Totally fell down the Rabbit Hole like Alice, I need some advice ASAP - See post 103

[lucyanna girl]

I'm about to write a post I would never have imagined writing.

I have always loved my two daughters-in-law dearly. I never thought they, or I, were perfect but I thought they were pretty close. Now it seems that I am the one who is failing badly.

DIL number one recently told me that I am not the kind of grandmother she would have me be. I baby-sit when she asks me to but my failing is that I don't call her and ask to baby-sit more.

I should stop here and interject that DH and I have a blended family. He and his first wife had three children, I had two boys with my first husband and we had Sarah together. We have been married for 25 years and after a certain point they all just became "our kids". My best friend is now my husbands ex-wife, someone else who I was blessed to have come into my life after we married. The two DILs I am posting about are married to my sons by by first marriage.

We are older than many parents with a child still in high school (Sarah is a Senior) but still very active and go a lot. (I am 52) We have always thought this was a good thing. We attend all school functions but we also attended them all for our older children.

If you are still with me the Rabbit Hole part came tonight.

DIL number two called me to express "some concerns" she has about me.

She asked me to just listen and we would discuss them later. It's a good thing because for the first time in my life I was struck dumb.

#1. What in the world is wrong with me that a grown woman loves Disney World so much? It seems it embarrasses her when her family and friends ask why we like to go so much.

The we is DD and I. My husband is not a theme park junkie. He has been a couple of times but sadly doesn't love it like we do. He does love for us to go. I am Lucky to have a very loving, giving man who really gets enjoyment from seeing us happy.

#2. Why do my husband and I love to go to high school football and baseball games at our daughter's high school so much when we have no one on the team?

First of all DIL is forgetting that we actually do have family on the team. A grandson on each team. They are lower class men and don't get much playing time yet but are on the teams.

Secondly, we go because the nice boy Sarah has been dating is on the football team. He does start and is a very good player. We are very fond of him and like watching him play.

We started tailgating at home games last year and love it. My husband cooks enough for the team to eat after the game and it gives him a lot of pleasure to feed the boys. Our daughter (older one who has a son on the team),her husband and her daughter as well as two other grand-daughters usually join us. My wife-in-law and her husband and Sarah's boy friends family eat and visit too. The DILs and my sons in question in this post do not come. One set lives here but doesn't do ballgames. The one who asked all these questions and my other son live three hours away. Ironically, he is a high school coach himself.

We also love to watch baseball. Our high school team has went to state final 4 twice in the last three years and the finals last year. We have a grandson on the team who has the makings of a really good player when he gets a little seasoning on him.

We will probably keep attending both football and baseball even after we really don't have anyone related to us on the team because we both enjoy it.

She didn't mention softball. Maybe because Sarah is on the team?


#3. Why do Sarah and her boy friend hang out at home so much?

I thought it was a good thing that they like to be at our house?
They are both Honors students ( number one and three in their class). Most nights Jacob comes over here. They eat dinner, do homework, and watch TV or get on the computer and listen to music, Face book, etc. Spend most weekends around here too. We often go out to eat as a family, see most new release movies, shop. Do a lot with them. I know we are very lucky they still like hanging around us but I didn't know there was anything wrong with it.

Many of the girls Sarah used to hang out with have developed new "interests". One has had a baby, some like to drink and party, a few smoke pot, one got kicked out of her house and now lives with her boyfriend.

DIL did say that she ran into a couple of Sarah's friends and they told her they didn't spend time with Sarah because she still hung around here to much. Truth is Sarah has distanced herself from some of these girls.

We ask my son and DIL who live here to eat out occasionally but unless you give them loads of notice they usually don't come.

We always take my other son and DIL out to eat when we go to visit them.

#4. Why are Sarah and I so close anyway?

How do I answer that?

#5. How could I have not gotten along with my own mother?

True. My mother and I had a falling out and did not speak for several years before she dies. At the end I did spend a lot of time at the hospital and was there when she died. I will not go into the whys here or with DIL. It is enough to say that I had good reason.

#6. DIL thinks that perhaps I am experiencing a second childhood or midlife crisis.

?????

DIL also says she cannot understand why I like to go and do so much. I guess I should just sit home and wait to die?

She ended by telling me that she loves me and is there if I ever need to talk to a mature woman.


I am still speechless.

Penny

 

[MidgeD79]

 

[KAMKIM]

Wow Has she been drinking?

 

[KAMKIM]

Also I think you sound like a very fun mom/grandma!

 

[jenrose66]

hmm...I don't think there's anything wrong with you. What's wrong with liking Disney and being close with your daughter. I'm 27, married with 2 kids and talk to my mom at least once a day and see her almost everyday. In highschool I spent most of my free time with my mom and all my friends thought she was great.

I think both DIL's are being rude and you don't owe either of them an explanation.

 

[ElizK]

I'm about to write a post I would never have imagined writing.

I have always loved my two daughters-in-law dearly. I never thought they, or I, were perfect but I thought they were pretty close. Now it seems that I am the one who is failing badly.

DIL number one recently told me that I am not the kind of grandmother she would have me be. I baby-sit when she asks me to but my failing is that I don't call her and ask to baby-sit more.

I should stop here and interject that DH and I have a blended family. He and his first wife had three children, I had two boys with my first husband and we had Sarah together. We have been married for 25 years and after a certain point they all just became "our kids". My best friend is now my husbands ex-wife, someone else who I was blessed to have come into my life after we married. The two DILs I am posting about are married to my sons by by first marriage.

We are older than many parents with a child still in high school (Sarah is a Senior) but still very active and go a lot. (I am 52) We have always thought this was a good thing. We attend all school functions but we also attended them all for our older children.

If you are still with me the Rabbit Hole part came tonight.

DIL number two called me to express "some concerns" she has about me.

She asked me to just listen and we would discuss them later. It's a good thing because for the first time in my life I was struck dumb.

#1. What in the world is wrong with me that a grown woman loves Disney World so much? It seems it embarrasses her when her family and friends ask why we like to go so much.

The we is DD and I. My husband is not a theme park junkie. He has been a couple of times but sadly doesn't love it like we do. He does love for us to go. I am Lucky to have a very loving, giving man who really gets enjoyment from seeing us happy.

#2. Why do my husband and I love to go to high school football and baseball games at our daughter's high school so much when we have no one on the team?

First of all DIL is forgetting that we actually do have family on the team. A grandson on each team. They are lower class men and don't get much playing time yet but are on the teams.

Secondly, we go because the nice boy Sarah has been dating is on the football team. He does start and is a very good player. We are very fond of him and like watching him play.

We started tailgating at home games last year and love it. My husband cooks enough for the team to eat after the game and it gives him a lot of pleasure to feed the boys. Our daughter (older one who has a son on the team),her husband and her daughter as well as two other grand-daughters usually join us. My wife-in-law and her husband and Sarah's boy friends family eat and visit too. The DILs and my sons in question in this post do not come. One set lives here but doesn't do ballgames. The one who asked all these questions and my other son live three hours away. Ironically, he is a high school coach himself.

We also love to watch baseball. Our high school team has went to state final 4 twice in the last three years and the finals last year. We have a grandson on the team who has the makings of a really good player when he gets a little seasoning on him.

We will probably keep attending both football and baseball even after we really don't have anyone related to us on the team because we both enjoy it.

She didn't mention softball. Maybe because Sarah is on the team?


#3. Why do Sarah and her boy friend hang out at home so much?

I thought it was a good thing that they like to be at our house?
They are both Honors students ( number one and three in their class). Most nights Jacob comes over here. They eat dinner, do homework, and watch TV or get on the computer and listen to music, Face book, etc. Spend most weekends around here too. We often go out to eat as a family, see most new release movies, shop. Do a lot with them. I know we are very lucky they still like hanging around us but I didn't know there was anything wrong with it.

Many of the girls Sarah used to hang out with have developed new "interests". One has had a baby, some like to drink and party, a few smoke pot, one got kicked out of her house and now lives with her boyfriend.

DIL did say that she ran into a couple of Sarah's friends and they told her they didn't spend time with Sarah because she still hung around here to much. Truth is Sarah has distanced herself from some of these girls.

We ask my son and DIL who live here to eat out occasionally but unless you give them loads of notice they usually don't come.

We always take my other son and DIL out to eat when we go to visit them.

#4. Why are Sarah and I so close anyway?

How do I answer that?

#5. How could I have not gotten along with my own mother?

True. My mother and I had a falling out and did not speak for several years before she dies. At the end I did spend a lot of time at the hospital and was there when she died. I will not go into the whys here or with DIL. It is enough to say that I had good reason.

#6. DIL thinks that perhaps I am experiencing a second childhood or midlife crisis.

?????

DIL also says she cannot understand why I like to go and do so much. I guess I should just sit home and wait to die?

She ended by telling me that she loves me and is there if I ever need to talk to a mature woman.


I am still speechless.

Penny

My biggest question is why does she care so much about stuff that doesn't affect her? Only the babysitting question is of her concern. Weird.

 

[kymom99]

Wow.

Sounds like you have a lot going on in your life and someone is spending WAYYYY too much time trying to analyze it all!

 

[Pamlur]

If you ever need to talk to a mature woman, you wouldn't be looking at that DIL.

Just sayin'

 

[princess momma]

I can't imagine calling my MIL with anything but nice things to say to her.

I could probably come up with a few complaints but I think it's best to keep them to myself.

 

[TwingleMum]

There are people in life who "get" us and others that don't. Doesn't make them good or bad. Doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong. DIL #1 needs to be told that you adore your Grandchild and love to be with them but you also have other responsibilities like a DD in HS and other kids/grandkids/DH etc.. But you love to help her out and sit when ever possible. DIL#2 1. There are plenty of people~ well educated & successful that are also Disney fans. The parks are full of people that don't have kids that go there to enjoy themselves. What would be acceptable to her for a hobby? Some day if DIL is lucky she will have a teen and hopefully she will be as blessed that the teen actually wants to hang out with her. Both DILs sound a little spoiled and need a reality check.

 

[MommaSnowwhite]

I would have to say that they are probably jealous and they don't understand because they didn't have the same type of relationship with their own Moms. I don't know what to say beyond that. Good Luck.

 

[Stacerita]

Wow. You sound like a very involved and loving mother/grandmother. DIL is off her rocker.

 

[momx2]

Omg! Okay, I have read it all now on the Dis! First, let me say you sound like a truly great parent and grandparent and it is really not your DIL's business if you like to go to WDW or a nudeist beach or whatever you decide you want to do, as long as it's legal.

My DH's parents went to every football game my DH played. He was a very good kicker and went on a full scholarship it college kicking. They even kept going after he graduated. My DH's brother and sister never got it and felt jealous, even though it really had nothing to do with my DH, but with friendships and hobby they had developed. His dad also coached and went to all local highschool baseball, football and basketball games he could because he enjoyed it. We used to say that was what kept him young and going, until he died very quickly at the age of 81.

You just keep doing what your doing and don't worry about them. They have the problem, not you!

 

[wenrob]

I rarely post on the community board but this is just... What business is it of theirs? And why should they care? That is just stepping over some boundaries there. I hope to be exactly like you in years to come. So far my 13yr old still likes me, let's hope she and any future boyfriends prefer to hang out here!
I know they hurt your feeling but try to ignore them and keep doing what you're doing.

 

[lucyanna girl]

Oh, thank goodness I'm not crazy.

My parents NEVER went places, The only time they did was when my husband and I took them to Hawaii. I watched them age and die without seeing anything and vowed to go and see as much as I could while I could. I've seen too many friend die young still planing to go "someday".

I should add, we have rented a house in Orlando the last two years and invited all our children to take turns bringing their families to stay. Most have. DIL one has been invited not only then but numerous other times to go with us paying but she and my oldest son always say no. It's a shame because they have two sweet little boys seven and four who always ask me if they can go.

DIL two and my son came in 2008 and I thought they were planning to go next summer. Now I don't know.

Penny

 

[Kirby]

I'm 52 and my youngest graduated in the spring. I'd love to have as many things to do as you and look forward to grandchildren one day and all the games, competitions, etc. that I'll go and watch them participate in.

I think that you DIL must have grown up in a home where her parents were not involved. So sad that she is even asking these questions. I'm not sure that I would even give her an answer. She probably will not understand even when you tell her why.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I agree. DIL #2 is the one with problems, not you.

 

[Maleficent13]

So, the one who asked all the Rabbit Hole questions is the one who lives 3 hours away, or the one who lives in your town?

Either way, I have to echo the "was she drinking?" comment.

I am curious if she cited any particular reason for thinking you were having a midlife crisis?

 

[TeresaNJ]

Holy cow! Sounds like the green eyes monster is rearing it's ugly head. Do what makes you happy, and ignore the be-atches!

 

[perdidobay]

Gee! How old are these DILs?

I wonder do they expect people to dry up and do nothing but babysit when they hit 50? Like you I would be speechless with both of them.

You are my age and sound like a perfectly normal person, which of course you are! I wonder if maybe they aren't a little jealous of all the fun you are having, esp with your DD.
You don't owe them any explaination of anything you do.... and as for the comment about when you want to talk to a mature woman..... wow... guess you'll have to wait till she matures


maybe you did fall down the rabbitthole