Transgender child

[Disney_1derland]

Just wanted to lend my support to you. My daughter is 13, has been out since age 11 and enjoys a bit of gender fluidity in fashion but hasn't asked for changes in name/pronouns. In her school, her social group is known as the alternate lifestyle group by everyone from students to admin. There are struggles, there are social issues and there is drama. Pretty typical for a middle school experience. She's pretty upfront with us most of the time about everyone but herself. That we have to dig deeper for.

There is a grief process for most parents in this. I think we just always knew, it definitely didn't take us by surprise. It's okay to grieve and hash out your feelings. Protect your child, support your child, which by all accounts it sounds like you are definitely doing. But its okay if you need time to process everything too.

First and foremost, raise good humans. The labels don't really matter!

Best wishes for all of you in this journey.

 

[Grmnshplvr]

Our appointment with the gender identity counselor is today, my daughter said she is very nervous (personally, I kind of want to puke). All over facebook today are articles regarding the bathroom situation, the comments have me so choked up. I'm taking a half day from work so I can breathe and prepare myself for this appointment this afternoon. I feel like I'm fighting the whole world for my child.

 

[OKW Lover]

I feel like I'm fighting the whole world for my child.

Hang in there. You've got lots of company fighting the rest of the world to support transgender rights.

You're on the right path here. Stick with it.

 

[cruisehopeful]

Our appointment with the gender identity counselor is today, my daughter said she is very nervous (personally, I kind of want to puke). All over facebook today are articles regarding the bathroom situation, the comments have me so choked up. I'm taking a half day from work so I can breathe and prepare myself for this appointment this afternoon. I feel like I'm fighting the whole world for my child.

Hang in there! It's a very tough situation, but keep the end goal in mind. You are essentially helping your child overcome a horrible birth defect. That's the way I see it. I thank God every day that there are actually treatments to help reverse this. As parents, we never want to see our children suffer. It's probably the worst pain we ever have to endure. The doctors and therapists are there to help you and your child.

If reading media upsets you (it does to me often, too), you may just want to avoid that stuff. Even though I enjoy watching the show, I Am Cait, I can get a lot of unnecessary anxiety about some of the topics they cover. Know the legal rights of your area and insist on following them. Where I live, the law is very clear about gender rights. Some of the public may not like it, but this is the United States and everyone is entitled to equal rights no matter what physical limitations they have.

 

[Disney_1derland]

Our appointment with the gender identity counselor is today, my daughter said she is very nervous (personally, I kind of want to puke). All over facebook today are articles regarding the bathroom situation, the comments have me so choked up. I'm taking a half day from work so I can breathe and prepare myself for this appointment this afternoon. I feel like I'm fighting the whole world for my child.

I hope it went well. We fight for our kids every day. The older they get, the harder the fights get. Just keep loving your child. That support and love will heal so much of what society puts them through. Hang in there!

 

[Grmnshplvr]

the appointment was hard, the counselor more or less said that by this age it is pretty concrete and very unlikely that this is just a phase. That was hard to hear, but necessary.

 

[cruisehopeful]

the appointment was hard, the counselor more or less said that by this age it is pretty concrete and very unlikely that this is just a phase. That was hard to hear, but necessary.

Yes, most likely a true gender identity issue. My daughter's endocrinologist told me that he normally doesn't like to treat under age 12 because things can change during puberty, but the kids go through puberty so young now that he feels it is a disservice to wait, and yet, he still waits. It was only about 20% that he said reverted back to their birth gender during puberty.

 

[kuhltiffany]

Hugs! I wondered how you were doing! It's hard to let go of the vision you have with your child and then try to look forward with new eyes.

I know exactly what you mean though (as you mentioned in a previous post), one of my biggest worries is safety and acceptance. It's so hard to acknowledge the future treatment and perception the kids will get from others, as parents we want to try and prevent the heartbreak. But knowing there will be an extra challenge, a complicating factor that makes it even harder for them is somehow more devastating...

the appointment was hard, the counselor more or less said that by this age it is pretty concrete and very unlikely that this is just a phase. That was hard to hear, but necessary.

 

[cobright]

We don't do well when confronted by truly new experiences, the enormity of an infinite universe is laid bare to us and our reaction is to make it simple again or mourn for the "loss" of those familiar patterns. Like that guy a while back who skydived from space, you know everything is about to change. You're not falling into the unknown just yet but you know it's coming soon. Have heart though. Once things start moving, you'll be too busy to worry and cry.

It won't always feel normal. We're all human beings; flawed and fallable, just getting from one end of our timeline to the other as best we can. You'll be fine. Support your kiddo and your kiddo will be okay too.

Good luck. Wishing you well.

 

[Grmnshplvr]

Its been a crazy week for us, a couple days after that appointment we received a certified letter from our landlord, giving us 30 days to move. We've lived here for 15 years. Apparently he took out a huge equity loan, but didn't put any money back into the house so now his mortgage payment is outrageous and the house isn't worth what he owes. He needs us out quickly so he can do some renovating and try to sell it. I'm so sick about it, trying to find a place that accepts 2 large dogs is nearly impossible and I'm not sure we'll be able to keep the kids in their school district. They only place they've ever known we have to leave, may have to get rid of their dogs, and possibly switch schools.

It's all too much.

Needless to say the transgender issue has kind of been put on the back burner for a bit, my brain can only handle so much stress. I haven't slept since we got the notice and have had a migraine for 3 days.

Its funny how life is. Everything was perfect, or near it, we were so content and then in a matter of months everything was flipped upside down for us. =(

 

[OKW Lover]

Wow - That's a huge thing @Grmnshplvr . Sending you group hugs.

 

[robinb]

Oh no! What terrible news. I'll also send some {{hugs}} your way. Can you talk to the landlord and ask for an extension? 30 days does not seem like a lot of time, especially for such a loyal and long term tenant.

 

[cruisehopeful]

Hoping things turn around for you ASAP. I don't know why things always have to pile on at the same time. It seems so unfair. Make sure you take care of yourself and your own health and do what is best for you.

 

[Giraffeitis]

I hope you've related the first part of this to her counselor. The school should have policies against classmates talking like that, its a form of bullying. This is a serious matter and it may be behind the comment made in the last part of this. Be sure the school is standing behind her.

I don't know if your daughter (I'm keeping the pronouns as Grmnshplvr is) is still having trouble with bullying at school or anything, but I thought I would let you know my school's policy. If it is a one-time incident, or an innocent question of someone asking her if she is a lesbian, then she can ask them to stop/tell them she is 11, etc. If they continue after that first time of being asked, then it is harassment, and I would think any subsequent 3rd plus remarks would be bullying. So hopefully she isn't being bullied at school and it was a one time thing, but that is something to consider.

I just hope that everyone, of every generation, soon realizes that the only "label" that really matters is "Human." Followed closely by "Family."

Its been a crazy week for us, a couple days after that appointment we received a certified letter from our landlord, giving us 30 days to move. We've lived here for 15 years. Apparently he took out a huge equity loan, but didn't put any money back into the house so now his mortgage payment is outrageous and the house isn't worth what he owes. He needs us out quickly so he can do some renovating and try to sell it. I'm so sick about it, trying to find a place that accepts 2 large dogs is nearly impossible and I'm not sure we'll be able to keep the kids in their school district. They only place they've ever known we have to leave, may have to get rid of their dogs, and possibly switch schools.

It's all too much.

Needless to say the transgender issue has kind of been put on the back burner for a bit, my brain can only handle so much stress. I haven't slept since we got the notice and have had a migraine for 3 days.

Its funny how life is. Everything was perfect, or near it, we were so content and then in a matter of months everything was flipped upside down for us. =(

I'm really sorry about that happening, and I really hope that you can get some sleep and get over your migraine. I know you don't want to move, but some sites that I really recommend checking out (if you haven't already) are:

Zillow.com (they have a really awesome map feature, so you can search within a certain area [and hopefully you'll be able to stay within your school district])

Trulia.com (Another good one, although I haven't used it as much)

Craigslist.org (I know it might be kind of sketchy at times, but it's worth looking at because you can have an easier time sometimes of finding homes for rent by owner and sometimes they will let you have animals there as well)

 

[Grmnshplvr]

I don't know if your daughter (I'm keeping the pronouns as Grmnshplvr is) is still having trouble with bullying at school or anything, but I thought I would let you know my school's policy. If it is a one-time incident, or an innocent question of someone asking her if she is a lesbian, then she can ask them to stop/tell them she is 11, etc. If they continue after that first time of being asked, then it is harassment, and I would think any subsequent 3rd plus remarks would be bullying. So hopefully she isn't being bullied at school and it was a one time thing, but that is something to consider.





I'm really sorry about that happening, and I really hope that you can get some sleep and get over your migraine. I know you don't want to move, but some sites that I really recommend checking out (if you haven't already) are:

Zillow.com (they have a really awesome map feature, so you can search within a certain area [and hopefully you'll be able to stay within your school district])

Trulia.com (Another good one, although I haven't used it as much)

Craigslist.org (I know it might be kind of sketchy at times, but it's worth looking at because you can have an easier time sometimes of finding homes for rent by owner and sometimes they will let you have animals there as well)

I've been on all 3 sites everyday trying to find anything. We have one possibility we are going to see tomorrow, its actually kind of perfect and exactly what we've been looking for. And when I called the number out front of the house I realized I actually know the owner! He owned the dance studio my girls danced at for years! So I'm hoping that might help us get in lol He is looking for someone to be a long term tenant and eventually buy the place (his mom and dads house) He said he just wants a family in there that will love it as much as they did...and he said of course dogs are allowed! So I'm really really hoping this works out. The kids wouldn't have to switch schools either!

I do like craigslist but yeah I've already come across a few that asked me to send money to them in Nigeria lol

I did speak to the counselor and their policy is pretty much if it happens in a pattern or more than once then they really step in and deal with it, so far it hasn't gotten to that point but I do think she is having some issues with some 8th graders and I think she is downplaying it so I keep trying to pull it out of her as much as I can without making her think I don't believe her....She has been really withdrawn this past week, as well as our older daughter. They know their dad and I are stressed and while I try to stay as positive about the whole thing as I can, they're smart enough to know there is a great possibility we'll have to move out of the area we're in.

 

[Grmnshplvr]

Oh no! What terrible news. I'll also send some {{hugs}} your way. Can you talk to the landlord and ask for an extension? 30 days does not seem like a lot of time, especially for such a loyal and long term tenant.

the landlord has not responded to any of our messages or texts! he even sent a contractor to my house and asked me if he could start ripping apart my bathroom while I still live there! I said absolutely not! I'm trying to pack, find a place to live and this guy wants to come in and rip the place up. These are not repairs, this is remodeling. I'm not sure if the law is on my side with this or not but he hasn't come back yet so maybe the landlord told him to just wait.

It upsets me that he couldn't just wait until the end of the school year. The kids are done mid June. Why do this now after 15 years of us paying on time, doing all the repairs and maintenance and upkeep! We've saved him thousands of dollars in labor over the years, always kept up with the painting, we did plumbing, electrical, drywall, even replaced the old floors on our dime!

 

[Chuck S]

As a landlord myself, perhaps he has a balloon payment coming due and hasn't been able to refinance. Banks are being very picky right now with investment properties, after Wells Fargo and Chase recently received heavy fines for not properly qualifying people for loans. After pushing the closing back a month because of trying to get financing on a property I wanted acquire, the bank turned me down, and I have excellent credit...but the income to debt ratio was off by a couple percentage points. I wound up paying cash for the property. But unless there was an urgent need, I'm surprised he didn't wait until school was out, considering you were long term tenants.

 

[robinb]

the landlord has not responded to any of our messages or texts! he even sent a contractor to my house and asked me if he could start ripping apart my bathroom while I still live there! I said absolutely not! I'm trying to pack, find a place to live and this guy wants to come in and rip the place up. These are not repairs, this is remodeling. I'm not sure if the law is on my side with this or not but he hasn't come back yet so maybe the landlord told him to just wait.

It upsets me that he couldn't just wait until the end of the school year. The kids are done mid June. Why do this now after 15 years of us paying on time, doing all the repairs and maintenance and upkeep! We've saved him thousands of dollars in labor over the years, always kept up with the painting, we did plumbing, electrical, drywall, even replaced the old floors on our dime!

Wow. That just makes me mad for you!

Were you actually evicted or did he just terminate the lease?

 

[Grmnshplvr]

we had a month to month lease with the place we're at now. So legally all he had to do was send the 30 day notice, I mean technically if I dont leave in the 30 days he would have to go through the eviction process which would buy us more time but I dont want to go through that and even after what he did I dont want him to go through it either.

The "perfect" house guy called me back last night to make sure I was coming today but then informed me someone else offered him more $$ for the rent....and that if I can't meet it to not waste his time =( so the search continues.

 

[Giraffeitis]

The "perfect" house guy called me back last night to make sure I was coming today but then informed me someone else offered him more $$ for the rent....and that if I can't meet it to not waste his time =( so the search continues.

Aw, I'm sorry about that, I hope you find a good place soon!