Traveling with friends

[AuntieKels]

Hi all!

I have a little concern about going on a disneyland trip with a friend. We have been friends our whole lives but haven't been super close in the past few years. I mentioned that I was looking into doing a solo trip to DLR and she thought it would be a better idea to come with me. The idea sounded pretty good over dinner but after more thought I'm getting a little worried. I have always been the passive/relaxed friend and she is the controling/needy one. Now that we are adults and I'm married I've gotten use to traveling at my pace and making my own choices - here are a couple concerns I have:

1)I'm an early bird and like to get going - she isn't
2)She has already changed my hotel plans because it's cheaper but doesn't have some of the amenities I was wanting.
3)She mentioned that her dad doesn't want two young ladies walking the streets of Anaheim alone - did I mention that I'm nearly 30 and have been self sufficient for 10 years?
4)I like to get the most out of my Disney trips, I don't concider them relaxing vacations - she is notirious for getting blisters or wanting to take a break constantly.

Here's the thing, I would be totally fine with whatever if I was sure I could get up and go to the park before rope drop. After our conversation today I got the feeling that was not going to be ok with her. It sounds like she would like to wake up, go to breakfast, get some coffee and pick up a shuttle to the parks. I would be fine with meeting up at the parks when she gets there but unlike me, she isn't the type to do anything on her own. I know that when two friends travel together there is give and take but how do I manage this?

What do I do? Do I ditch her in the hotel room and possibly upset her and her parents or give up my prime time morning rides? Oh, BTW her parents are my God Parents so I'm invested in not upsetting them also.

Thanks for the advice Dis-friends!

 

[Monica D]

That's a tough one. I think if you go with her you're going to have to compromise a little. We usually take group trips, so I'm used to having to alter plans if the majority wants to do something different then I do.

For #1, I would let her know that "I will be leaving to go to the park at XX time"; if she's ready fine, and if not you'll meet up with her later. #2 is done, so I guess there's not much that can be done. #3 is ridiculous, and I wouldn't even worry about it. LOL #4...let her take a break or go to the hotel if she's tired. Make sure you stand up for yourself if YOU want to keep going and she doesn't. Personally, I wouldn't want to hold someone back.

Good luck, and you never know...maybe she'll back out and it won't be an issue!

 

[Escape2Disney]

Hi all!

I have a little concern about going on a disneyland trip with a friend. We have been friends our whole lives but haven't been super close in the past few years. I mentioned that I was looking into doing a solo trip to DLR and she thought it would be a better idea to come with me. The idea sounded pretty good over dinner but after more thought I'm getting a little worried. I have always been the passive/relaxed friend and she is the controling/needy one. Now that we are adults and I'm married I've gotten use to traveling at my pace and making my own choices - here are a couple concerns I have:

1)I'm an early bird and like to get going - she isn't
2)She has already changed my hotel plans because it's cheaper but doesn't have some of the amenities I was wanting.
3)She mentioned that her dad doesn't want two young ladies walking the streets of Anaheim alone - did I mention that I'm nearly 30 and have been self sufficient for 10 years?
4)I like to get the most out of my Disney trips, I don't concider them relaxing vacations - she is notirious for getting blisters or wanting to take a break constantly.

Here's the thing, I would be totally fine with whatever if I was sure I could get up and go to the park before rope drop. After our conversation today I got the feeling that was not going to be ok with her. It sounds like she would like to wake up, go to breakfast, get some coffee and pick up a shuttle to the parks. I would be fine with meeting up at the parks when she gets there but unlike me, she isn't the type to do anything on her own. I know that when two friends travel together there is give and take but how do I manage this?

What do I do? Do I ditch her in the hotel room and possibly upset her and her parents or give up my prime time morning rides? Oh, BTW her parents are my God Parents so I'm invested in not upsetting them also.

Thanks for the advice Dis-friends!

Traveling with others can be tricky business. It can be quite fun or a nightmare. We've done it a few times and learned quite a bit through trial and error. The most important bit of advise I can give you is to set boundaries and expectations BEFORE you get to the parks! It really can affect your trip if you go in thinking you can squelch your frustration....one tired afternoon your emotions can all explode all over your friend (trust me on this one).

We've found the magic formula for our family and friends. Here are a few things we talk about before we get to our vacation destination:

• We actually have the opposite issue about breaks. I need frequent breaks for health reasons. I let everyone going know that when I need a break, I'll be taking one. I encourage them to continue to have fun at the parks. In your case, you can encourage her to take as many breaks as she wants/needs. Let her know that you'll likely go do some of the things she doesn't want to do while she's taking that break. If you focus on meeting back up and doing something she wants to do, that should help. <With this one, it's all in the delivery of the message. Focus on your understanding of her needs>
• If we want to be there at rope drop and know that the other people aren't necessarily morning people, I'd say something like "The best part of Disnelyand for me is the rope drop in the mornings. I know you like a more relaxed morning, so how about I make brunch reservations and we meet when you're ready to hit the parks."
• We ask everyone what they want to see/do while there. For things that are the same (i.e. everyone wants to go on Soarin'), we make plans to do those things. Everything else on the list helps justify time apart.
• When possible, we just don't share rooms. Most of the time that is just too much together time for us! There are very few exceptions to this rule. DD and I would rather shorten a trip instead of sharing a room with someone who's too needy/clingy. Besides, the older I get, the more I just want SPACE when I crash for the night LOL
• I've learned not to just blindly ignore my needs/wants because someone elses needs/wants are different. I ALWAYS hear them out because their needs are important. But now I also voice mine (this was a hard earned lesson for me). If they meet, then great! If not, then I encourage them to do what they need and I'll do what I need. It sounds cold, but it really is better than just being frustrated because I have to sleep in an uncomfortable bed or stay in a room I where I'm not relaxed.
• I point out things that they might want to do that I'm not interested in doing. I then encourage them to do those things and meet up with me later.
• We'll make one or two meal reservations per day to be sure everyone has an opportunity to hang out together.

Bottom line - if we don't talk about these things ahead of time, it can be a trip killer. I love to share my love for Disney with people. By giving everyone a way to do what they want and tour together when our interests cross, it seems to work really well! Our last few DLR vacations have been stress free, even with many different friends floating in and out of the plans.
Good luck, and have FUN!

 

[nannyz]

Our family of nine will be leaving for DLR in a few days.
I wake up with the birds, so I have made it clear to everyone that I will be up and out of the room for rope drop and will take the kids with me if they are ready. The others are welcome to join me or meet up with me later. (This includes my husband).
We all have agreed that we don't all have to do the same thing at the same time.
I think you definitely need to discuss all of this with your friend ahead of time. She can then choose to go along with you or back out of the trip.
It would help also if you had your own room.

 

[larina]

I'm sorry, but I don't understand. YOU had a trip planned. SHE invited herself. That means YOU shouldnt have to change your plans to accommodate her; she needs to adjust her expectations to fit YOUR trip if she wants to go. As said above, be clear about your plans so she can decide if she wants to join you or not. She does not sound like an ideal DL partner to me, but we don't suffer sissies lightly in my family, especially on vacation!

 

[hootey]

I would say NO, very politely to your friend. Traveling with friends can destroy friendships. Have lost a couple friends over the years due to this. Inlaws are the same way, never travel with them.( if you have went to the DLR for several days with inlaws and enjoyed yourself, you are special or they are ). You stated that she has already made changes to your trip, that is unacceptable. It is your trip. Let her tell someone else what to do and how to spend their money....

 

[nikkislaght]

Oh lord I feel your pain.. my sister is a bit like this and when we traveled it always seemed that I was giving in to her demands..

Ditch her now...lol I know thats not possible, but I would be firm in my plans and stick to what I want to do,, you cant please all the people all the time. so please yourself...
You need the break too, and if she jumped on YOUR plans then she should be accommodating to you. Even is she is "family" I would still be strong in saying what you want ..
I would go early do my thing and let her catch up to you. As for being alone in Anaheim and walking the streets.. please I want to find a place in Anaheim where I can be alone...

Good luck and next time .. dont mention your plans to her until you come home..

 

[D1sneyfam1ly]

I would be honest with her now rather than wait to feel frustrated during the trip. If she is going to be upset about your honesty, I would rather that it come now then during the trip if it were me. Also, both of you could make a list of things that are high priorties for your trip and then decide now when you can split up or where to give in and let the other person have something important to them. If the rope drop is really important to you and a slow morning is important to her then that will probably be a split up time. Or maybe one morning could be a slower morning and another morning could be an early rope drop. Also you could point out some of the breakfast options inside the park if you want her to be there early with you.

 

[AuntieKels]

Thanks for the advice everyone!

I just sent her and email with some basic trip planning info and questions. I made sure to add direct things like, "I'm an early bird and will be at the parks before rope drop - would you like to join me? or we can make plans to meet up when you're ready!" so it's clear what I will be doing and what her choices are. I mixed that in with other stuff like whether or not we should do the picnic meals for World of Color fast passes. I hope I can stay strong with my plans and she will respect my wishes!

Thanks again!

 

[Escape2Disney]

Thanks for the advice everyone!

I just sent her and email with some basic trip planning info and questions. I made sure to add direct things like, "I'm an early bird and will be at the parks before rope drop - would you like to join me? or we can make plans to meet up when you're ready!" so it's clear what I will be doing and what her choices are. I mixed that in with other stuff like whether or not we should do the picnic meals for World of Color fast passes. I hope I can stay strong with my plans and she will respect my wishes!

Thanks again!

Good for you! It really is better to get this stuff handled before travel. It sounds like you put a positive spin on the information which always helps.

One other hint I forgot to add earlier....

If you usually get railroaded into stuff because she makes you feel guilty, come up with a simple phrase you can say in response that is nice, but clear. For example "I totally understand you need a rest! When you get back, we can do XXX..." (just an example). I practice a series of phrases like this in my head so they just pop out of my mouth when needed.

I hope your friend responds well and you have a great trip!

 

[brenda1966]

Good luck!

I agree with other's advice. This is YOUR vacation. If you want to be at rope drop, go, and have her call you when she's in the park and ready to meet up. After travelling with other famillies I can tell you that there are times when you just have to split up and do your own thing. Everyone wants to have a good time and sometimes our idea of a good time is not the same, so you separate and meet later. With cell phones, there's no excuse not to do this.

AS for the safety of Anaheim. If you stay within walking distance you really have nothing to worry about because so many people are walking. Same really with a shuttle -- it should always be packed with people. OR she can spring for a taxi.

 

[KateDrake]

Sounds like you are on the right track! I would just chime in and agree that it is really early to set the expectation before the trip, so she knows that while you are excited to spend time with her (or at least she thinks you are) that it's OK to have some space, too. We almost always go with friends or family(even my in-laws, and we all still like each other!) but we have the rule that "Everyone is in charge of their own fun." So you are in charge of getting to the parks at rope drop if that will make your trip, and she is in charge of doing what she would like, whether that includes meeting up, or going solo.
I think the meet up for meals is a great idea. We usually do a big table service meal once a day, where we know we'll all be together. We also do plenty of rides and everything together as well, but we know it's OK to split up if someone wants to do something else. My mother-in-law does this often, because she can't stand the Fantasyland rides. So while we take DD3 on the tea cups or Peter Pan, she hits the single rider lines on the thrill rides, and we meet up later.
Lastly, I would just reassure your friend on the safety issue. Anaheim is VERY safe, even in the dead of night. I've walked by myself or pushing a stroller numerous times, and never had a problem. Particularly at park opening and closing, there are always TONS of people around, so you'll both be totally safe. Sounds like you aren't worried, but that might help her feel better.
Best of luck! I hope you have a good trip!