Tree's for "needy" kids

[mickeyfan2]

My children aren't on the list. I would hope that if I was one of these needy families I would not ask for such expensive gifts for my children. I would be more interested in coats, clothes, boots, and yes, some toys.

And this is all many of us are trying to say. As for needs and wants not just expensive wants only.

My point to my post is that 'I' want to help those that can't put a decent meal on the table for their children, not the family that just can't afford the bigger ticket items. Does that make sense? And I don't even know if that's the case.

Makes compete sense to me. This is what we want to do too. Many years we actually deliver the AAF gifts that we bought to the actual family (due to the rural area).

Sadly the SA says that the trend is for the expensive stuff only. They do house visits as part of the AAF application process.

My DH and I have been helping a single Mom out. She has 3 children of her own and now her sisters 3 teenage children as well. They needed coats because there Mom never bought them any. They need a bunkbed so they can all have beds. They need help with food and gifts for Christmas. We will continue to help this Mom. They are a family who can use the help, but would never ask.

This is absolutely wonderful of you and your family. This is what the true meaning of Christmas is.

 

[chobie]

I guess I'm a sucker (and I can live with that) because I don't want to be educated to evaluate my donations. I give because I want to give... however I choose to do that. I don't want statistics or facts or whatever else you can throw at me. Others can certainly utilize that information is they so choose... I choose not to. Christmas is not Christmas to me without the gift of giving. Giving to others is MY gift to myself. There is no greater reward then knowing that I may have made a child smile... whether I got them a winter coat or an IPOD or both.

Others choose to place labels on those kids... I choose not to... I'm sure they get enough of that in everyday life.

Exactly and that is all I've been trying to say. Don't buy for them if you don't like what's on the list, but don't call them greedy either.

 

[Cool-Beans]

Great job at judging again. Only you said this not anybody else.

Parents can do whatever they want with their money. If they want to go into debt to give their kid(s) the best Christmas ever that is their choice. Just being rich does not preclude you from being greedy.

A Christmas list for a stanger should include wants and needs. A Christmas list for a person who knows you well can be only wants, since they know your needs.

First, lots of folks can give their kids really nice Christmas stuff without having to go into debt. You don't think everyone has to live on your budget, do you?

If you can't afford to buy them expensive stuff, or if you just don't want to (because you think those kids only deserve necessary items, not extras), then don't buy it. But you don't have to run around calling these kids names.

I don't think calling kids names - especially kids who are having a rought time with life - is kind. I agree that it is cold and mean. And not very Christmasy at all.

This thread is depressing.

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, I vacillate on this one.

It is Christmas, and they are kids, and it must be very hard to have all your schoolmates have an Ipod or a designer purse or whatever, and you don't. Kids really just want to fit in. And kids can be so cruel, that maybe every day of the week they get ragged on for not having the "right" Ipod or the "right" purse, and can you imagine going to school every day and getting picked on???

And yeah...they should be worrying about warm coats, or boots or something practical, but they are kids.

I do prefer to try to find a family to whom there is some sort of "connection"...I belong to an Irish group and we have helped an Irish family where the father became ill and ultimately died of some sort of fairly rare neuromuscular disease, similar in its progression to Lou gehrig's disease. We used to support them by buying food. And yes we bought them the staples, but we also bought them cookies and such because there were 4 kids in the family and kids like cookies. Bad enough their father was dying before their eyes...did they also never get to have cookies or some of the funky cereal that kids love??? Once the disability and such came through, the Mom called and said she didn't need our assistance anymore, because they were in a better place financially, and she wanted to let us know so as to not be taking what she didn't need and maybe we could help another family now and so forth. I thought her to be very selfless and a wonderful example to her children. We also paid the Catholic elementary school tuition of an 8th grader whose father had just died and whose mother wouldn't have been able to afford to keep her in parochial school. We felt that the child should be able to graduate from the school she had attended all her life, with all her friends. Both of these cases were "friend of a friend" type things, and so we felt a bit more secure that there was an actual "need" there. But as PP said...I donate because I want to, I feel I am doing the right thing and if the recipient is doing soething dishonest on their end, they have to live with it.

Like Mother Theresa said "People will mock you for doing good. Do good anyway".

 

[CEDmom]

As I said much earlier in this thread I don't think anyone can really blame the children. There kids and they just want what they see their friends have and what they see on TV. What I'd like to know is how this information is gotten. Is anyone guiding these kids?

I know our church has a tree and we're asked to spend about $35 for each child. There are 3 things listed and all are around that price.

 

[disneymom3]

Wow, I have read this very long thread though I have skipped a lot of the arguments I will admit.

I have been a family two years that needed the assistance of one of these types of organizations. The one year we were signed up for one of the things where you go in and they have you choose a small item, a med item, a large item for each child and a game for the entire family. That was very nice. My 4 yo had asked for only one thing that year and they didn't have it. It was a $10 play dough set. I told the woman I would skip the medium gift for him as then he wouldn't get more than his siblings. She instead brought me a gift card for Target so I could get the gift. It literally made me cry.

The second year, a local church had a family that adopted us. They asked for a list of ideas and sizes. I sent it in. For DH and I, I listed things like new sheets, some gloves for DH, work pants and some other practical stuff. For the kids, I listed mittens, clothes for DD and a church outfit for each son. Then the form had places specifically for toys. So, I put a good price range of things on there. The form also asked specifically if they needed new winter coats or boots and I said no because DD gets all of her winter gear from a friend with a DD who is bigger, I found DS1 stuff at a garage sale and DS2 always wears DS1s last year's stuff. When we went to pick up our items, I found out that we did not get one single thing on the list. The kids got new coats, 3 toys each that were truly bizzarre and nothing of indicated interests on their lists. I truly thought the people had given us the wrong stuff. Except there was a package of Easy Bake mixes for DD which I had asked for and the coats were the right sizes. For DH and I there was a package of flour, some saltine crackers, toilet paper and grape jelly. I kid you not. Okay, I didn't need anything and tried really hard not to be insulted by those things. I would not have put anything on there for us except the form asked for it. But grape jelly and crackers?? Please. I especially agonized over the coats. I did not want to be ungrateful and yet I was worried that some family might be able to really use those coats and my kids sure didn't need two each. I finally called the church and told them we had gotten these coats in our package and my kids really didn't need them so I thought I could donate them back in case another family could use them. The woman asked me if we did get anything the kids needed and again, I felt so awkward. It is hard enough to use these services in the first place. I finally told her about the weird gifts and that basically I was still stuck for Christmas because I really couldn't give my kids this stuff. (I don't even remember now what it was, but truly my kids would have been baffled. And they were little.) The church ended up giving us several gift cards and I took back to them the things we had gotten.

To this day I wonder about the people who adopted us. Did they think we were being greedy? Maybe we only deserved to get grape jelly and crackers for our Christmas dinner.

Financially we are a lot better though we can't yet swing adopting a family. Next year we will though and it is my dream to fulfill the dreams of some other family. Having been there it is all that more important to me.

 

[barkley]

Well, I vacillate on this one.

It is Christmas, and they are kids, and it must be very hard to have all your schoolmates have an Ipod or a designer purse or whatever, and you don't. Kids really just want to fit in. And kids can be so cruel, that maybe every day of the week they get ragged on for not having the "right" Ipod or the "right" purse, and can you imagine going to school every day and getting picked on???

And yeah...they should be worrying about warm coats, or boots or somethinjg practical, but they are kids.

i don't have to imagine-i remember. my parents were probably considerably upper middle class for the area i grew up in, and while i may have wanted to have the 'cool items' in so far as the 'status quo" was concerned- it was my parent's choice to provide me with both what i needed and a few 'non cool' perks. yeah-there were kids who 'ranked' on those of us that did'nt have the latest 'cool' clothes or 'toys', just as they ranked on us for coming from the 'bad area of town' (read-the area where our parents outright owned homes outright vs the areas their parents were mortgaged beyond their greatest earnings potential). did it hurt? yes. did it have an impact on our lives? yes. but not in the detrimental way most would think. for many it educated us that the value of an individual cannot be determined by their possessions, and that those who corelate social status and personal integrity/worth by virtue of a bank account or personal assett statement are misguided so far as the real meaning/value of integrity and worth.

 

[belle&beast]

I have read most of this thread and I keep coming back to my original thought- that kids are just asking for something they want. I know these older kids want more expensive things, but so did I when I was a teen. Did I get them, no, not usually, but they were always on my list.

I have worked with very poor families- going into their homes to provide therapy to infants and toddlers. Very often the parents have very little, but the kids have what they need. These kids may not even realize the struggle their parents go through to provide food and shelter. (Not every situation, I know, but I have seen plenty.) So they want what other kids have. If you can afford a big ticket item and want to purchase it, great! If not, that's great, too!

Instead of adopting a family this year, my extended family is donating the money we would spend on a gift exchange to a family member adopting 2 children from Russia. We can't wait to surprise them on Christmas Eve!

 

[grlzmom]

We currently live in a very small town with a mens correctional facility nearby.

There are lots of kids here with incarcerated parents, many of them being raised by grandparents and even great grandparents. Some of the kids family situations are so complicated.

We chose a family to "sponsor" for Christmas through dh's work. The families are prescreened. We requested a family with preteen aged kids as we feel sometimes these families are overlooked in favor of families with younger kids (sometimes more fun to buy the little kid gifts). They requested socks, underwear, deodorant. One of the girls requested a "hoodie", and the other a "cd walkman". The mom however, wrote on the paper "nothing that requires batteries" (we bought rechargeable ones for the walkman). I can imagine though, some kids here in the same situation who might wish for an ipod or video game, or name brand clothing. Kids want to fit in and belong.

One thing I enjoy very much is to sponsor two kids at prom time. We purchase the dress and shoes for two girls that would like to go to prom but who dont have the means (sometimes foster kids). Certainly not a necessity, but there are some girls who just still dream of wearing the fancy dress and going to the prom. I have read that alot of towns are "recycling" prom gowns and opening up temporary shops at prom time for the girls who need dresses to come in and choose one.

I do think there are those that of course try to take advantage of the situation, which is a shame because it may keep those that really could use the help from getting it.

 

[Cool-Beans]

Like Mother Theresa said "People will mock you for doing good. Do good anyway".

I never heard that quote. I like it. Thanks for posting.

 

[Linzybrooke]

After reading this thread I cannot tell you how saddened I am to read these responses...

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
Matthew 24:40

Merry Christmas, everyone!

AMEN TO THAT!!!!

"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"

or, as they say it in RENT, "Let he among us without sin be the first to condemn".

 

[barkley]

We currently live in a very small town with a mens correctional facility nearby.

There are lots of kids here with incarcerated parents, many of them being raised by grandparents and even great grandparents. Some of the kids family situations are so complicated.

We chose a family to "sponsor" for Christmas through dh's work. The families are prescreened. We requested a family with preteen aged kids as we feel sometimes these families are overlooked in favor of families with younger kids (sometimes more fun to buy the little kid gifts). They requested socks, underwear, deodorant. One of the girls requested a "hoodie", and the other a "cd walkman". The mom however, wrote on the paper "nothing that requires batteries" (we bought rechargeable ones for the walkman). I can imagine though, some kids here in the same situation who might wish for an ipod or video game, or name brand clothing. Kids want to fit in and belong.

One thing I enjoy very much is to sponsor two kids at prom time. We purchase the dress and shoes for two girls that would like to go to prom but who dont have the means (sometimes foster kids). Certainly not a necessity, but there are some girls who just still dream of wearing the fancy dress and going to the prom. I have read that alot of towns are "recycling" prom gowns and opening up temporary shops at prom time for the girls who need dresses to come in and choose one.

I do think there are those that of course try to take advantage of the situation, which is a shame because it may keep those that really could use the help from getting it.

i can't remember the name of the group, but i remember reading in a magazine about a group that was serving people in katrina impacted areas-they were taking donations of both dresses suitable for proms as well as suits for the boys (they kind of set up their own 'tux rental' place for the boys). the group received several donations of matching bridesmaids dresses at one point and realized that there were young couples who had planned weddings and lost their deposits or entire wedding funds when the shops they ordered dresses from were destroyed. the group decided to open up for this population and shifted the dresses to a loaner situation as well. as a result they found that the dresses donated served allot more people-and in some cases the 'borrowers' upon returning the items donated more items (shoes they had dyed to match the dresses, pettycoats, matching silk flower hair adornments and the like). i thought this was a great way to maximize donations to serve a larger client base.

you're right-pre and teens are sometimes the overlooked ones for donations. a great way to help out the older ones at other times of the year is to see if your social services agency has an 'independant living program' (ilp) for kids in the foster care system who will be 'cut loose' at age 18 (as in no longer eligible to funds so they have to move into self supported living situations). some of these programs gratefully accept basic household items to help these 'kids' set up housekeeping.

 

[Forevryoung]

Some people need chill pills.

We are talking about children and Christmas wish lists NOT need lists. These kids are allowed to dream big.

Think about your kid's lists to santa, they knew they weren't gettting everything but by-golly, they wrote it down anyway and then wished upon their lucky stars every night until Christmas morning that they would get that new baby brother or sister or a pony... It's the same thing. Did you ever tell your child not to write something down? No, Santa always tries... that's the magic of the season. Sometimes dreams come true and for some of these kids to write down big ticket items it means that they are giving Santa a chance to come through for them. If you don't want to play Santa for that child then that is your choice, but we all dream big and they see this as a chance for their wish to come true. If they didn't write it down, they wouldn't have a chance for their wish to come true. They took a risk, and they may be a little disappointed on Christmas morning but please don't judge them.

 

[JunieJay]

Interestingly enough, we found a tree family this year with a 12 year old son. I got a few refurbished Ipod shuffles from apple for $29 and wanted to give one to the boy, but its NOT on his list and I don't know if they have a computer. Its never occurred to me that it would be too much or the kid would not be deserving of such an item. Shoot, I wish I had picked a kid with that on his list -- our family has asked for mostly clothes and very few extras. I have no problem with kids listing high ticket items on their list -- after all, most kids want those things. Thats reality.

I'm glad I read this thread though. I'm thinking I'll call the church today to see if they can find out if this family has a computer. This boy would probably appreciate it a lot more than one of my nieces and nephews (who I originally bought them for).

 

[Cindy B]

Some people need chill pills.

We are talking about children and Christmas wish lists NOT need lists. These kids are allowed to dream big.

Think about your kid's lists to santa, they knew they weren't gettting everything but by-golly, they wrote it down anyway and then wished upon their lucky stars every night until Christmas morning that they would get that new baby brother or sister or a pony... It's the same thing. Did you ever tell your child not to write something down? No, Santa always tries... that's the magic of the season. Sometimes dreams come true and for some of these kids to write down big ticket items it means that they are giving Santa a chance to come through for them. If you don't want to play Santa for that child then that is your choice, but we all dream big and they see this as a chance for their wish to come true. If they didn't write it down, they wouldn't have a chance for their wish to come true. They took a risk, and they may be a little disappointed on Christmas morning but please don't judge them.

\
My kids always knew to write "practical" lists for Santa. Never once did I have a dream big impossible to afford item. Not all kids are like that--mine weren't.

 

[kdibattista]

i don't have to imagine-i remember. my parents were probably considerably upper middle class for the area i grew up in, and while i may have wanted to have the 'cool items' in so far as the 'status quo" was concerned- it was my parent's choice to provide me with both what i needed and a few 'non cool' perks. yeah-there were kids who 'ranked' on those of us that did'nt have the latest 'cool' clothes or 'toys', just as they ranked on us for coming from the 'bad area of town' (read-the area where our parents outright owned homes outright vs the areas their parents were mortgaged beyond their greatest earnings potential). did it hurt? yes. did it have an impact on our lives? yes. but not in the detrimental way most would think. for many it educated us that the value of an individual cannot be determined by their possessions, and that those who corelate social status and personal integrity/worth by virtue of a bank account or personal assett statement are misguided so far as the real meaning/value of integrity and worth.

But, honestly, didn't you ask for the "cool" stuff at Christmas? Doesn't mean you got it... but you at least asked for it, I'm sure.

 

[MushyMushy]

Some people need chill pills.

We are talking about children and Christmas wish lists NOT need lists. These kids are allowed to dream big.

Think about your kid's lists to santa, they knew they weren't gettting everything but by-golly, they wrote it down anyway and then wished upon their lucky stars every night until Christmas morning that they would get that new baby brother or sister or a pony... It's the same thing. Did you ever tell your child not to write something down? No, Santa always tries... that's the magic of the season. Sometimes dreams come true and for some of these kids to write down big ticket items it means that they are giving Santa a chance to come through for them. If you don't want to play Santa for that child then that is your choice, but we all dream big and they see this as a chance for their wish to come true. If they didn't write it down, they wouldn't have a chance for their wish to come true. They took a risk, and they may be a little disappointed on Christmas morning but please don't judge them.

ITA!

Geez, some of you people would faint if you saw my DD's list this year. She typed it and taped 3 pages together and made it into a scroll. It's color coded and has a key like on a map. She's far from greedy and knows quite well that she'll only get a few things off that list, but she had a great time putting it together.

 

[maddiemouse]

Anyway

People are often unreasonable illogical and self centered
Forgive them anyway
If you are kind
People may accuse you of ulterior motives
Be kind anyway
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies
Succeed anyway
People may cheat you
Be honest and frank anyway
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight
Build anyway
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous
Be happy anyway
The good you do today people will often forget tomorrow
Do good anyway
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway
You see, in the long run
it is between you and God
it was never between you and them anyway

from Mother Theresa

 

[mickeyfan2]

First, lots of folks can give their kids really nice Christmas stuff without having to go into debt. You don't think everyone has to live on your budget, do you?

I was not implying that at all but I do see how it could be interpreted that way. I don't care how a anybody pays for what they buy; be it cash, CC, loans or ebay selling.

 

[JunieJay]

Anyway

People are often unreasonable illogical and self centered
Forgive them anyway
If you are kind
People may accuse you of ulterior motives
Be kind anyway
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies
Succeed anyway
People may cheat you
Be honest and frank anyway
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight
Build anyway
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous
Be happy anyway
The good you do today people will often forget tomorrow
Do good anyway
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway
You see, in the long run
it is between you and God
it was never between you and them anyway

from Mother Theresa

I love this. Thanks for posting it in its entirety, I'm going to print it out and remember it.