Touchy situation, what would you do?

[happybratpack]

If you had a family member that was not taking proper care of their child would you report them to CPS? There has already been a couple interventions and she denies there is a problem. (but she has a problem herself with an eating disorder) This is mostly a nutrition/feeding issue.

JW what you would do? Please don't flame, this is a bad situation to begin with and I'm just looking for some outside opinions.

ETA - If you do call, do you not let the others involved know it was you?
(sorry)

Thanks!

 

[Sandy V.]

Yes, especially if there have been previous family interventions and it hasn't helped. The child's health has to come first.

Best wishes. This sounds like a heart-wrenching decision.

 

[GEM]

Well, I guess that depends on what the issue is. If she was not feeding the child or something serious like that, then, yes. If she is just making some bad feeding choices - too many chicken nuggets and twinkies, then, no. I couldn't really say without knowing more about the situation.

 

[happybratpack]

Well, I guess that depends on what the issue is. If she was not feeding the child or something serious like that, then, yes. If she is just making some bad feeding choices - too many chicken nuggets and twinkies, then, no. I couldn't really say without knowing more about the situation.

You're right, I don't know why I'm being vague. I'm paranoid, but nobody else I know reads here.

It's my niece, she's 21 and had a baby WAY before she was emotionally ready. She's almost a year old, very tiny - she only feeds formula and resists giving her any kind of baby food because she doesn't want her to be a "chubby baby". The pediatrician told her she's not feeding her enough and gave her a recommended schedule, but she's still feeding her the same amounts as she was months ago. We had not seen her in a few months, but my Mom kept her yesterday and is so upset. She said when the baby stayed with her she was eating everything she gave her and was wanting more. She also mentioned she's very weak. My niece has had eating disorder problems since she was a tween, she's 5'10 or so and is under 100 pounds. She eats maybe a meal a day.

UGH. This is a horrible situation. I honestly don't feel like she's taking proper care of her and she is adamant that she's fine.

Now that I've written this out I've solved my dilemma. I'm calling. My gut is saying that someone needs to step in that's not family and evaluate the situation. If I'm wrong then I'm wrong.

 

[smilie]

I would definitely call. That poor baby's health is in danger. Good for you for sticking up for someone who can't do it for themself.

 

[4greatboys]

Most definately. If she isnt feeding her child properly cause she doesnt want a "chubby baby" I would call someone. She could do the baby serious harm by not feeding her properly.

 

[horseshowmom]

If I'm wrong then I'm wrong.

You're not wrong. She's projecting her own eating disorder onto her baby. YOu're doing the right thing, but I know it's hard. Good luck and best wishes for the baby.

 

[chris1gill]

I'm sorry I think you need to call.... this could be a criminal offense, it's obvious the child is on the verge of starving, if what you described is totally the truth How awful for your family....

 

[chrissyk]

If the pediatrician says that she's not feeding the baby enough and she still doesn't increase the child's food intake, isn't the pediatrician mandated to report her to CPS? I would think that that would qualify as neglect, and he is aware of it.

I would not call CPS as a family member unless I had pursued every other possible solution. Is there another way to get this girl to see that she is not feeding her child appropriately? Once CPS becomes involved, things can spiral out of control very quickly. I'd just try to find another way to solve the problem w/o involving them if at all possible. If that's not possible, then CPS should be involved as a last resort (IMHO).

 

[happybratpack]

Well, as I was sitting here making myself sick about this, my oldest sister called. She's a teacher and is going to my nieces apartment w/ the counselor there to talk to her. We're having a family meeting depending on what comes of it.

Thanks for the help and insight, I guess I posted too soon - it's just a bad situation all around.

I'll update when I find something out.

 

[arminnie]

This is VERY serious. A few years ago I spent some time with a family that had two foster children. The children were 4 and 3 and had been with them for over 18 months. The biological mother of the children had eating disorders and gave them bottles with water to fill them up.

At one time during the evening (there were a lot of people present) one of the children asked me for a drink of water. I started to go get the water (normal reaction to a child who wants a drink of water), but the foster mother stopped me. Even after many months of being in a stable home the children would still prefer to fill up on water and then not eat. So they had to restrict their access to water until after they had eaten.

It was just so sad - I was surprised that the damage was so long lasting in children so young. Fortunately they had wonderful, caring foster parents who were dedicated to helping the children learn to lead a normal life.

 

[SC Minnie]

Good luck. The well being of the child should be first and foremost.

 

[puffkin]

I would not call CPS as a family member unless I had pursued every other possible solution. Is there another way to get this girl to see that she is not feeding her child appropriately? Once CPS becomes involved, things can spiral out of control very quickly. I'd just try to find another way to solve the problem w/o involving them if at all possible. If that's not possible, then CPS should be involved as a last resort (IMHO).

I agree. CPS should only be a last resort. Are there any other organizations that you could try first? Maybe something for young mothers or even try an eating disorder support group.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, if a child is being malnourished, I would do something....

Do you know who the ped. is???

Perhaps you could contact him and let him know what you know. And ask if as the ped. he would follow guidelines for mandatory reporting.

Edited to add after seeing the last posts...
I do not agree. My concern would not be that mother... The child would be my only concern. And, the child needs help NOW... This type of eating disorder problem is not solved overnight.

If the mother sees this as a wake-up call to get help for herself, then fine.
But, that child is an at-risk baby going thru important growing and developmental stages. That baby needs help NOW.

 

[tkd lisa]

I do think that you should call. This is way too serious to let go.

That baby has no ability to get help for themselves. I think your family is doing the right thing here.

And I'm sure you can ask that the call be kept anonymous.

 

[Hillbeans]

What a sad situation.

Obviously the health and well-being of the baby is first and foremost.

Edited to add do whatever you can to get help for that baby now whether it be a call to the ped first, and then CPS.

 

[Ronda93]

Call CPS. The child is not getting adequate nutrition. Your family has tried to persuade the mother to feed her properly. It hasn't worked. CPS may take drastic action, but the consequences of continued malnutrition are far more drastic than foster care with food.

The mother needs help, but the baby is in danger of developmental problems that cannot be addressed when everyone is ready.

Good luck.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I would call and just tell them I am a very concerned friend.

 

[Disney Doll]

I'd call. You can't worry about the mother, you can't worry about the effect on the family. You must worry about that child who has no one else to worry about her.

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

I've called CPS three times in my life.

Once for a little girl who looked like she'd been punched in the face. I know the father and all I had to do was glance at the girl and he started tripping all over himself explaining, when I didn't say a thing. This guy is a former gas huffer and total loser. I was able to do it anonymously.

The second time, was a neighbor who was leaving her young children home alone all day. The oldest was seven and the youngest was two. I caught them outside trying to take my mail out of my mailbox. Once again, it was anonymously, but since they investigated on the heels of me getting on to them over my mail, I think the mom knew it was me.

The last time, I called because my daughter told me she knew that a friend was being beaten by her dad.

You have to do what helps you sleep at night. Children can't always defend themselves and need someone to step in.