Traveling for Work- Never Had- I Really Don't Want To This Time

[kilee]

I've never "had" to travel for work away overnight. Anyhow, my boss found a conference in 2 weeks in Georgia (I'm in NY) that she thinks would be perfect for me and another co-worker.

This is filling me w/ tons of anxiety!!! I started in a panic when it got mentioned a few weeks ago. Then it just pretty much got dropped. Until last week, I guess my boss emailed me and the co-worker about going again. (We are each the managers of departments that are somewhat integrated).

Anyhow, I still had not worried about it too much- because my son (16yrs old)has been over the road w/ his father. (His dad is a musician- and is opening for a major act right now- which would make a great other thread). Anyhow, I originally thought my son was only going to be home for 2 weeks- and leaving w/ his dad again the day I'd be coming home. I was not going to go because I did not want to miss 1 of his only 2 weeks home this summer. This seemed acceptable- and the whole thing was dropped. Anyhow, my son is bored and returning home tomorrow and staying home for the rest of summer (which I am actually thrilled about).

However, this takes away my whole reasoning behind why "I couldn't go". Now my boss wanted the trip priced out today-and she'll decide tomorrow if it should be booked. I REALLY, REALLY don't want to go.

1.) I don't fly well, and I have NO control over what flights are booked (size of plane, airline, ect). I have had mild panic attacks on planes and I've never flown w/o my husband or parents. I don't want to fly alone.
2.) Either we have to take 2 connecting flights- which see #1-- or we have to fly into Atlanta or Jacksonville and then drive several hours to the conference. I don't want to drive out of state- and my co-worker drives like a madman. I've driven w/ her in our city to go to meetings and she down right scares me.
3.) My co-worker nor my boss see any reason to get 2 hotel rooms. "We can just share". I'm a really restless sleeper- I'm usually up and down numerous times a night. I like to sleep w/ some light and very soft background noise. At work we share adjoining suites w/ 1 temperature control- I'm always warm- she's always cold. I can only imagine trying to battle over the A/C setting. I get along w/ this coworker but I don't "know her so well" that I want to share a room w/ her for nearly the week. If I have to go at the end of the day I want to be able to get in my comfy clothes (i.e.- no bra and jammy pants) and watch what I want on TV. Last thing I smoke and she does not (bad habit I know-- but if I want to go outside to smoke I don't want to hear about coming back and making the room smell w/ my clothing- this is already stressful enough).
4.) Silly as this sounds I've NEVER been away from my home for the night w/o my husband. We've been together for 12 yrs and he's been away for work and in the hospital-- but I never have. Which has always been okay because I get homesick real easy.

I guess I could go on and on.....I just don't want to go and do not know how to get out of this and not disappoint my boss. Worst case scenario I don't know how to at least demand separate hotel rooms if I do "HAVE" to go, and not offend my coworker.

Any advice?

 

[DisneyBlonde]

If you tell your boss you really just don't want to go, what will happen?

What I find is that when I am really anxious about something, like this, that it usually ends up not being as bad as I thought it would.

 

[kilee]

I can honestly say I don't know how she'll be if I don't want to go.....that is what I'm probably most afraid of---and don't want to find out.

 

[HighClass]

The deal with the coworker driving =I REALLY understand! I have those issues with 2 I work with and if I had to drive for several hours-no way-jose!!


I would simply say the flying/panic attacks prevent you from attending.

 

[ma2jr]

Stop stressing over it ... you'll make it worse.

 

[dvcnewgirl]

I would tell them you have to have seperate rooms at least. I do not think that you should have to share rooms with someone you are not close with.. that would be uncomfortable for me..

 

[mikron]

You better not go, get another job. Reading your post you will have an attack or something. All the things you are worried about are very good reasons not to go.

 

[FireDancer]

It might not be a good career move not going. It is like not attending a company picnic, it will be noticed.

I have traveled a lot for work and the only thing you mentioned that is abnormal is sharing a room. Unless I was traveling with someone I am friends with outside of work it is not reasonable for your boss to want you to share rooms. Car fine, room no. The other stuff, I wouldn't stress about it.

 

[Magic Mom]

Does the conference sound interesting? Maybe if you focused on that, you will stop stressing over the flight. I would have to ask for a seperate room though. I've shared a room at a business conference before and i didn't like it. I was friends with my roomie, but I needed my personal space. It just wasn't comfortable.
Actually when I have my own room, I enjoy going to conferences out of town.

 

[DebbieB]

I remember the first time I had to travel by myself for work, I was in a real panic. At least you will have someone else with you. It turned out fine and now I travel all the time. You think 2 flights to Georgia is bad - I did 3 flights to India earlier this year for work! If you are serious about keeping this job and moving up, I would do it. I would insist on separate rooms, tell them you have difficulty sleeping.

 

[minniecarousel]

I get "homesick" like you if I travel w/o DH. That said, I'd do this on 2 conditions: (1)Ask my doctor for something to help with the flight and (2) insist on seperate rooms.

Good luck. (some of us just don't travel well!)

 

[kilee]

Not going to be looking for a new job over this......first off in this economy-- that would be downright impossible. I think I live in the 4th poorest ranked city in the USA right now.

Anyhow, I am going to talk to her today at least about the separate rooms. Going to let her know that really pushes me outside my comfort zone, and that while I like my co-worker and don't want to offend her-- I just don't want to "slumber party" w/ her all week.

I still the the price of the whole thing is running on the high side...and there is a good chance we won't be going, but I am going to talk to her first thing this morning about the rooms at the very least.

 

[lspst8]

I would definately see if two rooms is possible. I recently had to travel to DC for 2 weeks for work and would have hated to have to share a room with anyone.

It might help to think about the per diem you would probably get .... I ate very inexpensively while I was gone and made a lot of money that way! I was getting $64 dollars per day for food, and who needs that much money to eat each day?

 

[HighClass]

Just curious what your perception of this conference is-if Travel wasn't an issue??


My son's girlfriend had to fly to Europe last week for the job.
It involved going into people's homes in two foreign countries to interview them about a consumer product made in the USA. Very much out of her comfort zone & she was a bit anxious also.

 

[NotUrsula]

1.) I don't fly well, and I have NO control over what flights are booked (size of plane, airline, ect). I have had mild panic attacks on planes and I've never flown w/o my husband or parents. I don't want to fly alone.

2.) Either we have to take 2 connecting flights- which see #1-- or we have to fly into Atlanta or Jacksonville and then drive several hours to the conference. I don't want to drive out of state- and my co-worker drives like a madman. I've driven w/ her in our city to go to meetings and she down right scares me.

3.) My co-worker nor my boss see any reason to get 2 hotel rooms. "We can just share". I'm a really restless sleeper- I'm usually up and down numerous times a night. I like to sleep w/ some light and very soft background noise. At work we share adjoining suites w/ 1 temperature control- I'm always warm- she's always cold. I can only imagine trying to battle over the A/C setting. I get along w/ this coworker but I don't "know her so well" that I want to share a room w/ her for nearly the week. If I have to go at the end of the day I want to be able to get in my comfy clothes (i.e.- no bra and jammy pants) and watch what I want on TV. Last thing I smoke and she does not (bad habit I know-- but if I want to go outside to smoke I don't want to hear about coming back and making the room smell w/ my clothing- this is already stressful enough).

4.) Silly as this sounds I've NEVER been away from my home for the night w/o my husband. We've been together for 12 yrs and he's been away for work and in the hospital-- but I never have. Which has always been okay because I get homesick real easy.

First off, in today's economy I'd be very hesitant to rock the boat in a way that makes you seem less than a team player. Plan to go to the conference if it's a go.

Is the conference in Savannah? I ask because your flight situation reminds me of one I ran into trying to get to a conference in Savannah -- just no easy way to get there from here. I would have either had to fly into Jacksonville and drive, or take TWO connecting flights to get into Hilton Head. With the time difference that kind of travel time made things really stressful.

As to the room-sharing, some companies expect it as a cost-saving measure, especially in this economy. If it is normal in your industry, I wouldn't try to insist on the company paying for separate rooms. What I would do is go ahead and pay for the second room myself (you can write it off on your income taxes.) Your best argument is not that you have trouble sleeping, but that you don't want to subject your co-worker to your secondhand smoke or your snoring. (When I was still working in a company of same-field peers, I found that sometimes when I offered to pay, the company would come up with a way to give me part of the cost. Or, if you get an open per-diem, try to eat cheap and use the rest to make up for part of the hotel bill. Lately this issue doesn't come up for me, because none of my co-workers go to the same events that I do.)

One thing to consider about the whole "get in your jammy pants and watch TV" thing -- if this conference is in a "destination" city like Savannah, you may well be expected to socialize in the evenings as part of it. I hate that at conferences personally, and do only as much as I have to. If you have to plead a headache to leave early, you can, but if you have to take a cab to get back to the hotel, that may be on your dime. (Several companies I've worked with would not reimburse for cabs if the group had a rental car.)

As to going without your DH, try to look at that part as an adventure. You're used to being alone if he travels a lot, so just look at it as being alone with someone else to do the cooking and cleaning. Also, if it is in Savannah, it's a really cool city, and the sites to see are very geared to things that tend to be of much more interest to women than to men. (If ever there was a town where it is probably easier not to have a man along for the ride, it would be Savannah.)

 

[Boston Tea Party]

Wow, I couldn't go for sharing a room. Maybe you can pull the ol' two hens is too many for one bathroom trying to get ready in the morning excuse? Best of luck.

Oh, and Xanax - it's the nervous flyer's friend!

 

[Bren's Mom]

I wouldn't personally want to share a room with a co-worker, and I'd draw the line at that.

But I'd go. Even if it would cause me some anxiety. Look at it this way; what would you tell your SON if he were offered the same opportunity? Would you want him to curl up in a ball at home and just refuse to go? I doubt that. You'd want him to experience all that life has to offer. You won't know that you CAN do it until you try!

 

[KAMLEM]

IIt might help to think about the per diem you would probably get .... I ate very inexpensively while I was gone and made a lot of money that way! I was getting $64 dollars per day for food, and who needs that much money to eat each day?

Many companies do not give a "per diem" just for this reason. Instead you submit receipts for all company related expenses and you are reimbursed. They don't want employees profiting at the expense of the company.

I would never share a room with someone else. If the company would only pay for one room I would pay for the other myself.

 

[Fintastic]

I feel for you! I'm not a very career-oriented person; for the past few years I've had a job where I give them my all from 8-5, but I don't want to be required to do weekends or travel or anything extra. In October, though, I had to take my first business trip ever and I was away from DD for five nights. It was the longest I've ever been away from her and of course she was fine, but I missed her like crazy. I realized even more how much I DON'T want a job that requires so many of my "off hours". One of the few good things about the bad economy is that they've shelved any more trips like that for the rest of the year and I'm very relieved.

 

[sbell111]

I actually like to travel for work because I treat it like getting a little tiny company paid for vacation and all I have to do is work x amount. I do however, dislike sharing a room on these trips. That's always a bummer. What I do to make it work is make sure that I'm not in the room much. I get out and see the town, do a little geocaching, whatever. Not only does it help me avoid most of the uncomfortable junk, it make my trip more vacationy.