Traveling with another Family - Am I in trouble?

[KarateBlackBelt]

test

 

[KarateBlackBelt]

car - i need to post a couple of replies and then I can do private message.
Let me do that and I'll pm what I think.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

My dh doesn't know yet that I sent the emails and I'm sure if he reads them I'll be in deep. We did discuss and "agree" that if the teen was allowed to drink then we would get alternate housing, but he is a peacemaker and I don't know if he would willingly go along with implementing this as it took too many problem instances before he agreed to go home early on New Year's Eve.

I completely agreed with you up until this point. Correct me if I am wrong but this is someone that your dh works with? I would not have emailed them about this issue unless dh and I agreed about it. Too late now, but I think it is going to make the whole trip very tension filled. I do not agree with serving minors and would not leave my kids with others that think it's okay. On the other hand, I had many friends growing up that did things that I would never consider (lying, stealing, to name a few). I never got in trouble and never participated in their "extracurrlicular" activities. They were good friends, but we just had different ideas about certain things. I had a very open relationship with my parents and I also knew better than to even think about participating in anything that could get me in trouble! So while I understand that you don't want your kids around others who act like that, (and I don't either) they will probably stil to the values that you have taught them. Good luck in whatever you decide.

 

[caribbound]

Yes my dh works at the same company as the mom, different departments but they've had one or two business trips together which gave them more opportunity to get to know each other. Over the past year plus we've gotten together as a family occasionally, especially the boys. We had discussed and agreed on the principals of what I emailed, just not that I would handle it. He is one to sweep the mess under the carpet and hope it goes away. It usually doesn't and then I'm the one that's mad instead of whomever is out of line that I think should be confronted. (usually his mother )

We had a discussion a couple nights ago and he assures me there will be no teen drinking, adult movies and video games, if there are any in the house, will be put away out of sight by him, and even bed times are going to be enforced by him for all kids 10 and under. My guess is they don't have one if it's not a school night, but having to get up early for parks my girls need their sleep. I don't think the other dad will take kindly to this, feel threatened in his ability to parent or whatever, but the three of us (me, dh and the other mom) will definitely have to meet to discuss it all soon.

I am meeting with my pastor today at Q's suggestion, so I'll see what he thinks. Otherwise I'm going to let this drop here. Thank you all for the well wishes and ideas. I'm feeling much less stressed since talking to dh again at least. You all helped me through a tough week.

 

[1Prince2Princesses]

It sounds like you have a great husband, and good kids. You're doing the right thing by confronting this issue now. I hope it works out for the best for you. I'll say a little prayer for you!

 

[dizkids]

WOW very tough situation. You live far away from these people so it doesnt sound like you know them well. We are family of 5 who has traveled many times with other family members and friends. It IS HARD even if you love them. I have always had separate accomodations...own rooms though.

BUT the alcohol is a legal issue that I wouldnt want anything to do with. Yes, i understand when money is tight and $700 is a lot but if you get it out of your system now and back out you wont be on edge 24/7 on your vacation. My kids LOVE disney and while they would LOVE to have a friend or cousin around....we certainly can have grand old time with just the 5 of us!

If you stay.... you will be stressed the entire time it will eat at you all day every day about what their next move will be and what situation might arise. You are NOT a prude. Stick to your values.

And if they are your friends they would understand and compromise for you. My good friend knows I do not allow my kids to play teen video games and when my kids go to her house she tells her kids to play something else....simple as that...and i never had to ask...that is a friend.

Good luck to you. I would call the person on the phone.

 

[horseshowmom]

I hope we never get to the point where being opposed to underage drinking makes one a prude.

That mother is making a very big mistake with her children (not to mention the legal ramifications).

I truly do understand how much $700 is (I cut corners at every opportunity), but you need to weigh whether the negative impact these people can/probably will have on your children is worth the $700. Probably not...

Also, your trip is going to be pretty expensive. I don't think there's any way you're going to relax and really enjoy it with the other family along. Personally, I would rather lose that extra $700 than be miserable on a trip that I'm spending that much money on. Chalk it up to an expensive lesson learned.

Good luck!

 

[MSSANDRA]

Prayers for you in this disaster waiting to happen. I just can not see this being a good situation for your family in any way. I Think you need to protect your children and your self. if you are the home renter, you might in deed be held liable for any damage or injury from under age drinking. I think making thier kids go to bed would be a total joke. Sounds like they are used to NO rules at all.

I would tell the other family that you have decided to let the house go. If they want to rent they would need to go though the rental co. Do not be a middle man. Loss money but worth it to protect your family.

So sorry. We travel with our best friends and are so Blessed that we have never had even one real issue.

 

[peasy]

Wow car you weren't kidding. No, you are a not a prude. I agree with most that unfortunately the standards just keep dropping.

I totally understand the money and all that you have already invested in it. DH and I don't have any families that we feel comfortable traveling with, either. If we are close enough to friends - they generally don't have the money to go anywhere and if they do, they don't have kids!

If I were in your shoes, I would do exactly what you have done so far in contacting them. Letting them know you are NOT ok with it and not because you are judging them but because you have every right to protect your kids from something that is ILLEGAL. I could see if it was a questionable video game, etc but allowing under age kids to drink - no matter what the circumstance, ughh. I won't get on a soap box but there are so many levels on which that is a terrible thing to encourage. A sip or two of champagne is one thing, but letting them "live it up" for whatever reason is not cool.

OK so back to your trip, lol. I wouldn't leave your kids alone Car. Go and have a great time, but keep your kids close. If the other family starts anything like that, take your kids and go find something else to do. It may not even come up at all - and you will just go and have a fantastic time and all this worry will be for not. If they are allowing their kids to do stuff like that with you around, I'd hate to think what they are doing with the other parents not around. It's not a bash towards them, but I KNEW parents like that growing up and they were NOT good influences on my friends and I.

HUGS Car, I hope this turns out to be absolutely nothing. Oh and I HOPE your book shows up SOON!!

 

[rgribik]

We have gone many times with other families--some we will never go with again Here is my opinion---you don't sound ready to pull a long vacation with people in the same house, it will end up that you don't enjoy your hard earned and planned for vacation. I understand your need to keep your family values(I agree with the drinking), but strict bedtimes, tv/movie/video control are all things that, while sounding like small concessions to you, might be huge problems for other families. I'm not knocking your values, I just know from experience that when you go on a long vacation and expect your laws to be the law of the house, it can get very stressful. Here is an example: we will never go with dh's brother and family again for many reasons, but they sleep until noon, and we don't, so we were expected to be quiet while they were sleeping(you think that is just common manners? Try doing it in one condo, with 3 kids!!! They ate at specific times during the day and if it was getting close to their eating time-- everything stopped and a food joint had to be found--very annoying
If you go with this family---Be realistic, be flexable and be prepared to wish you had gone by yourself.

 

[caribbound]

If you go with this family---Be realistic, be flexable and be prepared to wish you had gone by yourself.

Yes this is what we are prepared for. Definitely wish we would have stuck with the two condo plan. It had just been so much fun with sharing the house on our Ohio trip.

We have "virtually" via dh's words I suppose, hugged and made up. She was shocked that dh asked if the teen would be drinking since it hadn't been a thought in their minds and is a rare occurance. She disapproves of the video games her own dh allows the kids to play so if that's a question will be happy to support our restrictions. I don't have a strict bed time because who knows when and where we'll be at the normal time. I just want all small kids (because hers are so loud) to go to bed/rooms at similar times based on when we have to get up in the AM so there is less crabbiness the next day and we might even have a bit of adult relaxing time before we crash. We'll have talks with our kids about what is expected and appropriate and that not everyone believes the same things. They know this from school anyway, it's just more personal when it's the same roof for a week.

And I think we'll plan some dinners alone for a bit less chaos. I've never even done 6 days in the parks and dh and I thought 4 days was too much last time. But maybe we'll take it slower since it's not the first time and we have more time to spread it out. 9 days to go!! I'll post the results when we get back in case anyone's curious.

Thanks for all the tips and info!

 

[letsgoagainsoon]

We have been going to WDW the last several years with family. We have always gotten three separate rooms. Even with close family, I am not sure we could spend a vacation together in the same house. Throwing the other "issues" into play here, I know I could not do it. You are not a prude, I would probably cancel and take my family on our own. I know, easier said than done.

 

[dizkids]

HI Carribbound~

YES please post when you get back. Very curious now. If she was shocked that she was asked about the drinking...then maybe that can shock her into good behavior so you dont have to use the "i told you so" card. GOOD LUCK. HAVE FUN. AND YES...go your separate ways a bit to get your own space. You will all need it. Safe Trip : )

 

[bdklein]

We had a discussion a couple nights ago and he assures me there will be no teen drinking, adult movies and video games, if there are any in the house, will be put away out of sight by him, and even bed times are going to be enforced by him for all kids 10 and under. .

Sounds a little too strict. No video games? Enforced bedtime, on a vacation? For kids that are not yours?
What if you are having fun one night? You just going to stop all the fun. Can stay up a little later, and then get up a little later?
Those kids of yours will probably rebel when they get older. Look out then!

 

[Gillian]

I wouldn't have a problem with parents allowing their own teen to drink at home, under certain circumstances, but not their friends. DH is really into good beer and wine, and I'm sure he will want to share his hobby with our kids when they are older.

It sounds like you have a great attitude! You always have to be flexible when travelling with a group, even if you are alike in every way. Too much togetherness is a bad thing.

 

[caribbound]

Sounds a little too strict. No video games? Enforced bedtime, on a vacation? For kids that are not yours?
What if you are having fun one night? You just going to stop all the fun. Can stay up a little later, and then get up a little later?
Those kids of yours will probably rebel when they get older. Look out then!

Obviously you didn't read the whole post with additional comments by me. The key was ADULT movies and video games. We have GameCube, Wii, Nintendo DS and GameBoy SPs here. I play some of it too. But there are only a couple teen games I let my oldest play (Star Wars, Spiderman) and they let their 7 and 10 yo. play Mature rated games. Not even their oldest, older than mine, would be able to buy that in the store on their own. There's a reason for ratings. Getting to bed is all relative to what is happening at the time and when we need to get to the park in the AM. Young kids need regular sleep or the parents and others in line around them pay for it the next day. Their kids are just as young but are very wild and unstructured, so if my girls are trying to go to bed I don't want yelling and running through the house by kids the same age as them, nor am I going to wait in the morning, as we all know the best time to be at the park, because nobody got enough sleep to get up in a happy mood.
My guess is you are at the least not a parent, and more likely a teen yourself. But thanks for the warning.

 

[yellownovawife]

Car, I love the way you handled that Way to go!

 

[carrie s]

I agree with no teen drinking in the house but I know if someone told me what time I had to send my kids to bed I would be pretty mad.Just because the house is in your name doesnt mean you can make all the rules for their kids.

 

[yellownovawife]

I agree with no teen drinking in the house but I know if someone told me what time I had to send my kids to bed I would be pretty mad.Just because the house is in your name doesnt mean you can make all the rules for their kids.

I really don't think she wants to make all the rules for their kids. She wants to have peace and quiet for her kids to fall asleep and she wants to travel with ppeople who have the same priorities (well-rested kids, happy adults, fun days at park, not a waste of time and money....) That is why she was worried in the first place because she thought maybe they were not like-minded enought to be travelling together.

We are about to emabark on an adventure with Dh's brother, his wife and their two kids. We have done some small trips together and we have side by side cabins at family camp each year. We all can annoy each other slightly from time to time but we all have the same goals and priorities so it will be fine!

I think that wanting to travel with people who share your values, goals etc.... does not mean that you want to enforce your rules on their kids!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Obviously you didn't read the whole post with additional comments by me. The key was ADULT movies and video games. We have GameCube, Wii, Nintendo DS and GameBoy SPs here. I play some of it too. But there are only a couple teen games I let my oldest play (Star Wars, Spiderman) and they let their 7 and 10 yo. play Mature rated games. Not even their oldest, older than mine, would be able to buy that in the store on their own. There's a reason for ratings. Getting to bed is all relative to what is happening at the time and when we need to get to the park in the AM. Young kids need regular sleep or the parents and others in line around them pay for it the next day. Their kids are just as young but are very wild and unstructured, so if my girls are trying to go to bed I don't want yelling and running through the house by kids the same age as them, nor am I going to wait in the morning, as we all know the best time to be at the park, because nobody got enough sleep to get up in a happy mood.
My guess is you are at the least not a parent, and more likely a teen yourself. But thanks for the warning.

I do have to say that while I agree with the no drinking rule, I too would be pretty peeved if you thought you were going to tell me what my kids could watch, what games they could play, what time we all had to wake and sleep etc. I also understand and agree with nobody running around yelling when my kids are trying to get to bed. But truthfully- it is not your decision what others do with their kids. We let our young children watch certain things that have a higher rating. If we feel it is okay and appropriate then I do not care what the rating is. My son (4.5) loves superheros. He has seen Batman, Spiderman, Superman etc. They are not G rated but we feel that there is nothing wrong with watching superheros. Will we let him watch The Sopranos? No. He also plays video games that have the warning label on them. He is very into being a good guy and some games have that theme or have problem solving themes but are a little graphic so they get an adult rating. All of our children are extremely well adjusted with a good sense of right and wrong and very polite. This is not just my opinion as their Mom- we have been approached many times by strangers complimenting them on their manners and good behavior. I am not trying to tell you what you should and shouldn't do with your kids, but others do have reasons for allowing certain things. I am not saying that the family you are talking about is well informed in their choices as from what you have posted they seem more like a free for all - but again- that is their choices and as a parent I'll be darned if you will tell me what my kids can and can't do. I would expect nothing more than common courtesy from them. Anything more than that in my opinion would be just plain rude. JMHO.