Truancy

[bumbershoot]

That's bs, when a teen is determined to do something, they will do it, no matter what the parent says!

Seriously.

My friend in HS brought "coolers" to school every day, at least senior year. Got drunk, at school. If her parents had ever figured it out, the only thing they could have done would be to get rid of the booze in the house. But the parents liked their drinks, and they had two adult sons in the house, and those adult sons weren't going to give up their drinks!

But every morning her mom would pack her lunch, including some sort of juice or iced tea, and every morning when her mom went to get ready to drive her to school, the friend would pour out half of the legal drink and pour some of the booze from the house into the bottle!

(and I was a naive silly girl whose friends had abandoned her due to boy nonsense, and this was my one friend that year outside of school, and I wasn't sure what she was doing and was worried that her father would kill her if I told anyone)

Her parents could not control her.

Reading this thread makes we want to home school.

Reading this thread makes me glad I AM homeschooling!

 

[phorsenuf]

How old was the daughter?

 

[mickeylove2]

How old was the daughter?

No older than 16 I'd say, the judge mentioned that she was in HS.

 

[phorsenuf]

No older than 16 I'd say, the judge mentioned that she was in HS.

I know here in NH kids can drop out at 16. If she's that old and not going to school then probably would be best to withdrawn her instead of getting sent to jail on a regular basis.

 

[jen0610]

It's not the judge, it's standard- 10 in jail for every 1 day that they skip school! Crazy I know!

My friend was in a similar situation, she had 4 teens at 1 time, she was single, dad died years ago, mom is disabled- back problems. Anyway, the teens started rebelling- I'm talking hitting their mom, drinking, sex, drugs, skipping school, she tried everything to get them out of that stage. Finally, after going before the judge and hearing 10 days for each day, and I mean between the 4 of them she was looking at almost 100 truant days, that's basically 3 years in jail! She pretty much said I'm not going to jail over your stupidity, and did something drastic, a lot of people have given her a really hard time about it.

She finally went to the state and had them remove her kids from her. She was really at her wits end and NO ONE would help her, she took them to conseling, she took them to church and tried to get them involved, she punished by taking things away, she even called the cops on her own kids because they were doing drugs and drinking in her garage and the oldest son started hitting her, the cops threatened to take her away in cuffs because she was the responsible adult in the home letting them do this (she was actually at the store and came home to find all of this) and the son said that she slapped him, even though he admitted to hitting her 1st. Now the kids are split up between some of her relatives, and they are miserable, but at least they are going to school and their mom isn't depressed and suicidal praying that she doesn't get thrown in jail!

That's bs, when a teen is determined to do something, they will do it, no matter what the parent says! You can't beat your kids anymore, what do the kids have to lose?!?!? When I was in school, it wasn't my mom's fault that I was late, I overslept because I stayed out too late. It wasn't my mom's fault that I skipped school, she was at work, would you rather she live on welfare just so she can stay home and make sure I get to school??? Ok, then I go to school and just sneak out the side doors after 1st bell, that's my mom's fault too? IDTS

Kids have to be held accountable!

We have a friend that is going thru this right now herself. And I have to agree with Mickeylove2 - if the kid wants to skip bad enough, they will find away.

Our friend, she gets her kids up. Watches them while they get ready, takes them to the bus, sees them get on the bus, then heads to work. If she's lucky, she only gets one call a week that her DD isn't there. The DD gets off the bus at school and walks over to her friends house and hangs out there, until it is time to ride the bus home. The friends parent doesn't care, she has already pulled her DD out and "home schools". She even started taking her DD to school, letting her DS ride the bus, no need to punish him, he loves school. She would walk her DD in, they'd go into the office and the school would know that the mom made sure the DD got there, but once mom would leave to go to work, the DD would head out to her friends.

When she got the notice to appear in court, both the principal and GC went with her to court. They spoke to the judge, that the mom was doing everything she can to get the DD there and short of quiting her job, which as a single parent she can't do, and staying with her DD the entire day, there was NO WAY for the mom to MAKE the DD stay at the school. The judge did speak to the DD and she just doesn't give a rats behind what will happen to her mom if she doesn't stay in school. She, the DD, doesn't feel like she needs to be there everyday, as she get just good enough grades to pass her classes. Mom found out she was pulling the assignments off of the internet and doing them and turning them in on the days she feels like staying.

After the judge talked with the DD and all of the adults, mom told him she was at her wits end and she was not going to do jail time just because her DD thought she was to good for school. The judge said her only option was to make her a ward of the state. Which the DD snickered at and according to mom muttered it would be a cold day in hell before she wouldn't be living in her own home. She thought that mom wouldn't do it. Before they left court, the decision was made. No one in her family will take the DD in, so she now lives in a youth home. Mom made it very clear to the extended family that this was the only option that would smack DD upside the head. Mom pays a small maintance fee. The DD is very quickly learning that being a ward of the state sucks BIG TIME!!! She has nothing. Her mom packed her clothes and that is all she got to take with her. And mom packed none of the nice stuff. The judge ordered that the DD get solo treatment, as well them doing family sessions. And it is rough on mom and brother. They don't like it. Hate that the DD is living like she is, but they both know it is the best thing they can do for her.

She's been living at the youth home for not quite 3 months now. As far as the DD knows, she is there until she is 18. The judge said they would review in 6 months. The DD is making progress, but I think it'll be atleast a full year she'll spend there before she gets to come home.

 

[puffkin]

I don't really know what the answer is either, and I can tell you first hand that there is usually nothing the parents can do to make the kid go to school. My brother and I were good kids....skipped school once or twice but were really good kids. Younger brother came along and was a wholly terror. No punishments worked. Parents took his car, no biggie, got rides from friends. No money, no biggie, mooched off friends. Was grounded, no biggie, mom and dad can't touch me physically so would walk right out the door. My brother was 6'2", 230 lbs at 16. There was no way he was being stopped physically. He had no respect for my parents or any authority figure. We were all raised the same so I don't think it was my parents fault. They were investigating military schools and figuring out if that was a suitable option because they were at their wits end with him. It ended up being a moot point because he passed away in a car accident at age 17. I can tell you though that my parents are good people and tried everything under the sun with him and NOTHING worked...many other parents would have thrown in the towel long before they did. I don't think they should have been punished for his behaviours! I just hope others don't have to experience what my parents went through, and jail for them would not have been the solution!!!!

 

[Inigo]

I'm a juvenile probation officer, and our prosecutor would have filed Truancy charges against the girl in this case. For a younger child, in 6th grade or below, charges against the parent would be appropriate for Educational Neglect of a Dependent. That's not appropriate for a teenager. The girl should be put on probation, not the mom in this case.

 

[PatsGirl]

I'm a juvenile probation officer, and our prosecutor would have filed Truancy charges against the girl in this case. For a younger child, in 6th grade or below, charges against the parent would be appropriate for Educational Neglect of a Dependent. That's not appropriate for a teenager. The girl should be put on probation, not the mom in this case.

And I can tell you if this was my child, I'd make their life a living hell, so much so that they'd either move out or go to school just to get some peace While some sort of rebellion is normal and expected from all teenagers, out and out defiance is a deal-breaker with a child in high school. My experience is that when kids are this far "out of character" the parents often need to accept some of the responsibility.

The laws where parents are held responsible for teen truancy are crazy. As a single parent of a teen son that towered over me and easily outweighed me, physically forcing him to do anything would have been a joke. But there are other ways to get teens to do what they should be doing

 

[torinsmom]

DS15 reached this lovely milestone last year. He skipped school for the first time. He was ready for the bus and standing by the door when I left for work. Then when I checked my email in the afternoon, there was an email from a teacher saying they hoped he was okay, since he wasn't in class. I am surprised I made it home I was SO mad! By the time I got home, he would have been home if he'd ridden the bus, so I asked him how school was? Don't you know the little terd said "Fine."? He lost all his electronics and now he gets to be driven to school by mommy everyday. Of course, his excuse was that he missed the bus, and didn't want to make me mad by calling to tell me that. Don't know if that is true or not, but the lying was enough to bring out the mean mom in me.

His teachers now know to contact me if he is not there. There will be some MAJOR repurcussions if he tries that again. I will have to remember the clown trick too!

 

[merrily]

I know here in NH kids can drop out at 16. If she's that old and not going to school then probably would be best to withdrawn her instead of getting sent to jail on a regular basis.

Actually, the drop out age in NH is now 18.

My son's friend has issues with truancy. She went to court and ended up being placed in a group home for several months. After she went home she was on probation. Her truancy issues seem to have gone away. She told me she would rather go to school than be sent back to the group home. It seemed a little extreme to me at the time but it worked, at least for this young lady.

 

[Mermaid02]

But it is the responsiblity of the parent. I know it sounds wrong but it is. I agree that the judge should have talked to both. Bottom line though is the parent is responsible.



Kae

I'd have told the judge he could have her- take her home with him.

 

[rie'smom]

Thank goodness we have different rules in our area. If a teen refuses to go to school, he/she is put in a FINS (Families In Need of Services) program. The child is assigned a counselor who tells them that attendance and good work is now the rule. If the kid messes up, they go before a judge and then they are placed in a juvenile justice facility. It's a lockdown residential program. The schooling and everything else take place in the facility. The person doing wrong is punished.

 

[minkydog]

I'd have told the judge he could have her- take her home with him.

Actually,many parents do this. Here in GA you can claim "Unruly Child" and sign your child over to the state. I"m sure there is probably more to it than that. The people that I have known who did this had long histories of difficulties with their teens, police involvement, drugs, gangs, pregnancy, etc. I don't think it's something you can just do in a fit of anger toward your otherwise normal child.

In our area, schools take truancy very seriously. Parents have gone to court, served time, paid fines and been court-ordered into parenting classes on the basis of their children who just will NOT go to school. And truly, when your kids get to be bigger than you and they decide not to go to school, sometimes there is very little you can do. At least if the child is transferred to the state, they put them into a residential setting/juvenile hall where they are court-ordered to the on-campus school and they have counselors and probation officers to help them hold their feet to the fire.

I know some people will say, "Well, MY kid will never do that! I'll just _________(fill in the blank with your favorite form of discipline.)" It's not so simple for some of us. We went through similar stuff with DS23 in HS. He gave us hell! Thank goodness, we were never charged. I would have had to just go to jail, because I could NOT make that kid get up and go to school! He finally just quit school in the middle of his senior year. Not what I would have wanted, but he was over 18. I couldn't stop him.

I feel sorry for this mom. The judge missed the boat on this one.

 

[KristaTX]

Reading this thread makes me glad I AM homeschooling!

Reading this thread makes me glad I don't have kids.

ETA: Actually I was glad even before I read this thread.

 

[Callie]

In 6th grade I started hating school, and was scared to death to go. I basically missed most of my 6-8th grade of school. I was a very bright student, and had perfect attendance before this. Thankfully I wasn't crazy, and they realized I had a true disability that didn't allow me to attend school, so I got home-schooled by the school. So glad my mom or I didn't end up in jail, but i think the fact that I was under a doctor's care helped.

In this case, the teen should end up in JJC!

 

[RitaZ.]

I don't know what I would do in her situation.

I agree.

I read about this case in the Orlando area. http://www.wftv.com/news/22347970/detail.html I can understand that high schoolers are more difficult to handle, but a kid in 5th grade? Come on! Mom is doing something wrong or maybe other problems are keeping her from fulfilling her parental responsibilities.

 

[Kae]

Kids have to be held accountable!

And I agree but if the judge did something to hold this kid accountable the thread would be about the poor kid who just a minor & where is the parent in all this.



Kae

 

[brittanyherndon]

I had court yesterday, fighting a ticket that I got when I wrecked my car, and there was this woman who was there because her teenaged daughter refuses to go to school! I felt so bad for this woman, she works a full time job as a single mother to 3 kids and is at work when her daughter should be heading off to school, instead the girl just skips, either staying home or going elsewhere with her friends. This lady is facing 10 days in jail for EVERY DAY that her daughter is absent from school! The judge was definitely going by the book, can't say anything negative about her or the states attorney, but jeez, cut the woman a little break and come down on the kid why don't ya!

The girl was right there in the court room and not once did the judge say anything directed at the daughter, I was sitting right in front of her and wanted to turn around and smack the fear of God into her. Her aunt, I assume, was speaking to her the whole time her mom was up front saying things like, see what you're putting your mom through just because you don't feel like going to school? The girl just giggled the whole time! I was appalled!

So, what do you think? What would you do if you were this mother? Do you think the judge should have said anything to the kid? I'm really just curious.

She is obasly having problems in school I would sugest leting her get her GED

 

[Tinkerbell424]

My mom went through the same thing with my brother.
It got to the point where she unenrolled him from his school and began to homeschool him.
He wouldn't do the work, and my mom was once again threatened to be put into jail for it.
She enrolled him back into school, because his friends had encouraged him.
A month went by and he wouldn't go again so she pulled him out and enrolled him in online school.

I honestly can't blame the parent that you saw in court. In my mom's case, my brother has severe mental problems and anxiety issues that he just wouldnt go out in public or to school. Online school is the best thing that has happened to him.

School isn't always for everyone.. I do agree, the girl was not right in giggling during court over such an issue that she caused. She should just get her GED or do online school.

 

[Darsa]

This might come out sounding kind of mean, but if she was allowed to quit and get her GED, or graduate via online classes, doesn't that just reinforce to her that if she does the wrong thing she'll get what she wants in the end? I really DON'T think that that's an appropriate way to handle it. And I have a GED diploma, and while my circumstances were vastly different than this girl's, I still regret that I didn't make it through high school and obtain my diploma there.

She needs to be held accountable for her actions, and taught that she will be punished if she does the wrong thing; it's sad to me that at 16 she still doesn't realize that.