Torn on what to do

[DisneyDreamGirl87]

You all have been so helpful with other things so I figured you were the best to ask...I am 5 months pregnant and my sister has started talking baby shower and guest list. I have never had a relationship with my MIL and neither has my DH. She has been disrespectful towards us many times and we haven't spoken in 2 years. I really don't want to be tense or uncomfortable at my
Own baby shower but I fear she will cause an even bigger problem. She hasn't even called to congratulate us! What would you guys do?

Ellie

 

[low-key]

call her and tell her she is dead to you

 

[worm761]

I would inform SIL that you don't want MIL there. Ask her to honor your wishes.

 

[LuLuO]

Don't invite her.

 

[ForMyBoys]

Are you worried about what will happen if you don't invite her?

My thought is, if you want to do something in the middle, is to have a small babyshower lunch or something and invite only very close family members... like dh, your mom, MIL. Then at the bigger shower invite everyone but her. I'm sure you can find a few close family members/friends to go to the mini-shower to appease her.

But honestly based on your description I'm not sure why you want to appease her.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Don't invite her unless she's shown ANY type of movement to reconcile.

 

[okeydokey]

If you are 5 months pregnant and your MIL has not been in touch even to acknowledge your pregnancy, I see no reason you should invite her to the baby shower and no reason you should feel badly about it. She may not even accept an invitation is she was invited.

Congratulations on your new baby, best of luck to you.

 

[goofyintoronto]

I would invite her to the shower to be honest. She might surprise you. Plus I wouldnt have the heart to exclude her. I just couldnt.

 

[happygirl]

You all have been so helpful with other things so I figured you were the best to ask...I am 5 months pregnant and my sister has started talking baby shower and guest list. I have never had a relationship with my MIL and neither has my DH. She has been disrespectful towards us many times and we haven't spoken in 2 years. I really don't want to be tense or uncomfortable at my
Own baby shower but I fear she will cause an even bigger problem. She hasn't even called to congratulate us! What would you guys do?

Ellie

I would invite, maybe it time to mend bridges. If you haven't talked to her in 2 years is there any chance she might not you are pregnant

 

[SLP958]

If you haven't spoken in 2 years I would not invite her. If she makes contact in a respectful way to wish you well with the new baby, I would invite her to meet the baby after it was born.

 

[SAT]

You might want to consider putting her on your guest list. If you don't you, may leave yourself open to further criticism from her. At least you'll know you made an appropriate gesture.

 

[Robbi]

If I were in your position, I'd invite her. If she chooses to go to the shower, good. If she doesn't at least you did the right thing.

 

[disykat]

If you haven't spoken in 2 years I would not invite her. If she makes contact in a respectful way to wish you well with the new baby, I would invite her to meet the baby after it was born.

I agree with this. A baby might be a great time for a reconciliation, but a "public" event wouldn't be where I would try that.

edited to add - if you want to reach out, try contacting her beforehand and see how it goes. It it goes well, THEN you can invite her. I'm really surprised at all the people who say to invite her, I think it could make things really awkward for everyone, including the other guests.

 

[nathalee81]

You all have been so helpful with other things so I figured you were the best to ask...I am 5 months pregnant and my sister has started talking baby shower and guest list. I have never had a relationship with my MIL and neither has my DH. She has been disrespectful towards us many times and we haven't spoken in 2 years. I really don't want to be tense or uncomfortable at my
Own baby shower but I fear she will cause an even bigger problem. She hasn't even called to congratulate us! What would you guys do?

Ellie

I have been in your situation.

I know it is hard, but I would invite her.

I know you said she has been disrespectful, but you didn't say how she has been disrespectful? Does she have a drug/alcohol problem?

 

[LiveYourLife]

I would inform SIL that you don't want MIL there. Ask her to honor your wishes.

It's the OP's sister, not SIL.

OP, I must admit, in reading your post I'm confused at what the predicament is that you feel you're in with regards to your MIL and your shower

1) You've never had a relationship with your MIL.

2) Your DH doesn't have a relationship with his Mother.

3) She is disrespectful towards you and DH.

4) You haven't spoken to her in 2 years

5) You don't want to be tense or uncomfortable with her at your shower.

6) She may cause problems if she comes to the shower.

7) She hasn't called to congratulate you on your pregnancy.

It's very clear that you shouldn't even think twice about inviting her to the shower, or feeling guilty if you don't.

Don't sweat it!

 

[Emteach]

To the OP the only question I have is does she know you are pregnant? If she does and has not made any effort to contact or congratulate you and your husband there is absolutely no way that I would invite her. It is up to her to reach out at this point. If she does not know that makes it a big trickier - your hubby should make an effort to reach out to her (not up to you) and if she doesn't reciprocate there is nothing much else you can do.

If there is the contact I think a smaller family event (like a lunch) and then have the large shower for your family and friends.

 

[DisneyDreamGirl87]

It's the OP's sister, not SIL.

OP, I must admit, in reading your post I'm confused at what the predicament is that you feel you're in with regards to your MIL and your shower

1) You've never had a relationship with your MIL.

2) Your DH doesn't have a relationship with his Mother.

3) She is disrespectful towards you and DH.

4) You haven't spoken to her in 2 years

5) You don't want to be tense or uncomfortable with her at your shower.

6) She may cause problems if she comes to the shower.

7) She hasn't called to congratulate you on your pregnancy.

It's very clear that you shouldn't even think twice about inviting her to the shower, or feeling guilty if you don't.

Don't sweat it!

I love your screen name btw! I really wish I knew why I felt this guilt. I know she's wronged us and deep down I don't want her there. I'm just confused and wish I wasn't :-(

Ellie

 

[DisneyDreamGirl87]

To the OP the only question I have is does she know you are pregnant? If she does and has not made any effort to contact or congratulate you and your husband there is absolutely no way that I would invite her. It is up to her to reach out at this point. If she does not know that makes it a big trickier - your hubby should make an effort to reach out to her (not up to you) and if she doesn't reciprocate there is nothing much else you can do.

If there is the contact I think a smaller family event (like a lunch) and then have the large shower for your family and friends.

Thanks for the advice! DH has a good relationship with his grandmother and she relayed the information. The only reason I know this is because MIL texted him asking why he didn't tell her as soon as we found out.

Ellie

 

[happygirl]

Thanks for the advice! DH has a good relationship with his grandmother and she relayed the information. The only reason I know this is because MIL texted him asking why he didn't tell her as soon as we found out.

Ellie

maybe you should have told her, 2 years is a long time to hold a grudge

 

[LiveYourLife]

I love your screen name btw! I really wish I knew why I felt this guilt. I know she's wronged us and deep down I don't want her there. I'm just confused and wish I wasn't :-(

Ellie

Awww

May I ask somewhat of a personal question? If you don't want to answer, I understand. Would she be your Baby's only Grandmother??