unhappy in a marriage

[Lady V]

Until you decide whats going to happen in your marriage I think you need to get rid of the old boyfriend being in the picture. Thats certainly not helping!

 

[magic mouse]

I appreciate the people who made some thoughtful comments... I still undecide in what to do. I am NOT having an affair with my ex boyfriend (who I broke it off by the way) and is still deciding what to do. It is not an easy choice to make.........

 

[LuvOrlando]

You are at the tip of a pretty monumental decision. Backing away from the old flame should help give you clarity for your next steps. No-one can decide for you, and no-one should try to because you alone will be the one to cry for yourself and your child if you make a mistake.

I wish you nothing but hope for the ability to make the best choice

 

[Anjelica]

Oh God no, do not stick it out for the kids.

I can't speak from the spouse side of the situation but I can for the kids involved. Staying together for the kids is the exact wrong thing to do and isn't doing your children any favors. My mom stayed married to my dad way to long because she thought it was best for us, meaning my brothers and me. Oh boy was she wrong. Kids aren't stupid, we (and they) know that something isn't right and it makes for an unhappy house. The times my parents were separated were by far the best times growing up.

Perhaps other people had different experiences but if one parent is miserable it trickles down to everyone else and I personally think it is terrible to do that to your children. My mom had the best intentions but we are all unanimous in wishing she had made a different decision 22(ish) years ago.

As a child of one of the nastiest divorces I have ever heard of (let alone be a part of - court cases in differing states, horrible accusations, etc.) I totally agree. After 17 years of marriage and very unhappy adults the last several years of their marriage it definetly puts a strain on the family.

I have never been a big proponent of "sticking it out for the kids" in any shape or form. Children learn how to love by example - if their parents are in a loveless relationship for years children pick up on that. Chirldren need to know what a loving relationship is between two adults and they aren't going to get/see that in an unhappy marriage. This doesn't mean I think people should at least try to work on it if they happen to hit a slump but convincing yourself to stay in it for the kids sake is rubbish.

 

[dawn1620]

Not in your situation and I don't know you...but I do know the one person you should be focused on is your kid and figuring out your next steps. If you are looking to get out of one relationship then rushing into another one is the absolute last thing you should do. Yes your child will be confused and hurt and it will be up to you and your husband to make it the best transition for your child as possible if you do get divorced.

Maybe if you are so confused some personal counseling may help you straighten some things out - I've had counseling before and it helped me a great deal when I had things so mixed up I could not even see where to begin.

The old boyfriend should be placed on a shelf and the kid brought front and center - that should be what is priority along with yourself.