UPDATE Post 91! Does anyone else hate hosting overnight guests? Am I weird?

[Lilacs4Me]

In theory I enjoy overnight guests. Like a PP mentioned generally they are someone from out of town I don't get to see often so I would not mind hosting at all. We now have the space. That said, if someone demanded like your cousin did that is another matter. I also would find it difficult to be ok with someone staying at my house without me there. It would have to be a situation like the kids grew up and moved away and will be in town for whatever reason and DH and I are on vacation or something like that.

In actual practice I don't particularly care for it. Like someone up thread mentioned it is quite a lot of work. You have to clean the house, fix extra food, and likely play tour guide all on top of the regular goings on. Plus, for some reason that I haven't figured out yet, house guests expect me to be fully clothed at all times. I mean, forget running downstairs to grab a towel while half dressed because you forgot to check before you started the shower. That seems to offend them. I don't know what's up with that. My house my rules I say.

But seriously, I really like hosting DH's cousin. He is a single guy, just our age, and very laid back. I never get any heads up when he comes. We find out he is in town visiting his parents and he often shows up on our doorstep with a case of beer that evening at dinner time. However, he doesn't complain about what I cook (though I would appreciate a little lead time to make sure I have enough), is perfectly happy sleeping on the pull out couch with no bedding, doesn't care that the house is a wreck, and brings beer. I am also reasonably sure he wouldn't mind at all if I ran through the house half naked in search of a towel though I haven't tried that one on him yet.

Haha, I totally get your whole post! While I do love having my family come in, it does make our weekend go from relaxed and calm to a whirlwind. We live near Chicago, so whenever people are in town, they want us to go downtown with them. It's expensive! And the kids go on field trips all year to the museums and other events with school, and we have been there, done that way too many times now! And DH fights through traffic as he drives past O'Hare every day to get to work (luckily I work west so I go against traffic), so fighting traffic to get downtown on the weekend is not appealing. We usually go with people the first time they visit, then send them on the train alone after that lol

I totally love when my one BIL comes over - he is so low-maintenance and up for anything. I don't have to clean my house, he eats whatever I make, he hangs out with DH and the kids and watches ESPN, which gives me a break lol He is one of my favorites!

 

[Lilacs4Me]

For some it could be seen as very offensive to NOT want to stay with family when you are in town.

When we vacationed in Central America, near SO's family, we stayed in a hotel for 2 nights that we wear closest to them and they were offended we didn't stay with them. They didn't say anything to us outright but they "understood" because I'm a 'spoiled' American lol (no AC, no cable, no internet, bad beds). Either way we stayed with them for one night and it did make his grandma and aunt happy.

That's how I am! If I find out that my sister or a BIL came into town and didn't call us, I am like "What the heck! Why didn't you call??!! We would have met you somewhere for dinner!" lol

I do give them cr*p, but I understand. A lot of people we know come into town for a couple days on business and there just isn't enough time to plan a visit. I still give them a hard time

 

[7165red]

OP,I am right there with you. I don't like staying at other people's houses and hate it when they insist. No, it's a hotel for me.

 

[Pixiedustaway]

Thats not hosting!! That is someone demanding they stay at your home. Then making you look like the bad guy for saying no. I bet you are not the first one that she has done this to. I would ignore all other attempts at contact. She will turn everything you say around.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

I'm giving the OP a High Five! Good for you!

I don't like hosting people other than my kids friends who are easy. They sprawl on the floors and are happy with blankets and pillows.
We don't have the space for guests - they have to sleep on the floor of my upstairs office. With no air mattress either because our last one got a leak and we never replaced it since it was rarely used.

Thankfully our last few guests have been the in-laws. Our son slept on the floor of my office the first time and we let them have the double bed in my sons room. They didn't like the double bed so now they get hotel rooms. They also only stay for 2 or 3 days which is better than the whole week they used to stay.

 

[MataHari22]

I despise hosting people overnight in my home. I don't have a specific reason, I just don't enjoy it. I don't like being an overnight guest either. We get hotel rooms wherever we visit.

I love spending time with out of town friends, but when it is bedtime I will bid you farewell. I don't want to wake up with you in my house.

Well, I just received an email from a cousin. Her son is in a long weekend basketball tournament in December in my home town. They live 2 hours away and she "will be crashing at our house, as hotel rooms are not covered for parents". I was floored. First of all, who tells someone they are staying at your house for three nights? She didn't even ask. She told. Secondly, we have a wedding on that Saturday that she plans on "crashing" at my home.

I politely wrote her back and said that we were unable to host her and her husband, as we would be gone to a wedding that Saturday.

She wrote back and said that us being gone was "Not a problem. Just leave us a key".

Now I am annoyed.

I wrote her back and said "We aren't comfortable doing that." And I gave her a list of hotels nearby.

She wrote back that I should be ashamed of myself for not wanting to help them save money on a hotel when I am right in the same town with empty bedrooms. And that I have "control issues" if I can't even handle having a guests for the weekend".

So, I am done with her. I have no use for someone like that. I don't feel badly. It is not my job to help her save money. Don't sign your child up for a travel league if you can't afford to travel.

But it got me thinking, am I wrong for not opening my home up to overnight guests? Do you have an open door policy for out of town guests?

Does anyone else hate having guests stay overnight(s)? And why do you hate it? Am I a freak?

That's funny, I think she should be ashamed of herself for imposing and just inviting herself to stay in your home. I also find that to be pretty controlling behavior. Good for you for putting your foot down.

 

[Dizneefamily+4]

So glad I'm not the only one! I don't enjoy having overnight guests. We have a 3 bedroom house and all are occupied by our 2 children and us. We have couches, but they're not pull out. We just don't have the space. I'm also an introvert and hate having to entertain. By the same token, I don't like to stay at other people's homes either. We stay in a hotel.

 

[Annadesu]

Sounds like you have an entitled relative, OP. You did nothing wrong. Infact, I would have been much ruder in my reply. lol

 

[not_minnie]

We have a beachfront condo, 3 bedrooms, but like a PP said only our room has a bed. The other two are a library and a sitting room. When we decided to move to the beach, one of the first things DH and I agreed on was that we wouldn't have guest rooms. We don't stay over in anyone's house either. When we were first married (very broke graduate students), when we would visit his relatives (2.5 hours away) we'd stay in his aunt's house and I hated it. As soon as we wera able to afford it we started staying in hotels. I need privacy and downtime.

 

[ronandannette]

I don't mind having overnight guests. Most of the time if they are overnight guests it means they do not live nearby and I don't get to see them much so I'm always happy to open up my home. I do appreciate being asked and wouldn't like being told but don't think I would ever say no to family. Plus it's an excuse to get the house cleaned up.

Although I have no criticism of the OP for her feelings, I personally tend to think more like you do. There aren't really any of our friends and family I'd hesitate for a minute to welcome, providing they understand my limitations. I work 50+ hours a week and am not able to act as a tour guide; I'm delighted to feed them but they get what they get; it's not always 3 course table-service. I'd also have absolutely no problem with somebody being here while we were away.

And yeah, we've had people call on a Thursday night and "inform" us were on their way down for the weekend. We're close though so I definitely didn't take offence, just warned them that they may have to make their own bed when they got here.

 

[Mokat76]

I'm with you, OP. I hate overnight guests in my house, so unless you're immediate family, it ain't happening. Even then... ;-)
Your cousin is really presumptuous. Good for you standing your ground.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I don't necessarily love having overnight guests, just because my routine is disrupted (I tend to stay up later with them, can't hang out in my PJs...) but sometimes it's worth it.

In this case, though, I would be really mad at her attitude. She should have asked if she could stay, not acted like you owed her. The only ones I expect to just let me know when they're coming (and I'd feel comfortable doing the same) are my parents.

 

[Marchand63]

I have to say I agree with you unless I gave birth you or married to you I'll pay for your hotel room

Or if my children gave birth to you then you're OK

 

[Tattylou]

Wow, totally rude of your cousin to do that to you. Agree with all who said stand your ground. All my family lives close so it has not really come up with them. The only times I've had a friend stay over is if they unexpectedly drank too much to drive home (only happened 3 times in the 10 years I've owned my home) and I would rather them on my couch than hurt in an accident.

 

[Disney_traveler]

I didn't mind it until I noticed things of mine frequently going missing as I learned about my visiting cousins' drug problems getting worse and worse....it was NOT a coincidence

 

[smokeyblue]

Yes, and it's killing my dating life.

 

[Julie's Haircut]

Occasionally we have overnight guests, but there's not a snowball's chance someone will TELL us they're going to be staying here as if it's a fait accompli.

 

[Sweetpancake]

What?! They told you to leave a key???? What's wrong with people, that's so weird. I totally understand though, I'm on the fence with having house guests. I've had a friend sleepover on the very rare occasion and only for one night but once morning comes, I'm pretty ready for them to go home,lol I know with family often there's an expectation for them to stay with you but I think sometimes its' best for even family to have their own space and just visit during the day.

 

[Pooh2]

I enjoy when my kids come to stay on holidays.
But the situation that OP described, that is beyond rude!!

 

[arminnie]

I would probably be snarky and reply that we actually LOVE having guests - that we like. But unfortunate they don't make the cut.