Traveling with non-planners! Aarrgghh!

[karajeboo]

This is going to get very sticky, I'm afraid. DH's parents are taking the whole family to WDW in May. Keep in mind that they are paying for this trip for themselves, DH, me and DD7, DSIL and her DH and DS 4 and 8 months. DH and I have done all the planning, however, at the request of his parents, and his sis and her family. So we picked the resort (POP, so as not to break his parents!), set the itinerary, chose the ADRs after everybody picked their top 3 restaurants in each park, and I even made matching shirts for everyone in the family, Epcot passports for the kids, autograph books for the kids, planning notebooks, peronalized invitations for all the ADRs, the list goes on and on. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a planner and I enjoy doing it. And MIL and FIL really appreciate it.

But DH and I saw the family this weekend and they were talking about the 4 parks, you know - Epcot, MGM, the animal one, and Disney World. What??? Not one other person has picked up a guidebook, gotten online, or anything even remotely close to research! MIL even laughed at the tshirt I made with SIL's favorite character, "Grouchy." Aaaarrrggghhh! I'm going to lose my mind! I have stressed to them over and over, that they need to get on disboards and look at the message boards to get some packing tips, etc. I can see it now, we'll get a light shower and they will all want to hide undercover because they won't have any ponchos. Or they will get blisters because they have no idea just how much walking is involved. Did I mention that DH and I are commando style tourists??? They won't want to be out of the resort that early! And since they are paying for this trip, DH and I don't want to be rude, but at the same time, we want to enjoy ourselves.

We have mentioned that we've seen lots of posts online and most people suggest splitting up during the day, and while they agree, the next thing out of their mouths is "we'll wait with the kids while you ride X" or something like that to insinuate that we will always be together.

We have offered all sorts of hints and nudges, but we're getting nowhere. And I can see it now - we will make a "suggestion" since we are the two that the rest of the family is relying on, but FIL will disagree (can we say control freak???) and everyone will be miserable. Or they will all insist that we sleep in and go to the parks together. How can we find a happy median??? How can we get them to do some research??? How can anyone go to Disney blind? Help!!!!

 

[Minniemouse07]

I would give them all packing lists (I did this for the 20 guests at our cruise wedding) w/ suggested things to pack...then absolve yourself of the responsibility.

I would also set up a schedule that YOU and your immediate family will follow... ie... Monday... leave resort at XXam to arrive at park at XXam. Lunch at XX at XXpm, Dinner at XX at XXpm. Give the schedule out to everyone and tell them that you would be happy to have them come w/ you but if they aren't ready to leave at the stated time...you can meet them later at lunch.

Use the meals to meet up and spend time together. If you spend every minute of every day together...by day three there will be dead bodies!! This way everyone gets to do what they want w/o fighting and you still can spend a lot of time together!

 

[MiniGirl]

We have offered all sorts of hints and nudges, but we're getting nowhere. And I can see it now - we will make a "suggestion" since we are the two that the rest of the family is relying on, but FIL will disagree (can we say control freak???) and everyone will be miserable. Or they will all insist that we sleep in and go to the parks together. How can we find a happy median??? How can we get them to do some research??? How can anyone go to Disney blind? Help!!!!

I do think you can find a happy medium, but I don't think you will be able to get them to do any research. Unfortunately, some things people just need to learn for themselves. I don't see how they can insist that you sleep in. I mean, when you're up, you're up. If they don't want to get up early, just tell them you'll meet them at the park.

We have taken many trips with extended family and the key is to not expect everyone to do everything together. We would always pick a few things we all wanted to do and do those together. Other than that, we were on our own and would meet up for dinner in the evening. Your comando style may not sit well with your family and they should be able to enjoy the parks at a more leisurely pace. Likewise, you should be able to enjoy it at your pace.

Also, please understand that many, many people go to WDW without doing research and touring plans, and they have a great time. I don't think I have ever made a touring plan and very few ADRs, but we have a great time anyway. I hate to have a schedule to keep while on vacation. It is just the way I'm wired.

I'm sure it'll work out. Have a great time.

 

[wilderness01]

I think you will have to be alot more laid back this trip and just go with it. I see you are going very shortly and then again in May. Do everything you want to do next week and then revisit what you can in May. Most of all, have fun.

 

[badblackpug]

The only planning I do is ADR's. We are not commando tourists. We have never used a touring guide. We don't get up early, and have never seen a rope drop. (and probably never will!) Yet we visit WDW every year and always have a magical time.
Commando style, up and at 'em at sunrise style travel is not something everyone enjoys. My suggestion for you is to plan for everyone to visit the same park on the same day. Let everyone get there when they get there. They can always call you when they get to the park and you can choose a place and time to meet.
As for what everyone else packs...Why do you care?

 

[karajeboo]

As for what everyone else packs...Why do you care?

I guess you're right. I'll just look like the superstar when I can whip out a change of clothes for DD while the other kids walk around wet. Or I can listen to them complain about the small rooms with no storage, and then enjoy my clean counters because I brought the hanging shoe organizer. I know I am probably obsessing, but I just fear that DH, DD and I will be the ones to "suffer" because of their lack of planning - i.e. "let's sit here for an hour and wait out the rain" when we have ponchos and are ready to go!

I think we're just going to need an extra dose of patience the entire trip. Even though we tour commando style, we don't use touring plans, but we do go from opening to closing at the parks. I know that MIL and FIL won't be able to do this and they'll get angry if we don't follow them back to the resort. That is a given that will need to be addressed by DH before we leave, I think.

BTW, love your dog! I had a fawn pug when I was a kid - great dog!

 

[eliza61]

Also, please understand that many, many people go to WDW without doing research and touring plans, and they have a great time. I don't think I have ever made a touring plan and very few ADRs, but we have a great time anyway. I hate to have a schedule to keep while on vacation. It is just the way I'm wired.

I'm sure it'll work out. Have a great time.

I too am one of the non planning type people, basically because I fly so often in real life that the idea of another schedule breaks me out in hives.
Op, Whenever we travel with an extended family we make suggestions only! like others said, if they sleep in late, fine. You get up as planned and just meet them for a meal. As the old saying goes "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink"
You will end up driving yourself crazy.

 

[DevilDuckie]

Send out an email with "here's what we find useful" packing suggestions and let it go. They want to hang out and wait for the rain to stop? You keep going and meet up when it dries out.

Sending them the information is a kindness. Following through is their decision.

 

[design_mom]

I think there are two types of non-planners.
1) People who don't want to do the planning.
2) People who don't want a plan.

Which kind are yours?

If you've got people who are (relatively) happy to follow you're plan, I'd put together a little folder for each family that has your packing recommendations and your intended itinerary for each day. Perhaps make your own mini guidebook and include "Some attractions you might enjoy" Maybe highlight your ADRs in yellow since those are somewhat non-negotiable. Give it to everyone and say "you're welcome to make your own plans if you want, but I thought I'd let you know what we're doing."

If you've got plan-haters, then I'd probably just give everyone the run-down the night before: "Tomorrow the MK, MGM and Epcot open at ________, AK opens at ______. We'll be at MK. Our lunch reservations are at _________ at ________. See you at lunch!"

 

[fortheluvofpooh]

I agree, make up the suggested packing list and let them go from there on what they decide they do or do not need. Also give them your itinerary, if they choose to follow it then okay, if not then that is okay too. Use meals as meeting places. Commando style tourism is not for everyone. We have been to Disney several times now and have slowed down our commando style. We stop to look at the other sights, the tourists that are stressed and think WOW glad we are not them. You can't force someone to be the type of tourist you are with out them getting upset. I too am the go, go , go type and on our first trip I stressed big time cause I wanted to see it all and while others did too, they just didn't need to be in as big of a hurry. So on day 3 of our first trip, we (dh, me and our kids) went to animal kingdom and MIL, SIL and DNs went to Epcot, we then met at the rental house for a swim and late dinner. Try not to stress too much if they dont' keep up. It isn't worth the stress. Remember to have fun!!!!!

 

[Rylee]

You'll have a better time if you can accept this will be a different experience than your traditional family vacation. I would give anthing for our parents to visit the World with our children, sadly, that's not possible.

We have traveled with large groups and I always say... "If there is something you/your family would like to see or do, please don't feel as though you have to follow us all day."

Plan out a loose schedule and give each family a copy... Monday @ MK, ADR @ Tony's for 6:00 pm, Wishes @ 9:00, and so on.

We find it works well to start the day together, (if some want to sleep in, great, tell them to call you when they get to the park) then before or after lunch and for the afternoon, we might split-up... some choose to stay in the parks, some return to the resort for a nap, swim, break and then we all meet up for dinner and usually spend evenings together and watch the nightly shows. Some return to the resort earlier than others.

Have a magical trip!

 

[deedeetoo]

We are Disney regulars. There are different ways to do things. I don't buy special Disney stuff ahead of time. I have never made a t-shirt. I don't bring a hanging shoe organizer. Invitations for ADR's? I just bring my notes from when I made the phone call. I've never had a planning notebook.

I admit a get a kick out or reading everyones "must brings" and packing tips. I especially love the ones on what shoes to wear and what stroller to bring.

I know some people love to plan and I understand that's part of your fun, but please don't think its necessary. Your family can have a good time without it. Just let them do things their way. Maybe you can get them each a guide book for a present so that they can get an idea what's in each of the parks and what they want to do. Since they don't sound like real planners I would suggest the Birnbaum Official Guide since it has lots of pictures.

 

[taitai]

Just read some of your comments and it sounds like everyone needs to compromise a bit...including you. Just because you and your family enjoy getting up and going commando style through the parks from dusk to dawn and keep going even in the rain, that does not mean everyone else has to do that, too. I know some members of my family would be miserable touring in the rain, irrespective of ponchos, rain boots, whatever. For some people, vacation means not getting up super early for rope drop but taking a more laid back approach. Just because you have gone a bunch of times and have done the research does not mean your way will work for others.

Sit down with his family and listen to everyone's expectations. If they are substantially different, then figure out how you can compromise and meet everyone's needs. Maybe it is all of you having the same off days and meeting for meals. Maybe you pick one park to do together. Whatever works. However, expecting everyone else to do it your way is only going to make everyone miserable, including you.

It sounds like you have been many times before and are going again soon. So, what if you get up late and miss Dumbo. Is it really going to be the end of the world?

Just enjoy the family time. You won't get many opportunities to do this.

Have fun.
Taitai

 

[karajeboo]

We are Disney regulars. There are different ways to do things. I don't buy special Disney stuff ahead of time. I have never made a t-shirt. I don't bring a hanging shoe organizer. Invitations for ADR's? I just bring my notes from when I made the phone call. I've never had a planning notebook.

I admit a get a kick out or reading everyones "must brings" and packing tips. I especially love the ones on what shoes to wear and what stroller to bring.

I know some people love to plan and I understand that's part of your fun, but please don't think its necessary. Your family can have a good time without it. Just let them do things their way. Maybe you can get them each a guide book for a present so that they can get an idea what's in each of the parks and what they want to do. Since they don't sound like real planners I would suggest the Birnbaum Official Guide since it has lots of pictures.

Usually, I totally agree. This is the only time I have gone way overboard like this. I thought it would be something nice that MIL would enjoy. And she's tickled to death! Ordinarily, we're like you, just bring my res#s (if we even make ADRs!) and know which parks we'll go to on which days. This just seems to be so much different, and I can't seem to put my finger on it! I guess just trying to make it special for MIL and FIL, plus trying to show our appreciation for them treating us to this vacation (heaven knows SIL wouldn't think of thanking them - but that's another story!!! ) So I guess I'll just have to chill and know that 4 months ago we moved to within 3 hrs of Disney so we can go just the 3 of us several times a year now and do it OUR way then!

 

[LadyShea]

Sounds like you want it to be special and as hassle free as possible, as well as meaningfully contribute, since this is a lovely gift.

There are many good suggestions on this thread. Perhaps you could send everyone a package with the ADR's, park maps and hours, a suggested itinerary based on special events or whatever criteria helps you choose which park/which day, maybe an inexpensive guidebook, packing suggestions, weather forecasts, and inexpensive ponchos from the dollar store (I think you can get a pack of 2 for 1.00). This will allow everyone to benefit from your planning.

Also, since you live so close, perhaps go along with the in-laws desires rather than your normal commando style for this one trip

Have fun!

 

[karajeboo]

Sounds like you want it to be special and as hassle free as possible, as well as meaningfully contribute, since this is a lovely gift.

There are many good suggestions on this thread. Perhaps you could send everyone a package with the ADR's, park maps and hours, a suggested itinerary based on special events or whatever criteria helps you choose which park/which day, maybe an inexpensive guidebook, packing suggestions, weather forecasts, and inexpensive ponchos from the dollar store (I think you can get a pack of 2 for 1.00). This will allow everyone to benefit from your planning.

Also, since you live so close, perhaps go along with the in-laws desires rather than your normal commando style for this one trip

Have fun!

Perfect. Exactly what I have done, and will do! Thanx, everyone!

 

[momtoBrandon&Jacob]

To the OP, why does it have to be "your way or the highway"? I'm sure you don't mean it like that but that is how you come off in your post. Mostly everyone I know has been to disney in the past several years and NOT ONE of them has done the extensive planning that you mention, and yet they go back year after year and have a great time and awesome memories. I probably plan more than most of my friends but certainly not to the degree that you have - ADR invitations?

Anyway, it looks like some compromise is needed not only on their side but on yours as well. Try going with the flow for a change - you'd be surprised at how much fun it can be.

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

OP...I understand what you mean exactly! We took a big group there once...and I so wanted their kids to experience some of the "unusual" things...things you only find out about if you do your research! I also want the experience to be very magical since I figured at least 2 of our group wouldn't make it back there for a while...if ever.

I can't say that we go "commando," but since it's normally just the 3 of us, we do get quite a bit done in a day. With the bigger group, we found that it was fun/irritating/enjoyable/frustrating family times. Fortunately, the good outweighed the bad.

Here's the thing I learned...have fun and laugh a lot! If you have a good time, everyone else around you will too. If your in-laws don't understand why doing X (in our case, riding on the monorail with the driver) is such a big deal and won't do it...shrug it off (to the best of your ability) and go from there.

It's hard dealing with family nearly any time of year. Just remember this, going on vacation particularly with grandparents and grandkidstogether is it's own little piece of magic that should be cherished regardless of where you go or your touring plans.

So, I guess what I'm saying is to forget the magic of Disney...and focus on the magic of your kids with their grandparents. We did that when we went to Hawaii for 2 weeks with my parents...and 2 years later my son says it's the best vacation ever because he got to go boogy-boarding with Pop! (Yes, use your imagination....a then 7 year old boogy-boarding with a 67 year old man with a pot belly! It was hysterical!)

 

[tjmw2727]

We have done a couple trips with my bil/sil neices and nephews and despite very differnt touring styles/priorities and kids ages we always manage to have a great time.

They love to sleep late and stay out late, we are early risers and don't stay out as late. They love to wear the matching T's and we don't. They are always late, which drives my DH crazy so we somtimes "fib" on the ADR times We usually agree on a park and make arrangements to meet for a meal, a parade or a few hours of touring together. We often plan an afternoon at the pool for the kids to play and the adults to relax and catch up. Some days we spend the morning together, other days we may just catch up in the evening for Dinner and and evening parade/fireworks show. There is alot of playing it by ear but we enjoy spending time with family so we make it work and always come home happy.

Honestly I don't think I would enjoy spending 24/7 with another family while on vacation.

Can you step back a bit and maybe plan a little less for the entire group while keeping your plans in tact? For example if they don't have ponchos - they can either buy them and keep going with you or meet you later if they want to wait it out in a dry place.

I totally get that you want to make things special for everyone but sometimes you also have to relax and let the magic happen.

TJ

 

[noahdove]

I agree with minniemouse07 Be sure they have maps and anything that you will have to have yourselves an awesome and magical time Prayers to you