uh, moral dilemna question for all

[jfulcer]

Ok, I'm unemployed (well, underemployed to some). I've been out of work since November and the savings is dwindling every day. I have picked up side jobs here and there but nothing long term or concrete.

A guy I used to work with called me up and said he needed help at the company he works for. It is short term, and I've worked about 2 1/2 weeks there. He had to go to the president of the company to get approval for the help, and they sorely need it.

The president pulled me into his office and wanted to discuss the direction of their IT staff (which is just my friend and one other part timer). He says that he's continually frustrated with the lack of communication from this co-worked of mine, projects have been slipped and he has no control or idea about what is going on. He told me outright "When this project is done, this guy is gone, no question." He then pulled out my resume (which I had to furnish to get the part time work) and started to go over whether or not I could do the same job.

So, my friend probably sees the writing on the wall and has shared with me that he is actively seeking other employment. He's having the same problem that I am - IT jobs are hard to come by right now.

It sounds like the president wants me to replace this coworker of mine. I've tried to be non-commital about it because he is what I might call a 'friend'. Not a really good friend, more like an old work buddy type thing. I'm just not sure how I feel about it.

On one hand, I need to feed and provide for my family. I don't have any other really 'firm' prospects on the table, and it's getting tight so the job would be a positive thing. But this coworker <i>is</i> the one that thought of me, and called me and got me brought in. I don't want him to think that I came in to take his job, but it will appear that way to him.

He is in a better financial position than I am - though obviously he'd still look for another job if let go. I just don't know if they would still let him go if I said 'NO' to the president.

*sigh* I know that if he were a really good friend of mine, I wouldn't entertain the offer, but he's more what I would call a co-worker. And it certainly would be burning a bridge with him.

I dunno what to do.

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

I let out a big sigh when I finished reading your post. Here are my thoughts. At first you said the president said that the guy is out of there no question when this project is done. Then you said that you do not know if they will get rid of him if you decline the job. Either way, it sounds like they will get rid of him sooner or later. So what should you do? I think your responsibilty to your family is a greater priorty than your friend's feelings. Your friend is looking anyway. In a perfect world, you would get the job and keep your friend. Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world. You may lose a friend, but will gain a way to support your family.

You could disclose your struggle with the president and ask for him to help you make the transition as tactfully as possible.

Good Luck

 

[Saffron]

On one hand, I need to feed and provide for my family. I don't have any other really 'firm' prospects on the table, and it's getting tight so the job would be a positive thing. But this coworker is the one that thought of me, and called me and got me brought in. I don't want him to think that I came in to take his job, but it will appear that way to him.

Ack, what a terrible position to be in!

Since your friend already told you he is looking for other work, do you think you can approach him and say something like, "You know, I've been trying for awhile to get some work and it's rough out there, if you leave and a position opens up that I can take, how would you feel about that, because I've been looking for awhile now and I need something to provide for the girls." That way you open the communcation between the two of you and who knows? Maybe he'll want you to take the job if it becomes available. But then maybe that's tacky?

The bottom line is, you have to provide for your family and sometimes things happen that aren't pleasent but they provide you with that opportunity.

Ack. I wouldn't like to be in your position, but I know if I were in your friend's shoes, I would understand completely why you would want the job and I would encourage you to take it if it were offered to you, even if that meant I was going to get fired. Then I would be mad at you, tell you off, understand, forgive you and move on. LOL!

 

[Dreamer04]

You say your friend has seen the handwriting on the wall? He already knows he will be replaced. He probably already knows that you will replace him.

I would let the president know that you are open to offers. There is no reason to discuss this with your former co-worker. He is well aware of the situation.

You have nothing to feel guilty about. By refusing the position, you are putting yourself before your family-you don't want this.

The corporate world is not Sunday school. All the players know the risks-you yourself know how unstable it is.

Take the job, care for you family and then go on a nice Disney Cruise!

Prayers and pixie dust sent.

Good luck

 

[chager]

Wow what a position to be in. I'm thinking about this becuase I'm not sure what to say. I'm sure you are not the first person to have this issue though. I guess you could look at it from a role reversal position.Is this someone that you don't want to burn a bridge with? Is this someone good to have in your corner still down the road? Also could you be put in the other person's position down the road if some else new comes in? Depending on how much you trust the president you may want to discuss the issue with him. I would also consider talking to your friend. He may appreciate knowing what is going on. It sounds like the company is understaffed so is it possible that the reason projects aren't completed on time is becuase of that? You do have to take care of your family first above all else, but I'd hate for you to end up facing the same thing your friend is 6 months down the road. Personally I wouldn't hold anything against you but I would appreciate a heads up about the situation so I could be mad and get over it.Good luck whatever you decide.

 

[Kallison]

So if you don't take the job you both will be out of a job. Take the job. Sorry you have to be in such a position, but either way I think your work friend is going to be let go.

 

[Cindy B]

What is worth more to you? Steady employment or friendship?

In this time of challenging employment for IT workers (I know your pain, my DH's company is doing its sixth round of layoffs tomorrow!)., personally you can get other friends... jobs aren't that easy to come by!

 

[caitycaity]

Originally posted by Kallison
So if you don't take the job you both will be out of a job. Take the job. Sorry you have to be in such a position, but either way I think your work friend is going to be let go.

i totally agree. definately take the job.

 

[SideshowBob]

SSB in same camp... would take the job....

 

[Sleepy]

If the friend is not doing his job properly, why not take the position after he is gone? You need work and obviously he is not working hard enough to keep the one he already has. You have a family to support and I don't think your friend would be willing to put food on the table for you if you are out of work again. Jobs are hard to come by. My kids come before friendships. I have a saying....My co-workers don't have to like me. I work to get my job done and get a paycheck. If you don't like me that is fine because you don't go home with me at the end of the day and you don't pay my bills. I say take the job. The boss seems impressed with you enough to consider you hired permenantly. If you don;t take the job and use this temp thing on a resume as previous employment and they call, this boss will tell them you were offered a job, but refused it. Would that hurt you or help you?

 

[dianeschlicht]

I agree with several others here. It is a really tough position to be in, but it sounds like this person already suspects that they will be let go. I also agree that he may even know you are the obvious one to replace him. I would tell the boss you are interested, but that you don't want to look like the agresser, and I am sure the boss will understand that position. In fact, he may be impressed that you are showing so much character by showing compassion and consern for you co-worker.

Good luck!

 

[janette]

I don't think you have to commit to anything, since you haven't been offered the job it has just been hinted at you also don't owe information to your co-worker. Could you just wait and see how it plays out? Ideally your co-worker will be either let go or find another job before you are officially offered the job. You don't have any obligation to him after he is gone if he contacts you and asks about it just let him know that you were offered a permanent placement after he left and you weren't in a position to refuse the offer based on your relationship.

 

[Lynn CC]

Works Work and Freindship is Friendship...the two are entirely different, unfortunately some will confuse the two.

 

[Hagred]

You can't eat friendship.

 

[Kermit]

I feel badly for you. That would be a hard decision for me, too, if I were in your shoes.

However, in your case, I have the advantage of being able to see it from an unbiased perspective. I agree with the others. Taking the job may make you feel bad, but you aren't doing anything wrong. It sounds like the guy was going to let him go before you got there, so it's not like you weaseled the job away from him. And it sounds like he'll be let go regardless of if you take the job or not. I probably would try to find a way to drop noncommittal hints that you think he should be looking for work, but I wouldn't go further than that.

My DH is an Oracle DBA, and I agree completely that you just can't let work opportunities get away from you right now. It's just too risky.

I have passed up on a job promotion before because the other person would be fired if I took it, but I figured it was an extreme case. I was the only person our boss was considering for the job, so if I didn't take the job, the other lady woudln't lose hers. Plus, the lady who stood to be fired was a cancer patient undergoing chemo at the time, and she had her insurance through our company. In an extreme case like that, I think you should pass up a job, but not for just normal circumstances.

 

[vettechick99]

wow, what a predicament. I concur with everyone who says put your family before your friendship. And don't feel too badly for him...it sounds like if he were working harder and more efficiently, he wouldn't be let go. Valuable employees don't often get the boot.

Good luck...

 

[crazelion]

Go for the job. It jobs hard to come by. Take the job and run. Don't worry about friendship. Take care yourself first and family and don't worry about anyone else.

This was the example I was talking about when I ask who was underemployed a couple days off and go my head bit off. It funny how reality rear its ugly head.

Take the job. Learn how to relate your skills to other fields to cover your back.

 

[ahutton]

I'm sorry you've found yourself facing a difficult decision. DH is in the same industry and has had to make some tough choices over the past few years. If the opportunity is a good one, that will benefit you and your family, I don't see how you could say no if the offer is made. True it will likely be difficult for your friend if he has to find another job, but if the boss is shopping for a replacement it seems that the boss had made a decision that things must change and is looking for a "better than bad" time to execute that change. If it isn't you filling that position it would certainly be someone else.

 

[tw1nsmom]

It would be different if you went behind your co-workers back, complained about him, pointed out his weaknesses, etc. Generally, lobbied for the job. However, the boss approached you with this offer. I would definately take the job.

 

[msdznyduck]

Could it be that your friend saw the writing on the wall and thought of you as a replacement? If he is already looking for another job, he might have been planning on leaving, (hence, the poor job performance) and knew you were out of a job.
Either way, I would take the job, if offered, and not worry too much....since he was looking for another job anyway.
Good luck, with whatever you decide.