trip planned for May, son struggling in school...

[loralie]

what would you do?

My 11 year old is in 6th grade, which is Jr. high school here in New York and he is struggling with the work. Our trip has been planed months ago for May and I was planning on taking the kids out of school for 8 days. I am looking into getting him a tutor and I hope he will get back on track but I am concerned and don't know what to do. I have until April 1st to cancel the trip but I really don't want to do that. We can't go in the summer because DH can't get that time off from work. The parks are so crazy during the times when the kids are off from school that I don't think I even want to go at those times. We all love Disney and are really looking forward to the trip but part of me feels like a bad mother if I make him miss so much school when he is already struggling. On the other hand part of me thinks that if he is already failing, is one more week going to make that much of a difference. They are only young once, might as well have fun.

I know...I sound like the worst Mom in the world.

What would you do,

Loralie

 

[BuzzandAriel'smom]

That's a tough one. Does your son know about the dilemna? Could it be used as an incentive? I guess I would try harder to find another time to go. Maybe do a long weekend and not take him out for 8 days. School is very hard these days and failing a grade can be emotionally hard for a kid. Kind of OT but have you had him checked for a learning disability? Sometimes a specialist can find a way for you to help him that you might not have thought of.

 

[jessica52877]

This is a really hard call and you know your son best and the teachers. Are they willing to work with you as far as giving him work and making up tests, etc? That is a biggie, since alot of schools will not allow make up work and if he didn't have it ahead of time I think he might become overloaded if missing 8 days of school!

Now saying all that, I am all for live in the moment, you never know what tomorrow will bring. I was taken out of school every year for usually 5 days and did just fine with it, but I wasn't struggling either.

Is it possible to maybe cut down the trip to maybe miss only 5 days giving you still hopefully 9 days there (with weekends on both sides)? That might be helpful. I think one week of tests would be easier made up.

Also when is school out, if it is so close to the end will they be learning new stuff or is it the last 8 days of school, etc? Alot of that would weigh on my decision. And make sure there is no issues with possibly failing the grade (not sure how much he is struggling, so that could be such a far out thought, not meant to offend).

Sorry, not much help. Just some things to think about maybe. My husband is in the same predictament, can never have off when school is out so I'll be facing this in a couple of years myself.

 

[jakoky]

this is such a tough question...is he actually missing 8 school days, or is that the length of the trip...in the last 2 years we have pulled the kids out twice, once for DW and once for DL....when we did DL last year, we were gone a total of 11 nights, 10 at DL...my kids got very lucky and only missed 5 1/2 school days(may 13-23)...we are lucky that my kids all do well in school, but it did take my oldest daughter(15-in gr 9) time to catch up..we are on the semester system in high school here so she missed close to 500 minutes of classtime in 4 different classes....she ended up getting A' and B's in her main subject but got a C in art she hadnt finished her pottery..although she said it was done before we left...i left it alone because it was art....i would talk to his teachers and try to get some work early for him to do before you leave, bring a small amount with you, and then catch up that last small amount as soon as you get home....my kids last year were in grades 9, 7, and 5 and the two younger ones had almost no catching up to do...their teachers were awesome about it....i would definately think about the tutor aspect to, that was my thought if my daughter had struggled with math when we got back, they were doing trigonometry ....good luck in your decision, btw, you have picked a really great time to go...i wish it was us
sharon

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I'd still take the trip. Is the reason he is struggling because of the work or is it something at school? I am in the boat that if a kid is trying really hard and doing all they can do and they still don't get it then you can't really fault the kid. If he is goofing off anf cutting class and not going to extra help well then that is a different story. I feel for you. I live in NY too and I hate that they are in JHS in 6th grade. I think there is a big difference between 6th and 7th graders. It is a huge adjustment. I feel that life is short and tomorrow is not promised. Not that we live by the seat of our pants, but 10 years from now I am sure you won't look back and decide that this trip caused your son to be a deliquent ! Go and have a good time and NO- you are not the worst Mother in the world, you are merely doing the best you can which is all any of us can hope for. I hope you have a great trip!

 

[MSSANDRA]

That is really tough. We planned our trip and then DS missed quite a bit of school being sick. I debated whether to go or not and decided to go anyway. HOWEVER, DS is mostly all A's and really motivated to keep his grades up. (he is 8th grade). End of May could be really good as school winds down and it is mostly review or it could be down to the wire getting all work turned in before the fiinal grades are due.

I would consider also is he doing the best he can do and repeating the grade is what is in the best intrest of his education or is he just not trying and failing because of lack of interest or motivation. I would be careful not to reward the second with a trip to WDW but Would hate to punish a child that is truly trying by not going.

IMHO 8 days is a LOT to miss. DS missed 4 as we planned around a work day. He has missed 5 in lower grades. Two will be the limit in high school.

No real answers but if the trip would make the difference in his passing or not that is too high a price to pay for WDW IMHO.
'
Good luck working it all out.

MsSandra

 

[FloridaTeacher]

This is a tough issue. I've been there, done that, on both sides of the fence. Here's what I mean.

First of all, my son also struggled in school - though it was in the first grade. His teacher, father and I agreed to hold him back a year, even though he passed. This was one of the hardest things I've ever done - but one of the best. Now he is in third grade and does fine (except in spelling???? ). Well, I digress, we did pull him and his older brother out for Disney (we do every year)! We pulled him out for 4 days after much communication and work with his teacher. We always go in the fall, but the kids only miss 4 days of school because we schedule it for the week of Columbus day or Veteran's Day.

I'm also a teacher. I teach 7th and 8th grade language arts and 9th grade English I. I've had many students pulled out for a week or so for any number of reasons. I make every effort to work with the student and parents and have a variety of lessons for students at a variety of levels that I assign for them to work on while they are gone. It is more difficult for students who are struggling, but often the teacher can give alternate assignments instead of them having to make up everything missed in the classroom. This is what I usually do. With that said, however, this is much more doable in my language arts class than in math class for example. So a lot depends on what subject is the difficult one for your child.

Basically, would I do it? Yes and no. A few days is not going to make or break any student and family vacations are too important to miss. However, I would shorten the length of time - I would pull mine out for 4 days, but not 8.

So jealous - wish I was going in May!

 

[bobcat]

Do you have state testing in May in NY or is it earlier? In Ohio our testing was moved to May this year so I would tell any parent not to take their student out of school until after that is over. As a teacher May is a funny month. While we still have a month of school left it is hard to get a lot accomplished because all my middle schoolers are focused on summer vacation, and I am as well.

 

[Hannathy]

I wouldn't take any student out for 8 days. That is just too long. Both my kids are good students and the most I've done is 3. Those days are gone tho because my DD is in HS and the most she can miss is a day.

Don't immediately say no to Spring Break. I avoided it at all costs till 2 yrs ago and went over Easter. Yes it was packed but with getting there early, the long, long hours the park was open and fast pass we went on everything and saw everything and had a great time.

I think if your son is struggling that it will be extremely hard for him to learn on his own what was covered in 8 days, make up the work and also keep up with the current work which will be 8 days ahead in content. That would be very hard for a good to do. Another thought you have been there twice in a short period of time so it isn't a long awaited trip that couldn't be put off for a bit.

 

[ampc3]

since you asked. NO--not at that age and with him struggling as he is.

 

[kribit]

Is it 8 days of actual school? If so, that is a long time especially if he's struggling with his work. I'm sorry, I wouldn't do it.

But as the other posters have said, could you go at the end of August when a lot of southern schools are back to school, or perhaps go the last week of August, 1st week of September?

I know it's a hard decision.

 

[Barb D]

Frankly, no, I wouldn't pull a middle or high schooler out of school, especially if they're struggling. This is why we're going at Spring Break, even though we'll have to deal with the crowds.

8 days is a HUGE amount of school to miss. The topics they cover during that time could be built on for a long time to come.

 

[abookworm]

Look at it this way:
go on a family vacation that will make happy memories
OR
cancel and have him think that it was his fault you didn't go and have that memory-be hurt and resentful maybe do worse

Do you really think missing 8 days of school is going to make that much of a difference in his school success in the long run?

I don't. I'd go.

In a yr will you think "oh my-we never should have gone on that trip because he's STILL behind" I doubt it!
GO! HAVE A WONDERFUL FAMILY VACATION!

 

[Darcy03231]

I'd go but shorten the trip so that he won't miss so much school. 8 days in middle school is hard to make up for students who are doing well, nevermind one who's struggling.

 

[Lady V]

I have a question-will his school excuse the absense? I mean, do you think his teachers and principal will sign off on this trip? I have taken my DS out of school the past two years for a vacation and he has missed 5 days each time. (KIND and FIRST GRADE) But each time I had to write a letter to the principal to have it excused because if it is not excused they aren't allowed to make up the work.

 

[seashoreCM]

I vote for cancelling the trip.

The key word is "struggling".

Remember, if the school does let him make up the work, there are only four possiblities for doing so: (1) before the vacation with you and/or a tutor helping out big time, (2) during the vacation with you helping out and it will take up most of the hours of most of the trip days in the resort room, (3) after the vacation with you and/or a tutor helping out big time, or (4) some other time of year, probably summer after he flunked the year.

If you do not go on vacation but also neither hire a tutor nor help him big time, and also you permit him to remain after school with a volunteer tutor, and he flunks anyway then it is not flagrant neglect and he gets to repeat the year essentially free of charge (if it is public school).

If you do go on vacation and he flunks despite your hiring a tutor, the school can regard it as flagrant neglect and may impose sanctions that the school has imposed in the past on others.

Disney hints:
http://members.aol.com/ajaynejr/disney.htm

* big time -- You/DH and not DS will be up after midnight washing the dishes and maybe let the house go somewhat longer between vacuumings. There is still a great danger DS will flunk out if he has to stay up to do those things.

 

[abookworm]

I have never heard of this! The parent decides what their child can or cannot do, not the school. This decision has nothing to do with "neglect" and for you to imply this parent is neglecting their child's well being is absolutely ridiculous!

 

[barkley]

I have never heard of this! The parent decides what their child can or cannot do, not the school. This decision has nothing to do with "neglect" and for you to imply this parent is neglecting their child's well being is absolutely ridiculous!

This post is so beyond reasonable I can't believe a moderator is posting it.

it's not ridiculous at all. most states have standards of attendance for students that define acceptable levels of excused and unexcused absences. exceeding either can result in a student being deemed a truant and when it is found that the parent activly facilitated the absence (as in taking their child out of school-good grades or not-for a vacation) they can be referred to social services for an evaluation of child neglect. some states/districts don't go to this extreeme but because these standards are on the books they can use them to justify sanctions-such as not permitting the student from participating the next year in extracurriculars until the 'attendance issue' is proven resolve (minimum number of continuous days of attendance as established by state/district), loss of status as a 'returning student' (for those districts with open district enrollment and more students that wish to attend a school than slots are available), and in the op's situation-if the school has limited enrollment available for summer school (and the student needs to repeat individual classes to promote in the fall term)-not permitting the student one of the coveted spots (don't know about the op's state-but here summer school in many districts is only available for students who are failing/have failed-but if the school feels the issues have been compounded by voluntary absences you go to the bottom of the list and may not be allowed to attend at all).

most social services agencys have established protocol on how to handle these referals since public assistance clients experience financial sanctions for failing to meet the standards. just for the heck of it i went and checked the school district web site for the town i live in (not familiar with their policies cuz my kids don't attend there)-they have a max of 3 unexcused (and an unexcused tardy of 20 minutes counts as a full absence) and 10 TOTAL excused/unexcused for the entire year (unless you have a medical note for extenuating circumstances). the school has to notify you (parent) of unexcused absences in writing, and counsel you if excused/unexcused are close to hitting the threshold. if you continue to miss days and exceed that the issue's referred to the 'truancy group' and you can get a s.s. or juvinile probation referal (if the issue is determined to be with the kid's not the parents). apparantly this school district also automaticly gives a 'no mark' despite how you are performing in the class. only thing it says about vacation days is that it's up to the principal to determine if the days will be deemed excused or unexcused-but that in neither case can you exceed the number 10 for any type of absences during the school year.

i think for the op using the 'what matter will it make at that point' argument does'nt realy fly. it can make a huge difference. my dd is in 6th and her school does'nt allow make up of any work missed during vacations (which they allow on a very limited basis during the school year)-she was off for 6 school days in november, and as a result some of her grades dropped from a's to b's, b's to c's. all those missed homework assignments, in class assignments, a spelling test here, a big computer assignment....we are'nt stressing over it, but if she had been a c/d student and was struggling-those missed days during the last semester of the school year could have resulted in her having to repeat next year (our school offers no summer school).

 

[HopperFan]

I have never heard of this! The parent decides what their child can or cannot do, not the school. This decision has nothing to do with "neglect" and for you to imply this parent is neglecting their child's well being is absolutely ridiculous!

In our district it is the school who decides, due to the new rules with "no child left behind" our district can turn you into the court system with five days in a school year, let alone the full week straight. A vacation here is considered unexcused and they can not only refuse to let you make up work, they can give you all zeros and contact the proper authority. Do I agree ? No....I do believe it is my right as a parent to make that decision. Would I take a struggling child out of school, so close to the end of the year, especially a middle schooler......no I wouldn't.

We used to pull our kids out of school for a week each fall when they were younger, but once they reached the end of elementary school we stopped. I don't like the crowds either, but we won't pull them unless it were the trip of a lifetime somewhere, with full school support.

 

[mouseketeer_mom]

Another "go" vote here.

I'd do two things; I'd talk to the teacher and find out what help can be given, what absences will be excused and what work can be made up. If you can do it without risking his failing the grade, I'd go as scheduled. Maybe look into a summer program to get him started on the right track before 7th grade.

If his absences will be unexcused, and the work can't be made up, I'd shorten my trip. Oh, and as a parent I'd lie to my kids about the reason the trip was shortened so that on the day we left Disney no one felt like a "failure".

As long as he would not fail the 6th grade, I'd go. JMO I truly value my childrens education. It's the foundation of their future. So is their self esteem, security, family values and strong roots.