Touring with another couple

[pineapple04]

Hi all,

DH and I recently had the pleasure of being invited to WDW next year by another couple with whom we are close friends. We're always up for a trip to visit Mickey and are fairly certain we can manage time away from work, but realize we need to discuss details with our friends before saying yes or no.

All four of us have been to WDW before, as separate couples, so we each have different experiences and likes/dislikes. To be frank, our main concern is $$. Our friends are in a very different place than us financially speaking, and we're concerned about how this will affect our joint plans (ex. DH and I like to park hop, the other couple strictly visits one park per day to save money, DH and I like to eat at some of the nicer sit-down places, the other couple prefers to grab a hot dog or popcorn on the go, etc.). DH and I are willing to compromise, but does anyone have any tips for approaching this subject tactfully?

What other subjects do you recommend we discuss with our friends before making our decision? So far, we've agreed on the dates, air travel, and staying on property, but have yet to select a hotel.

Thanks in advance!

 

[spiceycat]

you don't have to stay in the same hotel. you could go during free dinning. Or you could offer to help with their room costs.
how close do you want to be? I go with relatives and everyone goes their own way - different parks - we just meet - sometimes for a meal, parade or fireworks.

just depends upon you

 

[BudgieMama]

I'd talk about expectations about how much stuff you want to do as a group, and how much planning you want to do as a group. Are you or your friends planners or wingers? How do your styles of touring WDW match up?

We're planning a trip in 2018 for me, DH, my mum and his mum. That's quite a diverse group (ages from 33 to 68, including an amputee who will be in an ECV for most of the time- some of us like to be up and out early, others like a long lie in, some of us love thrill rides, others would rather hold the bags and watch, etc). We're already working on ground rules and expectations (for example, DH and I will want a day at each park on our own over the 2 weeks, my mum and I want to do dinner at CRT for just the two of us, if we plan a RD day and someone isn't there, we'll go without them and meet up later, etc).

Personally, I wouldn't worry too much about the resorts (if you choose different, it's not the end of the world) and dining- having couple time would be good if your friends don't want to pay for TS meals.

 

[HollywoodTowerHotel]

We had a very similar situation. Good friends of ours are DVC members and three couples stayed with them at their room at OKW. We split up at times to do more parks while some golfed or went to a spa, but made sure to meet up for dinner, and refused to let them pay.

Don't feel guilty or pressured to do something's on your own. If you want to sleep in or hang at the pool ust meet up later in the day (or vice versa). It's vacation for all of you, so enjoy each other's company when it works with all of your desires. Perhaps you and DH enjoy Brown Derby fo lunch then meet up with them later in the day. Honestly, you will get tired of each other after a few days if you spend 24/7 with each other.

 

[BagOLaughs]

I'm interested to see what else other people say on this subject. I'm quite a honest and upfront person, so if i don't feel like doing something and I'm with another couple I'll just say so. I don't see any issue with that.

If you end up doing something you don't want to do (or vice versa) then you might end up creating more tension. I think if you just say to them before you leave, be honest with us if there's something you don't feel like doing then you'll be OK. You don't have to spend your whole vacation together.

 

[catmom46]

I also don't think you have to spend the entire vacation all together and it doesn't have to be about the money difference. They should be understanding and respect that people have different tastes, so you just need to figure out what your common interests are to come up with an itinerary. Seems like you would be going on most rides together, but if you want to park hop, then that shouldn't be a problem or considered rude. Like Hollywood says, you will definitely get tired of each other if you're together 24/7!

 

[Bete]

If you can I would treat for some meals. Like another poster said you can plan a trip with free dining, but then room costs will be more. Maybe, find ways were the other couple can save a little more for the trip. For example, they can give each Disney gift cards for Christmas and birthday.

Honestly, I would skip the park hopping for the sake of being together. Sometimes, it's fun to have a different experience and being together could be more fun. You can always do an add on when you are there for the park hop option if it proves to be too much to be together.

Another way would be for you to do alternate days were you are together and then not together.

If you refuse to do the above then just be together for certain times like say be together in the morning then go your separate ways.

 

[Sir William]

Sounds like you need to have a conversation with them and discuss what you and they would like to do, and determine what you can agree on (resort, itinerary, tickets, dining, etc.). They may be having the same thoughts but are also perhaps willing to compromise in some areas. I wouldn't assume too much until you've discussed the issue. In the end, it may be necessary to split up occasionally and then get together at some point. If you like to park hop and they don't, perhaps you could spend part of your day together and part on your own.

 

[MrInfinity]

Tough situation. For all the ppl saying stay in different hotels... or have you go eat at TS while they do QS... or split up for most of your time... that seems defeating of the point of the trip, which is to go with your friends.

You seem to disagree on just about every key aspect of WDW:
* Where to stay
* Where to eat
* What parks to hit

What jumps out at me is that you were the ones invited. If that's the case, then I think you need to back down on most of these issues. Is it really more important to have an expensive dinner than to spend time w your friends? Is it more important to hop parks, than to hang out w your friends in the park you're in? Even if you're concerned about lines, I think this trip is more about hanging out w them in line and enjoying WDW together.

If you stay in separate hotels, you'll never see them.

If you want to do nicer dinners, and you can afford it, then I'd be like we're doing this and this meal, and you're going w us, and we're picking up the tabs for them. Do everything else at places you agree.

When you're invited to go somewhere with someone, you have to be willing to go where, how, and at the pace they are inviting you to go at. If that does not appeal to you to go to WDW w/in their pace and preferences, then don't accept their invitation. For example we usually stay at the Poly. But if friends invited us to go and had to stay somewhere cheaper, we wouldn't stay at the Poly while they stayed elsewhere. That'd be lame. We'd probly compromise on a Moderate.

It sounds like you can afford to go to WDW regularly, so why not just give in on these key financial issues, make it work for them, and be part of their experience? Otherwise it's going to be a no-go.

Don't be a pushover... pick a battle or two that you want to insist on, but taking over the trip and making the hotel and ticket choices cost potentially double what they'd like is not going to fly.

 

[alisaurus]

I also don't think you have to spend the entire vacation all together and it doesn't have to be about the money difference. They should be understanding and respect that people have different tastes, so you just need to figure out what your common interests are to come up with an itinerary. Seems like you would be going on most rides together, but if you want to park hop, then that shouldn't be a problem or considered rude. Like Hollywood says, you will definitely get tired of each other if you're together 24/7!

Great advice. We are heading down in December and meeting up with my husband's parents. We are staying at the same resort but different areas. We've planned some table service meals and attractions to do together, but some that we are doing don't interest his parents, and they've agreed that we will head different directions to explore the parks on our own at times. I think as long as you come up with some expectations ahead of time, you'll be fine. We even established a certain night as our "date night" so we (and his parents) can head off to our own separate dinners and plans for the evening.

 

[catmom46]

Tough situation. For all the ppl saying stay in different hotels... or have you go eat at TS while they do QS... or split up for most of your time... that seems defeating of the point of the trip, which is to go with your friends.

You seem to disagree on just about every key aspect of WDW:
* Where to stay
* Where to eat
* What parks to hit

What jumps out at me is that you were the ones invited. If that's the case, then I think you need to back down on most of these issues. Is it really more important to have an expensive dinner than to spend time w your friends? Is it more important to hop parks, than to hang out w your friends in the park you're in? Even if you're concerned about lines, I think this trip is more about hanging out w them in line and enjoying WDW together.

If you stay in separate hotels, you'll never see them.

If you want to do nicer dinners, and you can afford it, then I'd be like we're doing this and this meal, and you're going w us, and we're picking up the tabs for them. Do everything else at places you agree.

When you're invited to go somewhere with someone, you have to be willing to go where, how, and at the pace they are inviting you to go at. If that does not appeal to you to go to WDW w/in their pace and preferences, then don't accept their invitation. For example we usually stay at the Poly. But if friends invited us to go and had to stay somewhere cheaper, we wouldn't stay at the Poly while they stayed elsewhere. That'd be lame. We'd probly compromise on a Moderate.

It sounds like you can afford to go to WDW regularly, so why not just give in on these key financial issues, make it work for them, and be part of their experience? Otherwise it's going to be a no-go.

Don't be a pushover... pick a battle or two that you want to insist on, but taking over the trip and making the hotel and ticket choices cost potentially double what they'd like is not going to fly.

I would follow this logic if someone invited me to one particular event, but for an entire trip, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect that both parties have a say in how they're going to spend it. I've done couples trips before and while we try to spend a good deal of time together, we also split off and do our own things without anyone being offended. I think it's totally possible to stay at separate hotels and have some separate meals and still end up spending most of the trip together.

 

[Aerinha]

Before my first group trip I failed to discuss how much together time they expected and the answer was they thought we needed to be joined at the hip. I tend to get labled as bossy so I let them call the shots to try to keep everyone happy until halfway through when I realized I was compromising myself out of everything I wanted to do, I had paid as much as them and should have a riGht to do what I wanted. So I out my foot down on day 6, said have fun I am doing my own thing today, had a blast and got still got labled as bossy/difficult becuase I wouldn't let them bully or guilt me into spending money I didn't have to do something I didn't want to...and honestly I was aware I had not been difficult prior to then, knew I didn't deserve grief for wanting time alone, and was pretty fed up by then too so it was like "call me bossy cause Ms. compromise doesn't live here anymore".

What I am saying is, make your expectations known. Compromise is maybe two TS meals and the rest CS. If they still aren't up for it, tell them you will dine alone those nights. All the giving can't be on your end. Get hoppers, spend the morning in their park of choice and then hop where you want at night. They may want private time too.

 

[Aerinha]

Tough situation. For all the ppl saying stay in different hotels... or have you go eat at TS while they do QS... or split up for most of your time... that seems defeating of the point of the trip, which is to go with your friends.

You seem to disagree on just about every key aspect of WDW:
* Where to stay
* Where to eat
* What parks to hit

What jumps out at me is that you were the ones invited. If that's the case, then I think you need to back down on most of these issues. Is it really more important to have an expensive dinner than to spend time w your friends? Is it more important to hop parks, than to hang out w your friends in the park you're in? Even if you're concerned about lines, I think this trip is more about hanging out w them in line and enjoying WDW together.

If you stay in separate hotels, you'll never see them.

If you want to do nicer dinners, and you can afford it, then I'd be like we're doing this and this meal, and you're going w us, and we're picking up the tabs for them. Do everything else at places you agree.

When you're invited to go somewhere with someone, you have to be willing to go where, how, and at the pace they are inviting you to go at. If that does not appeal to you to go to WDW w/in their pace and preferences, then don't accept their invitation. For example we usually stay at the Poly. But if friends invited us to go and had to stay somewhere cheaper, we wouldn't stay at the Poly while they stayed elsewhere. That'd be lame. We'd probly compromise on a Moderate.

It sounds like you can afford to go to WDW regularly, so why not just give in on these key financial issues, make it work for them, and be part of their experience? Otherwise it's going to be a no-go.

Don't be a pushover... pick a battle or two that you want to insist on, but taking over the trip and making the hotel and ticket choices cost potentially double what they'd like is not going to fly.

Unless the limited income couple is paying for them or offering them a room in a timeshare, going as a group does not entitle them to dictate what everyone else does. "Lets go to disney" does not equal "we own you". Everyone going should enjoy their time, not be miserable to please someone else who might not realize they are causing misery. They need to talk and if the inviting couple is really unwilling to bend on anything it is not worth going wih them.

 

[MrInfinity]

Unless the limited income couple is paying for them or offering them a room in a timeshare, going as a group does not entitle them to dictate what everyone else does. "Lets go to disney" does not equal "we own you". Everyone going should enjoy their time, not be miserable to please someone else who might not realize they are causing misery. They need to talk and if the inviting couple is really unwilling to bend on anything it is not worth going wih them.

Why would you take that comment as "We own you"? That's so negative.

A requirement of a trip is going to be such that if you are travelling w someone to hang out and spend time w them, but they cannot afford to do a particular thing, then you have to not do it, or just go do it by yourself and not spend the time w them. That doesn't mean they own you or your have to be miserable. But you do have to stay w/in the budget of all parties. That is going to be a hard limit.

The choice of hotel will be the thing to tackle. Other things like a TS meal or like Aerinha said about hopping yourself are easier to work out.

 

[kwdw]

Compromise time. There's no other way to put it.

1) Stay at the same resort.
2) Plan park days together.
3) Try to convince them to have a couple TS meals with you. Pick cheaper - but fun places. Maybe LTT for lunch, or 50's Prime Time. Plan your nicer meals as a "Date night" for you separately.
4) Not park-hopping is not a big deal, IMO. (I've toured both ways)

I travel to Disney solo, as a couple, and with family. Sometimes I'm more budget, sometimes money is spent more freely. Those experiences are DIFFERENT - one is not better than the other. Seeing WDW through their traveling plans might get you to experience things differently.

My one traveling group used to think hoppers were the BEST - and totally demanded them. Then - they traveled with me one time and I planned the days without hopping since one member refused to pay extra for that. Well, well, the others learned that maybe not hopping was just fine that trip. Last time - one of them actually said - let's not hop (even though it was in the budget for that trip) - that takes too much time. I was floored!

Good luck!

 

[Accident]

I have a similar situation coming up on the next trip in september, but this time our travelling companions will be a a single mom and 2 younger (9 and 13) kids who have never seen any disney resort before except on tv.

So far this is what has worked for us:
1) We hunted down the best possible free meal plan discount and picked the same resort (which we let them pick so they were comfortable with the arrangements.).
2) We booked some meals together so no matter what happens during the day, we'll come together and enjoy some meals. The discount we found had free water parks and park hopper so anything is an option for all of us this trip.
3) We let them know to not pay for memory maker, we already had it and we've linked up accounts so they can enjoy all the photos they want to take. (and a way to chip in without making it feel like a hand out).
4) We let them know it would not insult us if they wanted some family only time and to feel free to plan some family activities without us. We gave some free recommendations like a day at resorts that have pools and a lake beach that might normally overlook as first time at WDW.
5) They are arriving a couple days after us and we're leaving a couple days after them so we still have some time to do disney our way and it fits there budget. This is in part because they hunted down the best airfare and needed to arrive/leave on specific days. We have more flexibility.
6) We have some rough plans like what parks, which fireworks and parades and meals we're going to meet up at. We're all happy so far.
7) We haven't decided if we want to request joining rooms or nearby rooms yet. We're in CB and we know it can be impossibly far between rooms so we're leaning on requesting joining rooms.