trip planned for May, son struggling in school...

[java]

Define Struggling...Is he failing? Also are you missing 8 days of school or is that the length of the entire vacation. (8 days of school is a lot even for a child not struggling) Personally I would cut the vacation shorter like a pp said- missing only 5 days - with the weekends on either side you get 9 days total and that is a great vacation. Has his absence been approved yet? Have you spoken with his teacher? She/he may be able to give you better advice. Disney is a great memory but school is a future maker.

 

[RabFlmom]

The word struggling is the important word here. To some parents that means getting Bs instead of As. Is he failing, just passing? Would missing 8 days change the struggling to failing status and possibly be a deciding factor in holding him in 6th grade again next year? Would that be the end of the world? In our district here a child can only miss 10 days without a doctor's note no matter what or they have to repeat the next year.

That said, is he struggling because he is just messing around in school? Is he struggling because he hasn't gotten the concepts he needs? I would talk to the teacher, hire a great tutor, let him know his going on the trip depends on working hard to get his grades up, and see how things look in April. He has time to bring those grades up. He might need to cut back on sports and after school activities if they interfere with studying. Watch to make sure he completes all homework, and studies. If he shows improvement and really tries hard for the next 3 months and the teacher agrees, then I say go on the trip; but make an hour of classwork part of the day so he won't be so far behind when he gets back that he ends up giving up and failing. If he fools around figuring you will let him go on the trip anyway-with bad grades and no effort- it might be time for a life lesson. Then you either let him go and later fail 6th grade and have to repeat the grade or go to summer school or you arrange for him to stay with someone and go to school while the family vacations without him.

 

[barkley]

i give my kid's school credit-even though they won't let the kids make up work missed during an approved (by the school) vacation they reccognize that allot of parents can't get time off summers and peak travel times. to help out this year they took a couple of staff in service days, a couple of odd days off during the year and tagged them onto president's week suggesting that parent's use that as an opportunity to travel. might not be my fav. time of the year to go someplace like wdw, but at least it affords 9 days (counting weekends) if we want to go somewhere 'non peak'.

 

[tmarquez]

I know it's not what anyone wants, but I would have to say don't go. 8 days is a long time to be out of school. Even longer for a kid that's struggling. It seems that alot of kids have a hard time at that age adjusting to junior high, I know I did. 8 days worth of make-up work would be overwhelming for a kid that's already behind. The stress (on him) alone isn't worth a vacation.

Even though it will be busier, I'd try to go during his spring break.

 

[seashoreCM]

This decision has nothing to do with "neglect" and for you to imply this parent is neglecting their child's well being is absolutely ridiculous!

Flagrant Neglect -- An actual notation (verbatim) that professors at my college could add to a student's failing grade, resulting in probation. With all the current talk on these boards about "me generation", "barging into lines", and Heely's (tm) I would hate to think a child might be brought up in a manner that he could nonchalantly say to classmates at a high-tuition college, let alone to his parents, that he roadtripped a lot and flagged (as opposed to aced) such and such a course.

OT: Although I don't recall anyone seriously saying that he flagged (not just flunked) a course, one professor posted some class grades outside his office and I saw the notation next to one student's name. One student a few years behind me, whom I got to know quite well, seemed quite unconcerned when, during freshman year (three 3-course semesters) he got a 1.3 average (A=5) in the fall, an 0.3 average in the winter, and was suspended. He did re-apply and finish his degree a few years later.

 

[chrismom2005]

we kinda had this problem with my sister last year she ended up missing almost two weeks of schools (she was in 10th grade) due to being sick and was going to miss another week for the disney trip. she knew that she had to have all her school work made up if she wanted to take the extra days off for the trip. she did do it shes always been a good student but it took several days of staying after school in order to make up the work. at her school she had to get permission from each teacher for it to be an excused absance and she new that she it gave her the instentive to catch up.

i would hire the tutor and see how his grades are closer to the trip. my way of thinking is if the trip would cause him to fail 6th grade then i wouldnt take him but if he is going to fail anyway then i would prob take him then have him do summer school.

 

[dfarner]

I think at his age, you should be teaching your son about "sacrifice" as well. IMO it is too much time to miss for any child in middle or high school, no matter what their grade average is. And to have the mentality that "he's already failing so is another week going to make that much difference" is a defeatest attitude. Kids at that age need to learn that there are obligations in life that have to be met, so if you can't go on a trip, you just can't go. Either go during a school break or don't go at all.

 

[KeepSwimming]

What would I do? I would move the trip to a school holiday and tough out the crowds.

I would NOT tell my son we moved the dates because of his school work. I would make up another excuse. If your son is trying his best and still having a hard time he shouldn't feel like he is being punished or his vacation is being canceled for things that are beyond his control. Then I would get him a great tutor, work with his teacher, and focus on school.

It's hard being the mommy sometimes. Who am I kidding? MOST of the time, right? But we gotta do what we gotta do....

 

[northriver]

I have a middle school child so I thought I would chime in! In elementary, DS was top of his class, and while 5 days out of school would have definatley been pushing it, I would have considered that.

Jr. High is more of a challenge, mostly because we moved from an underprivildged rural district to a wealthy suburban district and surprise surprise, DS is about a grade level behind. While he still gets mostly B's and a few A's he has to work for them, and I wouldn't take him out for more than 2 days in a row. And at that, probably a M-T would be better that a Th-F because they take so many tests on Fridays.

We are going over Spring Break. Fight the crowds, pay higher prices - yep not my first choice, but I feel academically it is our only choice.

Since you already have your trip planned - I vote for shortening your trip. 4 days out of school should be the very most!!! See what you can do.

Also, talk with your child and hopefully together you can find some solutions. Sometimes kids don't do well in school because schools don't teach to their particular learning style. That means that you as a parent need to step in and do some teaching at home. Remember that while some teachers will go out of their way to help you both in general and due to any absence, many won't help at all. Our school is in "teams", so teachers have 115 kids. Some teachers have hundreds of kids! It isn't necessarily their fault that they can't help your child indivually. The responsibility to get schoolwork done is up to you and your child.

Good luck!

 

[daisyduck123]

I have a DD12 (8th gd.) & DS8 (3rd gd).

I vote "go".

My kids will miss 6 school days in May for our trip.

Mine are not struggling & oldest gets the "A' Honor roll every time, but even if she weren't, we'd still go....esp. if it's your only chance to go this year.

A year from now, those missed days of school won't matter, but your kids will remember the trip for years to come.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Sorry I wouldn't go.

I pull my DS every year for our trips to WDW, sometimes twice a year. When we went this past September , he missed 8 school days.

DS knows if his grades drop the vacations are off. There are no and, ifs or buts. Thats the way it is. He got all A's and one B this report card.

I know the vacation is important but not even close to his school grades. If he's struggling now, whats going to happen when he misses 8 days and then so close to the end of the school year? Is there a chance he could fail?

Sorry I just wouldn't.

 

[tripplanner]

I wouldn't go either. I have two middle schoolers. One who is struggling in Math and is currently in tutoring. They are learning so much and at such a fast pace these days, that it would just be too hard on them to miss 8 days. Especially for the one struggling in math. WDW is such a great trip and I think it's so important to spend time as a family. There are plenty of planned days off school. Just schedule your trip then. I know that lots of people go during these times (we do!), but it's really not all that crowded most of the time. We always have a great time and don't have to worry about school work.

 

[plamp]

Once the kids get older and into middle school I don't think its a good idea to pull them out for a week. Too much work to miss. Even though its more crowded and more expensive, we plan our vacations around school holidays.

 

[seashoreCM]

Don't look now but for a kid who is threatening to flunk out, a vacation during spring break may be unwise too.

Or would you want to home school him in the resort room?

 

[lucincia]

People expect teachers to help the students make up the work. How about some help to the teachers here?

Out sick for couple weeks. Fine. Family emergency. Fine. Teachers are willing to work with the family to make up school work on these issues. But, taking couple weeks off to go on an optional vacation?

Please. Teachers have other kids to take care of. Don't burden them with situations in which you have control over.

Don't go. And if you change date, DO tell your son that you changed it for him so that he can do better in school. I don't know why anyone would keep that reasoning from a 6th grader. We shelter our kids too much these days.

 

[Allison]

You mention at the end of your post about "....if he is already failing...". If your son is failing I would not pull him out of school for 8 days. He is having enough trouble now and being out of school would only add to the problem.

I have kids in 1st, 5th and 8th grade. If one of them was struggling in school I would not take them out for a vacation. I think you need to go during a different time.

We plan our vacations for right after school is out. My oldest is a smart kid but has to work hard to stay on track. We would not consider taking him out of school for 8 days because we know it would be very hard for him to get back on track after an absence like that.

Just my thoughts.

 

[Mommy2Lots]

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[kribit]

People expect teachers to help the students make up the work. How about some help to the teachers here?

Out sick for couple weeks. Fine. Family emergency. Fine. Teachers are willing to work with the family to make up school work on these issues. But, taking couple weeks off to go on an optional vacation?

Please. Teachers have other kids to take care of. Don't burden them with situations in which you have control over.

Don't go. And if you change date, DO tell your son that you changed it for him so that he can do better in school. I don't know why anyone would keep that reasoning from a 6th grader. We shelter our kids too much these days.

In my college days I was a pre-school teacher which was obviously paid for by the parents, but I always wondered how public school teachers felt about parents pulling their kids out for vacation and what kind of impact it had on class.

I just happen to be pulling my kids for a week in December (they are going into K in September). After I read this thread, I called my dh at work in a panic because I don't want to upset their new teachers in a new school, and I don't want my vacation plans to reflect poorly on my children. Keep in mind that I school my children at home on a daily basis and K in my state is not mandated. I still however, sympathize with the teachers when this type of thing happens. It does create somewhat of an awkward scenario.

It is a double edge sword though. At one level, I think the school needs to mind their own business and if the child is excelling in school, missing one week really isn't going to cause issues down the road (my parent pulled me for a week to go to Disney when I was younger and I'm educated). On the other hand, if the vacation is going to interfere with the class schedule and cause extra work for the teacher, I feel the school should step in. As far as a "social worker," situation, the child is being taken to Disney on vacation, not being beaten up or abused. I think the wonderful social workers in our country have much more pressing cases than whether or not a parent "neglected" their child by bringing them to Disney World. I'm not saying it couldn't be done, but I don't think it would happen.

To the op - good luck in your decision. I know it's a hard one.

 

[Mommy2Lots]

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[TheDizMom]

O.K., I have not read every post but here's my input sorry if I duplicate someone else. We still don't appear to know exactly if the trip is 8 days or the number of school days missed is 8, which I think makes a big difference. Also is he struggling in everything or just some things? Is he failing or just not where he was compared to last years grades, which could simply be a case of adjusting to a different type of enviornment and several teachers a day instead of one. That being said, I think you need to do a combination of things.

Sit down with him and talk to him about why he is having so much difficulty this year. Don't lecture and point out where he is messing up, but really let him talk to you and listen to what he is saying without judging him and making him feel like he is a failure. In middle school I think is when our children's phyche(sp?) is most fragile and we need to build their confidence not tear it down. He may have the answers himself about what to do to help him.

Then I would have a meeting with your son and the teachers in the classes in which he is struggling. Discuss where the difficulties lie and what all of you can do to help him. It may be an easy solution or he may need a tutor, but until you talk about it you won't know. Again this needs to be non-threatening or you will lose him. I remember in 9th grade I had a science teacher who was a real jerk. We were not allowed to take the text book out of the classroom because there weren't enough for everyone taking the class. Our reading assignments had to be done in class and we then had to answer the questions after we were done and turn them in before class was over. I am sure I have dislexia(though I was never diagnosed) and to this day (I am almost 40) I couldn't read a text book to save my life. I was really getting a bad grade in this class and my mom asked why I was having so much trouble. When I told her she went to the teacher (to this day I still HATE that man) and explained the situation and from then on I was allowed to take the book home and turn in my questions the next day. My grade got better. I have long since learned what kind of learner I am and discovered if I payed close attention in class and took meticulous notes I got good grades. This discussion with him and his teachers may help you figure out his learning style and things will improve. Also talk to his teachers about your plans and get their input, they may have a way for it to work out for you all.

Lastly I would use it as a reward. Tell him if he works hard and brings up his grades, and his teachers feel it can be worked out, that you'll be able to go on your trip. You have until April to make your decision. If no headway is being made you may have to pass this time, but let him know that you are not using it as a punishment. Let him know you are trying to help him make his first year in middle school a success and this trip will be a detriment to that success and you will simply have to do it another time. Make sure his siblings understand this and don't allow them to make him feel any worse than he already does and enlist them in helping him so you can all go. If he needs your undivided attention to help him with his homework for 1 or 2 hours tell them to help by keeping themselves busy during that time with either their own homework or another quiet activity. If he just needs a quiet enviornment get them to help locate a good room in the house for him to use and then everyone leave him alone and stay away from this room so he can concentrate. If you make this a family effort he is more likely to be successful and they are more likely to be sympathetic and understanding if things have to be postponed. If his teachers feel a few days would be acceptable if he improves over the next 2 months, then a good compromise may be for a shorter trip. It may not be the origional plan but at least everyone gets to go and you just make the most of your shortened vacation.

One more thing. Tell him you love him and whatever he needs for you both he will get. Let him know you support him in his efforts to turn things around, and that as long as he works hard you will be happy even if the grades aren't what you are hoping for.

Good luck. I hope you are able to make your trip.