unchaperoned HS kids on spring break?

[poohandwendy]

Maybe with some kids, but IMO saying "no way" is all but admitting your parenting has failed at some level and your kids can't be trusted overnight in public alone.

LOL, your opinion. Mine is that I do not hand them enough rope to hang themselves...and I certainly don't pay for the rope, either. I am not raising perfect people, I am raising human beings. I give limitations because that is my responsibility. When they need none, it is time to be on their own.

 

[DVCLiz]

I guess my feeling is that it's a gradual process. I wouldn't dream of keeping the reins so tight right up until the 18th birthday, then saying "OK, if you want some freedom you're on your own." I don't know how to describe that kind of parenting, except "not the kind I would do." Really, I suppose I did it the same way I let them do lots of things - lots of guidance at first, lots of assessing on my part whether they were ready or not, some practice, then voila - they were crossing the street, riding their bikes to the pool, going to the shopping center or to a movie with friends.

High school kids who are going away for college will have a pretty steep learning curve - I guess I'm glad mine had a little practice while I still had some time left with her as a high school student.

I'm not in favor of big drink-a-thon far away trips, though. I think there's a big difference there!!!! But if and whe DD decides to go on that kind of trip, I'll at least know she has some experience behind her on how to handle herself away from good old Mom.

 

[poohandwendy]

I guess my feeling is that it's a gradual process. I wouldn't dream of keeping the reins so tight right up until the 18th birthday, then saying "OK, if you want some freedom you're on your own."

Me neither.

High school kids who are going away for college will have a pretty steep learning curve - I guess I'm glad mine had a little practice while I still had some time left with her as a high school student.

My DD is a college freshman and there were many opportunities to let her spread her wings, well before she went off to college. The rules relaxed and she gradually had more responsibilities and less tight rein, so to speak. It didn't take a week alone at a resort with her friends for her to be prepared for being on her own.

The issue of spring break trips unchaperoned is not just about trust and ability to handle yourself for a week without parents. It's also a very expensive idea, one that is almost always paid for by the parents. If my kids had the thousands it would take, they would be saving it for college...and on the other hand, I would not put that kind of money out for my kids to have their freedom for a week at a resort destination.

IMO, on-your-own vacations are something they have to look forward to, when they earn the money to do it as adults. It's not as much about not trusting them as seeing it as a right of passage, for me.

Just the way I see it.

 

[MrsPete]

As a high school teacher, I hear about some of these trips. LOTS of kids go somewhere for spring break -- especially senior year -- but most of them "talk it up" as if it's a girlfriends' trip, then if you ask they'll admit, "Yeah, Ashley's mom is going too."

That's not saying that some don't go unchaperoned. I think it's too young. There's a huge line in the sand: those who have graduated from high school and those who have not. Sure, they may be headed out the door to college in a few months, but the line is still there. As long as they're going to return home, live in mom and dad's house, and be a kid, a chaperone is appropriate. Once they're graduates and they're in college, life is different. Seniors may be close, but they're not over that line yet.

I don't hear many about many parents paying for these trips. In fact, many kids wail long and loud about how many hours they have to work to pay for their trip.

 

[MrsPete]

IMO, on-your-own vacations are something they have to look forward to, when they earn the money to do it as adults. It's not as much about not trusting them as seeing it as a right of passage, for me.

I agree with your viewpoint. If we allow our children to take on-your-own trips, have new cars, credit cards, etc, etc, etc. while they're in high school, what's left to look forward to in college and beyond? Let them anticipate and look forward to some of these things.

Related topic: I talked to a woman last week who told me about the semi-formal dance she and some other mothers are organizing for her daughter's 8th GRADE CLASS. (Here, elementary school is K-8, then they go to high school 9-12; thus 8th grade is a "big year"). They're holding the dance at a vinyard, decorating as if it's a wedding, having a DJ, a professional photographer . . . kids are expected to wear semi-formal clothing . . . I didn't tell her, but I think it's a horrible idea. Of course, she's being very kind, but I think it's terribly misguided. When I was a senior in high school, we girls all anticipated the prom as the highlight of the school year! Those who were asked as sophomores were considered quite the fortunate girls. A large part of the anticipation was the fact that none of us had ever been to a major dance like this. This woman's daughter will walk into her prom someday and say, "Yeah, it's just another dance." I feel bad for them.

 

[poohandwendy]

That's not saying that some don't go unchaperoned. I think it's too young. There's a huge line in the sand: those who have graduated from high school and those who have not. Sure, they may be headed out the door to college in a few months, but the line is still there. As long as they're going to return home, live in mom and dad's house, and be a kid, a chaperone is appropriate. Once they're graduates and they're in college, life is different. Seniors may be close, but they're not over that line yet.

That is so true, there is a huge difference in the maturity level of a HS senior and a college freshman, the difference is astounding. (especially second semester college freshman, I should add)

 

[DVCLiz]

Me neither. My DD is a college freshman and there were many opportunities to let her spread her wings, well before she went off to college. The rules relaxed and she gradually had more responsibilities and less tight rein, so to speak. It didn't take a week alone at a resort with her friends for her to be prepared for being on her own.

The issue of spring break trips unchaperoned is not just about trust and ability to handle yourself for a week without parents. It's also a very expensive idea, one that is almost always paid for by the parents. If my kids had the thousands it would take, they would be saving it for college...and on the other hand, I would not put that kind of money out for my kids to have their freedom for a week at a resort destination.

IMO, on-your-own vacations are something they have to look forward to, when they earn the money to do it as adults. It's not as much about not trusting them as seeing it as a right of passage, for me.

Just the way I see it.

2 things:

1. This was a $180.00 per kids trip, plus gas, not a thousands at a fancy resort trip, so I think we'd agree on that point. I don't think I'd have funded a plane ticket, although DD could certainly have earned the money babysitting if she'd wanted to. I did chip in for some extra groceries, but some of that money came back so I don't think anyone would say it was an extravagant trip.

I guess we just have a different sense of when these things happen. I'm in the camp that says it's OK to take the maturity of your teen into account and allow some of these freedoms before college, while the teen is technically still "at home." You obviously feel it's better to wait until they are at college. No big deal, really, just a difference of opinion.

2. How do you quote two pieces of a previous post, like you did in my post above? I can't seem to figure it out...

 

[buddy&wooz]

I think it's the atmosphere I have a problem with. In my son's case, he's really young. In fact he'll be barely 17 when he begins college in the fall, but he's a rational kid, more so than many of his friends, that's for sure. So age isn't really the issue I think, because of course I'll have to let him go in September! But the reason for these trips is to party. Big difference. Here spring break isn't that big of a deal, but prom weekend is. Lots of kids staying in hotels, driving their packed cars down the day before the prom with all their "gear". It's all about getting crazy, and lots of parents pay for it. I wouldn't allow him to go- fortunately he hasn't asked.

My feeling is like those who said if they do all this in HS what's left for college? And even when he's in college, there's no way I'm paying for a spring break trip. I paid for mine, after all!

 

[poohandwendy]

Hey, that was 3 things! LOL, you just copy the text you want to quote and wrap with the quote option.

I don't necessary think they could not be trusted to handle a trip before college and certainly would take a ton of things into consideration, but I doubt I would go for the unchaperoned part of it. You can trust your kids all you want, it's the others out there that I would not trust, especially in resort areas.

Based on my own personal experiences, it would be the emergency situation/safety issue I would be the most concerned with.

Just speaking for myself. I think all parents have the right to make these decisions for their own kids. I am sure I have made a few decisions other parents would consider too lax.

Every issue as they come up...kwim?

 

[KelNottAt]

When I was a senior in high school (1982) my school was still organizing chaperoned senior trips. That year it was to Daytona (with a day-trip to WDW). I signed-up and went along under the supervision of the chaperones.

It didn't matter, though. An equal number of kids traveled to Daytona on their own, rented rooms in the same hotel, and basically had the same trip without any supervision. There was no way for the chaperones to separate "their" kids from the independents. The whole trip just turned into one rowdy party. A few arrests and even one pregnancy.

That was the end of school-sponsored senior trips at Magruder High School.

Before and after that trip, even to this day, the big thing around here is "Senior Week" at the beach immediately following HS graduation. Pretty much the same as a spring break on MTV.

As a parent who (barely) survived both of these experiences, I have to admit I probably won't allow my kids do what I did. They'll only be 17 at the end of HS, so there's a deal breaker right there. But, the main reason is the danger and chaos, regardless of age.

I think more than likely I'll lend them the DVC when they're seniors in college, or maybe immediately after college graduation. They can have a 2BR; DH and I will have a studio next door.

That's all the leash I can consider letting out 4 years in advance.

 

[DVCLiz]

Hey, that was 3 things! LOL, you just copy the text you want to quote and wrap with the quote option.

I don't necessary think they could not be trusted to handle a trip before college and certainly would take a ton of things into consideration, but I doubt I would go for the unchaperoned part of it. You can trust your kids all you want, it's the others out there that I would not trust, especially in resort areas.

Based on my own personal experiences, it would be the emergency situation/safety issue I would be the most concerned with.

Just speaking for myself. I think all parents have the right to make these decisions for their own kids. I am sure I have made a few decisions other parents would consider too lax.

Every issue as they come up...kwim?

Yes, I sure do know what you mean...seems to me parenting is one long string of "Oh, my, what do I do now?"
Still can't figure out how to quote part of something so it shows up in a yellow box, answer it, and then quote something else. I think I'm going to have to practice...

 

[EthansMom]

My kids are still in preschool, but I wouldn't want either of them going on any trips in high school that they would be upset to have their mom go on. Honestly, I'll be the first person to volunteer to be a chaperone for any of the high school trips. If my kids want to go on one of the unchaperoned trips to Mexico, I'll .

I picture myself being the mom who lets the kids have an after-prom party, so long as it's alcohol-free. And who lets the kids have lots of friends hang out in the basement, so long as they're acting responsibly. I'd rather provide a supportive and understanding environment and know who my kids' friends are and what they are all up to.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I went on overnight field trips that were adequately chaperoned in middle school.

I would have never been permitted to travel unaccompanied for any lenght of vacation as a minor without an adult. I was permitted to drive to trips that were with my parents (had a working obligation that meritted driving separately) or another parent.

My girls will be given the same courtesy. If affordable and agreeable terms--they can go on trips that are chaperoned...but until they are an adult...they are still a child and they do not vacation alone. Considering there are age requirements for booking hotel rooms and such, I don't think that is too sheltering of me when the hotels don't want unaccompanied minors on their property for a vacation.

 

[Sylvester McBean]

4 of my friends and I drove from Illinois to Florida our jr and sr year unsupervised. we did the same things we would have done in Illinois, chase girls and drink beer. we did the same things in college. my parents were more worried about the drive down rather than what we did when we got there.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

My kids are still in preschool, but I wouldn't want either of them going on any trips in high school that they would be upset to have their mom go on. Honestly, I'll be the first person to volunteer to be a chaperone for any of the high school trips. If my kids want to go on one of the unchaperoned trips to Mexico, I'll .

I picture myself being the mom who lets the kids have an after-prom party, so long as it's alcohol-free. And who lets the kids have lots of friends hang out in the basement, so long as they're acting responsibly. I'd rather provide a supportive and understanding environment and know who my kids' friends are and what they are all up to.

We did this--our school did Junior senior prom and our group was all seniors and one junior--so the junior's mom volunteered to be hostess....

we got ready at her home--did photos, went to a restuarant for dinner...did prom and then did our after party at their home. Curfew was shortly after prom ended until 5am. At 5am--we went to the beach club to see the sunrise and then to breakfast at a local popular place. (Itinerary was disclosed and approved).

We had a blast--we were safe..and b/c it was chaperoned per se---noones parents had issues with our agenda.



we even had one guy in the group who wasn't going to go to prom so we invited him to go along with all us girls (we were all buds in class). He ended up dating the Junior for a year or so.

 

[RAZ24]

When I was 18 (many moons ago) my parents let me go to Clearwater Florida with 9 friends. We flew there, stayed at a parents condo (unsupervised), and had a great time.

DS graduated last year. We let him go with a bunch of friends to a place that's about 6 hours from here. It was a tough decision for me. It was a definate NO before it became a yes. I allowed him to go because like a few others posted, in 3 months he would be off on his own.

Now this is where it gets good, I would not allow my DD16 to do this. I have already told her she can pick a destination and invite a friend along. Double standard I know, but this is how I feel.

Christine

 

[cardaway]

4 of my friends and I drove from Illinois to Florida our jr and sr year unsupervised. we did the same things we would have done in Illinois, chase girls and drink beer. we did the same things in college. my parents were more worried about the drive down rather than what we did when we got there.

We did similar things as well. Bet you called when you got there to ease their worry... about the drive down of course. They knew we could take care of ourselves once we arrived since they had raised us right.

This whole thread also reminds me of another one some time ago. One where a mother came home to find her child throwing a party in their home without their permission. A thread with the OP going after people who came to party rather than focusing on what THEIR son had done and where things must have went wrong.A thread full of people supporting the OP in focusing on everybody else when the only issue was right in her own home.

Guess it's all about trust issues. Who has them and who doesn't.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Guess it's all about trust issues.

Exactly!

We don't trust YOUR children.

 

[Nancy]

I take it these "no way" parents don't let their kids go away for the day during the summer either.

It depends on what you mean by go away for the day. I would not let my underage child go to a foreign country or more than 1 days drive away from me without an adult. My soon to be 18 year old has been to Ohio and DC without me and without an adult, unless you count her 19 year old friend an adult. (I don't) BUT she has earned my trust and can take this little excursions occasionally. Like I said it is less than a days drive for me if I have to go get her for some reason. Florida, Mexico or the Islands...no way.

 

[cardaway]

It depends on what you mean by go away for the day. I would not let my underage child go to a foreign country or more than 1 days drive away from me without an adult. My soon to be 18 year old has been to Ohio and DC without me and without an adult, unless you count her 19 year old friend an adult. (I don't) BUT she has earned my trust and can take this little excursions occasionally. Like I said it is less than a days drive for me if I have to go get her for some reason. Florida, Mexico or the Islands...no way.

I assumed it was understood that this was a domestic trip. I don't feel the same way about a days drive, but I understand where you are coming from. IMO it doesn't make much difference how far away as long as they don't cross the border. Worse case scenario, the whole country is less than a day by plane.