Traveling on X-mas (sorry long)

[sharbear]

For the last 10 years or so to make my and my DH's families happy we have traveled 170 miles to my sister's on X-mas eve and then driven home that night. We get up the next morning open our presents and hurry 165 miles to my MIL's. I am supposed to make dishes for both, and frankly I am tired of not spending time with my family at my house. Some years we have had Christmas at my house but then my sister has to travel that distance and her husband has health problems and it is a big strain for him to travel so much in one day. 3 years ago my Mom and Dad moved 1000 miles away and she has been trying to get us to see her.

This year I decided to go to her house after X-mas. Do you think that she is happy. No! She wants to travel to my sister's and have me come over there and then go to my MIL's and then turn around and come to her house. I said no and she is in a snit.

I am going to my Mom's house two days after X-mas and my sister is coming down also so we'll all be together. I think that my mom is going crazy thinking about all of us in her house all at once. We have never all been at her house at one time.

Two questions, does anybody else travel to the ends of the earth to make everybody happy while sacificing personal sanity? Also am I destined to be like my mother, only happy when we do what she want us to do. I feel bad that she and my dad are going to be alone on X-mas day and I didn't ask them to move a 1000 miles away. She used to live an hour away, life was much easier then. My mom is not a very happy person and I am so afraid that I am going to end up like her.

 

[Louise-Montreal]

As Ann Landers, Oprah, and Dr. Phil say the only one who can take advantage of you is YOU!!
Say no, stay home and do what you want! Sounds like you have given enough of your time to others and it is about time you took care of yourself. Tell them gently but firmly what you want to do this year. If it helps, maybe you can tell them that you will alternate each year- spend one year on the road and the next at home.

Grumpy people are usually grumpy because they are busy pleasing others and not themselves. I am not saying be totally selfish and forget everyone else and their feelings, but how about giving yourself the same attention that you have given everyone else.

Whatever you do, please remember that you are not a horrible person, but a caring one. It is evident in the concern you have to please all. For what it is worth, you sound like you are pretty terrific!!

Louise

 

[musicfan]

Well, my in-laws live in Oregon and we live in Maine, so it certainly FEELS like we have to travel to the ends of the earth!

Anyway, here's a different suggestion. Go to your family (sister or mother, whichever you feel like) one year and to your in-laws the following year. Or even, your mom/sister one year, in-laws the next year, and YOURSELF AT YOUR OWN HOME the next year! What a concept!

People only bother getting in a snit when they think they have a hope of changing your mind and getting you to do what they want. If that hope is extinguished, they will stop harassing you, just like kids. If you lay down the law and don't budge from it, in ten years they will stop bugging you!

Ha! Ha! Now if only I had the cojones to do this in my OWN life.

 

[LucyStorm]

Prior to having kids, we played that game too. Once my kids came along, I made it clear to both sides of the family that Christmas was for kids, and mine were going to spend it where they belonged, at home. Either side was welcome to join us for breakfast and to watch the kids open their gifts from Santa if they'd like, but I would not leave home on Christmas. Amazingly enough, after the first year when I stuck to my guns, the families came to my house as it was convenient for them. And my kids have grown up not feeling like Christmas was about spending all day in the car.

Best wishes!

 

[ReneeA]

There's no way I would do all that traveling during the holidays. It's no wonder you aren't enjoying it!

My family lives 300 miles away, and my dh's family lives in the same city as we do. We normally do holidays with dh's family, then travel north to my family the weekend after. DH usually tries to get some time off so that we can spend a long weekend with my family.

We decided when we first got married that there will be no long distance traveling for us on holidays.

Good luck...stand your ground!

ReneeA

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Do what makes your immediate family happy.Holidays should not be so stressful.

My MIL has a big family get together at her house every Christmas Eve for her side of the family. I told DH that I would go as long as we came home that night so we can be home on Christmas Morning. It is only an 1 1/2 hours away and DD loves playing with all of the cousins. Plus it is the only time we get to see a lot of the relatives. Both sides are very understanding about having our own family traditions.

 

[beansmom]

for the last several years we have gone to dh's family for xmas (his dad and stepmom and sisters). They put on the most shockingly vulgar display of consumerism I've ever seen and last year was enough for us. We told them in September that we would not be coming this year and to please not buy us gifts.

They called last night to see if we were coming and for ideas for gifts. For over an hour I tried to explain to them that the money would please us more if it were given to charity instead. I told them we're staying home with my children (grown) for a change and h's bio mom. They're not happy but they'll get over it.

I, on the other hand, am ecstatic and relieved.

Stay home!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally posted by sharbear
does anybody else travel to the ends of the earth to make everybody happy while sacificing personal sanity?

No way!
I would say if you are not up for the traveling this year you say so.
But I will say you have a heck of a schedule that I could not do that is for sure. I complain if I have to leave the house on C. Day. We meet on C. Eve & after C. Day.