Trip in 39 days, Dont even feel like going!

[DisneyNutMic]

I didn't read the replies but I can give my experience and it should show you that even in the WORST situations, you can still enjoy the time.

Nov 18th my husband told me he wanted a divorce. I had NO CLUE this was coming. He was having an affair (although that part he still doesn't admit even though they are now married). I was devistated. We had a 4 year old son. And were scheduled to leave for Disney exactly three weeks later. My parents were going, his parents were going. It was a BIG family vacation. My parents decided that they couldn't be anywhere near him without physically hurting him. His Father decided that he couldn't face his own son (yeah it was that bad). I BEGGED him to let me take our son alone and just enjoy a vacation alone. The therapist that I went to said it was a HORRIBLE idea for him to go with us. He wouldn't hear of it. And he went.

We drove down seperately. My parents dropped us at Disney and caught a cruise ship. He came down with his mom. I managed to spend a week with him. I held it together for my son. And amazingly we all managed to have a decent time. My child got to enjoy Disney with both of his parents even though his Father was the last person I wanted to spend my vacation with. I learned a lot on that vacation about patience and acceptance.

I'm sorry that you are going through the issues. I hope that you are able to hold your family together and get past whatever happened. I sometimes wish I had been given that chance but I'm not sure I could have stayed regardless. Disney is an amazing place. Go and enjoy your trip. Enjoy your children and leave the mess at home.

 

[drmommy]

My suggestion is this - When you go on vacation, sleep in, be good to yourself - don't push everything to the limit - relax by the pool - watch the parades - cry at the sight of the castle - nurture that child within you who is hurting right now. Give yourself encouragement in being away from the everyday and in a magical world.

Blessings!

Very well said!

Have a good time with your children. Focus on them, and everything will fall into place.

 

[IWannaBeAPrincess]

I said a prayer for you and your family.

I'm so sorry that you were faced with this at all, and especially when looking forward to such a wonderful upcoming vacation.

If you have chosen to work on the marriage, I think that is great. Unfortunately, when you make that choice, you have to put your heart on the line, and let it go, and work on rebuilding love and trust. If he is truly commited and wants this, too, then this trip may really be a catalyst to repair that rift in your marriage.

I love what Irisesareblue said

My suggestion is this - When you go on vacation, sleep in, be good to yourself - don't push everything to the limit - relax by the pool - watch the parades - cry at the sight of the castle - nurture that child within you who is hurting right now. Give yourself encouragement in being away from the everyday and in a magical world.

Blessings!

(hugs)

 

[TigMaya]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I cannot say I know exactly how you feel, as everyone reacts differently; however, my husband and I have been through a lot in our marriage. I won't go into details, but the worst was situation was a relationship (flirting and one kiss) with a coworker. Honestly, nothing in my life has hurt as much as that...

I want to join the chorus of those who are suggesting counseling. When I found out about DH and the other woman, I almost left. He agreed to switch to a different department at work though, and he suggested counseling for himself. He went weekly for many months and in the process was able to deal with some things that had happened to him as a child that he hadn't been honest with anyone about. It helped him so much, and that helped our marriage.

Staying in the marriage was the hardest thing I've ever done, but also the best decision I've ever made. It has been 4 years since the "incident" and our marriage is much stronger now than it was before.

 

[a1tinkfans]

I didn't read the replies but I can give my experience and it should show you that even in the WORST situations, you can still enjoy the time.

Nov 18th my husband told me he wanted a divorce. I had NO CLUE this was coming. He was having an affair (although that part he still doesn't admit even though they are now married). I was devistated. We had a 4 year old son. And were scheduled to leave for Disney exactly three weeks later. My parents were going, his parents were going. It was a BIG family vacation. My parents decided that they couldn't be anywhere near him without physically hurting him. His Father decided that he couldn't face his own son (yeah it was that bad). I BEGGED him to let me take our son alone and just enjoy a vacation alone. The therapist that I went to said it was a HORRIBLE idea for him to go with us. He wouldn't hear of it. And he went.

We drove down seperately. My parents dropped us at Disney and caught a cruise ship. He came down with his mom. I managed to spend a week with him. I held it together for my son. And amazingly we all managed to have a decent time. My child got to enjoy Disney with both of his parents even though his Father was the last person I wanted to spend my vacation with. I learned a lot on that vacation about patience and acceptance.

I'm sorry that you are going through the issues. I hope that you are able to hold your family together and get past whatever happened. I sometimes wish I had been given that chance but I'm not sure I could have stayed regardless. Disney is an amazing place. Go and enjoy your trip. Enjoy your children and leave the mess at home.

You are one AMAZING woman
OP: I hope you get what you........ Want, Need and Deserve!

 

[stitch09]

i'm so so sorry to hear about this! it brought tears to my eyes reading about your situation. i hope everything works out for you remember that you can always find support here from all your fellow disney lovers!!

 

[alexis_fate]

You guys are so awesome and supportive! It is really great to be able to come here and have people listen. I have excluded my family from any of this information, because we decided to work it out. I may forgive him but we know how moms are, I would be the same way with my DDs.

I am currently looking into finding someone for me to talk to. I have read each reply and thought about it from much different angles than before. I am sorry for the people who have been through similar things, it is such a painful thing.

I have thought long and hard about this trip, I am going to go enjoy being with my family away from the "junk" going on right now. I am going to make a promise to myself to not speak of it or try not to think about it while I am there.

Thanks again!!! I really mean it!!!!!

 

[mrskchris]

It is always hard to haer that someone is having marriage trouble. Again, if you both think that it is worth it, seek counseling. On vacation, make the most of the experience of being there.

I will pray for you and your family.

 

[imthatgirl]

I don;t know what to say except for a big hug

 

[meghanlea]

ok so you didn't come out and say it, but im assuming cheating? let me just say the old saying once a cheater, always a cheater is so NOT true! Without too much detail b/c we would be here all day, I am the one who cheated. Not on my actual marriage, but to my husband. When we were younger I was actually with another guy, my DD's father.

We had a rocky relationship, and when we were on the outs I ran to my now DH all the time. At one point DH and I had dated for like 6 months, but secretly I was seeing old BF. I got pregnant with DD by old BF and left now hubby, to what i thought was raising our daughter together. BIG mistake b/c i missed my hubby(rem he was not my DH at the time) sooooo much that I knew he was the ONE i was meant to be with.

When DD was 4 mo old I left BF to get back together with DH. We dated for 15 mo then moved in together, now we havs DS3 and have been married for a year. I love him so much that I could never even imagine cheating on him now, and sometimes regret it in the past, although it did bring me DD.

So moral of the story, is sometimes it takes straying a little bit to see what you have in front of you and how much you truly care about them. (or least it did in my case ) somepeople may not get it, or understand how I could be in love with 2 people and go back and forth at the time. or how DH can be with me now and raise DD as his knowing how she was conceived, but we are ok.

We are teh happiest I have ever been in my life, and would I do things different, maybe, maybe not. You can only learn and live from mistakes. But I do know that I love my husband soooo much that I could NEVER do it again. So maybe if that's what is going on your husband is telling the truth and he really does love you and want things to work. Not saying it's right but maybe he needed to be sure, and if he didn't care or love you he wouldn't be willing to stay there and work things out.

 

[mpls_mm]

I am sort of in the can't have your cake and eat it club. My husband had an issue that I felt was emotional infidelity and he felt was flirting gone a little far. He didn't respect my views or feelings on the matter and I felt it was too big to just "disagree" on. If I let him stay in our lives and go on trips and still be happy family to everyone and not make him own up to what he did and how I felt was a free ride in my book. I left him and went on my own Disney trip with the kids. We were apart for a while, he finally saw that I was serious and went to counseling and we had some serious gut wrenching sessions. Where we are now is so much better than it has ever been, and I don't know if I would have gotten there if I hadn't made us step outside our comfort zones.

 

[StacyMarie]

My family and I leave in about 39 days for a trip to my "happy place". But right now I don't even want to go. Trust me I know how that statement sounds! I mean really who doesn't want to go on the vacation they have been planning for a year.

My marriage has been unstable since Feb when I found out my husband and had an "issue". I don't really want to go into the who, what, where, when because it makes me physically ill. He has assured me the "issue" didn't go as far as I think it did. At this point I am not even sure that matters.

Since I found out I have been an emotional wreck. I decided not to make him leave for a number of reasons, right or wrong that is the decision that I made. But I wonder everyday if he loves me or even wants to be here. He says he does want to be here and loves me more than anything. So how do you hurt someone you love that much?

Anyway it is constantly on my mind and torments me to no end. I don't know how to move on and forgive him. I am always worried that it is going on again, my mind thinks the most horrible things. The worst part is everyday when I go to work the "issue" is next door working!

Someone tell me something to make this horrible gut wrenching pain go away so I can go enjoy this vacation.

See a counselor, get an outside perspective/opinion on the situation, somebody that can help you work through it if possible or help you to realize that you cannot work through it! It helps!

 

[alexis_fate]

I spoke to my DH tonight about going to see someone about everything, he thought it was a wonderful idea. DH told me he wants to do whatever he/we need to do to make our realtionship closer and better.

I think it would be great to speak with someone who "doesn't have a dog in this fight", so they can give you an honest outlook on the situation.

Thanks again for all the support and great ideas!

 

[cm8]

I spoke to my DH tonight about going to see someone about everything, he thought it was a wonderful idea. DH told me he wants to do whatever he/we need to do to make our realtionship closer and better.

I think it would be great to speak with someone who "doesn't have a dog in this fight", so they can give you an honest outlook on the situation.

Thanks again for all the support and great ideas!

and good luck with the counselor and trip to WDW.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

I spoke to my DH tonight about going to see someone about everything, he thought it was a wonderful idea. DH told me he wants to do whatever he/we need to do to make our realtionship closer and better.

I think it would be great to speak with someone who "doesn't have a dog in this fight", so they can give you an honest outlook on the situation.

Thanks again for all the support and great ideas!

good to hear.

 

[sydneysmom]

OMG, my heart just breaks for you. I will say, I do think that getting psyched for your trip is the very least of your problems. If you choose to go, make it for your kids. Not him. and get excited because they will need you to be. The other stuff can wait. He doesn't deserve to ruin your trip.

Your reasons for staying with your husband are your own, but you will have to reconcile whatever it was that happened and figure out a way to move forward or else you'll just hate him more and more each day. If you can't move forward and forgive (or at least commit to trying to forgive) then you may want to rethink your decision or have a temporary separation.

But that being said, I definately think it would benefit your marriage for both of you to get counseling. I think you need a moderator to help you both see each other again..... it won't make you weak. it will make you stronger. And if you're committed to putting your marriage together ( and if he is too) then a counselor can only be a benefit and help you both find "that place" again.

I wish for you peace in your heart. I hope that you and your husband can find a way back to each other if that is what you choose. Much love to you !!!

 

[Disney_Ohana]

((((((hugs)))))) I'm so sorry.

I hope you will be able to enjoy your trip.

 

[Kat&Dom]

I spoke to my DH tonight about going to see someone about everything, he thought it was a wonderful idea. DH told me he wants to do whatever he/we need to do to make our realtionship closer and better.

I think it would be great to speak with someone who "doesn't have a dog in this fight", so they can give you an honest outlook on the situation.

Thanks again for all the support and great ideas!

That is great news. I am so happy for you that your DH is willing to do what needs to be done to make your marriage stronger and better. I hope that your trip to Disney ends up bringing you closer as a couple and is lots of fun. I am so cheering for you guys to be a marriage that makes it. As someone who went through divorce - it sucks, so I am very happy that you are both committed to making changes and staying together. I wish you much love and happiness

 

[ChaMakay1923]

My family and I leave in about 39 days for a trip to my "happy place". But right now I don't even want to go. Trust me I know how that statement sounds! I mean really who doesn't want to go on the vacation they have been planning for a year.

My marriage has been unstable since Feb when I found out my husband and had an "issue". I don't really want to go into the who, what, where, when because it makes me physically ill. He has assured me the "issue" didn't go as far as I think it did. At this point I am not even sure that matters.

Since I found out I have been an emotional wreck. I decided not to make him leave for a number of reasons, right or wrong that is the decision that I made. But I wonder everyday if he loves me or even wants to be here. He says he does want to be here and loves me more than anything. So how do you hurt someone you love that much?

Anyway it is constantly on my mind and torments me to no end. I don't know how to move on and forgive him. I am always worried that it is going on again, my mind thinks the most horrible things. The worst part is everyday when I go to work the "issue" is next door working!

Someone tell me something to make this horrible gut wrenching pain go away so I can go enjoy this vacation.

Sweety!!! I know EXACTLY what you are going through. We should swap emails and vent with each other. I am in the same boat as you are!!!! Though mine doesn't have just one and it's not in person, it's all cyber!!! Every time I leave my house, which honestly isn't very often without him...I wonder what he's doing. I am planning to get a job working third shift for the one hospital not too far from me, and I'm terrified what will go on when I'm not at home! This has been an ongoing issue for more than 10 years! I've left him once and you thought he'd learn.. apparently not. MEN will NEVER change!!! Even IF they would... your trust is broken and it's HARD as HE** to gain it back!!! Ever need to vent.. hit me up on PM. Take care and good luck!

Oh... go on that vacation and have the best time of your life... show him what he'll miss when you leave his **** for what he's been doing!!!!!




Edited: OK, posted above message before I read the whole thread. I want to say... I'm happy for you as long as you are happy to work things out. I too want to be able to trust my husband again, but it's been really really hard to do that. Especially when I left once, came back to work things out and find out he's back at it again. It's hard to gain trust back. He too claims he loves me and only want to be with me. But I just can't understand if that's so true, then WHY do what he does???? I love him with all my heart and hope that this time around he means it and he's stopping everything, but something tells me it's not over. Guess time will tell.

 

[abasmom]

This is EXACTLY my story last year. I found out in January, and we had a trip planned for mid May. It was a birthday trip for my dd and my ds, it wasn’t an option of not going.

Unlike you, we had decided that we were going to separate after the kids finished the school year. Don’t underestimate the power of pixie dust. The first few days were ok. We got along, but we were definitely there “for the kids”. The day that we went to DHS, we were having our family pic taken in front of Mickey’s hat. The Photographer said,

“let’s have some fun. Kids, kneel down next to the stroller and cover your eyes. Mom and Dad, put your hands behind your back and lean into each other. Ok, hold it, hold it, ok now KISS”. (of course I was thinking, you have got to be kidding me!)

But we kissed, and the photographer made us hold that for what seemed like an eternity. But at some point during that eternity, I remembered why I had fallen in love with him. From that moment on, we were holding hands, and laughing with each other. That was the beginning of “working things out”.

Good luck. I hope that you and your dh are able to find the pixie dust. (or at least that photographer!)