Urg... I love my MIL, but she has no respect for me or anyone

[sk!mom]

Maybe, we could start a rotation for her. I could personally really use her help on Saturday's, but if laundry is her "thing" then send her over on Sunday.

Mike's hard lemonade makes anything better. Yummy!

 

[MelessaG]

I think the objection is, once she has done it-then she complains to others that the OP 'made' her do it-or she felt like she 'had' to so that her darling son and grandchild's house would be clean. (basically saying the OP doesn't take good care of her home).
I know how she feels, I have a 92 year-old great aunt who is kind of the family matriarch. Right now our fight is over her holding my new baby. This is something I can't let her have her way about because she doesn't support Elisa's head properly and she dropped my son at about the same age a few years ago. So, she tells everyone I'm stingy with the baby and pouts every time we are together. It's no fun, I know. And I love her too.
I just wish I still had a DMIL to argue with and to spoil my children. We lost her when my oldest was 5 weeks old.

 

[Pongo69]

Originally posted by MsDisney23
I just need to vent. I love my MIL, she is 78. She is very controlling and has to know everything or else she is like a two year old and has a tanturm! She does not care what she says to people, it is how she says it. She has been over to my home many of times and has disrespected me, my home and my guest. DH knows how upset I get and he tells me that he knows how she is. Well today she invited herself over, no big deal, but she thinks she can come in and take over my home and do whatever she wants.

The last time she came over she pushed me out of the way to fold my laundry. I told her to please not do that as the last time she helped herself to the laundry room to fold clothes. I told her then to not do them as I had told my DD to fold the clothes, Well dd left without doing it, so I left them there for her to do when she got home. In comes MIL and does them anyway. So I explained to her that I was upset as she is not helping me with my DD.

Today she comes in, my house (which is brand-new) is spotless due to the fact that I cleaned my butt off yesterday. My dryer was running in the laundry room. MIL asked if there was laundry to do. I said no. today when the buzzer went off, she jumped up and ran in there, I told her to please leave the laundry there as I would do it. (note-dd is florida on vac.) She told me no, she was going to do them. I again said no please leave them there, as your getting me upset, then again she told me she would do them, I told her she was making me mad! She said Oh well. I said well then Don't come back anymore

At that point she got pissed and said that she would not do them and sat down. She then started with her poutiness, as she did not get her way. I acted as though nothing had happened. I feel it is her problem. I am tired of it and today it just came out of my mouth. Wonder if this has something to do with me not feeling well. Anywho, it came out and I feel much better now.

What really pisses me off, is that I do not mind if she helps me with things, but she will then run back to everyone in the family and make it sound as though she had to do this, that and the other for me! She also does this same thing to her 85 year old sister. She will tell me that I do not want to go and visit her because she has to end up working. not true, I know she goes in and just wants to take over and control everything. Thanks for listening, I feel better now!

Hey Hey send her to Indy!!!

She can do my laundry any time and day. Not only that I'll bake her a batch of madelines and make her a nice pot of tea

BTW, your lucky yours don't try to swamp your house with mothballs. My mil and her mother love mothballs. They always want to pack something in mothballs.

When I "LET" them visit, the first thing they want to do is take my freshly washed downy fluffy sheets and pack them in mothballs. NOT HERE!!!

I'll take your mil anyday over the pooting,bengay and mothball stench that follow my mil's mother. "OUST" is my favorite

 

[Kendra17]

My mother had the same complaints you have about her mil--my grandmother. And, I remember when I was 10 (over 20 years ago)I asked her not to vacuum in my room because my hamsters had just had babies and it was supposed to remain quiet the first week or so. She vacuumed anyways, and I came home from school to a now litterless Habitrail and a mama hamster with a very full stomach.

Regardless, my Grandmother did ALL she could to assist. She wanted to be loved, needed and appreciated. And, I LOVED her and didn't understand my mother's criticism. Your mother in law sounds as if she just wants to be appreciated, too. If she's warm to everyone (and, she sounds as if she most likely is), I'd just grin and bear it.

My in-laws, when they've visited, don't help with a thing. They don't help clear their dishes, set the table. . .nothing. Last time they were visiting, they didn't even thank us for our hospitality, or even dinner==which was elaborate and delicious.

When my mother comes and visits, she insists on helping me with everything--rearranging the cabinets, cleaning, etc. My husband pretty much feels like you do, regarding my mother but, with three children and no family in town, I appreciate the help I get from her when she's here.

 

[mickeyboat]

I totally understand in-laws who don't respect you or your discipline. We are living with my FIL right now while our house is being renovated. FIL thwarts our discipline at every opportunity and the kids are becoming more difficult by the minute.

I had the same kinds of feelings with my MIL. We lived with my in-laws summers while I was in law school. I was horrified one day when I looked at the kitchen windowsill and found her soaking my underwear!

When I had my daughter, I was determined not to let her run the way I raised her, even to the point of not wanting to go over to her house. I didn't want to name her Hannah because MIL would call her "Hanner."

How silly of me. MIL watched Hannah for a couple of months afer I went back to work. I came to realize that she loved that little girl as much as I did. When she brought over food, folded my laundry or did dishes, I realized that she was doing it because she wanted to help take care of my family too, that's what mothers do. When she volunteered to wash all the baby clothes when I was due with Emily, I let her. I think she derived a lot of joy from doing that for us.

We lost MIL two years ago to cancer. I miss her every day and I sure wish she was still around to ask advice from or to help with the laundry.

My SIL's mother-in-law suggested the name Sean for her grandson. SIL liked that name and planned on using it, but she didn't want her MIL to think she had picked out the name. I told her, let her think whatever she wants, you know why you chose that name, that's all that matters.

I guess what I am trying to say is, let her fold the laundry. Who cares what she tells everyone else? She is probably doing the same thing at everyone else's house too. It probably makes her happy, so enjoy the time you don't have to be doing it.

Denae

 

[canwegosoon]

She needs a job....she's trying to find a value for her life. Can you ask her to handel something for you...water the garden, or perhaps she can volunteer some where. I'm glad you vented, and maybe there's more going on than you posted, but try...and do your best. My MIL almost caused a divorce between my BIL and SIL with her actions. That's why we live 250 miles away from everyone....but it is very lonely too. See if Walmart needs a greeter...I bet she would be great!

 

[NMAmy]

I agree with the previous posters that it sounds as though she just wants to be of use. Whenever my mom drives me crazy, I think about how I'll be when DD's grown up and I have no one to really take care of anymore. Then, I just let Mom do whatever the heck she wants and ignore any criticism that I might feel. She wants to do things for people--she took care of us for so many years that it's hard to stop now.

I usually have my mom over for dinner every Sunday when she's in town (she travels a lot.) Sometimes I make the meals but sometimes she makes entire meals for us and brings them to my house and has dinner with us. Talk about the perfect dinner guest! It makes her feel good to cook for people especially since my dad passed away and it's just her.

 

[MsDisney23]

Oh yes there is alot more going on here than I posted. MY MIL does not have the best of health, this past Nov. she had to have a pace maker put in, She was also just told she has two types of Cancer. She has played her two son's off on each other for years, and they do not even talk, I find it very sad. She has no DD, just me and my SIL, we both bend over backwards for her. She tries to play us off on each other, which does not work. She acts as though no one will help her. We offer to do everything for her. She wants everyone to feel guilty. When she says jump, one should ask how high in her book.

I let my own health go to take care of her, when she would not do as the Dr's wanted her to do, and would say mean things to me about my own health, well that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I am now waiting for my upcoming transplant.

The Dr's have put on anti-depressant meds, but she lies about taking them. She worries me so much and she knows just how to push my bottons.

 

[CEDmom]

Originally posted by MsDisney23
Oh yes there is alot more going on here than I posted. MY MIL does not have the best of health, this past Nov. she had to have a pace maker put in, She was also just told she has two types of Cancer. She has played her two son's off on each other for years, and they do not even talk, I find it very sad. She has no DD, just me and my SIL, we both bend over backwards for her. She tries to play us off on each other, which does not work. She acts as though no one will help her. We offer to do everything for her. She wants everyone to feel guilty. When she says jump, one should ask how high in her book.

I let my own health go to take care of her, when she would not do as the Dr's wanted her to do, and would say mean things to me about my own health, well that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I am now waiting for my upcoming transplant.

The Dr's have put on anti-depressant meds, but she lies about taking them. She worries me so much and she knows just how to push my bottons.

Please don't let your MIL cause you one more moment of pain. Try to remove yourself from the situation emotionally as much as possible. Remember that she isn't YOUR mom and if anyone s/b jumping it s/b your DH. I really do wish you luck. Take care .

 

[Kay7979]

It sounds like your MIL is a very unhappy, unfulfilled person. I agree with you that if you have told her point blank, please do not do that, you are upsetting me, then whether you are being reasonable or unreasonable she should honor your wishes and do as you ask. If you can find the patience and strength to laugh this all off and humor her, then I'm sure that is the best solution for both of you. I do respect your feelings, though, and no one but you knows eveything in your life you are dealing with, and how much aggrivation and stress you can handle. If you are already at the stress-overload point, you may have to sever ties with her and let her inflict herself on the rest of the family for awhile!