Trips changing as daughter grows

[Ursula J]

Hi DisFam,
By the time we go on our next trip, my daughter will be 16. We're planning on renting DVC for the first time and I had my heart set on Polynesian. But I keep noticing how she takes more time alone in her room than she used to. In the old days, she'd just plop down on the couch nearby, but she seems to want her own space more. Sometimes I swear just breathing in the same room with her is irritating lol. The goal with renting DVC was to save some money, but now I'm thinking maybe a 1 BR would be a better bet to avoid those irritation-overflow moments, maybe Bay Lake or Beach. Any thoughts and experiences? It's just me, my husband, and her--no siblings or others going.

 

[sponica]

I think it's just the joys of a teenager. I'd still do the studio and want she wants to be away, she can pretend to not know you at the pool.
Now if you want more space FOR YOUR sanity, that's a whole different scenario.

 

[crisi]

A one bedroom will have a master bedroom - I'd assume you and your husband would use that. And a living room with a pullout couch. So for her to "get away" she'd hide in the bedroom, which would become hers and that isn't a great situation for curtailing teenage entitlement. She'd probably be more annoyed that she has to sleep in the living room, where you get up and make coffee, and you get a BEDROOM! I'd just stick with a studio, unless you really want to indulge the entitlement and get a two bedroom. Actually, I would plan to take the trip with her being optional. At sixteen our vacation plans ended up highly curtailed between jobs, sports and activities and yes, attitude. Its possible it will be a week of grandparents or an aunt or uncle staying with her ("not that we don't trust you, but someone needs to walk the dog and you'll be busy or some other taking care of the house is a huge responsibility reason for a responsible adult staying here" - we used a friend's college aged kid.) Miss practice for vacation and you sit out. Have vacation during play rehearsal and you don't get cast. Plus there is the "but I can't leave my FRIENDS for a whole week, I might miss something exciting." Its hard....this too will pass.

 

[Ursula J]

I think it's just the joys of a teenager. I'd still do the studio and want she wants to be away, she can pretend to not know you at the pool.
Now if you want more space FOR YOUR sanity, that's a whole different scenario.

Pretending not to know me at the pool sounds very accurate

 

[Ursula J]

A one bedroom will have a master bedroom - I'd assume you and your husband would use that. And a living room with a pullout couch. So for her to "get away" she'd hide in the bedroom, which would become hers and that isn't a great situation for curtailing teenage entitlement. She'd probably be more annoyed that she has to sleep in the living room, where you get up and make coffee, and you get a BEDROOM! I'd just stick with a studio, unless you really want to indulge the entitlement and get a two bedroom. Actually, I would plan to take the trip with her being optional. At sixteen our vacation plans ended up highly curtailed between jobs, sports and activities and yes, attitude. Its possible it will be a week of grandparents or an aunt or uncle staying with her ("not that we don't trust you, but someone needs to walk the dog and you'll be busy or some other taking care of the house is a huge responsibility reason for a responsible adult staying here" - we used a friend's college aged kid.) Miss practice for vacation and you sit out. Have vacation during play rehearsal and you don't get cast. Plus there is the "but I can't leave my FRIENDS for a whole week, I might miss something exciting." Its hard....this too will pass.

It is SO hard! Sometimes she says she'd rather go someplace else and I feel bad--but we're the adults, we pay the bills, and WDW is where I want to go. You're right though about opening up the chance for her to skip it--she could easily stay with my sister and just deal with it. Plus I hadn't thought about her getting mad that she *only* gets a sleeper sofa! At Disney World! In a Deluxe! Oh, how I wish my childhood had been this "hard" lol! Thanks for your thoughts!

 

[cellomom]

It is hard...Go with the studio at Poly. Along with pretending not to know you at the pool, there are small lobby areas by the elevators where she can be alone. Or give her the choice to stay with a family member.
FYI: Poly DVC studios have new murphy beds (no sleeper sofas)

 

[igrsod]

When my daughter was like this at that age, she would ask to go hang out at the room in the afternoon by herself while we continued enjoying the parks. That couple of hours by herself helped her recharge her batteries. She enjoyed her time alone and would be much happier when she would meet us for dinner. I say go and let her decide how she wants to vacation within your vacation.

 

[pinkxray]

My DD is 17 now. On our last few trips she spent some time on the balcony or just sat on a bed alone zoned out of her phone texting her friends.
She also didn’t come with us everywhere we went. Sometime she slept late and skipped breakfast or met us at a park around 11. (This was on days where transportation was easy, such as taking a boat from Wilderness Lodge or walking from Hard Rock to Universal Studios)

 

[Lisa P.]

When ours were teens, we often let one or more of them bring a (respectful) friend on vacations. The friend had to pay for their own park tickets/sightseeing and souvenirs. We covered food, transportation, lodging. The kids enjoyed more freedom and social time. We enjoyed better attitudes. Just an option to consider.

 

[tofubeast]

I'd book a studio. And at the Polynesian, you will get two separate bathroom spaces, so that will help with getting ready as well. I agree with the ideas above regarding how to both find some "space" during your trip.

 

[AnnabelleTheTalkingTree]

I don't think I'd be paying for extra space just because my kid doesn't want to be around me on vacation You sound like an amazing, unselfish mom who is respectful of your child's needs and boundaries. BUT it's a week, give or take, and family vacation is about being together. Doesn't mean you need to tie her to you, I'd give her the freedom to go off and get her space when and how she needs it. But Disney is expensive, she's on your dime, and I'm sure you're looking forward to spending time with her. There are other ways to get a little space from each other than spending more than necessary so that she can hole up in a bedroom. I say this in the kindest possible way, as an introvert who loves nothing more than holing up alone in a bedroom

 

[mom2rtk]

I wouldn't be going out of my way to encourage time apart from my teen on vacation. I'd give them freedom to go sit by the pool, walk around on their own, that sort of thing. But I certainly wouldn't be facilitating them sitting in a hotel room alone. You get enough of that at home I'm sure. This is a time to try and be together more and break that cycle briefly.

 

[crisi]

My DD is 17 now. On our last few trips she spent some time on the balcony or just sat on a bed alone zoned out of her phone texting her friends.
She also didn’t come with us everywhere we went. Sometime she slept late and skipped breakfast or met us at a park around 11. (This was on days where transportation was easy, such as taking a boat from Wilderness Lodge or walking from Hard Rock to Universal Studios)

One of the nice things with kids who have been to Disney many times is that by sixteen they can be pretty independent and meet you later or head back to the room to chill out or go do their own thing for a bit- so if togetherness isn't a battle you want to have, you don't need to have it. And its good for them to have that sort of independence and responsibility in a relatively safe and controlled space.

And congrats to everyone who have teens who they can "not let" them have this sort of behavior at Disney. For a lot of us, the teen years and the third trimester of pregnancy are all about making a painful separation easier.