unbelievable invite - asked to fund a Disney trip for a relative

[EcbLovesMickey]

Beyond tacky! I am constantly amazed at how greedy people are when it comes to parties/showers, etc. Personally I would go and stop by for dessert only or something and leave before the topic of gifts comes up!

 

[EcbLovesMickey]

If you must give her a gift, how about some Silly Bands? They are all the rage for kids these days, heck she could trade them with a 5 year old when she goes to Disney! lol

 

[dizkids]

OP here. So many other unbelievable stories......I know what I am going to do which is show up with a couple of cards for my aunt and cousin. My aunt deserves to have us show up to see her.

I actually did think of picking up a couple of gift cards and not loading them with any money just to irritate my cousin but was afraid she would call me and harass me about it.

I'm half hoping she is a regular here on the DIS, sees this thread, and feels ashamed of herself!

If Miss Manners is dead, she is dizzy from the amount of rolling in her grave she must have done reading all of the other stories in this thread.

Thanks for making me feel like I am reacting like a normal person!

Hi OP~Do you know approx. how much you will have pay for dinner? I have been to those pay your way parties and sometimes by the time your done you have paid for the person next you to drink herself under the table or the other person next to you to order every appetizer and dessert on the menu which ends up being 4x what i would normally pay for dinner. I hope its not the case with you but knowing you are going and paying would def. weigh in on what the gift would be...if there were one.


AND BOY did this thread make for some good reading....they just got better and better ..aka tackier and tackier....the US Currency i thought would win...but now i have heard it all....a home shopping shower!!!! Geeze.

Good luck OP!

 

[fairygirl]

OP here. So many other unbelievable stories......I know what I am going to do which is show up with a couple of cards for my aunt and cousin. My aunt deserves to have us show up to see her.....!

What is wrong with people? I can't believe half the stories I have read on here! Let's just say my Mama taught me better than that!

I agree with pretty much everyone on here. If you have a pre-arranged situation with friends - fine. Other than that, you really should either pay or have a potluck. No defining gifts at anything that isn't bridal/baby. End of story.

moongirl, you are totally in the right with how you feel. Go, enjoy your food (or just coffee/desserT like some suggested), take a card, and spend some time with your aunt.

AND SHAME ON YOUR COUSIN.

 

[lizerbug]

I'm 42, and at my age I have no problem making decisions I think are right and I will not be coerced into doing something so someone doesn't get mad. I say send a card and don't go. I'm not close to any of my cousins so even if one of them were having a birthday party, I wouldn't get them a gift anyway. In this situation, I wouldn't even waste the money to buy dinner. It would still feel as though I were doing something for the cousin and frankly, after that invitation, I don't think she deserves it. But that's just me

 

[mousebymarriage]

Wow! well, I would just tell your cousin that you would love to come to the party but, you will be out of town at the time. When she asks where you are going you can just tell her that your going to Disney!

 

[cm8]

Wow! Once DS turned 10 birthday invitations included this line: No gifts please. He was fine with that. DD turns 10 this year and knows that there will be the no gifts clause added to her birthday invites. She also gets it. Having a party and being with her friends IS the gift and inviting someone to a party means that you are hosting, which means you are paying! Unless it is a grownups potluck get-together.
I can't imagine a 37 year old woman expecting paying guests to also bring gifts
I do have a tacky party story though. Friends of our had a big bash at their house to celebrate the husband making colonel and taking command of a group. As it turned out, their military friends were invited to the ceremony and to the party at their home. Neighborhood friends (I believe 12 couples) were invited to the party and asked to sign up for a food item such as dessert, pasta salad etc. We were told to arrange for babysitters and to leave all food items when we left as she would happily bring our dishes back to us the next day. We were also asked to arrive early and help with setting up chairs and tables etc. She purchased pulled bbq and buns and drinks. We were all okay with this until at the party her military friends arrived empty handed with the exception of kids. They all brought their kids (who were about the same age as all of ours) and they raved and raved about how much work she put into the food and preparations for the party. That was when we (the neighbors and I) realized that we had not been invited to a party but asked to quietly co-host the party! Of course we had all brought wine and other gifts, and those were also used at the party. Sorta left a bad taste in everyone's mouths, literally :lmao:

, she would have been a ex friend and I would have told her just how I felt to have been used...

 

[dclfun]

I've read each post and all I can say is "wow"- there are way too many rude, entitled people out there! OP- I'm glad you've made your decision. Personally, unless it's a pre-arranged situation with friends/family to go out to dinner to celebrate birthdays/occasions with everyone paying their way, then I find it incredibly tacky to invite someone to a dinner/restaurant party and expect each person to pay for their own meal. Even for my kids parties we paid for everything no matter what we chose to do- the attendees were there to have fun, not to contribute. I do know someone who hosted a party for her adult daughter at a VERY expensive restaurant and each person was expected to pay. I'd never have participated in something so tacky and offensive. To ask for gift cards on top of the rudeness of asking everyone to pay for their meal ( again, if this is not a tradition in your family) is unbelievable!---Kathy

 

[MomtoAlexnWilliam]

I agree! Some of these stories are beyond TACKY!!! The home product party? REALLY??

The whole sentiment behind a gift is to give a special item to a special/important person. Any expectation of any gift for any occasion is rude! The recipient should never give "advice" on what they want unless they are specifically asked. We have taken the kids to Disney for their birthdays the past few years and close family and friends have asked us what the kids want/need. I am always very care what I say. I give ideas of simple (inexpensive) toys and also say spending money for Disney is great. My mom has paid for BBB for my daughter the past 2 years as her gift. But I would never offer those suggestions unless I had been asked.

My own tacky story: My 5 year old was invited to a birthday party for a classmate. The parents had to pay $10 each to get into the party venue!!!! This was beyond TACKY!! You ask my kid to come to a party and we bring a gift but you expect me to pay to come in!? REALLY???

 

[branv]

Oh OP, that is quite bad. And the sad thing about people like this is that they jusitify to themselves that demanding a specific gift is the practical thing to do. Why? Because they know otherwise they'll end up with gifts they'll just complain about getting. Being tacky with demands in order to save themselves from the tackiness of being ungrateful. From start to finish, it's mememe, one way or the other.

I don't know if I'd have the guts to do it, but I'd be tempted to give her a gift all right. She'd be handed a card that said, "A donation has been made in your name to help the Make a Wish foundation send a child to Disney." I'd like to see her try to complain about that.

 

[PaulaSue]

OP, invite-e is crazy! I would go and ONLY give a b-day card.

 

[tomthebarncat]

Oh OP, that is quite bad. And the sad thing about people like this is that they jusitify to themselves that demanding a specific gift is the practical thing to do. Why? Because they know otherwise they'll end up with gifts they'll just complain about getting. Being tacky with demands in order to save themselves from the tackiness of being ungrateful. From start to finish, it's mememe, one way or the other.

I don't know if I'd have the guts to do it, but I'd be tempted to give her a gift all right. She'd be handed a card that said, "A donation has been made in your name to help the Make a Wish foundation send a child to Disney." I'd like to see her try to complain about that.

That is an excellent idea, as every penny counts!

 

[eeyorethegreat]

Oh OP, that is quite bad. And the sad thing about people like this is that they jusitify to themselves that demanding a specific gift is the practical thing to do. Why? Because they know otherwise they'll end up with gifts they'll just complain about getting. Being tacky with demands in order to save themselves from the tackiness of being ungrateful. From start to finish, it's mememe, one way or the other.

I don't know if I'd have the guts to do it, but I'd be tempted to give her a gift all right. She'd be handed a card that said, "A donation has been made in your name to help the Make a Wish foundation send a child to Disney." I'd like to see her try to complain about that.

That isn't a bad idea. For years we had a relative (that is incidently by her choice no longer in our lives- actually we don't miss her so it is no great loss) wh we would spend a great deal of thought in purchasing gifts. She is in a much higher income bracket than we are and liked the "finer" things but we always did out best to be thoughtful and tasteful in our choices. Anyway every gift giving occassion it was the same thing "oh wow how nice!" with the utter look of disappointment on her face as if we had her she didn't like want, were not "good enough" for her to use or put out and since we were having a yard sale...and you guessed in the box were all thgiven her our trash. Then one year she cleaned house calls us making this big deal about how she cleaned out of things that people had givene gifts we had given her for the last few years! After that every gift giving occassion I sent a donation to Give Kids the World. She wasn't ever happy about that either but at least I knew that the "gift" was going to something good and somplace that would appreciate it.

 

[RadioFanatic]

Just make sure in situations like this, that you are only mad at the honored guest if they knew this was how the party was to be. I'll never forget when I got married, my bf and maid of honor threw me shower at a restaurant. She was single so I told her at someone's house was fine, I didn't want her to spend a lot of money. She reassured me that she had it covered. Well, at the restaurant, I found out that "covered" meant everyone, except me, paid for their own meal and gave me a gift. I was MORTIFIED. I tried to pay for my meal, but I didn't want to make a scene and let it be. I don't think my bf did it to be selfish, or greedy, I just think she didn't know it wasn't proper. My own mom and sister didn't even give me a heads up!

 

[Shih-Tzu]

You ARE reacting like a normal person....I think as people have gotten bolder about things, we have quietly followed along like sheep.....so as not to appear to be "non-confirmists" to the times.

 

[StrwLady]

Wow your cousin might be on to something!!! LOL I think I will throw myself a 20th Anniversary party. I will make all my family travel from New Orleans to Dallas for the party. I will hold it at a restaurant and make them pay their own food. On the invitation it will say "In lieu of gifts please make a donation to my Disney Vow Renewal Fund. Vow Renewal will be held in 2017 which family will be responsible for their own transpiration and lodging at Disney"

You know it would have been one thing had a family member (not the cousin) called other family members and said "we are collecting to send cousin to Disney. Would you like to put in for this gift?" But first off to throw yourself (cousin) a bday party is gutsy and then to ask for something special as a gift...WOW... just WOW!

I say go because you want to see your Aunt but if you bring a present bring what you would have bought her had that statement not been on the invitation.

 

[StrwLady]

My tacky story is not a invite story but a gift story. I was married in 1992. My hubby's cousin was to be married a couple of months before me. She had a big shower where she received a lot of gifts and then shortly before the wedding she called it off. Not only did she not return the gifts, when I opened my wedding gift from her I found a card tucked in to the top of the box. This card was not the card from her to me and my hubby...it was a card to HER from Aunt on the other side of the family!!! So she was re-gifting the gifts she should have rightfully returned LOL

 

[cm8]

My tacky story is not a invite story but a gift story. I was married in 1992. My hubby's cousin was to be married a couple of months before me. She had a big shower where she received a lot of gifts and then shortly before the wedding she called it off. Not only did she not return the gifts, when I opened my wedding gift from her I found a card tucked in to the top of the box. This card was not the card from her to me and my hubby...it was a card to HER from Aunt on the other side of the family!!! So she was re-gifting the gifts she should have rightfully returned LOL

 

[It'sWDW4me]

oh op, that is quite bad. And the sad thing about people like this is that they jusitify to themselves that demanding a specific gift is the practical thing to do. Why? Because they know otherwise they'll end up with gifts they'll just complain about getting. Being tacky with demands in order to save themselves from the tackiness of being ungrateful. From start to finish, it's mememe, one way or the other.

I don't know if i'd have the guts to do it, but i'd be tempted to give her a gift all right. She'd be handed a card that said, "a donation has been made in your name to help the make a wish foundation send a child to disney." i'd like to see her try to complain about that.

This. is. PERFECT!!

 

[secretpantssam]

It specifically says "gifts are not necessary." That's the instruction for you.

I have sometimes gone to a celebration where the guideline was "gifts are not necessary" but where I WANTED to give a gift. I appreciated any clues as to what type of gift I could buy that would be a winner.

You don't want to buy a gift. Gifts aren't necessary. No problem.

Don't let help for those who WANT to bring a gift make you crazy.

I agree with this. Don't take it too personally, and I really don't think you'll look bad if you don't bring anything at all.