Untitled Hyena Thread

[AZMickeyfans]

Shawna, you are right in that by constantly touching him she is excluding Sarah and separating Sarah from her BF. Not only that, she is putting herself "first", (as Sarah said) as if the sister and brother are the primary relationship and Sarah is secondary.

I think often when there is a threesome this sort of behavior often happens, where one party tells inside jokes that only two of them understand, or suggests activities that only two of them enjoy, that sort of thing. Sometimes it's just thoughtlessness, sometimes it's deliberate, and her behavior seems desperately deliberate.

This to me is the key word. Now I know I've pretend to be a psychologist on this thread a number of times but this seems off. This is why I posed the question like maybe her husband was controling and she is overcompensating her emotions with her brother right now or something. maybe she came from an abusive marriage. who knows. We dont have all the facts. maybe the sister isnt sharing all the facts. maybe the brother istn sharing them all with Sarah which is sad too.

I agree Sarah just needs to sit him down and say "what exactly is going on and have a talk with him about what she is feeling. He seems blind at this point.

 

[AZMickeyfans]

GOOD MORNING HYENA'S!!! Spring break is over, and it actually is starting to feel like spring

Alison - so good to hear your voice (ok, read your words on the the computer, but that just doesn't sound as good, does it ) Seriously, glad everything went well and you are happy!!!

Sarah - so sorry to read about the situation and how things did not go as planned. I know you really wanted it to go good. I am also going to somewhat echo the advice of Shawna. I am doing this only because I have been married almost 10 years, and know that in the beginning phases of dating/marriange I would be freaking out right now probably worse then you. I too would try to talk to my BF/DH about it and would get the same answer...why are you jealous, it is just a friend/sibling...whatever... but the same response. He never really did understand why I would think that way. With him I actually found it to be a good thing, I believe it was that he was so comfortable that it really did not matter to him (he knew there wasn't anything wrong with what he was doing, so naturally I would understand that too and shouldn't freak out in his mind). Does that make sense, probably not, and I am not sure how to explain it any other way. I eventually lightened up (which suprised me since I wasn't the one in the wrong)...but finally felt that relaxing and just being overly happy was the way to go (which pretty much fixed everything) Since both of us didn't think we were wrong (and honestly neither of us was), it just took subtle changes by both to fix it.

I could also be totally off base, and if so please disregard the mini-novel I just typed.

I am sorry she is so crazy....I do think if I was in her situation I would probably be slightly crazy, but I would not have anyone to go to (only child, not close to anyone on my side of the family), so I don't have any advice to offer there.

Ok...enough rambling...how 'bout a big and I hope you get it all figured out!

Dizzy,you can come to me anytime you feel the slightest bit crazy!

 

[dizzyami]

Dizzy,you can come to me anytime you feel the slightest bit crazy!

Thanks Shawna...wait for the knock on your door at 1:45

 

[Alex2kMommy]

This to me is the key word. Now I know I've pretend to be a psychologist on this thread a number of times but this seems off. This is why I posed the question like maybe her husband was controling and she is overcompensating her emotions with her brother right now or something. maybe she came from an abusive marriage. who knows. We dont have all the facts. maybe the sister isnt sharing all the facts. maybe the brother istn sharing them all with Sarah which is sad too.

I agree Sarah just needs to sit him down and say "what exactly is going on and have a talk with him about what she is feeling. He seems blind at this point.

I know. We all play a bit of armchair psychologist with one another, that's what friends do, right?

Dizzy,you can come to me anytime you feel the slightest bit crazy!

Gee, and I was just thanking my lucky stars that DH is an only child.

He sees the boys going at it with the sibling rivalry, squabbling and not sharing and just generally irritating one another. And he just doesn't get it. It drives him nuts! Don't get me wrong, it drives me nuts, but at least since I had 3 siblings, I know it's normal.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

Thanks Shawna...wait for the knock on your door at 1:45

And a vanload of belongings!

 

[eatmypixiedust]

HELLO

 

[Alex2kMommy]

Oyyyy. I've gotta go. The natives are getting restless. DS7 is pouting because I just asked them to pick up the toys all over the floor. And DS3 was underneath the footrest of the recliner that I'm sitting in, kicked up suddenly, and ripped part of the chair! Now there are a bunch of sharp staples sticking out of the ripped out fabric!

Uff, how long is spring break???

Hi/Bye, pix!

 

[MotoXPrincess99]

I'm sorry to hear you are going through a rough time. The affection you described that your bf's sister is giving him sounds a bit odd. I'm not saying it's strange to hug your siblings or kiss them on the cheek when you greet each other or something, but in my family, we treat each other like we have cooties. We only hug once in a while but we don't kiss or hold hands. My little sister links arms with us sometimes but that's about it.

I hope things between you and your bf get resolved.

He has never been like this with any of his other siblings. I think if he tried to kiss the one sister that lives close by she would deck him.


[/QUOTE]

 

[AZMickeyfans]

Ok I need some advice,

has anyone been to ITALY?

At dinner tonight we are going to tell my mom that we are surprising her with a trip to Italy just her and I for the fall of 2009. Yep, I know its not really a surprise but I wanted to let her plan the whole thing because its her trip. She wants to see the countryside and the vineyards of Tuscany and other parts I cannot remember. Me I would be in Rome and Venice studying the history but there is history in the coutryside right???!

Anyway her lifelong goal has been to go to Italy and she has traveled all over the world and all over Europe but never Italy for some reason. With her arthritis so bad she does not want to go on a tour because she cannot keep up. She has her ankles fused so she has been told she is going to have a very hard time walking on the cobble stone streets because they are uneven and she doesnt want to go with any of her girlfriends because she said she would feel bad because she goes so slow.

She asked me 3 years ago if I would go with her and I said no because I had small kids. Well they are still small but a little larger now not so babyish and will be in school full day then so dh can work half days when I'm gone. She asked my aunt last year but she said she just wanted to get away with her husband so my mom has given up all hope of going.

Dh proposed this so that I can take care of her while she is there, help her up and down off of curbs and hold her hand while she walks the streets etc as a thank you for all she has done for us over the years.

Anyway, I want her to be able to do and dictate the vacation. This is why we are teling her so early. Plus I want us both to take Italian lessons. It should be easy for me to pick up with my french so if we do it together over the course of the next 17 months we should be doing pretty well by the time our trip comes around.

I think the harvest is in September and I'm pretty sure that is when she said she wanted to go.

I know she will say no to this initially but I think I can talk her into caving over a glass of wine!! I'm really excited. I"M GOING TO ITALY!

 

[eatmypixiedust]

He has never been like this with any of his other siblings. I think if he tried to kiss the one sister that lives close by she would deck him.

My siblings and I would beat the crap out of each other if we tried to kiss one another. It seems really odd that she would be that affectionate towards your bf. I could understand that she may be clingy towards him because he's "the only man" who is currently in her life at the moment, but still, it's just weird and wrong that she would be kissing him and holding hands like they are a couple.

I agree with what Shawna said, you need to weigh the good vs the bad in your relationship and see how it balances out. You deserve to be happy. It sounds like you keep trying to resolve things (no matter how big or small) and you end up just brushing it off and it doesn't get completely resolved, so then it either starts up again later or another issue pops up.

I hope you two work things out. His sister sounds like she needs therapy to handle her emotions.

 

[MotoXPrincess99]

If you want to skip my novel and see what I just realized then skip down to the next pink writting. If you want to read it all feel free.


We have been dating for almost 9 years. We met when I was 17 and he was 22 and started dating when I graduated HS. He was/is my first real boyfriend and all my firsts have been with him (if you know what I mean).

Their dad took his sister when she was 2 and he was only a few weeks old. Their grandma was raising both (mom was into drugs) and couldn’t handle a 2 year old and a new born so she called their dad from Albuquerque and told him to come get his daughter, but grandma wouldn’t let DBF go because their dad was single and grandma didn’t think he could take care of a new born. He saw his sister again for the first at their mom’s funeral 9 years ago (right after DBF and I started dating) and I don’t remember them being close at all. Soon after the funeral DBF went to meet his dad for the first time and I guess he hung out with the sister during that trip. So really this past week when he went to CO to see her was only the 3rd time he’s seen her. They would send e-mails occasionally and send pictures and stuff but they never talked on the phone.

His sister was married for 15 years and her husband was very controlling and abusive. She got married at age 18. He made her home school their kids so she would never be able to go anywhere by herself. He never let her go see her family by herself, he would go but only let her spend a little bit of time. The reason that none of the family near her would go see her is because she has left and gone back numerous times so they think it’s no big deal. DBF was her last chance at sympathy and she found it.

I was very nice to both of them this weekend. It hurt so much but I did it. I was always asking them if they wanted me to take pictures of the two of them here and there. Giving them time to talk by themselves.

We have been having tough times lately and at first I was glad that he was going to CO for a few days. But while he was gone I realized how much I love him. I missed him so much and thought what a good person he was for helping his sister in her time of need. The time apart was what I needed to help me see this. I do think the good times out weigh the bad and I was thinking the same thing, that she has to get over it sometime.

DBF’s sister keeps telling him that she can’t get through this with out him. That she needs him there for her or she will lose it. I talked to DBF about things and he says he is going to do anything for her to help her. I do think that he doesn’t think anything of it because it is just his sister. When we were first dating we would hold hands sometimes but then our hands would get all sweaty.

You know what, maybe DBF doesn’t really like doing all that but since he wants to comfort his sister he’s willing to do anything for her. I mean it’s not like they’re making out by any means. In fact one time she was looking sad and he hugged her and went to kiss her on the cheek and she looked toward him and we stopped quick and said Yew Sister, I don’t want to kiss you on the lips. Another thing that made me mad was that he took his sister to do things that we do for special occasions, like for Valentines time day we have gone to eat at this restaurant on the pier and watched the sun set, then we go to this one place where you can open an oyster and there’s a pearl inside and you can have it put in a ring or necklace. Well on Thursday we all went to dinner and watched the sun set and then DBF bought her some oysters to open. I was hurt because this is our special thing to do but maybe DBF thought that since I love doing stuff like that so much that his sister would too.

Wow, I kinda just cheered myself up and made myself understand by getting all this out and looking at it in writing. Holey smokes, I was jumping to conclusions, wasn’t I? I think I’m going to Wal Mart at lunch and buying myself a journal. Unless you guys don’t mind then the DIS can be my journal.

 

[MotoXPrincess99]

Oh, and I do think the panic attacks are fake or not as serious as she makes them out to be. We were in the car going down to dinner at the beach and we were all talking and then DBF and I started talking about something that had nothing to do with her and then she starts coughing and gagging and making a bunch of noise and then all of DBF's attention is back on her.

Today they are going back to the beach because they are going to take a boat ride and put flowers in the ocean at the spot where their mom's ashes were placed 9 years ago. Something like that I totally understand them wanting to do just the two of them. I have no problem with that.

There were a few times this weekend when it was just me and Crazy and she was fine toward me. We got along fine and talked and stuff and there were times when the 3 of us were having fun. But I think it was whe nshe felt that DBF was starting to not focus all his attention on her that she would get mad or act sad.

 

[sameyeyam]

Shawna - WOOHOO!! Italy I would so love to go to Italy! Any chance I can hop book a seat next to you guys on the plane. You can introduce me to your mother as we are flying. Then by the time we get to Italy I can just hang out in the Tuscan region with her so she has company and you can go check out the other areas. Yeah, I know, it was just a thought!

AND I will have you know that my SIL is the fruitcake of the family (DH's sister). She's fruitier than a Whip & a Spear!

Sarah - I would say they both have been through a lot and no one knows their childhood like they do. You've probably only heard a portion of it. It is good that they are reaching out to one another to get through some tough times.

Now about the hugging, kissing thing. My DH comes from a touchy, feely family. At first it used to sort of freak me out, but now I've turned into one of them. Yes, I can tell by the look on all the Hyena's faces when I give them hugs!:rotfl So I wouldn't worry about it too much.

If you have a strong base to your relationship I wouldn't worry. Just let him know how much you care about him and love him and how proud you are that he is helping his family during their time of crisis. Maybe let him know that you've been feeling a little ignored, so is there anyway you can maybe take his sister out for a girls trip (shopping, pedicure, movie, lunch) to give him a little free time. Then maybe you and he can have a date night afterwards!

 

[sameyeyam]

Sure I show up and everyone leaves! Thats ok, I'm feeling a bit tired today and should probably have some lunch and take a nap. TTFN!

 

[disneegrl4eva]

WHoop!! I just booked our summer vacation!! We are going to the Redwoods.. Neither dh or I felt we got to spend nearly enough time there, and then on to San Fransisco.. Alcatraz!!! and down to San Jose to see the Winchester house. And of course over to Reno to see Grandma.. It helps that they are having a rib fest that weekend! Then home.. Ive got my hotels booked, and rental car booked.. (dont ask.. Long and confusing and I barely understand it myself.)

Tink and I can help we can help

Yosemite it is then.

annnnnnnnnnnd since you will be barely an hour and half from me you will be visiting me right?? Merced is the gateway to Yosemite dude!!

What and where is the Winchester House? I've never heard of it.

Winchester House is in San Jose about 2 hours from me...the lady that owned it was a total wackjob...she thought evil spirits were invading her house so she built these crazy doors and staircases that led to nowhere to ward off the spirits...its wild

and I just made dinner. I cooked some corn on the cob and I made fried rice: steamed sticky white rice, sweet Italian sausage, chopped green onions and garlic, scrambled eggs and salt and pepper.

pix how do you make sticky rice??? i love it but i cant figure out how to do it...I might be using the wrong rice or something

it is right up my Alley! but then we are going to SF JUST to hit Alcatraz.. So I am a little weird anyways.. Oooohhh... I wonder if we can hit the Jelly Belly Factory?

We are only going to be there for a day and a half, and staying in the Fishermans Wharf area.. So we are going to do a lot of sightseeing in that area. I think our hotel is just a few blocks away from Ghiradelli Square, (of course I wouldnt miss that! Dh is excited to ride a cable car.. He got all giddy when I mentioned it. We have driven over the bridge, and will do it again on this trip.. But ithink thats as far as I will go on that, I tend to PANIC on stuff like that!
I have been looking at what they have in the Wharf area, and I think it will be fun!!

where is the hotel? when are you going?

is that the super windy street? We had talked about it, Im sure we will! That is another thing dh got all giddy about!

if you panic going over that bridge then you will pass out going down lombard street...I wont do it....it has nothing to do with it being windy but streets in san francisco are VERY TO THE EXTREME steep and the problem with Lombard is that you come down the hill and have to stop in between streets as normal but because its so steep you dont want to and then theres a fear of not being able to stop...so you might want to rethink that or maybe just going down a few of the streets but not the whole thing

I had to remind Alex that he doesnt have to get up super early tomorrow.. Spring break. Not that it matters, he wil still be up at 7.

well duh you make the kid go to bed at dusk what do you expect...cant you let him stay up a little longer mom???? kayla I totally understand...shes still needs to be in bed that early..

I don't know. In person I tend to be a bit more sarcastic, so I had to rewrite my post a few times. I think it's odd, but I don't want to say the wrong thing and make a bad situation even worse.

you sarcastic???? never...now me? thats another story and thats why Ive been trying really hard to not comment on alot of things because I know it will be sarcastic and theres no point

My siblings and I would beat the crap out of each other if we tried to kiss one another. It seems really odd that she would be that affectionate towards your bf.

pix thats really not right....just because your family is like that doesnt make it odd that she is like that...my family is not huggy touchy feely 24-7 but we hug AND kiss each other but that doesnt make me weird..im far from weird...a BI*CH yeah but not weird everybodys different and you cant dictate normalcy based on what your life is like..not an attack my friend just another way to look at it...

 

[disneegrl4eva]

Sure I show up and everyone leaves! Thats ok, I'm feeling a bit tired today and should probably have some lunch and take a nap. TTFN!

ah hi Alison...glad to see your better but sit your ssa down!!! and stay there

 

[eatmypixiedust]

Now about the hugging, kissing thing. My DH comes from a touchy, feely family. At first it used to sort of freak me out, but now I've turned into one of them. Yes, I can tell by the look on all the Hyena's faces when I give them hugs!:rotfl So I wouldn't worry about it too much.

That's because you had a whip and a spear!!

 

[eatmypixiedust]

pix thats really not right....just because your family is like that doesnt make it odd that she is like that...my family is not huggy touchy feely 24-7 but we hug AND kiss each other but that doesnt make me weird..im far from weird...a BI*CH yeah but not weird everybodys different and you cant dictate normalcy based on what your life is like..not an attack my friend just another way to look at it...

I didn't mean that it's wrong to hug and kiss family or anything like that, but if she's doing it in a sense where it's like they are a couple, then yeah that would weird me out. That's what I meant in my post. I wasn't saying that just because my family isn't like that that it's wrong. I just wanted to clear up any misunderstandings.

 

[MotoXPrincess99]

Shawna - WOOHOO!! Italy I would so love to go to Italy! Any chance I can hop book a seat next to you guys on the plane. You can introduce me to your mother as we are flying. Then by the time we get to Italy I can just hang out in the Tuscan region with her so she has company and you can go check out the other areas. Yeah, I know, it was just a thought!

AND I will have you know that my SIL is the fruitcake of the family (DH's sister). She's fruitier than a Whip & a Spear!

Sarah - I would say they both have been through a lot and no one knows their childhood like they do. You've probably only heard a portion of it. It is good that they are reaching out to one another to get through some tough times.

Now about the hugging, kissing thing. My DH comes from a touchy, feely family. At first it used to sort of freak me out, but now I've turned into one of them. Yes, I can tell by the look on all the Hyena's faces when I give them hugs!:rotfl So I wouldn't worry about it too much.

If you have a strong base to your relationship I wouldn't worry. Just let him know how much you care about him and love him and how proud you are that he is helping his family during their time of crisis. Maybe let him know that you've been feeling a little ignored, so is there anyway you can maybe take his sister out for a girls trip (shopping, pedicure, movie, lunch) to give him a little free time. Then maybe you and he can have a date night afterwards!

Firstly let me say that I'm glad you are doing good!

You are very right, I do know that their childhoods are a major thing that they have been talking about. DBF heard one thing from his grandparents about when their dad came and took his sister to Albuquerque and his sister heard it another way from their dad. Plus they are making up for 31 years of not seening each other, and I guess you can't fit 31 years into one night.

I was thinking about it and DBF's family (his dad's side) in New Mexico are way touchy feely than the ones in CA. Just the way that the family talks to each other and stuff is completely different too. His sisters and brother here call each other names, cuss at each other stuff like that, and the family in NM is way more proper and nicer to each other.

 

[disneegrl4eva]

I didn't mean that it's wrong to hug and kiss family or anything like that, but if she's doing it in a sense where it's like they are a couple, then yeah that would weird me out. That's what I meant in my post. I wasn't saying that just because my family isn't like that that it's wrong. I just wanted to clear up any misunderstandings.

i personally, did not interpret what she was saying to be that they were acting like a couple...only that "she" felt like she was with a couple and being a third wheel and it didnt even cross my mind that they were kissing and hugging like a couple does...only that she was always hugging and kissing him and wanting to hold his hand