Trouble with housemates - I really need some advice

[florida-again]

I posted yesterday about my housemate being moody. Well today it's not just her, but another girl too. I have no idea what's going on but they seem to have it in for me this week!

I should say first off, these aren't girls I just happened to end up living with, these are my close friends who I usually have great fun with.

Last year they 'victimised' another girl we lived with. They were hostile and would criticise everything she said or did.

For some reason I seem to be getting this treatment at the moment. I definitely haven't done anything wrong, in fact I haven't even been here, I've only just got back from visiting my family (things were fine before I left).

Now I've come back to them treating me like everything I do is wrong (I put a half-load of washing into the machine, which everyone has to do from time to time, and they behaved as if I'd committed some almighty crime!)

Occasionally they do go into 'mean-girl' mode. I know them well enough to know that it's nothing more than a power-trip, it makes them feel good, especially as there are two of them and although I know this, it doesn't make it any less hurtful.

I'm not the sort of person to confront them about something like this, but if it gets much worse I'm not sure what to do.

Can anyone offer some advice.....?????

 

[Keli]

If moving is out of the question (because, in the end, who wants to live with and be friends with girls like this?) then you ignore them completely. They are looking for a reaction from you. They'd like to either get you acting hurt or angry. I'd do neither one, I'd act like I had no idea anything was going on and I wouldn't play into their drama. It can take a little while but when they realize you aren't a fun victim they'll move on to someone else.

 

[Papa Deuce]

I posted yesterday about my housemate being moody. Well today it's not just her, but another girl too. I have no idea what's going on but they seem to have it in for me this week!

I should say first off, these aren't girls I just happened to end up living with, these are my close friends who I usually have great fun with.

Last year they 'victimised' another girl we lived with. They were hostile and would criticise everything she said or did.

For some reason I seem to be getting this treatment at the moment. I definitely haven't done anything wrong, in fact I haven't even been here, I've only just got back from visiting my family (things were fine before I left).

Now I've come back to them treating me like everything I do is wrong (I put a half-load of washing into the machine, which everyone has to do from time to time, and they behaved as if I'd committed some almighty crime!)

Occasionally they do go into 'mean-girl' mode. I know them well enough to know that it's nothing more than a power-trip, it makes them feel good, especially as there are two of them and although I know this, it doesn't make it any less hurtful.

I'm not the sort of person to confront them about something like this, but if it gets much worse I'm not sure what to do.

Can anyone offer some advice.....?????

Not always, but living with friends can be VERY DIFFICULT. I did it one time where 3 of us lived in an older HUGE house. We all had our own FLOOR for our bedrooms and still, it did not work out. Eventually we argued to the point that we had to split up to remain friends.... Then, and only then, did we feel like firends again.

 

[Megster]

how can you possibley have SO MUCH drama in your life??

 

[RadioFanatic]

Believe me, I totally understand. I had two friends with whom I moved in my second year of law school - it was the worse year of my life. It got to the point where we didn't talk at all. I found out one of them even used my toothbrush to clean the toilet. As soon as the school year was over, I moved out and never talked to them again. I found an amazing group of new friends in law school with whom I'm still friends 10+ years later.

 

[DawnCt1]

There is a lesson here that I learned as a pre schooler. Call it a sexist judgement but three girls could never get along. Two were always ganging up on another. Not with physical altercations but with biting, mean words. That's what girls do. Fast forward, that's what women do who haven't grown up. They did it with your previous room mate and now you are the new scape goat. If you attempt to suck up to them, apologize, discuss the situation, etc. I don't think it will do you much good. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they saw you as desperate and target you even more. You need to keep to yourself, obey the house rules and let it all roll off of your back until they either get tired of not getting a rise out of you, one of them flips, befriends you again, and the other one ends up as "odd man out", or you find an alternative living arrangement.

 

[florida-again]

how can you possibley have SO MUCH drama in your life??

I don't know! I consider myself lucky that any drama I have is quite mild and non-serious....although I do agree that there seems to be a lot of it at the moment. How strange....I'm honestly the most uninteresting person ever, I promise!

 

[Crankyshank]

If they are being witchy to you, then say something. Next time they get up in arms over a half load of laundry, tell them to get off the cross because someone else needs the wood.

If you sit there and take it from them, they'll continue to push you around. No need to create drama from the situation- just stand up for yourself.

 

[CapeCodTenor]

I wouldn't do anything at first...just ignore them. It's as Keli said, they want a reaction out of you. If it gets really bad, sit down and discuss it. But my suggestion would be to start looking for a new place to live.

 

[Sandy V.]

There is a lesson here that I learned as a pre schooler. Call it a sexist judgement but three girls could never get along. Two were always ganging up on another.

It's not just girls. Boys do the same thing. We learned this when our kids were young. When we invited kids over, we almost always invited a number so that we ended up with an "even" number of kids over to play. That way, no one was "odd man out".

 

[DawnCt1]

It's not just girls. Boys do the same thing. We learned this when our kids were young. When we invited kids over, we almost always invited a number so that we ended up with an "even" number of kids over to play. That way, no one was "odd man out".

I don't know. I have raised four boys and boys do fight but when its over, its over and they are friends again. Girls seem to carry it to a science and ruminate over it.

 

[minkydog]

I find that three friends together have a hard time getting along, regardless the gender, because someone is always on the "outside". I agree with the other posters who recommend asking what the problem is. But you have to do it in a non-defensive way so that you're not a victim, pleading to be loved but an adult who wants to find a solution to a problem. If they say nothing is wrong, then call them on it right then & there--don't allow them to play the game. If they still refuse, don't beg. Tell them you would like to know what's wrong, but if they don't want to talk, you will be elsewhere until _____. Them make yourself unavailable. Carry your head high and ignore the cattiness.

Eventually they will move on or you will.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Judging from your recent threads, I think you need to take some time off from the DIS and work on your relationships.

And Megster, you read my mind!!!

 

[florida-again]

Judging from your recent threads, I think you need to take some time off from the DIS and work on your relationships.

And Megster, you read my mind!!!

I was going to ignore this but I'd like to make a point....

Yes I had a hard few weeks, yes I did open my heart a bit on the disboards.

But as we don't know one another personally on these boards, perhaps everyone should keep an open mind and realise that things posted here do not reflect the OPs life in it's entirety.

Therefore in my case, just because I've had a difficult few weeks, don't assume I'm social inept or not 'working on my relationships'.

I was really shocked to see your post considering you know nothing about me apart from what you've read here?

Posts like this are neither kind nor fair and I don't think ANYONE should judge anyone else, let alone someone they've never met...

 

[smilie]

No advice. Just a and hoping things are resolved soon.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Sorry I offended, but it's just my opinion.

I have to admit after reading so many of your threads, every time I see your name underneath a title, I wonder, "What now?" It seems like there's always something going on with you and I have started ignoring your threads.

You just seem a little drama-ish at times.

Sorry. Again, just my opnion.

ETA: You probably don't mean to come off this way, and if that's the case I apologize.

 

[florida-again]

No advice. Just a and hoping things are resolved soon.

They are thanks I knew they'd sort themselves out soon enough, they do this a lot, to each other, to me, to others, it's only ever short term but I'm just never sure how to deal with it!

 

[Mermaid02]

I agree with others who have said that 3 is a bad number. I would ignore their nasty behavior unless it becomes unbearable. I had a very good friend in college (she actually introduced me to my husband) but we could NOT live together. She moved out in the middle of the night one night when the other room mate and I were supposed to be away- but I was home.

Anyway- I hope things improve for you. I've had a "not so great" few weeks myself. Sometimes things seem to happen in bunches.

 

[florida-again]

Sorry I offended, but it's just my opinion.

I have to admit after reading so many of your threads, every time I see your name underneath a title, I wonder, "What now?" It seems like there's always something going on with you and I have started ignoring your threads.

You just seem a little drama-ish at times.

Sorry. Again, just my opnion.

ETA: You probably don't mean to come off this way, and if that's the case I apologize.

Likewise I apologise for coming across such a pain in the **** I'm really not a drama queen, I just had a rough few weeks. I've just come back to college for my final year, it was a bit of a stressful time. I'm back to normal now! Not a single thing to complain about.....except the most TEDIOUS ESSAY EVER!!!!!!

And don't ignore my posts....one day I might give out the winning lottery numbers

 

[dis ms.]

yes I did open my heart a bit on the disboards.

*cough* understatement *cough*

I was really shocked to see your post considering you know nothing about me apart from what you've read here?

Posts like this are neither kind nor fair and I don't think ANYONE should judge anyone else, let alone someone they've never met...

I think you are giving us a certain impression of you because most of the threads you start are about some problem or issue or worry, etc. Because we only know you from what you post, you're coming off as someone who has more drama than the average soap opera character. Of course, this is just MHO. However, if you go back over your threads, I think you'll see what I mean. If you want us to see a less dramatic side of you, you have to show us that side.

At any rate, good luck with your mean housemates, long-distance boyfriend, skeptical parents, moody friend, birthday gift and dinner, wicked stepmother, sexual health check-up, and your religious quandaries.