valentines day and pragmatism

[luvmy3]

As do those who gripe and complain that on this one day a year--they have noone to love them.

It is a concept I don't understand. I suppose if they were an orphan with no contact with society it may be true.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Still, I understand how women married to men who are incapable of genuine warmth or who are generally thoughtless want, at the very least, a card, some flowers and candy one day a year. I don't think they are unreasonable.

That would depend--

If the spouse has never done it and finds no importance to do it--why is it a shocker every February 14th.

Many people assume their partner will change for the better. When it doesn't happen, they get disappointed. Why are they even together to begin with if they will consistently get disappointed on a holiday that is so important to them.

And we can beat around the bush about how the person is great in so.many.other.ways. To that I would respond--then why focus on the ONE thing that ticks you off so much about the person and behaving as though it is your entire world.

Hubby and I had a long ban on roses on the holiday. We both thought it silly to pay so much extra on a holiday. One year, I spoke up and said--you know, it just would be cool if it happened once or twice. But no big deal. I'd settle for any flower really. He has gotten me roses--do I expect it every year? No. And if I do--I can just as easily get off my fanny and go get them myself. But paying 3X the price just b/c of a date on a calendar? That's ridiculous.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Those offended with teh holiday tend to not have a boyfriend/girlfriend at a minimum and then whine and moan about how noone loves them. (O.M.G--my facebook eyes!!!!!)

Yet they have family, they have friends--who adore them. But the lack of someone to make out with and give them cheap candy and stuffed toys and a piece of paper with a heart on it....

It means that NO.ONE.LOVES.THEM. and thus the day sucks.

There is nothing bitter about recognizing how foolish some people behave.

 

[luvmy3]

Those offended with teh holiday tend to not have a boyfriend/girlfriend at a minimum and then whine and moan about how noone loves them. (O.M.G--my facebook eyes!!!!!)

Yet they have family, they have friends--who adore them. But the lack of someone to make out with and give them cheap candy and stuffed toys and a piece of paper with a heart on it....

It means that NO.ONE.LOVES.THEM. and thus the day sucks.

There is nothing bitter about recognizing how foolish some people behave.

I don't consider one foolish because they are disappointed that they don't have someone to share the romantic side of Valentines Day with. It goes beyond Valentines Day for them, its the fact that they don't have anyone, any day and on V-Day its just a "bitter" reminder for them. I don't think they need to go around whining about it, but I can understand their feelings about it.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

My DH got me a card, a chocolate heart (small) and made me breakfast! I love DH and didn't want anything. I'm glad he got me a card but if he forgot and just wished me a Happy Valentine's Day, I would have been content.

And yesterday, I cleaned up my scrapbooking room and he watched the Daytona 500. We were both very content!! We've been married too long to have someone else dictate how we spend one day a year.

I do expect a little something on Mother's Day but that is little. I want more to have them spend time with me and acknowledge me with their prescense. I like to do something together as a family. We usually head down to the beach and go to an amusement pier together. Kids are happy (stepkids too), I'm happy and DH is happy. We all get to do something together that we all enjoy.

 

[Kae]

Did you read the threads after christmas? some of the folks on this board do not like surprises, they know what they want & that's what they want or except. then we have the will my DH should be able to find the "perfect"gift & if they don't then maybe then don't listen or know then know well enough. And then right now I think sometimes we feel a little guitly if we think they spent too much, like we are not deserving.

For us DH took the kids skiing, it was sunday & that is what we do on Sundays. I had to go to work to catch up. Then we cooked Steak & Lobster for dinner & watch the Olympics with the kids. they got to stay up late because no school today. Great night.

Kae

 

[mumom95]

Before I got married, my mother told me, "If there is something you want, be it a gift or an expectation that you have, unless you enjoy disappointment, you have to TELL your spouse. He's not a mind reader and if you don't speak up, you have no one to blame but yourself." It was some of the best advice she's ever given me. Now if you DO tell your spouse and he just ignores your wishes, then you need to rethink your relationship and decide if you really are okay with that kind of life.

He may not be a mind reader, but he is my husband and I do expect him to know my likes, dislikes and enough about me to make good choices when it comes to gift giving. I feel sorry for the women who feel they always have to tell their spouse what they want. Have I told him specific things I want throughout the years, of course. But most holidays I assume my husband is the one person I shouldn't have to tell what I want, he should know me better than anyone else.

I'm glad you got a lot out of the advice your mother gave you. But if ever feel like I need to say that to my daughter, then I think the better advice will be to tell her she shouldn't be marrying him, because her expectations are way too low. To say a woman has no one to blame but herself if their spouse doesn't know what to give them for a gift without her telling him, certainly isn't saying much about the spouse.

 

[AshleyW]

Well, I didn't expect much for Valentine's Day. DF and I generally don't celebrate it much. He's been talking about wanting a cheap mp3 player to take to work -- he just got his first post-college job, and I'm proud of him, so I got him a Zune. It was about $250 with a few accessories, and he loved it. He got me a Zune pass for my Zune.. $15/month, and I love it. I've been talking to him about it for MONTHS, because I want to download music for my Zune but didn't want to add another bill to our budget. Apparently he'd actually been listening laughing and wanted me to have it. I thought it was sweet.

I don't see what the big fuss is about Valentine's Day. If you want to celebrate it, that's fine. If you don't want to, that's fine. I just don't see why people need to make others feel bad about their decisions. Just because YOU (a general you ) think it's a stupid Hallmark holiday doesn't mean I need to feel bad for celebrating it.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Those offended with teh holiday tend to not have a boyfriend/girlfriend at a minimum and then whine and moan about how noone loves them. (O.M.G--my facebook eyes!!!!!)

Yet they have family, they have friends--who adore them. But the lack of someone to make out with and give them cheap candy and stuffed toys and a piece of paper with a heart on it....

It means that NO.ONE.LOVES.THEM. and thus the day sucks.

There is nothing bitter about recognizing how foolish some people behave.

So you're supposed to love your significant other the same way you love your sister? Creepy.

Maybe we should just be a little more understanding of those who are feeling lonely because they aren't paired up on a day that's all about couples. A little compassion goes a long way.

 

[Liberty Belle]

He may not be a mind reader, but he is my husband and I do expect him to know my likes, dislikes and enough about me to make good choices when it comes to gift giving. I feel sorry for the women who feel they always have to tell their spouse what they want. Have I told him specific things I want throughout the years, of course. But most holidays I assume my husband is the one person I shouldn't have to tell what I want, he should know me better than anyone else.

I'm glad you got a lot out of the advice your mother gave you. But if ever feel like I need to say that to my daughter, then I think the better advice will be to tell her she shouldn't be marrying him, because her expectations are way too low. To say a woman has no one to blame but herself if their spouse doesn't know what to give them for a gift without her telling him, certainly isn't saying much about the spouse.

I agree. I manage to notice little things my husband has said he wanted, or made coments about throughout the year. Furthermore I know his personality, his likes and dislikes, what he has too much of, etc. There's no reason for a husband not to be able to do the same.

I have some friends who tell their husbands exactly what to get them. I think that's incredibly rude and silly. Why not just buy it for yourself?! A gift should be thoughtful and decided on by the giver.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Well, I didn't expect much for Valentine's Day. DF and I generally don't celebrate it much. He's been talking about wanting a cheap mp3 player to take to work -- he just got his first post-college job, and I'm proud of him, so I got him a Zune. It was about $250 with a few accessories, and he loved it. He got me a Zune pass for my Zune.. $15/month, and I love it. I've been talking to him about it for MONTHS, because I want to download music for my Zune but didn't want to add another bill to our budget. Apparently he'd actually been listening laughing and wanted me to have it. I thought it was sweet.

I don't see what the big fuss is about Valentine's Day. If you want to celebrate it, that's fine. If you don't want to, that's fine. I just don't see why people need to make others feel bad about their decisions. Just because YOU (a general you ) think it's a stupid Hallmark holiday doesn't mean I need to feel bad for celebrating it.

I really don't get why people care about what others feel and do on this day.

Dh and I never ever get to go out. My parents came up and offered to babysit so we could have a date on Valentine's Day. It was wonderful! Yes, it could have been any other day, but then I would not have got the rose given to me at the bookstore we went to. We didn't get each other gifts, just cards. I did buy Bananagrams when we were at the bookstore, because I'd been wanting it.

We then went out to dinner (I had the most delicious Reuben I've ever had and dh had a New York strip with smoked tomato butter) and then to the movies to see Leap Year.

I had a blast!

 

[NMAmy]

He may not be a mind reader, but he is my husband and I do expect him to know my likes, dislikes and enough about me to make good choices when it comes to gift giving. I feel sorry for the women who feel they always have to tell their spouse what they want. Have I told him specific things I want throughout the years, of course. But most holidays I assume my husband is the one person I shouldn't have to tell what I want, he should know me better than anyone else.

I'm glad you got a lot out of the advice your mother gave you. But if ever feel like I need to say that to my daughter, then I think the better advice will be to tell her she shouldn't be marrying him, because her expectations are way too low. To say a woman has no one to blame but herself if their spouse doesn't know what to give them for a gift without her telling him, certainly isn't saying much about the spouse.

You're free to disagree with me but there is no need to feel sorry for me. I'm not going to tell you about what a great husband I have because it's none of your business. Your whole post was pretty rude.

 

[Liberty Belle]

You're free to disagree with me but there is no need to feel sorry for me. I'm not going to tell you about what a great husband I have because it's none of your business. Your whole post was pretty rude.

I disagree. I think her post was a lot less rude than all the other posts on here, especially the OP's.

 

[ICF]

As a guy, let me just say thanks to the OP and most others in this thread.

My wife and I dont make a big deal out of 2/14. I find it a bit silly that after 15 years of marriage that somehow that that 1 day is more important than today or the 14th of Sept. We did go out to dinner Saturday night w/out the kids, but otherwise didnt do anything that much out of the ordinary.

After reading a couple of other threads, I thought I had married one of the only women out there that didnt get obsessed about Valentines. Glad to know that there are many more out there, that don't make their significant others goes nuts just because of the date on the calendar.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Here's the problem with Valentine's Day (and really, any gift-giving holiday). First of all, people (and by 'people' I tend to mean 'women') equate the gift with the love behind it. And more importantly, men are bombarded with people and marketing telling them how awful it is to get your wife/gf/whatever a toaster, even if the toaster is what she wants. My coworkers drive me crazy in this regard. The poor guy who works in our office doesn't stand a chance of actually getting his gf what she actually wants.

The spa gift is supposed to scream romance. The treadmill that she actually wanted is supposedly completely unromantic and apparently tells your wife that she's fat.

As for Valentine's Day itself... yes, I hate it. That doesn't make me bitter. I truly don't understand how people can't see that it's a hard day to be single.

 

[NMAmy]

I disagree. I think her post was a lot less rude than all the other posts on here, especially the OP's.

Possibly it didn't bother you as much because I didn't notice anyone telling you that your mother should have warned you not to marry your spouse.

 

[luvmy3]

^^ I agree with that.

Here's the problem with Valentine's Day (and really, any gift-giving holiday). First of all, people (and by 'people' I tend to mean 'women') equate the gift with the love behind it. And more importantly, men are bombarded with people and marketing telling them how awful it is to get your wife/gf/whatever a toaster, even if the toaster is what she wants. My coworkers drive me crazy in this regard. The poor guy who works in our office doesn't stand a chance of actually getting his gf what she actually wants.

The spa gift is supposed to scream romance. The treadmill that she actually wanted is supposedly completely unromantic and apparently tells your wife that she's fat.
As for Valentine's Day itself... yes, I hate it. That doesn't make me bitter. I truly don't understand how people can't see that it's a hard day to be single.

I assume that you are talking about the other thread, with regards to that, the husband should be listening to the wife and not what the marketing geniuses are telling him. They discussed it before he went out and purchased that gift. Of course he didn't have to get her something she wanted, but its kind of a slap in the face to go out and get her soemthing she specifically said she didn't like. I know I wouldn't do that to my dh and I hope he wouldn't do that to me.

 

[Kae]

I really don't get why people care about what others feel and do on this day.

Dh and I never ever get to go out. My parents came up and offered to babysit so we could have a date on Valentine's Day. It was wonderful! Yes, it could have been any other day, but then I would not have got the rose given to me at the bookstore we went to. We didn't get each other gifts, just cards. I did buy Bananagrams when we were at the bookstore, because I'd been wanting it.

We then went out to dinner (I had the most delicious Reuben I've ever had and dh had a New York strip with smoked tomato butter) and then to the movies to see Leap Year.

I had a blast!

Sounds like you had a great day. And nothing beats a good reuben-my favorite.

Kae

 

[Mrs. Charming]

romance doesn't have to mean .. money. breakfast in bed, taking careof the baby while she sleeps in... .

That's what DH did, he let me sleep in *and* take a nap!! DD drove him crazy too, poor guy

He asked me repeatedly what I wanted... I said nothing. Why? I really didn't want anything. And that's ok too.

 

[busyshrew]

Count me in as one of those "don't do much on Valentine's Day" women. This year, the Lunar New Year (or Chinese New Year) fell on Feb 14th. Guess what is waaaay more important? You betcha. So my Valentine's Day was spent with my entire family, noshing on dim sum and watching a big golden dragon shaking his booty around the restaurant .