Toddler temper tantrums

[franw]

My two year old granddaugher threw a few temper tantrum doozies on their last trip to WDW. She is almost always the sweetest, happiest child on the face of the earth and is adored by everyone who knows her. But a two year old, tired and overstimulated at WDW by cart after cart of toys at her level is certainly entitled to a tantrum or two. Unfortunately, a woman approached her mom at MK and proceeded to berate her for allowing a child to cry so long. (Letting her cry it out is the only way she will settle down - trust me, we know this to be true). Everyone else gave my DIL understanding glances, nods and smiles. But the newest villain at WDW "The Evil Toddler Expert" shattered her and made her cry. I wish I had been there to tell her off myself. Anyone else had such an experience? How did you handle it?

 

[preshi]

My 4yr old does this on occasion in public... if someone opened their big mouth tome I'd personally tell them to mind their own. I'm not good with people telling me what to do esp. strangers thinking htye know my life and what is goin on. She would have received a mouthful from me!

 

[Robinrs]

I believe the woman was more than rude to approach your DIL but I do understand her anguish. It is impossible for a mother to ignore a baby's cry, some of us can't take it at all while some of us just wish it would stop.

I will not stay in an area where a crying baby is. It terribly upsets me. The mother in me wants to comfort the child, while the woman in me wants to get someone to make it stop.

Unlike the woman, I just walk away. No, I don't understand tantrums, my parents never allowed them and my son knew better than to try them. I know that some people believe that you should ride them out, but in my family, it just was not tolerated. People who were raised like this believe it is the parents' fault, which is probably why this woman made this comment. I frankly thnk she should've minded her own business.

 

[KingsFanInRI]

Even though I do not know your DD, if I had overheard this I would have quite probably told the Wicked Witch of Butinski to mind her own business, too.

A few weeks ago at Savers I kept hearing this jerk on the phone, presumably with his significant other. He was berating her up one side and down the other. It was all I could do to not clothesline this jerk. I have no patience for people like that.

 

[franw]

Robinrs - What is your family's secret to not tolerating tantrums. We have tried comforting her but it only escalates as I truly believe a toddler isn't in control of their emotions. My son and daughter in law are loving, gentle parents who would never consider hitting their kids. Their pediatrician says it is normal stage of the "terrible twos". Some kids never throw a tantrum so I guess many parents have never experienced it. The only thing worse than hearing a stranger's child crying is to hear a child you love crying. I assure you that lady wasn't experiencing nearly the anguish my daughter in law was suffering. If you have a special technique or secret, please pass it on. Letting her cry it out seems to be the only way to let her wind down.

 

[pumba]

told her to ignore the tantrums and walk away from them....put the child in a playpen or if you are somewheres.....put in carriage and just IGNORE IT......usually works too when the child finally calms down and thinks ....oh well another good tantrum gone .....it is something else for a total stranger to say this to anyone.......tell your daughter or daugher in law that people like this are the ignorant ones....

 

[poohandwendy]

While I think the woman was rude to comment, I really don't understand why people just allow it to continue in public.

Remove the child to a quiet area (there is always somewhere available like a restroom) and do not allow them back into the situation until they have completely calmed down. Yes, they all have meltdowns. But, the rest of the world shouldn't have to be subjected to 'waiting it out'.

 

[FreshTressa]

Originally posted by Robinrs
No, I don't understand tantrums, my parents never allowed them and my son knew better than to try them. I know that some people believe that you should ride them out, but in my family, it just was not tolerated. People who were raised like this believe it is the parents' fault, which is probably why this woman made this comment. I frankly thnk she should've minded her own business.

Again, just curious, but what do you mean by your son 'knew better'. What would happen to your son if he had one?? What would your parents have done to you? How is it 'not tolerated'. I mean, what exactly do you do that keeps it from happening. I guess I just don't understand how you can stop someone else's behavior.

Must be mommy magic that I am missing!!!

My kids both (very sweet, nice, obedient, I get compliments all the time), lose it from time to time. I have never found a way to keep it from happening or to make them not want to. I posted here previously about it, and people said my happy, fun loving kids needed to see a psychologist because of a few temper tantrums. I also have seen parents that had their first two be born even tempered and think that they were expert parents, then the third comes along, and has a more volotile temperment. I just don't know where I went wrong that my kids have tantrums and other moms have kids that know better. Is there a discipline technique I don't know about?

And I agree, she should have minded her own business!

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

After 2 DDs (the 2nd is still a toddler), I am a firm believer of ignoring tantrums at home, and removing the offending child in public. I have left an entire grocery cart full of groceries in the middle of the store as I walked out with my screaming child. Fortunately, I am a regular there, so a couple of hours later, all the employees asked me if my DD was over her tantrum. In WDW, either DD that had a meltdown was removed from the situation for a while. Normally it only took 2-3 minutes max to realize that her sister was getting to enjoy WDW while she wasn't.

Fortunately, I did not meet any of the evil butinsky types, otherwise, I might have told them off for trying to tell me off!!!

 

[Mskanga]

what do you mean by your son 'knew better'.

Kids know more than we think they do, trust me.
My youngest threw a couple of tantrums, one in public , we left the store and came home, she went straight in her room until she was done crying. The second time she was at home, she was put in her room until she was done crying. The third time she was put in her room again and a minute later I heard her voice saying, mommy I'm done crying...can I come out? . That was the last time she ever did that.
My kids really have not had meltdowns at WDW, because we have gone at their pace, some people just push too much though.

 

[FreshTressa]

Originally posted by Mskanga
Kids know more than we think they do, trust me.
My youngest threw a couple of tantrums, one in public , we left the store and came home, she went straight in her room until she was done crying. The second time she was at home, she was put in her room until she was done crying. The third time she was put in her room again and a minute later I heard her voice saying, mommy I'm done crying...can I come out? . That was the last time she ever did that.
My kids really have not had meltdowns at WDW, because we have gone at their pace, some people just push too much though.

LOL, my kids must be dense. I do the same thing. If we are at a store, park, etc., we leave IMMEDIATELY. We have had to leave places plenty of times. At home, it is directly to their beds where they must stay until 20 minutes after the tantrum.

They still, after 4 years of this, occassionally make a bad choice and choose to have an out and out temper tantrum. I just asked DS6, what happens when you have a tantrum, and he knows the rules. He says he just can't stop crying and can't control it. DD says the same thing. It is not like they don't know what will happen, they still choose to explode. It boggles my mind that after that many experiences, they still choose to have tantrums. I have NEVER, and I mean NEVER given into one, so I don't know what they expect to gain.

My grandma said my dad was the same way. His parents used to use a belt when he had a tantrum. I never had them when I was a kid. I would never want to be banished to my room.

 

[FreshTressa]

We have never had one at WDW either. We have had very few, less than 6, in public. They still have them at home though.

 

[mom42860]

LOL, my kids must be dense

FreshTressa, My kids too! First one was pretty good (she was waiting for the teen years!) but the other 2

 

[RitaZ.]

She can always say, "Thank you for the UNsolicited advice". I haven't had this happen to me in public, but I think I was just lucky. I have gotten plenty of stares as I removed my child from the situation, but I just waved to the curious strangers and that always stopped their staring.

What may work for one child, does not work for another. There is no "one size fits all" when it comes to parenting children, at least in my personal experience. Some children are more lively than others, just as some adults are more lively than others. As a parent, I try to parent/teach according to my child's temperament and personality, but it doesn't always prove effective.

One of my closest friends used to brag about how well behaved her DS was and what a great job she did teaching him how to behave. Her DS is a very quiet and subdued person by nature. Well, that fantasy lasted until child #2 came along, a girl. Let's just say that my friend used to call her "Kate, the wild woman". Since then, my friend has eaten quite a bit of humble pie.

I don't understand why some folks feel the need to approach a total stranger and proceed to berate them about their child's behavior. It's just plain rude and direspectful. Just as parents can remove the child from the situation, those bothered by the behavior can do the same.

I remember one time we were staying at the WL and decided to rent a tandem bike. DH and the kids picked out the bike while I paid for the rental. Two sour- looking women were standing behind me and kept staring as my husband and my 3 kids got into the bike. They didn't know that we were together and they must have assumed that DH was allowing the kids to play on the bikes. Anyway, they went on and on about how the father (DH) wouldn't tell the kids to get off the bikes and why he would allow them do such a thing. They kept shaking their heads and staring at them. I really tried to bite my tongue, but... I turned around and said to them, "Yes, that is my husband and those are our children and that is the bike that we are renting and I'm paying for". Well, that stopped their comments! When I walked over to my family and the bike, the women kept staring. I turned around and told DH what had happened. I waved to the women and said loudly, "Hello!". No more stares from them!

Maybe next time I'm standing in line at WDW and the person in front of me has really bad body odor, I will take the opportunity to preach them about their personal hygiene habits. After all, I find it rather offensive!

 

[BobbinWeez]

I have experienced many temper tantrums. I do not have kids of my own but I am a toddler and preschool teacher. Kids around those ages do not have full control over their emotions. They get stimulated and want attention and often the only way they can see to get that attention is to act out. In my classroom the way I handled it was to bring the child to a quiet area with a book or favorite toy and tell them when they were ready to nicely come rejoin their friends they could come back to whatever activity is going on. That worked 9 times out of 10...the other 1 time I often had to get help from other teachers and have a child leave the room for a little while to calm down. The best thing that has worked for me is removing the stimulation from the child or removing the child from the stimulation. Kids that young need help in controlling their emotions and bodies.

 

[Pop Daddy]

I get mad at the parent when a kid throws a temper tantrum and they dont discipline them

 

[BobbinWeez]

Temper tantrums don't always need discipline...often they do so don't get me wrong. Children need limits but patience is key with temper tantrums. I'm sure that lady who made the comments made the mother more on edge and children can sense those things.

 

[FreshTressa]

And what gets me is when a kid is throwing a tantrum and the caregiver GIVES IN to the child and gives them what they were crying for.

 

[janette]

My youngest was very intense as an toddler / infant. There were times when she would cry / scream and there was nothing that could calm her. I tried all kinds of things, the parents with a screaming child that can't be calmed get my sympathy. I did learn to use prevention, some kids have a hard time handling themselves when they are tired / hungry or whatever. She's 9 now and she doesn't have a full tantrum but she will cry and sometimes be very emotional when she's out of sorts. We did find the perfect caption on some Tinkerbell clothes for her while at WDW. There were hats, t's & sweatshirts with a picture of Tink and "Warning Mood subject to change without notice"

Those that do have children that were more easy going consider yourself lucky but remember that every child is different. My 12yo never lost it and cried / screamed for extended periods. My 9yo made up for it

 

[Talking Hands]

My response was I'm sorry, you must be very tired. I guess it is time to go back to the hotel and take a nap. Do you want Daddy or I to take you. Usually brought about immediate good behavior. I only had to the oldest back once. Never did have to the the youngest. Oldest had already warned her not to mess with Mom. They are 25 and 21 and still know better than to mess with Mom.