Torn...advice needed and greatly appreciated....

[BoardwalkBride]

When we started wedding planning everything we checked out was an exorbitant amount of money...around $23,000 with zero extras and a lot of basics cut down - no limousine, student photographer, and no videographer. We had flexible dates and still had a hard time getting one. We decided it wasn't worth the expense to try and have a fall wedding near our home (Boston) and followd our hearts to a Disney wedding. We were planning an escape wedding and maxed out our guest list, but still had extra family coming who wanted to watch the wedding and would do it from the boardwalk overlooking SBP then join us for our reception dinner. A lot of our family was upset that we were marrying in Florida because they wanted to be there for it (hence why some are still coming even though they aren't technically invited).

Well, Joe was looking online for activities to do in Salem, MA on our day off. He came across the Hawthorne Hotel (something that I never found during my venue research). I looked into it and it's BEAUTIFUL. It's $53.95/pp, so we're looking at about $6,500 before tax, gratuity, and appetizers...but it includes:
wedding coordinator
four course meal
champagne toast
place cards
candlelight centerpieces
custom wedding cake
complimentary menu tasting
souvenier wedding knife
guestbook and pen (oh boy, I know, free pen)
prive photography room
coatroom attendate
deluxe wedding night accomodations in a one bedroom suite for bride and groom
selection of floor length linens

It's all included in the 53.95/per person price, and I think that's a very reasonable price. It would be amazing to get married in Salem near Halloween. The town is all lit up, the smell of firewood and autumn is in the air, and it's all around just a beautiful place.

I would still need a limo, dj, and photographer. My mom has a dj friend that can do it at a low cost as a wedding gift so that would be terrific. I would probably be looking at about $10,000 for everything not including my wedding dress, tux, and the extras that come along with it. I talked to my parents about it and they told me that it's completely up to me, that they will either come to Disney with us or give us between $2,000-$3,000 to help with a wedding near home. Even if we have a Disney wedding, the costs are going to be around $10,000 after including an at-home reception.

I'm really torn. Joe REALLY wanted to marry in Disney, then he found this hotel and is somewhat excited about the idea of getting married in Salem. It's a long drive for my family though...about 1 1/2 hours from Worcester to Salem so they'd probably have to stay at the hotel. If I got married here I could have a bridal party, have my theme and colors, and have a traditional wedding. But the main drawback is that it's not Disney. We will Disneymoon no matter what though.

The main reason I'm so torn is because of my dad. He's undergoing chemotherapy right now and I know that this trip to Florida would probably be our only chance at a family trip. My parents were thrilled at the idea of going to Florida and having an oceanside wedding, going to parks and getting to see the magic that is Disney...plus the food and wine festival and MNSSHP that will going on.

I'm completely torn. Right in half. Half of me really wants a wedding with all our family and friends back home and the other half of me wants to do Disney with our family and friends. I'm afraid of disappointing people no matter what we choose. His family is not as thrilled as mine about going to Disney but they are happy we are getting married and willing to do whatever we want. I know my parents really just want us to do what will make us happy too. It's so much pressure because a wedding is (usually) a once-in-a-lifetime deal and I'm so scared I'll have regrets no matter what we do.

Any insight/advice you girls have would be much appreciated. We're at the point now where we have to start making decisions and I'm so nervous about making the right one that I'm losing sleep over it.

 

[jennifaerie]

I'm from the area, and I have to say, the Hawthorne is *beautiful*, and it would be perfect to get married there, especially during that season. The foliage will be gorgeous, the hotel is gorgeous, and that's a steal for the price.

Since you're already going to be honeymooning at Disney, is there any way to get married in Salem, and then head down for the honeymoon, but have your family come down for a few days as well? That way, his family gets what they want, you get your family trip, and you get a fantastic wedding at a great price and get a compromise that everyone will like?

 

[Skylarr29]

I think marrying in Salem sounds so beautiful. I am almost tempted to look into it except I live in Florida so I know no one will want to travel lol! Also, you can have all of your family there and the price is great.

 

[BoardwalkBride]

I'm from the area, and I have to say, the Hawthorne is *beautiful*, and it would be perfect to get married there, especially during that season. The foliage will be gorgeous, the hotel is gorgeous, and that's a steal for the price.

Since you're already going to be honeymooning at Disney, is there any way to get married in Salem, and then head down for the honeymoon, but have your family come down for a few days as well? That way, his family gets what they want, you get your family trip, and you get a fantastic wedding at a great price and get a compromise that everyone will like?

Thank you so much for your response. I thought about that as well. I would ask my parents to save the money instead of contributing to our wedding but I'm not sure if they'd go for the trip if it wasn't for our wedding. It's just so hard to picture not having a first dance, not being announced as husband and wife, and not dancing with my dad. I have so many thoughts spinning in my head.

 

[IndyBride]

You are definantly in a tough spot! I hope that whatever decision you make it's best for you and your DF and you don't regret it. Good luck!

 

[PrincessBride07]

It's just so hard to picture not having a first dance, not being announced as husband and wife, and not dancing with my dad. I have so many thoughts spinning in my head.

I think you have an answer right there.

Disney would be a wonderful trip for you and your family, but is there any way possible to do something around Salem? You could make a vacation with them there. Maybe find some festivals, museums, or really cool local restaurants. It may not be Disney, but you could still make it very special.

 

[WithDisneySpirit]

Another thing to consider is that it might be harder on your dad right now to have a big trip away to Florida. If you have dreamed of a Disney wedding, why don't you think about a Vow Renewal sometime in the future right on the Boardwalk You know this wedding at Hawthorne sounds like quite a dreamy spot also! Good luck and special prayers for your dad!!

 

[jennifaerie]

I think the vow renewal is a fantastic idea. Something to look forward to someday.

 

[hope1826]

IMO, I think you should do whichever wedding will allow you the opportunity to create the most special memories with your DH, your father and your immediate families. And plan a vow renewal for the location that you had to give up this time around. I think that was a wonderful idea.

I found out that my dad has cancer 5 days after our wedding. He knew for a few months, but didn't want to tell us. I wish I had known, I would have made a few changes. And I am already fighting feelings of regret.

Also try not to worry about what EVERYONE wants. Of course you want to celebrate with eveyone, but your priority should be you and your DH and then your immediate families and then everyone else.

GOod luck!

 

[DecemberBride]

I absolutely love Salem! I made my parents stop there every summer on our way to Maine! I think it's one of the most beautiful places in the US.

Saying that and the fact that I'm having a Disney wedding... I say do it Hawthorne around Halloween with the gorgeous fall colors all around. It will be absolutely gorgeous and everyone can come and join in! Do your honeymoon is Disney and have a blast. I bet your dad will be happy no matter where you wed and hopefully you'll get many more family trips to come! (I know what it feels like to worry about a dad)

Whatever you choose have fun enjoy your day!

 

[tlhbdm]

Personally I would choose to have the closer-to-home wedding. I was kind of in the same situation as you when I was planning my wedding. About 4 months before my wedding my dad called me one day (out of the blue) and asked me if I would rather get married at WDW, I was OMG my dad the anti-Disney is asking me this. He told me to some research. He also told me how much he would be willing to spend. Well with what I wanted I really could only afford the Escape package and there was a max of 18 people. Like you there was a lot more people that are close family that would want to share in that special day with us so I decided against Disney and had a wonderful wedding in my home town and was able to have all my bridesmaids and all of our family members were there. I also looked at the hotel website and think it is absolutely beautiful. I think you should go with the at-home wedding with the Disney Honeymoon(also was what we did). The VR sounds like an awesome idea too and I plan to do that myself someday. You should do what you and your DF want. I think both ideas are awesome, and I do have regrets about not having a Disney World wedding but I know I will have a VR someday so it turns my attitude right around. I wish you the best in all of your decisions and you marriage.

 

[inkedupmomma]

Thank you so much for your response. I thought about that as well. I would ask my parents to save the money instead of contributing to our wedding but I'm not sure if they'd go for the trip if it wasn't for our wedding. It's just so hard to picture not having a first dance, not being announced as husband and wife, and not dancing with my dad. I have so many thoughts spinning in my head.

Why would you not be able to do those things with your dad if you did a wdw wedding?because it would be an escape package?

also, i'm wondering, since you said your wedding was almost at 10 k with an escape as it is, can you just upgrade to a wishes? which would allow you to invite more people and do the dance and all that? I'm sure everyone on here could keep you right at the 10k mark!

I also love halloween..like obsessed would be the better choice of words so salem sounds superrrr rad to me.. but maybe you can do a fall wedding in disney?/ the colors and decor are pretty rad then too. it seems your dad was all about the disney idea, and you can get a fam trip,wedding and moon out of it and invite the other guests and stay at 10k!

let us know if we can help either way!

 

[faeriegrl]

Wow, what a difficult decision.

Having had a Disney wedding, it was amazing but there were people who were unable to make it (namely my Grandfather. My Nanny passed away just 3 months prior.)

He then passed away 3 weeks before our daughter Annabelle was born.

Planning a destination wedding IS stressful and comes with it's own downfalls.

Given your dad's health situation I would be more inclined to plan something at home soon, so that he wouldn't be inconvenienced or worse, not able to travel to Florida.

That price is incredibly cheap!!! We ended up around $25k once all was said and done for 69 guests. We did have to cut a lot and use outside vendors for most everything, but I got my Disney wedding.

Have a Disney VR in 5 years and spend your time with your dad now.

 

[Cosi Bella]

This is a really tough decision! I really like what Nikki (Hope1286) said! You should only really worry about what you and your fiance want. I know that is hard to do right now because you are in the thick of it all, but ultimately that's all that matters. There are a lot of outside factors... many many people that you want to make happy, but ultimately you have to be happy with the decision you make. It would not be good to wake up on your wedding day and have regrets. Definitely take everyone's feelings into consideration, but in the end, do what makes you happy. If dancing with your dad, being introduced as Husband and Wife, and all that jazz that comes with a traditional wedding is really what you want, then everyone will love that idea and will love being at your wedding, no matter where it is! I promise!!

Also, keep in mind, if you are spending 10K on the wedding at home and that's without DJ, photographer, limo, dress, etc, a wishes wedding starts at 10k and it is possible to stay at the minimum ... Just ask Nikki! and Lurkyloo, they both did it beautifully!

I hope all of your dreams come true!!! Good luck with everything