U.S. OFFERS CAMEROON MAZDA MIATA IN EXCHANGE FOR IRAQ VOTE
Tiny Nation Rebuffs Bose Wave Radio
In its latest attempt to line up enough United Nations Security Council votes for a new tough resolution on Iraq, the United States has offered the Republic of Cameroon a cherry-red 2003 Mazda Miata, sources close to the negotiations revealed today.
With several nations on the Security Council continuing to voice opposition to a U.S.-led invasion of Iraq, tiny Cameroons vote has grown increasingly important in recent days, justifying the U.S.s concerted effort to buy it.
But the United States may have made a strategic misstep early in the negotiations when it offered Cameroon a Bose Wave Radio in exchange for its yes vote.
Cameroon cannot and will not be bought off with a little radio, President Paul Biya told his nation late Thursday in a nationally televised address. We demand a Miata.
A State Department source familiar with the Bose Wave Radio offer expressed chagrin that it had been so dismissively rebuffed.
Cameroon didnt even try the radio out," the source said. "It may look small, but it really fills the room with glorious sound.
The source acknowledged that the U.S., having spent $30 billion to secure Turkeys cooperation in an Iraqi campaign, had only enough left in its budget to offer Cameroon a radio, and that the latest offer of a Miata would throw its balance sheet way out of whack.
At the end of the day, it may be cheaper just to attack Cameroon after were through with Iraq, the source said.
**** BOROWITZ REPORT ****
Tiny Nation Rebuffs Bose Wave Radio
In its latest attempt to line up enough United Nations Security Council votes for a new tough resolution on Iraq, the United States has offered the Republic of Cameroon a cherry-red 2003 Mazda Miata, sources close to the negotiations revealed today.
With several nations on the Security Council continuing to voice opposition to a U.S.-led invasion of Iraq, tiny Cameroons vote has grown increasingly important in recent days, justifying the U.S.s concerted effort to buy it.
But the United States may have made a strategic misstep early in the negotiations when it offered Cameroon a Bose Wave Radio in exchange for its yes vote.
Cameroon cannot and will not be bought off with a little radio, President Paul Biya told his nation late Thursday in a nationally televised address. We demand a Miata.
A State Department source familiar with the Bose Wave Radio offer expressed chagrin that it had been so dismissively rebuffed.
Cameroon didnt even try the radio out," the source said. "It may look small, but it really fills the room with glorious sound.
The source acknowledged that the U.S., having spent $30 billion to secure Turkeys cooperation in an Iraqi campaign, had only enough left in its budget to offer Cameroon a radio, and that the latest offer of a Miata would throw its balance sheet way out of whack.
At the end of the day, it may be cheaper just to attack Cameroon after were through with Iraq, the source said.
**** BOROWITZ REPORT ****
