My sweet husband says to take a day and stay calm. I asked him if there was any justification to any of this and he says not. Sometimes it is hard to see yourself clearly and I thought maybe I had failed in some way I couldn't see.
[ . . . ] He says he loves me just like I am.
As for my daughter, she is wonderful! says she knows herself and doesn't feel the need to go out and party to have fun. It seems both DILs have told her the best part of college is partying and going out.
[ . . . ] Thank you all for taking the time to answer.
Penny
Waiting a while before responding sounds very sensible. After all, it took Alice a while to get her bearings after falling down the rabbit hole!
First off, you sound like an absolutely lovely mother, grandmother, wife - and mother-in-law. If there is anything wrong in the picture, it seems to be at the DIL end. You have definitely not failed!
I'm very sorry that the situation has caused a (I hope, only temporary) rift between one of your sons and his wife. Not good. Son No. 1 and his wife may be having other problems, given that their three-year-old has now been joined by a new baby.
Can I say that there is a bright side that you should bear in mind? Both DILs do seem to care about you enough to tell you their concerns, even if these concerns make DIL no. 1 sound rather self-centered ("why don't you babysit my kids more?") and DIL no. 2 sound like she may have lost whatever sense of proportion she ever had ("why do you like WDW so much?").
I can understand that it is a jaw-dropper of a situation. (Gosh, I'm still trying to recover from the shock of anyone saying that you can like WDW too much!) But please don't let these two calls from your DILs get you down, or even worse, mar your good relationship with your sons, or your relationship with your DILs (and your grandchildren). There may be jealousy involved, there definitely seems to be overanalysis involved.
One strong reason can be that your two DILs are listening very selectively to what your sons tell them about you, your husband and Sarah, and are then getting on the telephone to one another wondering what is the matter with you, and getting reinforcement from one another. This may be a recent development, as suggested by the fact that you got a one-two punch from your two DILs at about the same time.
You've gotten a lot of good advice from other posters, and will undoubtedly weigh it all when considering how to respond.
With DIL No. 1, perhaps no response is necessary; you sound like you are happy to babysit, and there really is no reason for you to volunteer any more than you already do.
With DIL No. 2, the comment about liking WDW is so beyond the pale that you can ignore it completely. (You probably already have a long-term plan to sneakily subvert your grandchildren, indoctrinating them into the wonders of Disney ...). By all means, continue to tailgate and enjoy high school football; getting out and enjoying the game is reason enough, knowing people on the team (even if on the bench) is an added plus. And congratulate yourself for having such a wonderful home that your daughter and her boyfriend like spending time there! The pseudo psycho-babble regarding the relationship between you and your mother, and you having a second childhood, sounds rather hurtful, but as such I would just ignore it as babble.
You've got a wonderful husband, daughter, sons and grandchildren. We should all be as lucky as you. In time, your DILs will appreciate this!
!
Especially since everything you posted about yourself and your family seem perfectly normal. I think I would have "some concerns" about your DIL.
). The older two were off at college or work and didn't have the same schedule as the youngest. I totally understand the special relationship you have with your daughter, and I don't see it as odd at all.
