ugh- ds BAD in restaurants

[lynetteSC]

Sooooo, ds (almost 19months) has started being a TOTAL HORROR in restaurants!!! Is there anything discipline wise you have tried that has worked? (Other than just not going out to eat ... ) He has been pretty good up until the past week or so. We always take his own cup and some sort of snack for him until the main food arrives. Any advice before we are barred from all restaurants in town?!?!?

 

[ElizK]

That's a wretched age to do anything out with. Go early, before there is any kind of crowd. Take several things for him to do, things for him to snack on. Other than that, don't try to make an evening of it. He'll never last as long as you would like at this age.

But be aware of how quickly this phase passes. You'll be able to enjoy your meal, but he'll never be a baby again.

 

[Linnie The Pooh]

My kids were so awful in restaurtans we just didn't go. It was so extra special for me to go out to eat b/c I didn't for so long. They're 6 and 4 now and do pretty well. DS has a disability so he gets a little owly at times.

I agree, just bring stuff for him to do and go early if you're concerned about bothering other diners. One thing we did was just go to kid oriented restaurants for awhile at first, or buffet places where we could sit where we wanted to (away from others!!) Good luck-it's really fun age in spite of some of the behaviors they have occassionally!

PS-He can't be as bad DH's nephew who was about the same age as your son when this happened-we were in a very fancy restaurant with DH's whole family. He was throwing rib bones at people and laughing and his parents were laughing too-never stopped him. One landed in DH's drink. It was embarrassing!!

 

[tiggersmom2]

I well remember this stage! What helped me was, I took his favorite toy with us or his older brother's Nintindo game boy...kept him mesmerized.

Whatever you do, don't leave the restaurant b/c of him. If he is being horrible ofcourse you should remove him and take him to the bathroom or outside. I had a friend that use to leave the restaurant whenever her baby acted up....well, the baby KNEW that if he cried...he is going to get his way and get to go home. That poor couple couldn't eat out until the kid was almost 5!

 

[Linnie The Pooh]

tiggersmom2- I think that was us!! Just kidding. That's what it felt like though-waiting forever to be able to enjoy going out to eat again!

 

[lynetteSC]

Whatever you do, don't leave the restaurant b/c of him. If he is being horrible ofcourse you should remove him and take him to the bathroom or outside. I had a friend that use to leave the restaurant whenever her baby acted up....well, the baby KNEW that if he cried...he is going to get his way and get to go home. That poor couple couldn't eat out until the kid was almost 5!

that is what i have been telling my dh ... his answer is too leave! ugh, he is already spoiled enough

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

With a child that young--there really is no discipline that is going to work except distraction or removal from the situation. At 19 months..there's still quite a bit of baby left and not that much reasoning room.

It soon will pass .

My girls are older--but I do remove them and take them to a "naughty corner". I can find a corner anywhere. They aren't too happy that it is portable. But it does correct the behavior for the rest of the meal if they were being stinkers. So if you have a similar discipline system at home--you can try a way to implement it on the road.

 

[tiggersmom2]

tiggersmom2- I think that was us!!

Those baby years are tough on the descriminating palate...LOL.

 

[shortbun]

Feed him before you go and read to him, play with him.....
Restaurants are soooo boring for little ones. Why would they like it? Why would a 19month old behave in that unstimulating and boring environment? Get carry out. Why put yourself or your child through it. Try again in a few months. Don't push it now.

 

[Beth76]

If this is a new thing, I would assume it's a phase and just not take him out for a month or two. Try again in a little while. Other than snacks, I don't really like to bring "distractions" to restaurants. To me that just reinforces that the child needs to be entertained during dinner. They won't outgrow that. I would absolutely refuse to let my son bring his gameboy out to dinner. If he can't sit through a meal, then he doesn't need to go out. I have a 4-1/2 yo and a 17 mo. and they both do pretty well. I also don't agree with the don't-leave-he'll-only-get-his-way method. If the child's way is not wanting to eat in a restaurant then he shouldn't.

 

[tiggersmom2]

If this is a new thing, I would assume it's a phase and just not take him out for a month or two. Try again in a little while. Other than snacks, I don't really like to bring "distractions" to restaurants. To me that just reinforces that the child needs to be entertained during dinner. They won't outgrow that. I would absolutely refuse to let my son bring his gameboy out to dinner. If he can't sit through a meal, then he doesn't need to go out. I have a 4-1/2 yo and a 17 mo. and they both do pretty well. I also don't agree with the don't-leave-he'll-only-get-his-way method. If the child's way is not wanting to eat in a restaurant then he shouldn't.

Wow Beth, I wasn't aware you were a child psychologist! Thanks for the expert advice. My 3 year old most certainly DID outgrow his need for "distraction" during outings. It helped us immensely when he was in the 13-22 months stage. He had already eaten his baby food and it kept everyone happy in the restaurant and at our table that he was playing quietly.

My children also don't want to go to the Dr. They don't get a "stay at home" pass b/c they don't want to go. I am the parent and it is my job to integrate them into the adult world. They learn early that we DO go out to eat and they WILL behave.

 

[hugsquared]

Wow Beth, I wasn't aware you were a child psychologist! Thanks for the expert advice. My 3 year old most certainly DID outgrow his need for "distraction" during outings. It helped us immensely when he was in the 13-22 months stage. He had already eaten his baby food and it kept everyone happy in the restaurant and at our table that he was playing quietly.

My children also don't want to go to the Dr. They don't get a "stay at home" pass b/c they don't want to go. I am the parent and it is my job to integrate them into the adult world. They learn early that we DO go out to eat and they WILL behave.

My thoughts exactly. Thats whats wrong with most of the behavior problems is that parents give in to what ever the child wants instead of taking the time and energy to teach appropriate behavior and that there are consequences for your actions.

 

[WebmasterAlex]

The way we did it was if DD acted up one of us (usually me!) would take her out to the car and she would sit alone in the back of the car untill the adults were done. It didn't take her too many times sitting in her car seat before she figured out being inside was way better.


edit- I DID stay out there with her, I would just stay outside the car so she couldn't interact, I realized the way I wrote it someone might think I LEFT her out there....that would be bad!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I kind of agree with Beth. The only distractions my girls ever got were those provided by the restaurant (except when they were still in the baby carrier phase--then it was the toys attached to it).

I've seen teens listening to IPODs and carrying gameboys--and it is kind of sad and I think that is what she was getting at.

However at 18 months--there is still time that a distraction can be a temporary tool so that they can associate that restaurants are not places to be noisy and run around.

And as far as taking the time to teach appropriate behavior--distraction doesn't teach that. It occupies the child and keeps them from boredom (and ultimately that is good behavior for a tot!). 18 months is a bit young to do much other than distraction at the table.

(I hope that makes sense--not trying to be a child phsychologist--just pointing out that kids do ultimately learn how to behave without distraction at soem point. For mine--it is about 2-3 that they learned and while still occupied in a restaurant, it is with things provided by the restaurant).


Other measures I have heard--you can pre-order your child's meal as it certainly doesn't take as long as everyone elses to cook. This helps when they get old enough to articulate (frequently) that they are hungry and how much longer will it take for dinner to come.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

The way we did it was if DD acted up one of us (usually me!) would take her out to the car and she would sit alone in the back of the car untill the adults were done. It didn't take her too many times sitting in her car seat before she figured out being inside was way better.


edit- I DID stay out there with her, I would just stay outside the car so she couldn't interact, I realized the way I wrote it someone might think I LEFT her out there....that would be bad!

Wish I thought of that one. That's a good suggestion!

 

[Duckfan-in-Chicago]

Sometimes if my kid is acting up in a restaurant, I bring out my boom box. He loves music.

 

[tiggersmom2]

I kind of agree with Beth. The only distractions my girls ever got were those provided by the restaurant (except when they were still in the baby carrier phase--then it was the toys attached to it).

I've seen teens listening to IPODs and carrying gameboys--and it is kind of sad and I think that is what she was getting at.

However at 18 months--there is still time that a distraction can be a temporary tool so that they can associate that restaurants are not places to be noisy and run around.

And as far as taking the time to teach appropriate behavior--distraction doesn't teach that. It occupies the child and keeps them from boredom (and ultimately that is good behavior for a tot!). 18 months is a bit young to do much other than distraction at the table.

(I hope that makes sense--not trying to be a child phsychologist--just pointing out that kids do ultimately learn how to behave without distraction at soem point. For mine--it is about 2-3 that they learned and while still occupied in a restaurant, it is with things provided by the restaurant).


Other measures I have heard--you can pre-order your child's meal as it certainly doesn't take as long as everyone elses to cook. This helps when they get old enough to articulate (frequently) that they are hungry and how much longer will it take for dinner to come.

Yes, Lisa that is EXACTLY how we used the "distraction method" as a tool for when son was a young tot. Everything worked itself out as my son got interested in his food. When he was in the 13-22 month window...he wasn't too interested in the food, but as he got older he wanted to eat with the rest of the family and all "distractions" were taken away.


LOL Alex.....that is EXACTLY what my hubby and I did when youngest son got TOO unruly...took him to the carseat. He HATED it and we only had to do it maybe 4 times tops!!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Yes, Lisa that is EXACTLY how we used the "distraction method" as a tool for when son was a young tot. Everything worked itself out as my son got interested in his food. When he was in the 13-22 month window...he wasn't too interested in the food, but as he got older he wanted to eat with the rest of the family and all "distractions" were taken away.


LOL Alex.....that is EXACTLY what my hubby and I did when youngest son got TOO unruly...took him to the carseat. He HATED it and we only had to do it maybe 4 times tops!!

I agree with that method--just felt bad that Beth got jumped on and could see how if used for too longer---it becomes a permanent fixture.

I did not get the car seat memo!!!!!

 

[lynetteSC]

good idea guys! I LOVE the car seat idea as ds is not too fond of his carseat! Thanks!

 

[Marseeya]

Just enjoy him while you can. Pretty soon he'll be a teenager and won't want to go anywhere with you.

My DS went through a (thankfully) brief phase where he was terrible in restaurants. We tried not taking him out as often as we had previously, but there were many meals I had to eat cold because I was sitting in the car with him until he chilled out.

DD, bless her little heart, has never given me an ounce of trouble (*knock on wood* hoping it lasts through the teen years as well).