unbelievable invite - asked to fund a Disney trip for a relative

[sydneysmom]

sometimes, there just aren't words for what some people do. yes, it's beyond tacky. If you want to go so you can see your Aunt, I'd go and bring a birthday card. that's it.

and get YOURSELF a Disney gift card as an aggravation reward !!

 

[AndreaDM]

With our group of friends (anywhere from 3-6 couples), we do "go out together" to celebrate birthdays, and everyone covers their own meal. But, it's not done as a formal party with invitations, more like, Hey, it's John's birthday, let's all go here, and whoever can make it shows up. There are never any gifts other than silly cards with *maybe* $5 in scratch off tickets. It's a fun, informal evening and I think we'd all feel weird if gifts were given and most certainly no one would think of asking or even hinting at gifts!

Heck, one of these couples just had a birthday party for their 5 year old girl who requested nothing except for canned goods to donate to the food bank that her and her mom volunteer at. Even some children have more tact than this 37 year old "woman"! I would go to see your aunt, take cards and wish them happy birthdays and leave it at that.

 

[arihillfarm]

ITA this it so tacky! Maybe if she were buying you dinner you could buy a gift card.

Yes, but if she did that, she'd only break even and not make any money on her birthday.

-Astrid

 

[ceecee]

sometimes, there just aren't words for what some people do. yes, it's beyond tacky. If you want to go so you can see your Aunt, I'd go and bring a birthday card. that's it.

and get YOURSELF a Disney gift card as an aggravation reward !!

 

[mousey]

I would go to the dollar store and buy a $1 toy from Disney and $1 toy from Universal and mention in the card to enjoy your trip! My MIL is begging for an 80th birthday party and she keeps repeating, I really want to go to Disney. Yeah, so do I, but not with you!

 

[DaiseyDoItAll]

Ya, requesting a monatary gift is beyond rude especially when you are asking guest to pay for their own meal. Plus when you become a certain age and you want to celebrate your B-Day you shouldn't expect presents, but appreciate the ones you do get.

 

[cat83]

Give her a homemade card -- use copy paper and crayons --- since she's acting 9 treat her like a 9 yr old. At 9 homemade cards are all the rage.

Great idea!!

You want to have a party for a birthday but don't have money for a restaurant? Then don't plan it there. Don't want to have dinner at home? Fine...then just invite people over for coffee and cake.

Also good advice.

I've never experienced anything quite as tacky, but I have been irritated this week since receiving an invitation for a relative's bridal shower, asking for gift cards instead of gifts (well, more like demanding, the way it was worded). Half of me wants to suddenly have other plans that day; the other half wants to find the most ridiculous, useless, nonrefundable gift possible- without being too obvious, and still looking like I thought it was a nice gift

 

[Disneyland_emily]

I have some empty gift cards if you want...

Just sayin...


I agree that is totally tacky

 

[mommy2_3]

wow! that is unreal!! my kids get 2 bday parties, one for just family which is a small one at home, and the other is at chuck e cheese or something like that for all their friends. the only time they get gifts is when we have our family party at home. when we have the friends party i always put no gifts please. first they dont need all those gifts every year and second that is a party to have fun at and they dont like to sit and open gifts when they could be running around playing with their friends.

 

[MineMail]

Just wanted to vent and see if you all think this is as greedy as it felt to me. My cousin, who is turning 37, is having a birthday party for herself and her mother at a local chain restaurant. Her mother lives out of town so it would be nice to see her. This is a pay-for-your-own-meal situation where they are reserving a portion of the restaurant for the party. I am perfectly okay with that. However, the invitation says "gifts are not necessary. (cousin's name) would like to go to Disney again so (cousin's name) would like to have Disney or Universal gift cards.

<snip>

Am I overreacting? I may go and bring birthday cards for my aunt and cousin but that's it.

You are certainly NOT overreacting. Take a marker and cross out everything after "gifts are not necessary."

Being a little spiteful, I would MAIL cards to the birthday girls (A Disney/HP one for the woman-child) on the day of the party. When you arrive at the restaurant, wish them both a happy birthday and say you put their cards in the mail. That way, you don't have to see your cousin pout when she rips open the card with sweaty palms to find you didn't fund her dream, lol.

Unless you think the entire meal will be exciting and you'll really get to catch up, I'd just drop in later for dessert and coffee, not the whole meal.


Personally, I think the "pay your way" birthday party is tacky in this situation. Four college friends who go out for dinner and split the check for each woman in the group is appropriate, but I don't care for this scenario. But, you're okay with it, so no biggie. (Do they still call it "going Dutch" or is that offensive now?)

Splitting the check would be fine if it were a get together just to catch up and see your out-of-town aunt. However, turning into a birthday party is not proper etiquette in this case.

We usually just invite people (by phone) over for coffee and cake to celebrate an adult's birthday. People sometimes bring cards, balloons or flowers, but that's about it as far as gifts.

Just out of curiosity: are either of their birthdays actually on the day of the party? It would be HILARIOUS if their birthdays were months away from the date, roflol!!!!

 

[Ava]

In that regard, I also think as a gift giver you should include the gift receipt with the present (if the merchant gives them), or at least let the recipient know where you purchased the gift from in case they "need" to take it back.

Not getting a gift receipt is such a pet peeve of mine. I can't even tell you how much clothing we received for DD (between our shower, Christmas, & her birthday) that was the wrong size or season but that we couldn't return/exchange because there was no gift receipt included. My MIL is the worst for this. I appreciate what she wants to buy things for her granddaughter, but she never gives us a gift receipt even if we mention to her that the xyz she bought for DD doesn't fit.

(This all probably makes me sound ungrateful; I'm not, its just frustrating to have a whole drawer full of things that don't fit your kid that you can't do anything with!)

 

[Earstou]

Great idea!!

Half of me wants to suddenly have other plans that day; the other half wants to find the most ridiculous, useless, nonrefundable gift possible- without being too obvious, and still looking like I thought it was a nice gift

Vase or figurine from the Dollar store!

 

[Shih-Tzu]

Great idea!!



Also good advice.

I've never experienced anything quite as tacky, but I have been irritated this week since receiving an invitation for a relative's bridal shower, asking for gift cards instead of gifts (well, more like demanding, the way it was worded). Half of me wants to suddenly have other plans that day; the other half wants to find the most ridiculous, useless, nonrefundable gift possible- without being too obvious, and still looking like I thought it was a nice gift

I have been invited to a shower which will be in a couple of weeks - close friend's daughter. I had been looking forward to it for quite a while and picking up the odd item here or there all winter long to do up a fair sized "kitchen gadget" basket....
When I finally received the invitation - it is a "home party company" shower that happens to sell quite expensive kitchen goods. As much as I'd like to asssist "keeping everything nice and fresh in the wonderful plastic containers", I really don't want to sit through sales pitches and then spend much more than I intended (and the invite also indicated that we could also order "product" for ourselves!!!). I am in a quandry right now - I really wanted to attend the shower - I have known this child since the day she was born and I know that both she and her mom would be hurt if I didn't go....and of course it would be tacky to show up with an outside gift or not order a gift through the party. And "if we book a home party for ourselves, it will help increase her "hostess" credits".....I know my friend is disappointed that this isn't a traditional shower either but she had no say in it because it's being hosted by the bridal party.

On another note - got a shower invite last year from another family- "cash preferred, in US demoninations (not CDN) to help with expenses on honeymoon."

Is Dear Abby still alive, or is she somehwere rolling in her grave right now?

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I have been invited to a shower which will be in a couple of weeks - close friend's daughter. I had been looking forward to it for quite a while and picking up the odd item here or there all winter long to do up a fair sized "kitchen gadget" basket....
When I finally received the invitation - it is a "home party company" shower that happens to sell quite expensive kitchen goods. As much as I'd like to asssist "keeping everything nice and fresh in the wonderful plastic containers", I really don't want to sit through sales pitches and then spend much more than I intended (and the invite also indicated that we could also order "product" for ourselves!!!). I am in a quandry right now - I really wanted to attend the shower - I have known this child since the day she was born and I know that both she and her mom would be hurt if I didn't go....and of course it would be tacky to show up with an outside gift or not order a gift through the party. And "if we book a home party for ourselves, it will help increase her "hostess" credits".....I know my friend is disappointed that this isn't a traditional shower either but she had no say in it because it's being hosted by the bridal party.

On another note - got a shower invite last year from another family- "cash preferred, in US demoninations (not CDN) to help with expenses on honeymoon."

Is Dear Abby still alive, or is she somehwere rolling in her grave right now?

OMG, I think you just out-tackied the OP! And that's pretty darn hard! I have never, ever heard of a "shopping party" for a shower. That is just shameless!

The honeymoon couple is pretty tack-o-rama, too. Why would they not just put the honeymoon expenses on a credit card, to pay off when they got home? They would look much more classy that way.

 

[cat83]

Vase or figurine from the Dollar store!

Oooh, good idea

I have been invited to a shower which will be in a couple of weeks - close friend's daughter. I had been looking forward to it for quite a while and picking up the odd item here or there all winter long to do up a fair sized "kitchen gadget" basket....
When I finally received the invitation - it is a "home party company" shower that happens to sell quite expensive kitchen goods. As much as I'd like to asssist "keeping everything nice and fresh in the wonderful plastic containers", I really don't want to sit through sales pitches and then spend much more than I intended (and the invite also indicated that we could also order "product" for ourselves!!!). I am in a quandry right now - I really wanted to attend the shower - I have known this child since the day she was born and I know that both she and her mom would be hurt if I didn't go....and of course it would be tacky to show up with an outside gift or not order a gift through the party. And "if we book a home party for ourselves, it will help increase her "hostess" credits".....I know my friend is disappointed that this isn't a traditional shower either but she had no say in it because it's being hosted by the bridal party.

On another note - got a shower invite last year from another family- "cash preferred, in US demoninations (not CDN) to help with expenses on honeymoon."

Is Dear Abby still alive, or is she somehwere rolling in her grave right now?

Wow, seriously? Ha I can't even find a way to respond to that! Not only will that feel more sales than celebration, but that very much limits the types of gifts, and the sentimentality of receiving something you planned and picked out just for her. No offense to your friend (or her daughter), but to me you all may as well all go out shopping for the day while she picks things off the shelves and puts them in your basket I'm sorry you're in that situation!

As far as "cash preferred" in US currency, I very much dislike the trend we are seeing. Apparently, it is becoming acceptable to say "no gifts please- but we will still take your money if you wish" haha. I've received a few of these (including the gift card request recently)- but I am the type of person to pick out a meaningful, often personalized gift. The way I see it: they have no right to be offended by my ignoring their "rules", since I am offended by their dictating what gift I may give.



I'm not brave enough, but I like the idea of empty gift cards

 

[Shih-Tzu]

Oooh, good idea




I'm not brave enough, but I like the idea of empty gift cards

Ohhhhh, sounds like fun **snicker**....."Well, something must have gone wrong....I'll see if I can find the receipt" - "Ooops, must have thrown it out by mistake with all my debit slips"

The "Cash preferred - US Currency" really was a topper - because we have to go to the bank and if they don't have any in stock, we have to order it....

 

[Belle5]

I have been invited to a shower which will be in a couple of weeks - close friend's daughter. I had been looking forward to it for quite a while and picking up the odd item here or there all winter long to do up a fair sized "kitchen gadget" basket....
When I finally received the invitation - it is a "home party company" shower that happens to sell quite expensive kitchen goods. As much as I'd like to asssist "keeping everything nice and fresh in the wonderful plastic containers", I really don't want to sit through sales pitches and then spend much more than I intended (and the invite also indicated that we could also order "product" for ourselves!!!). I am in a quandry right now - I really wanted to attend the shower - I have known this child since the day she was born and I know that both she and her mom would be hurt if I didn't go....and of course it would be tacky to show up with an outside gift or not order a gift through the party. And "if we book a home party for ourselves, it will help increase her "hostess" credits".....I know my friend is disappointed that this isn't a traditional shower either but she had no say in it because it's being hosted by the bridal party.

On another note - got a shower invite last year from another family- "cash preferred, in US demoninations (not CDN) to help with expenses on honeymoon."

Is Dear Abby still alive, or is she somehwere rolling in her grave right now?

I would so go to this shower with my original gift and make the hostesses squirm. I would tell them how you have been purchasing for months as you would see something-- having no idea that the shower would be "this kind". I would not hang your head in shame but be proud. I am betting you won't be the only one to show up with a non-party gift!

 

[Tink-n-MrIncredible]

I did not read all the post but is your cousin "Special" or have a medical condition that is terminal in which she can't fund her own vacation? That is the only way I would give her a gift card for her 39th birthday. It is rude to invite someone to a party especially one in which you have to pay your own way and then tell you what to give as a gift. This is one party in which I would have to decline the invite. I bet no one will receive thank you notes either.

 

[disneyfan2kids]

... it was at a bar. Regular corner bar, not "open bar"..just "show up at the bar at XX time to help NAME celebrate his 37th birthday." Made clear to us that we would be paying for ourselves if we wanted to eat or drink. (OK, no big deal it's a bar - I don't expect people to have "open bar" and for them to pay for me to drink (although I would if I was inviting people to a bar party.)

HOWEVER, End of invite said "NAME's girlfriend will be collecting a $25 cover charge per person at door as bday gift for NAME."

So.... I buy my own drinks... if I wanted to buy drinks for bday guy, I could do that as well. Appears as if "cover charge" was simply "money for couple" to spend that night and leftover would be profit. Not to mention - they invited over 30 people. At $25/head...it's a $750 night for them.

Uhm...no thanks. We didn't attend.

 

[moongirl]

OP here. So many other unbelievable stories......I know what I am going to do which is show up with a couple of cards for my aunt and cousin. My aunt deserves to have us show up to see her.

I actually did think of picking up a couple of gift cards and not loading them with any money just to irritate my cousin but was afraid she would call me and harass me about it.

I'm half hoping she is a regular here on the DIS, sees this thread, and feels ashamed of herself!

If Miss Manners is dead, she is dizzy from the amount of rolling in her grave she must have done reading all of the other stories in this thread.

Thanks for making me feel like I am reacting like a normal person!