We're on one income, we're going to Disney in May (and not doing it as budget as we could...lots of extras), and we're trying to pay off our second mortgage in the next few months (we've paid off 20K so far this year, 8K to go! YAY! Stupid 80-10-10.). I told my DH to not worry about Valentine's or our anniversary this year. Our 9th wedding anniversary was on 2/10.

So my DH bought a bouquet of flowers for our anniversary. It was sweet for him to do that...I'm not a flower kind of girl, but they are pretty. I wrote him a long love letter for anniversary and planned a date for the 2 occasions, but that got snowed out as our baby-sitting fell through. I am not the kind to write love letters, but I knew he'd appreciate it. So today I ordered pizza and made a chocolate cake for V-day, both of which I can't eat...dieting rules right now.

So why am I upset? DH did as I asked and didn't get anything but some flowers. I guess sometimes, I just want to be romanced...a love letter or something he made would have been nice. I hate V-day because it makes me feel like I'm missing out on romance that other people get. I have no right to be upset, but here I am...

Anyone else having a crappy Valentine's?

Kristi

See Kristi, I am the exact opposite. I hate Valentines day because it's so phoney and forced.

I tell my husband all the time. Instead of buying me flowers on 1 lousy day, come home early from work and give me the night off from the kids.
After I cook dinner, volunteer to clean the kitchen up or call me up at work and tell me you're picking up a pizza for the kids so I don't have to cook.

Those little gestures throughout the year mean more to me than chocolate on V-day.

 

[krcit]

He is obviously away with his single friends on Valentines Day weekend because I don't see any married woman who would go for this (are you sure he's with his "friends"???).....

He calls to wish your DD a Happy V-Day and then "has to go" without speaking to you.....

I would really take a good look at this situation.

I know you say you don't care. My H and I are on the verge of a divorce (hopefully soon!). However, so long as you are living in my home, you're NOT taking a "weekend away" with anyone, especially not on a holiday (or Valentines Day) weekend.

Wow. that's a big jump. I know quite a few women who would not have a problem with their DH's being away on V-Day. I know I said I was a bit dissapointed about my little box of candy but I can honestly say that if DH had an opportunity to get away with some of his old friends over Vday, I would be okay with it. I'd be a bit ticked if he called to wish the kids a Happy Valentine's Day and not me but I wouldn't assume he was up to no good.

 

[dreamin_disney]

in the beg dh would buy me roses until i found the bill. I told him no more roses. I dont like that V-day is a day where the vendors double or trtiple the prices. In the past we would go out to dinner with our lil dd a day or two before Valentine's Day.Cheaper and less crowded.

This year I told dh we won't exchange cards, gifts or go to dinner. He thought i was joking until i made it clear. I know he had a hard time with not getting me anything. He woke up early and made me a handmade card and some waffles. I'm happy with that and today we will just stay home and watch a rented movie

 

[penn19]

See Kristi, I am the exact opposite. I hate Valentines day because it's so phoney and forced.

I tell my husband all the time. Instead of buying me flowers on 1 lousy day, come home early from work and give me the night off from the kids.
After I cook dinner, volunteer to clean the kitchen up or call me up at work and tell me you're picking up a pizza for the kids so I don't have to cook.

Those little gestures throughout the year mean more to me than chocolate on V-day.

Exactly! When I was first married (20 years ago) we did not have a lot of money. So when it came time for Valentines Day I told him I would rather have him show me every other day of the year that he loves me, and I would do the same. I actually work for Hallmark, so when I was at work today I saw the panic in the guys eyes! And they all had a card in one hand, and flowers and chocolates in the other. It seemed forced to me for some reason. Hallmark told them it was a holiday to show your wife that you love her so you better go get her something.

 

[PrincessDana]

Funny how everyone is different.

I LOVE flowers and it's the ONLY thing I ever want for Valentine's Day. No jewelry needed, no candy, nothing else....I am very happy with just flowers. They absolutely bring me joy with their beauty.

And I DID get flowers today. Tulips (which are my favorite!!). So he did a great job with that.

HOWEVER, I picked up four doughnuts for our breakfast this morning. Two heart-shaped ones for DBF and two others for me (because I didn't like the flavor of the heart-shaped ones). I sat them on the counter and envisioned bringing him breakfast in bed with some OJ.

I got up this morning to find that he had EATEN my two doughnuts in the middle of the night.

As stated, men aren't mind readers and since I didn't HIDE the doughnuts, he thought they were fair game....and he was SAVING the heart-shaped ones for me. ::sigh::


It's borderline funny....

 

[VanessainWonderland]

I told my husband exactly what I wanted for VDAY. Actually told him a few things.

He thanked me for making it easier on him, and I got the most amazing stuff and am having the best VDAY weekend.

Boys just need to be told.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I could care less about getting anything from my husband. I've spent more valentines away from him than with him and today is no different. I'd given all the flowers in the world to have woke up in his arms and went to sleep there tonight.

If you aren't feeling valued or romanced, then make a change and speak up. When I feel like my husband is taking me for granted I let him know that I need a Tina day. In our house we call it fill the love bank. Our love bank gets low when no deposits are being made. Right now mine is really low from having to deal with all this snow and stuff alone.

Talk to your spouse. Tell him/her your expectations. You can't be mad about not getting something that you aren't asking for. You don't have to say "Max write me a 3 page love letter telling me how blue birds chirp and the sun shines everytime we kiss" say something along the lines of I feel we need to renew the romance in our life honey. Lets do a date night. You make the plans.

Please take the time to be happy for what you have and make an effort to communicate what you need. It really does make a difference.

 

[Vivianne]

I could care less about getting anything from my husband. I've spent more valentines away from him than with him and today is no different. I'd given all the flowers in the world to have woke up in his arms and went to sleep there tonight.

If you aren't feeling valued or romanced, then make a change and speak up. When I feel like my husband is taking me for granted I let him know that I need a Tina day. In our house we call it fill the love bank. Our love bank gets low when no deposits are being made. Right now mine is really low from having to deal with all this snow and stuff alone.

Talk to your spouse. Tell him/her your expectations. You can't be mad about not getting something that you aren't asking for. You don't have to say "Max write me a 3 page love letter telling me how blue birds chirp and the sun shines everytime we kiss" say something along the lines of I feel we need to renew the romance in our life honey. Lets do a date night. You make the plans.

Please take the time to be happy for what you have and make an effort to communicate what you need. It really does make a difference.

What a lovely, sweet post...

No we don't make a special thing during valentine's day. Our day is our anniversary and the things we do for each other throughout the year, the moments we share together.

OP, I hope you can talk to your spouse about how you feel. Today is only one day, it's the rest of the year you both can work on making each other happy.

 

[RachelsMommie]

Okay, so I made the mistake of telling DH that I'm disappointed and tired of not feeling girly. He's now pouting and saying he wants to make me feel better but doesn't know what to do. So he's sitting in the living room doing nothing.

Geez...that's going to make things SO much better.

 

[lovemygoofy]

Okay, so I made the mistake of telling DH that I'm disappointed and tired of not feeling girly. He's now pouting and saying he wants to make me feel better but doesn't know what to do. So he's sitting in the living room doing nothing.

Geez...that's going to make things SO much better.

So what do you want? Did you tell him you want a romantic dinner or maybe a nice walk holding hands? You can't just tell him you aren't happy and not explain why. If something is lacking explain what it is.

If you aren't feeling romanticized or appreciated tell him and include some ways to help it. You feel the flowers aren't enough because that is the standard. You obviously feel you gave more than you received. Giving is to give from your heart.

If you are feeling slighted because of things that have been happening, that is a different issue than not feeling romance in your marriage. If you can go out together even for a walk then do it. Making romance is a two way street.

 

[Vivianne]

Okay, so I made the mistake of telling DH that I'm disappointed and tired of not feeling girly. He's now pouting and saying he wants to make me feel better but doesn't know what to do. So he's sitting in the living room doing nothing.

Geez...that's going to make things SO much better.

Yes, men can be clueless, at a loss of what to do. I've learned this during my 23 yrs of marriage. Maybe a hug can break the ice and Rachel and Emily's parents figure out how to make things better together. The best to both of you.

 

[sk!mom]

Okay, so I made the mistake of telling DH that I'm disappointed and tired of not feeling girly. He's now pouting and saying he wants to make me feel better but doesn't know what to do. So he's sitting in the living room doing nothing.

Geez...that's going to make things SO much better.

Probably a mistake to tell him today. Most men need specific suggestions. In my experience, it took years of gently suggesting well in advance what I would enjoy. My DH is now wonderfully romantic to me because he knows what I consider romantic.

I'm not a person who values expensive gifts so this is what Dh has down this weekend. A massage last night. This morning, he gave me a card, a great bottle of wine from a place that is special to us, and then a really sweet love note that he made out of conversation hearts. He said that he had to buy 12 boxes to get enough readable hearts to complete the message (he's really doubting the quality control department of the conversation heart company)

I had planned a crab leg, steak lunch for him. When I came home from picking up DD this morning, he had made chocolate dipped strawberries for dessert- my favorite and very special since he'd never done it before and the kitchen is pretty much a foriegn land to him. He asked a lady at the grocery for help.

Bottom line, I've had an awesome day but we had some rocky ones in the beginning. Not because he didn't want to be romantic- he just didn't know what would be romantic to me. Most men have a very basic idea of romance