Unregistered guest question

[lorenni]

My SIL has invited herself to join the last two evenings of our upcoming vacation. (Literally bought a plane ticket then texted - texted!! - DH to tell him she was coming and hoped we have room for a cot. Whole. Different. Thread.)

I have a lock off two bedroom (the key word there being LOCK, which we'll be putting to good use apparently) with 7 total registered guests. My parents are coming for the first half of the week, and in-laws are coming for the second half of the week. Then there's me, DH and our son, whose birthday is the reason for the trip and all the grandparent coordination. Nuclear family will be sleeping in the master bedroom/living room with grandparents (and now SIL) in the lock off studio.

Do I need to add SIL to the reservation? Frankly, I'd rather not. She's going to arrive on Friday evening and leave Sunday morning when we all leave.

Or, do I just make nice and add her, so she gets a stupid magic band and feels included, even though she has met my son all of once because she goes to Vegas instead of visiting us and goes to Vegas when we visit her parents. (DS this morning - "Daddy, you have a sister?")

 

[DebbieB]

My SIL has invited herself to join the last two evenings of our upcoming vacation. (Literally bought a plane ticket then texted - texted!! - DH to tell him she was coming and hoped we have room for a cot. Whole. Different. Thread.)

I have a lock off two bedroom (the key word there being LOCK, which we'll be putting to good use apparently) with 7 total registered guests. My parents are coming for the first half of the week, and in-laws are coming for the second half of the week. Then there's me, DH and our son, whose birthday is the reason for the trip and all the grandparent coordination. Nuclear family will be sleeping in the master bedroom/living room with grandparents (and now SIL) in the lock off studio.

Do I need to add SIL to the reservation? Frankly, I'd rather not. She's going to arrive on Friday evening and leave Sunday morning when we all leave.

Or, do I just make nice and add her, so she gets a stupid magic band and feels included, even though she has met my son all of once because she goes to Vegas instead of visiting us and goes to Vegas when we visit her parents. (DS this morning - "Daddy, you have a sister?")

She should be registered to the room if she is there. Either in advance or when she gets there. She'll need to get a magic band or room card to open the door.

 

[Brian Noble]

Can't answer the family dynamic question, but all guests are supposed to be registered, and you have the room to do so in this case.

 

[lorenni]

She'll need to get a magic band or room card to open the door.

Good plan, er, I mean, good point...

 

[BillPA]

Don't you just love family that thinks it okay to just show up? Good luck, and I hope you don't have a dining plan set up.

 

[supersnoop]

Who's picking her up at the airport? She has to be registered to ride DME.

 

[jekjones1558]

I assume you are not doing a dining plan because that would really make for a mess.

 

[lorenni]

Fortunately we did not do the dining plan because that was already a no go due to grandparents switching out halfway thru the week.

Having stewed on it for the day, I've decided to kill them with kindness, so I'll add her to my reservation and sign her up with magical express etc. And then never invite them on my points again. (Turns out MIL and SIL hatched this plan together).

 

[bumbershoot]

Good plan, er, I mean, good point...

Naughty.

And then never invite them on my points again. (Turns out MIL and SIL hatched this plan together).

Oh gracious. How delightful of them.


I have a problematic relationship with my MIL and SIL as well. SIL especially (MIL is going into dementia so NOW she has a reason to be like she has always been to me).

Refused to go to our wedding unless DH agreed to sit there while she told him everything he had ever done wrong, without defending himself. (he gave her two cars, he bought her new tires for one of the cars he gave her, she destroyed every single car but the one she currently has (she's 40+ now, it's about time she figures out how to change oil), she lied that she was leaving her husband to get family to move her 2 states away and then a month later her supposed ex husband showed up to live with her, she wanted us to watch her kids but wanted to give her felon ex our address, she wanted us to pay for her kids' daycare and when we offered to pay the daycare directly she balked... Lately she's been OK, but the one day when their mom was in the hospital and I was there (b/c I take care of her almost exclusively and know her medical stuff more than anyone) as her doctor had a big huge important talk with her, and I asked that everyone who had just stormed in post-lunch (did they bring me any? no, of course not) please hang back...she said that no one was keeping her from her mom, especially not me...and within 5 minutes her mom was hysterical)

Exhausting.

So I empathize.

 

[bobbiwoz]

IN spite of this pre-trip drama, I hope you have a lovely vacation.

 

[Dean]

Fortunately we did not do the dining plan because that was already a no go due to grandparents switching out halfway thru the week.

Having stewed on it for the day, I've decided to kill them with kindness, so I'll add her to my reservation and sign her up with magical express etc. And then never invite them on my points again. (Turns out MIL and SIL hatched this plan together).

If you don't establish boundaries, you're likely to have further issues. So I'd have the conversation with them up front about how this was inappropriate and that it'll never happen again. I'd also give her a pullout. Too bad you don't have the DP, you could tell her all or nothing there.

 

[maburke]

This may go without saying, but make sure she does not have room charging privileges! This may be difficult to do in advance (I think they default to every adult having charging) but make sure you double-check at check-in.

 

[lorenni]

This may go without saying, but make sure she does not have room charging privileges! This may be difficult to do in advance (I think they default to every adult having charging) but make sure you double-check at check-in.

I hadn't even thought about this! While I will faint from shock if her credit card makes an appearance at a meal, I also don't think she'd actually go so far as to charge anything to the room. But, we arrive a few days earlier than the in laws, so I'll certainly get that taken care of.

Now my own parents are another story entirely. They're more likely to sneak down and try to pay off all the room charges when we're not looking.

 

[lorenni]

If you don't establish boundaries, you're likely to have further issues. So I'd have the conversation with them up front about how this was inappropriate and that it'll never happen again. I'd also give her a pullout. Too bad you don't have the DP, you could tell her all or nothing there.

Fortunately DH feels the same way, which will make this easier. Aside from adding her to a lunch reservation we're not changing a thing. Our plans are the
plans - take them or leave them. That said, we suspect that they are using this trip as a convenient place to see each other as SIL is about to move far away and has been out of state at training for the last few months. So we are unwittingly providing the location for MIL/FIL/SIL mini reunion prior to her move. On one hand it bugs me that they are using us to see each other on DS's birthday trip. On the other, as DH rightly points out, maybe we'll welcome some quiet time by then if the three of them do go off and have a love fest. Either way, DH will have my back and isn't even a little bit phased about taking off and doing our own thing without his family, so we'll be OK.

 

[mort1331]

This is why as much as it killed me not to go this past March I didnt. My DW and girls went with her twin and son. I have traveled with them before and even with Disney, I would not do it again. So I stayed home and will plan my fall trip with my youngest DD and smile as we watch the Halloween parade.

 

[disneynutz]

Just because someone is a relative, that doesn't make them a friend. It's your life, your points, your vacation.

Bill

 

[Dean]

Fortunately DH feels the same way, which will make this easier. Aside from adding her to a lunch reservation we're not changing a thing. Our plans are the
plans - take them or leave them. That said, we suspect that they are using this trip as a convenient place to see each other as SIL is about to move far away and has been out of state at training for the last few months. So we are unwittingly providing the location for MIL/FIL/SIL mini reunion prior to her move. On one hand it bugs me that they are using us to see each other on DS's birthday trip. On the other, as DH rightly points out, maybe we'll welcome some quiet time by then if the three of them do go off and have a love fest. Either way, DH will have my back and isn't even a little bit phased about taking off and doing our own thing without his family, so we'll be OK.

If you're on the same page it will make it easier though it sounds like it's his family so he should be the one handling it with the other spouse in support. Still, unless you deal with the issue directly, you'll likely have further problems. Even if you do, there's still a good chance you will but they will be easier to handle in all likelihood. You all will have to decide how to handle your personal situation and your family. In general a direct discussion indicating you aren't thrilled with what happened, that it won't happen again and possibly that you won't be inviting certain people in the future is best. It's possible that when you do, those in question will get all bent out of shape and if you do in advance, may all cancel and that sounds like it might be a good thing. As a rule those who try to take advantage of you, as in the situation you've described, have a past history of doing so and will continue to do so until clear lines are drawn. Let us know how it works out if you don't mind.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

Now my own parents are another story entirely. They're more likely to sneak down and try to pay off all the room charges when we're not looking.

This sounds like our families.

I hope you enjoy your vacation.

 

[lorenni]

If you're on the same page it will make it easier though it sounds like it's his family so he should be the one handling it with the other spouse in support. Still, unless you deal with the issue directly, you'll likely have further problems. Even if you do, there's still a good chance you will but they will be easier to handle in all likelihood. You all will have to decide how to handle your personal situation and your family. In general a direct discussion indicating you aren't thrilled with what happened, that it won't happen again and possibly that you won't be inviting certain people in the future is best. It's possible that when you do, those in question will get all bent out of shape and if you do in advance, may all cancel and that sounds like it might be a good thing. As a rule those who try to take advantage of you, as in the situation you've described, have a past history of doing so and will continue to do so until clear lines are drawn. Let us know how it works out if you don't mind.

I agree completely. If it weren't for my son I would clear the air prior to the trip. He loves them (the grandparents - he wouldn't know the aunt from miss piggy) and so there's a certain amount of garbage we'll put up with so that he can see them since we do live in another country. And they are very good to/with him. If they don't toe the line while we are there, I won't mince words - these are MY points (not my husbands) and I'm not afraid to remind them of that.

 

[Dean]

I agree completely. If it weren't for my son I would clear the air prior to the trip. He loves them (the grandparents - he wouldn't know the aunt from miss piggy) and so there's a certain amount of garbage we'll put up with so that he can see them since we do live in another country. And they are very good to/with him. If they don't toe the line while we are there, I won't mince words - these are MY points (not my husbands) and I'm not afraid to remind them of that.

I hope it works out. Please post back how it goes.