Upset with Parish priest

[PixieTopaz]

My neighbor "Sue" is very upset with him

After a 3 year battle with a terrible illness, Sue's DH "Bill" passed away WEdnesday Afternoon .
Unbelievably-Bill's sister's Husband died the day before!

So theses two women worked out a way to have these two funerals-in different towns on different days so all family could attend both. Bill's sister is having her DH's funeral today, Saturday. Sue had Bill's funeral yesterday, Friday.

FYI-Sue is very involved with her Church and has worked on many projects with the Parish priest, so he knows her-she's not just a face in his congregation

But Father would not let her have a Funeral, with Mass in the Church Friday...because...
THEY WOULD BE BUSY DECORATING THE CHURCH FOR EASTER!

So Sue ended up having two deacons do the ceremony in the Funeral home chapel and she refused to include the priest.She was really upset with him.


Question-was the priest wrong?

#### thanks for all the responses-I do think Sue misinterpreted what the priest told her##########

 

[yoopermom]

It was definitely wrong to put flower decorating ahead of a funeral however...

when we were married 19 yrs ago our priest told us that no weddings/funerals/etc could be held Easter weekend (we had thought it would be nice since all family members were in town already for the holiday).

So sorry for her loss...

Terri

 

[Sleepy]

I think he was wrong. Decorations should not trump your job.

 

[golfgal]

In all of the parishes we have been members they never had funerals Easter weekend, there were just too many other Masses going on so, no I don't think the priest was in the wrong. In our parish alone there are 10 Masses Thursday-Sunday. I think Sue should have worked it out with the priest before working it out with her SIL so she knew what was available.

 

[Erin1700]

I think the reason he gave was wrong. But, my parents work in a church and I thought (but I could be wrong) they said there are no funerals on Good Friday.

 

[metalis4ever]

My neighbor "Sue" is very upset with him

After a 3 year battle with a terrible illness, Sue's DH "Bill" passed away WEdnesday Afternoon .
Unbelievably-Bill's sister's Husband died the day before!

So theses two women worked out a way to have these two funerals-in different towns on different days so all family could attend both. Bill's sister is having her DH's funeral today, Saturday. Sue had Bill's funeral yesterday, Friday.

FYI-Sue is very involved with her Church and has worked on many projects with the Parish priest, so he knows her-she's not just a face in his congregation

But Father would not let her have a Funeral, with Mass in the Church Friday...because...
THEY WOULD BE BUSY DECORATING THE CHURCH FOR EASTER!

So Sue ended up having two deacons do the ceremony in the Funeral home chapel and she refused to include the priest.She was really upset with him.


Question-was the priest wrong?

Absolutely!!!! What good are Religions and Religious representatives (i.e. Priests, Pastors, etc...) if they aren't their for their parishioners in their darkest hours!!!!! In my opinion this is exactly what is wrong with Modern Religions they have lost all concept of Human decency and caring and replaced them with megalomania.

 

[happygirl]

I'm not Catholic but I know our church doesn't allow any sort of activites

Easter weekend, funerals included.

 

[agnes!]

If this all happened as Sue related, I think that the people who would be upset would be the ladies (sorry, fellas, but it's usually the ladies who do this stuff) who are on the decorating committee. How do you think they felt when they found out their good friend Sue and her family had been refused a request for use of the church? If I were one of them I would personally be sad and upset and furious and disappointed with the priest myself.

IMO he *really* stepped in it with this decision. What has more to do with any church's mission - celebrating the life and acknowledging the death of one of its parishoners *or* decking itself out in worldly finery for a holiday? WHAT kind of decorations are we talking about anyway? I mean, there are plenty of crosses and crucifixes in churches already (especially Catholic churches!), is there some kind of Catholic mandate from on high for bunnies and colored eggs?

Hey, maybe they're installing an empty tomb...

agnes!

ETA - Ah, read some of the other responses. Those reasons might be so, that nothing else gets scheduled for Easter weekend, but I still think its wrong to deny one of the main tenets for a church's being. It's not like the man decided to DIE to inconvenience his parish and priest plus isn't there some kind of mandate that a Catholic funeral/Mass has to be done within a certain amount of time? Another question - were the deacons allowed to celebrate the actual funeral Mass? If a Mass wasn't celebrated, does that mean something within the Catholic belief-system for the husband's soul?

 

[Octoberbride03]

I've never heard of no funerals because the church is decorating for Easter. Where i come from there were no funerals on Good Friday simply because the day was filled with services commemorating Good Friday. A 3 hr. devotional, reading of the Passion etc. You simply can't reschedule those things. Our parish was filled with ppl basically from sun-up to sun-down. and decorating took place on Sat.
Now here there was no 3hr. devotional yesterday but a Passion reading last night with Stations. But I don't know that I'd want to stay in a parish where the priest gave me that excuse for not having a funeral. That is just odd.

 

[golfgal]

My neighbor "Sue" is very upset with him

After a 3 year battle with a terrible illness, Sue's DH "Bill" passed away WEdnesday Afternoon .
Unbelievably-Bill's sister's Husband died the day before!

So theses two women worked out a way to have these two funerals-in different towns on different days so all family could attend both. Bill's sister is having her DH's funeral today, Saturday. Sue had Bill's funeral yesterday, Friday.

FYI-Sue is very involved with her Church and has worked on many projects with the Parish priest, so he knows her-she's not just a face in his congregation

But Father would not let her have a Funeral, with Mass in the Church Friday...because...
THEY WOULD BE BUSY DECORATING THE CHURCH FOR EASTER!:sad2:

So Sue ended up having two deacons do the ceremony in the Funeral home chapel and she refused to include the priest.She was really upset with him.


Question-was the priest wrong?

I just reread that and I have to say I DOUBT this is what the priest actually said since for Good Friday Mass there would NOT be flowers for Easter being placed in the church. My guess it was more of an answer like "we are preparing for Easter" which is a BIG difference. I am sure Sue wasn't totally listening given her husband just died so I give her the benefit of the doubt.

 

[mickeyboat]

I suspect the reason is that there are no funerals on Good Friday for the reasons mentioned above. Maybe it the time she wanted the funeral was the only time during the day that the church was not being used for services, so the only time it could be decorated for Easter.

 

[Magic Mom]

At our church Good Friday is a busy day. There are events all day. You could not have a funeral in the church on that day. It wouldn't work logistically.


I'm sorry for your friend's loss.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If having a church funeral was important then I would have had the funeral after Easter.

While I would love to hammer the parish priest as a former Catholic, I know that it is crazy busy and probably not logistically possible.

Sorry for your losses....

 

[mjkacmom]

Absolutely!!!! What good are Religions and Religious representatives (i.e. Priests, Pastors, etc...) if they aren't their for their parishioners in their darkest hours!!!!! In my opinion this is exactly what is wrong with Modern Religions they have lost all concept of Human decency and caring and replaced them with megalomania.

You don't mean that you consider catholicism a modern religion, being the oldest christian religion, and one known to not change as time goes by. OP, during high holy times, such as this weekend, there are no other ceremonies held in our church.

 

[luvmy3]

I just reread that and I have to say I DOUBT this is what the priest actually said since for Good Friday Mass there would NOT be flowers for Easter being placed in the church. My guess it was more of an answer like "we are preparing for Easter" which is a BIG difference. I am sure Sue wasn't totally listening given her husband just died so I give her the benefit of the doubt.

I bet you are right. I am no longer practicing but when I was there were never weddings and funerals scheduled for this weekend and in fact we had a death in our family last year and the funeral had to wait until after the weekend.
I'm surprised that if she is very involved in her parish she didn't know thats how it works

 

[VillageMama]

I just reread that and I have to say I DOUBT this is what the priest actually said since for Good Friday Mass there would NOT be flowers for Easter being placed in the church.

Exactly. No Catholic church decorates with flowers on Good Friday. They will be decorating Saturday afternoon.

My guess it was more of an answer like "we are preparing for Easter" which is a BIG difference.

I'm sure you are right. Preparing for Easter means observing the customs (Stations of the Cross) and the Mass on Good Friday. It's a very somber day with few decorations and no time for any other Masses. Funerals take time to prepare and the priest just could not have made it happen that day... if funerals are even allowed on Good Friday.

I agree that the grieving widow misunderstood the priest. This is how life long animosities develop. Now she is angry and telling folks about the mean priest who cares more about flowers than parishioners.

Sometimes funerals have to be delayed a week or so. If a death occurs at the beginning of the Sacred Triduum, that is one of those times. I'd much rather my funeral be delayed until after Easter than have it in a funeral home chapel with a Deacon presiding.

 

[golfgal]

I will also add that in every Catholic church we have attended there are no weddings done during the Lenten season either (Ash Wednesday-Easter).

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I bet you are right. I am no longer practicing but when I was there were never weddings and funerals scheduled for this weekend and in fact we had a death in our family last year and the funeral had to wait until after the weekend.
I'm surprised that if she is very involved in her parish she didn't know thats how it works

Sounds like she was bent on having the funeral on Good Friday instead of waiting until after Easter.

I think anger clouded her judgement and that happens when you are grieving. Sounds like the parish priest was willing to do the service at the funeral home but she would not let him.

 

[PixieTopaz]

Exactly. No Catholic church decorates with flowers on Good Friday. They will be decorating Saturday afternoon.



I'm sure you are right. Preparing for Easter means observing the customs (Stations of the Cross) and the Mass on Good Friday. It's a very somber day with few decorations and no time for any other Masses. Funerals take time to prepare and the priest just could not have made it happen that day... if funerals are even allowed on Good Friday.

I agree that the grieving widow misunderstood the priest. This is how life long animosities develop. Now she is angry and telling folks about the mean priest who cares more about flowers than parishioners.

Sometimes funerals have to be delayed a week or so. If a death occurs at the beginning of the Sacred Triduum, that is one of those times. I'd much rather my funeral be delayed until after Easter than have it in a funeral home chapel with a Deacon presiding.

I think that is possibly what happened. She was in tears and upset when she relayed this information to a group of us neighbors

 

[Mkrop]

As a Catholic, I was told you could not have funerals on Good Friday.

Many things could "trump"(for lack of a better word) a funeral. Funerals are scheduled just like any "event" in the Church. Like recently we had, Confirmation all day Saturday, 2 sessions. One at 10am, one at 2pm. If Sue wanted her funeral that day, it would not be possible because the Church is alreay in use. She would have to find another date.

I do not believe that Catholic Church has a time limit on furnerals. I know my dad died on a Sat night, and because of scheduling and family traveling we did not have the funeral until the following Thursday.

My mom used to work in the rectory and use to tell me all the time that people could not understand that the Church has a schedule, and you can not just walk in and have anything done at any time.

I am sorry Sue had such a difficult time making things work but I would have been shocked if they allowed a funeral on Good Friday. I think golfgal may be right and the priest might have said we are preparing for Easter and she took it as decorating.