Vacation vs. visiting family

[AndreaDM]

The other thread made me wonder how many other people have family living out of state that expect you to visit all the time? We are in Ohio and DH's family all live in NY. We go at least 3 times a year for long weekends, but I refuse to use up all my vacation time to go there. MIL doesn't come right out and say so, but I know she's miffed we (by we I mean DH ) don't visit more and instead go to WDW, cruises, the beach, etc. He's an only child so that's probably part of it. They come here once, maybe twice a year because of course the road that way is shorter We'll keep doing what we do, but it does get annoying when she tries to put the guilt trip on DH.

 

[Handbag Lady]

The other thread made me wonder how many other people have family living out of state that expect you to visit all the time? We are in Ohio and DH's family all live in NY. We go at least 3 times a year for long weekends, but I refuse to use up all my vacation time to go there. MIL doesn't come right out and say so, but I know she's miffed we (by we I mean DH ) don't visit more and instead go to WDW, cruises, the beach, etc. He's an only child so that's probably part of it. They come here once, maybe twice a year because of course the road that way is shorter We'll keep doing what we do, but it does get annoying when she tries to put the guilt trip on DH.

Yes. My Husband is an only and although the out-laws never come out and say it, there is NO way we can visit Florida and WDW without carving in a vist to their home. They have an excuse as they can no longer travel on an airplane, but when they did travel, they only visited us twice. Husband now tries to see them once a year. I go about once every three years.

I've found the way to alleviate the guilt trip by planning a trip just to see them once every four to five years or so. We just did this in June 2012 so I'm good for a while. They can't assume you'd spend EVERY WAKING holiday time with them, that is just not fair.

 

[firecracker725]

My MIL has solved that problem by barging in on our vacations. She says she's just coming along as the nanny, but she pretty much takes over. It's ridiculous.

She's guilting DH about visiting for Easter, but I said NO. I am 6 months pregnant, and it is too difficult to load us all up for a 2 leg each way plane trip for only a 3 day visit.

 

[NHdisneylover]

My husband is the youngest of four, but we still get the guilt trip.

We can literally take FOUR cruises in the Med, during school breaks, for the cost of flying all of us to Denver just once. It is even more expensive to fly everyone to Puerta Vallarta (where my parents live--I AM an only). The cruises "feel" like the US to us and are a nice periodic break for us from the stress of another language, culture, etc--we like to be able to travel once a season instead of once a year, plus DH gets 6 weeks off (gotta love that in Germany!).

We had said we would go back to the US every other year. Not always to Colorado--if they really want to see us they can meet us part way, like at WDW, etc., half the times and the other half we will go to Colorado.

We met my in laws in WDW in Sept, and then in December got a call--ALL my mother in law wants for her 70th birthday is for us all to fly out this coming summer to Colorado. It is the only thing she wants in life, to have everyone in one place together and we are never there (last time we were there--on dates they picked, my father in law and brother in law left 3 days after we got there to go hunting for a week!).

Meanwhile, to pay for all of these trips, I have not gone to Mexico to see my parents in 7 years. They are nice about not guilting us and understanding that they can come visit us in off times for a lot less money than flying four of us in peak times (when school is out). We have offered to pay for my in law's tickets or my parent's tickets.

 

[Janepod]

Nope. My husband is an only child & an orphan. He has uncles in California and Arizona but that's it. My family is all in the tri-state, so we're good.

 

[AndreaDM]

My MIL has solved that problem by barging in on our vacations. She says she's just coming along as the nanny, but she pretty much takes over. It's ridiculous.

She's guilting DH about visiting for Easter, but I said NO. I am 6 months pregnant, and it is too difficult to load us all up for a 2 leg each way plane trip for only a 3 day visit.

Ugh, I couldn't handle that! We took them on one beach vacation with us about 4 years ago (we paid for everything) and that was enough to last me a while!

My in-laws are in their early 60's and still working, but have tons of vacation time and are very able bodied. But she thinks it's easier for our family of 5 to coordinate schedules to go there instead of the 2 of them coming here. She's also the kind that thinks every little holiday should be celebrated with extended family and really pressured DH to change our vacation last year so we could go there to watch FIL get an award from the Masons. We kept our plans.

 

[AndreaDM]

Aw Hadley that makes me sad you haven't been able to go visit your parents for that long.

 

[Wishing on a star]

My MIL has solved that problem by barging in on our vacations. She says she's just coming along as the nanny, but she pretty much takes over. It's ridiculous.

She's guilting DH about visiting for Easter, but I said NO. I am 6 months pregnant, and it is too difficult to load us all up for a 2 leg each way plane trip for only a 3 day visit.

WOW... I have to wonder just how your husband feels about this, and is handling it....

 

[Wishing on a star]

To answer the OP, directly...

Nope, vacations and visiting family do NOT go together for us.
Ohhh, we did the whole travel with the inlaws, no matter if it were where or when we we might choose to spend our time and money.
(DH is one of those 'only' children of self absorbed, over-involved, controlling parents)

Tried that twice...
Packed up and left early once...
NEVER again after that.

Once we had a trip scheduled for a group reunion that was near where my husband grew up, and still has a few relatives. MIL called Aunt and Uncle, so they and cousin and cousin's kids actually showed up and crashed the event!!!!!

Been there, done that, several times....
No longer even a matter of consideration or discussion.

 

[AndreaDM]

WOW... I have to wonder just how your husband feels about this, and is handling it....

I was waiting for you to comment how this is a "marriage problem, not an in-law one"! You never disappoint!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Consistancy on a few key issues is one of my finer qualities!!!!

 

[NHdisneylover]

Aw Hadley that makes me sad you haven't been able to go visit your parents for that long.

Thanks. It's tough. Flights from here to there in summer, spring break or Christmas break run nearly $3000 a person. Plus about 23 hours in travel time, with layovers. My parents are able to visit here every 1-2 years though. It is a little easier that way anyway--they are no longer together and the last time we were there it was sort of a tug of war. When they are here, only one is here at a time and that is a little easier and we email and talk on the phone or via skype a lot.

 

[AndreaDM]

To answer the OP, directly...

Nope, vacations and visiting family do NOT go together for us.
Ohhh, we did the whole travel with the inlaws, no matter if it were where or when we we might choose to spend our time and money.
(DH is one of those 'only' children of self absorbed, over-involved, controlling parents)

Tried that twice...
Packed up and left early once...
NEVER again after that.

Once we had a trip scheduled for a group reunion that was near where my husband grew up, and still has a few relatives. MIL called Aunt and Uncle, so they and cousin and cousin's kids actually showed up and crashed the event!!!!!

Been there, done that, several times....
No longer even a matter of consideration or discussion.

My question was not so much about traveling with family, but having to go visit them vs. taking a "real" vacation. We do both but DH has cousins who use all their vacation time to go back to NY to visit family. Of course, cousins parents are not as annoying as his parents are.

 

[smitch425]

We live in Ohio with all of our family in IN (about 3 hours away). We go back home several times a year, and people come to us, too. We get the occasional guilt trip, but it does no good. The kids and I go down for Spring Break most years, and we all spend 4th of July week there. Fall Break is strictly devoted to Disney trips.

 

[Darcy03231]

DH is in TN this week visiting his mom (his dad is deceased). He takes at least one week a year to visit. In the 15 years we've been married she's been to our house twice.

I haven't been since his Dad's funeral 4 years ago. She's one of those women who feels no one is good enough for her son. It makes life easier to have DH go by himself for a week.

 

[mickeyboat]

We don't usually use vacations to visit family. DH's parents have passed away but we lived close to them, so there was no need. My parents live in diffrerent states, which makes it difficult to plan trips, because if we plan one, we have to plan another. I just don't get enough vacation time, and my parents are both retired, so they can come and visit us. My dad does, my mom doesn't.

Our yearly summer vacation is important to us, and I would not give it up to visit family.

However, this year we are using a vacation in April to visit DH's sister and my mom. My dad is coming to visit us in July.

 

[Wishing on a star]

My question was not so much about traveling with family, but having to go visit them vs. taking a "real" vacation. We do both but DH has cousins who use all their vacation time to go back to NY to visit family. Of course, cousins parents are not as annoying as his parents are.

Yes, I see!!!!
There is only so much time-off and travel funds!!!

To be honest, it used to be where, yes, most all of our time and money were spent on time with my MIL and FIL.

At that time... that was, actually, more of a priority for DH than finding time and money for us to go and spend time together... And, now, with our son... our own family vacations, that would be an issue as well, if travel to see, or to vacation with, my inlaws were still something that we had to deal with.... To this day, I realize that this did present an issue for me. A big issue....


In fact, something comes to mind!!!!
Has anyone seen the movie Hope Springs?
I finally rented it one evening when DH was out of town....
OMG, I about died when, at the end of the movie, part of the big ending is the husband telling Meryl Streep, "and I promise, at least once a year, to take you somewhere other than to visit my family...."

 

[firecracker725]

WOW... I have to wonder just how your husband feels about this, and is handling it....

Oh it's not a marriage problem at all. DH and I agree completely. As far as vacations, there aren't that many, so we just suck it up for the children. They love having her along.

 

[okeydokey]

We live down South and our families live in different Northern States. We go to see each side once a year alternately. One year we see DHs side, the next we go to mine. We do other trips when we can just for our family. We also vacation to places with both sides occasionally. This year instead of heading to DHs family state, we are all meeting in Pigeon Forge. So we try to balance.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I can't even begin to tell you the discussion that this causes in our house. This is probably the biggest issue we always have going. Right now we live at the end of civilization and it's at least 5 hours to a city at all. For us to go anywhere whether by drive or flight is some $$$.

I'm an only child and my husband is the only one that lives away from his family. You can imagine the guilt we get. We have not figure out a balance yet in this problem. My husband's grandparents are in their 80s now and he worries that something will happen while he is gone so we try to make an effort to get up there every year which includes a whirlwind trip to see his mom and usually his dad.

My mom is a one woman walking pyscho bomb so I try to see her every year at least once to ward off the meltdown that happens if I don't come visit.

Add in that we never have an idea of when we are even going to have time off and the money it costs, and you have the never ending decision of when is it time for just us. Our last true vacation was 4 days long in 2011. So I don't have a good answer.