hi --- we have a 2007 honda pilot --- i love, love, love it...i really really want a 2009 but i swore i would pay the 2007 off, so for now, i still have it...we have 3 kids, 2.5, 7 & 13 and they all fit great --- what we do is we keep the single seat in the 3rd row up all the time, and this is where our 13yr sits --- she either gets in thru the back lift gate or she just pushes the middle seat up...it's not a problem...then the double seats in the 3rd row we keep down always, for extra storage room...
the gas mileage is good, but not great...but i do really like the eco drive system --- the car is a 6cylinder but when you are driving at a certain mileage the eco system will kick in and it shuts down 2 of the cyclinders and you are then driving on 4, thus saving on gas...
now, my inlaws have a 2007 highlander and they like it, but they are toyota people, where we are honda people --- i will say that their highlander is quite a bit smaller on the inside than our pilot --- even my FIL said that our pilot is much roomier...that being said, i think the highlander was also redone for this year or maybe for last year, so it may be bigger now...i know the 2009 pilot is larger than the previous models...
as far as resale goes, you really cannot go wrong with either vehicle --- in our area the hondas hold their resale just a bit more than toyota, but not by much...and as far as maintenance again, you really cannot go wrong with either...my dh is driving my FIL's old toyota camry, it is 13yrs old with 170k + miles on it and it still drives like it was new with just regular upkeep, oil changes, tire rotations, etc...
good luck with your decision!!!