Ugh - Sensory DS5 soiled again at school

[JamesMom]

Hi all,

Just to vent. I am near tears in my frustration!! I have written before about my DS5 who was diagnosed sensory at age 2.5 with speech delay. He is currently undergoing Autism testing at school.
Well, for the third day in a row, he has soiled his underwear because of his refusal to clean himself properly at school! We thought was trained this summer when he finally was able to wear underwear instead of pull-ups. Then we had full blown #2 in pants. Now, we still have constant battles over cleaning himself after using the toilet. I'm talking 2-3 times a day...everyday -- but only at home. He HATES when you 'dig' ykwim? Up until now he has been able to keep clean at school (probably because he held it), but no longer.
His classmates are noticing and commenting on his odor and he is being sent to the nurse for proper cleaning. I am so embarrassed and frustrated. It is bad enough having these incidents at home, but now in school!!!
Freud would have such fun with my kid!! LOL.
Any advice? I am secretly hoping that having his peers tease him will make him more aware of the seriousness of the matter, but such peer pressure hasn't made him eat any new foods or wear jeans, so I am a loss. His dad will freak if I tell him.
For full disclosure - he was sick last week with fever - but no diaherrea and has no symptoms now. His movements are normal (he calls us in when he has one - don't ask
Thanks for listening.

 

[J'aime Paris]

Sorry you're feeling stressed out about this.

I work as a handicapped children's aide, and I can assure you that this is somewhat common. (Seems to be more with boys than girls for some reason)

Does your son have the language to tell you why this is happening? Have you spoke with his teachers?

A couple of examples: We had a boy last year that used to urinate himself if he didn't get his way, or if he needed to sit in the "think about it" chair.
This year we have a boy who will urinate standing up, but consistently does BM in his pants. He finally told us that he's afraid "of the big bowl". Now he's been trying to do the BM while standing...what a mess!

It's also been my experience that you cannot shame a child into conforming at this age, especially if you are suspecting autism. Autistic kids don't view our social norms in the same manner we do. So I would hope that his peers don't tease him, because he could become a target for bullying.

Try not to be frustrated or angry towards your son, it does very little to help in these situations. Since he has sensory issues, he may not totally be able to control it. Even if he's been toileting well for a while, new "issues" can pop up at anytime.

Best of luck!!

 

[princessnoelly]

My DD5 (almost 6 in April) still has a challenge cleaning herself after a "big poop". She will come home from school and ask me to wipe her "B-U-T-T". She has also said that the toilet paper at school hurts when she uses it so she likes to wipe at home.
A close friend and neighbor has an 11 year old bi-polar, ADD, ADHD son and he still has issues with accidents and cleaning himself. It's not uncommon for him to get emotionally shocked and have an accident at my house. We just clean him up and stick him in a pair of my running shorts.

Good luck with your son. Maybe he needs to take his on TP to school like my DD..but we still get skid marks with her own TP!

 

[aaronella]

Maybe you could ask the teacher if you could send in some flushable wipes. They seem to be the only way that my 3 yr old even makes an attempt of wiping!

 

[JamesMom]

Thanks for the replies!

Today I sent in a box of flushable wipes, which he is weaning from because he wants to be a big boy with 'paper', but aren't effective enough.

Last night while shopping I caught a whiff and asked if he was clean. He said no. He continued to tell me that while we were walking he went in his pants. Calmly, I stopped and asked him why he didn't ask to go to the bathroom. Does't he feel the pressure when he needs to go? He says "I don't know" and if I press him, he starts to cry and shouts "Bad Boy" which we never call him that at home (wonder if they call him that at school?). Now the store we visit every Wednesday night while big brother is in church school and he knows where the bathrooms are.

Starting today we are resuming the strategy that had some success when we were working over the summer/fall. If he isn't clean, he can only play with toys in his room -- no TV, computer or video games for the rest of the day. *fingers crossed*

It doesn't help when his big brother teases him and calls him a 'baby'.

Poor kid...poor mom, lol

Thanks for listening.

 

[Kat77]

I think I've mentioned this before but it sounds like encopresis. http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/encopresis.html It is very common with kids on the spectrum or with sensory issues.
I would not punish him. Yes, it is frustrating, but it is not purposeful. You need to set a bathroom schedule and seek out a specialist.

 

[Nik's Mom]

JamesMom,
I have two sons on the spectrum. I can tell you that potty issues are very common with special needs kids. Is it possible that he can have access to flushable wipes at school? That really helped my kids to learn to wipe properly. It took some time, but they did get the hang of it.

Just be patient with your son. Punishing him will not help. Neither will kids making fun of him. I know you are frustrated. But believe me, the anger will not help the situation.

Hang in there!

 

[dntd]

My dd who will 6 in a few months had issues with potty training. she became trzined just before sept. She couldn't feel when she had to go. We battled with it for 2 years. She went to a dr 2 years ago and he said she had cronic constipation and gave her meds. Just before school started I went to a health store and they told me to try bio k ,with in 2 weeks she was 100% trained(I gave her an adult dose). I now give her weekly shots of it,really healthy for everyone.

 

[JamesMom]

I think I've mentioned this before but it sounds like encopresis. http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/encopresis.html It is very common with kids on the spectrum or with sensory issues.
I would not punish him. Yes, it is frustrating, but it is not purposeful. You need to set a bathroom schedule and seek out a specialist.

OP here,

Very interesting reading.

Today DS5 came home, again, with different clothes. This makes 4 days in a row...

I put a call into the Pediatrician and *hopefully* will have a plan of action after tomorrows visit.

Thanks for the kind words. It helps to know I'm not alone, but it's still hard

 

[LMC]

Oh you are not alone! DS had this same issue until he was about 14 yo. We did use the wet wipes when I first made a hard stance on him doing this himself. At that age, it was time. The wipes worked ok but he still had emotional difficulty. I almost got disposable gloves to wear to keep his hands clean but it didn't come to that. He uses about 1/2 a roll of TP every time but hey, at least he is on his own now!!!

 

[bookwormde]

It is very common for kids on the spectrum to be quite late with toileting independance and compitency. This is derrived from a number of sources. One is that there is not the social impetus. Another is sensory differntials, some of our kids just do not feel the "need to go". another is not likeing the tactile feeling of having to clean up. There are anecdotal informatin that our kids may also be more likely to have a physiological condition where the density of the nerves in the bowel may be significantly diminished.

Wet wipes are a must. Obviosly any type of punishment of other negative reinforcer is not helpful (can rise to the level of abuse since it it punishing a child becuse of a disability) because aytime you layer anxiety on top of one of our childrens issues it makes the situition much harder. Some parents have had success with setting regular and intially frequent reintervals for "trying". Sometimes it is just going through all the "indicating feelings" in exterme details and the process.

bookwormde

 

[JamesMom]

OP here,

Thanks again for all the replies.

The pediatrician found no 'organic' reason for the problem. His stomach area was soft and my descriptions told her he does not have constipation. No fever and all other checks are fine (ear, nose, throat). She recommended scheduling an appointment with a Ped. Gastro doctor since they have waitlists of 2-3 months. If DS5 is still having issues after 2 weeks, call the Pediatrician and they'll see if they can get him to the specialist sooner. The ped suspects behavioral which, I guess, means his sensory/potential autism/etc. Sigh.

Wet wipes are restocked. I can totally relate to using 1/2 roll of TP! To avoid toilet backups, we have him put his papers in the trash -- needs to be emptied 2 times a day due to smell!! He can't sit at a table where a classmate is eating brocolli at school because of the offensive smell, but a poppy trashcan -- no problem, LOL!

I like the idea of a set time table. We'll try hourly intervals to 'try'.

I knew my DIS pals would help out!

 

[ShaneV]

My DS (now 11) had the same problems at your sons age. He still doesnt feel the need to go until its an "emergency", which is a common thing for kids on the spectrum.

Is your son afraid of toilets? My son is and we found that he refused to go at the school, because the toilets where too loud. One bathroom had automatic flushing that went off while he was sitting down. After that he just refused to go and just would hold it till he got home, which led to accidents.

 

[nyrebecca]

My son is 12 and on the spectrum. I just want to thank everyone who has posted. Sometimes it is good to know that your son isn't the only one still using wet wipes and a 1/2 a roll of TP!!

I wish the OP the best of luck with everything. I know from years of experience all around how frustrating things can be.

 

[PatMcDuck]

My son is now 21 and has Downs and Autism. You are all doing better than me.....

DS NEVER would go poop on the potty. When he was young, for about 6 months, it was a big struggle, because he would hold it in. He did not want to go in his pullups, OR go on the potty, he was stuck. He got all backed up, we went to Dr, had to use enemas, mineral oil, what a mess. Traumatic, sort of (more to me than him )

DS "solution" was to poop in his SLEEP, pretty much every night. And so we stay, to this day, he poops in his sleep, ONLY. 15 years maybe? The weird thing is, he never urinates when he does this..... so he wakes up dry, but poopy. On the one hand, I have to deal with this every morning, and it is hard to leave him with anyone else overnight for trips, etc. On the OTHER hand, he never has an accident, and he is somewhat predictable. He is not verbal, and does not seem to even understand that poop should go in the potty. I have tried making him understand... I remind him about using potty during the day. It is a tough thing.

Good luck to you all with your kids, thank goodness for flushable wipes it sounds like.

 

[CHICKENLEG]

I would say that you are handling this very well. I am sure that the school appreciates that you are doing your very best.

We have a child in our classroom that is so freakish about water I would bet that he hasn't bathed since the Christmas break. His Mom just can't make herself try anymore. We have had to take him to the nurse's office to be cleaned on several occasions. Another child in our room has recently developed an enormous amount of shame about toileting and they have an organic cause keeping them from knowing when they need to go. So there are a million reasons why it could be happening, keep playing detective and you'll figure it out eventually. Remember, all behavior is communication. Sadly there is no "autism to neurotypical" option from Rosetta stone.

 

[nyrebecca]

Remember, all behavior is communication. .

So true !!!

 

[kirstenb1]

I would say that you are handling this very well. I am sure that the school appreciates that you are doing your very best.

We have a child in our classroom that is so freakish about water I would bet that he hasn't bathed since the Christmas break. His Mom just can't make herself try anymore. We have had to take him to the nurse's office to be cleaned on several occasions. Another child in our room has recently developed an enormous amount of shame about toileting and they have an organic cause keeping them from knowing when they need to go. So there are a million reasons why it could be happening, keep playing detective and you'll figure it out eventually. Remember, all behavior is communication. Sadly there is no "autism to neurotypical" option from Rosetta stone.

Chickenleg, I love your attitude!! You're right, keep trying and you will figure it out eventually. I really believe that. My other thought that sustains me, is "not yet". I say it to our dd, whenever she says "no".

 

[bookwormde]

chickenleg,

I also love your perpective, I think the rosseta stone desciption ifs quite good since so many porple look for a "one size fits all formula" which does nto exits. Is it OK if I use it in my presentations?

The studnets in your classroom ar very forunate.

bookworm

 

[brat]

My Foster son had the same type of bathroom problems when we got him the first time and each time we have gotten him back over the years. For him it is worse depending on what he is eating.We ended up taking him to a nurtitionist which helped.I love the book "Special-Needs Kids Eat Right, Strategies to Help Kidson the Autism Spectrum Focus, Learn and Thrive" by Judy Converse, MPH,RD,LD. It has realy helped with Foster Son.

I agree with everyone who said flushable wipes.
I info from the book and his nutritionist really changes the level of "numb bum" Foster Son has.We call it "numb bum" to help others understand he just does not feel the same urge that others do. The probiotics really help the "numb bum" and the diet changes just add to the control by helping him focus on feeling that need to go.