Toddler "leash"

[MATTERHORN]

I also am one that will never use a leash. Whatever happened to MAKING your children stay next to you. If my child was to try to wander away, I would hold their hand. If they didn't like it, I would hold their hand harder. Point is I have two completely opposite children, first was an angel compared to the second, but they both know absolutely at no time can they walk away from me. I think it takes a lot of perdistance on the parents part to do this, and some just don't have work at it. I suppose a leash is easier than teaching your child that it's not acceptable.

The other day I saw a Grandma (obvious by the way she was gushing over the child) and she was walking through the mall with her grandson, I assume, on a leash. He was crawling through the whole mall, on the nasty floors, and barking the whole way, and she got the biggest kick out of it. She was laughing and thought it was so cute, and she just kept "walking" him! It was the most rediculous thing I have ever seen. I really, really, really wanted to say something, but it would have gotten ugly. I can't believe people actually do that. And no I am not saying that everyone here does this, but leashes were made for dogs and that just reinforced my beliefs. Poor Kid.

Believe it or not, people who don't use leashes don't constantly lose their kids, so it can be done without one! To each his/her own, just my opinion, and I feel very strongly about this. It's kinda like that old saying, give a man a fish adn he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he's good to go. Put a child on a leash and they are safe for now, but unless you teach them how to act, good luck when you don't have one available!


Andrea

 

[gracieboo]

I have three children (2,3 and 11) who have been raised to be well-behaved. I am not so naive, however, to think that they will never stray from me, especially at Disney, when they will be at the height of excitement. While it may sound reasonable that they will always be holding my hand or in a stroller, I know that it can get tiresome for a 2 or 3 year old to stay in a stroller and I may not always have a free hand to hold, with cameras, backpacks, strollers, etc. If I can use a "leash" and have even a slightly better chance of keeping my child from getting lost, or worse, I am going to utilize that option. I do not use them at home, may not use them if I didn't have TWO toddlers to keep up with and I would never treat my child like an animal. However, as I heard a wise lady say once (at the risk of sounding too harsh), "I would rather have a live dog than a dead child".

 

[all4fun]

I just bought a child safety harness for my 16 month old ds. He just started learning to walk. He doesn't talk yet. He's a little willful (takes after his daddy!) and he's still at an age that he can't be reasoned with. He's also only 2-1/2 feet tall and when I'm holding his hand his arm is stretched uncomfortably above his head. I can't see myself doing that to him for more than a minute at a time. Yes we are bringing his stroller but he's an active little guy and I don't think it's fair to him to keep him cooped up all day in it. This way I can set him down and he can walk around me (while I watch!) and he can have a little freedom. Does this mean I won't teach him to hold my hand as he gets a little older? Of course not! OK, now lets just agree to disagree and start critisizing those parents that just allow their children to run amok? And I don't think people - at least the ones here on this board - who use leashes are worried about constantly losing their kids. It just that it can only take one time.

As far as the story about the lady allowing the toddler to crawl on the floor and act like a dog in the mall - that is shameful but I hardly think that's the norm. (I certainly hope not!)

Cheryl

 

[POOH&PIGLET]

A kid on a leash is a lot better than a lost kid.

Have fun, and don't feel bad protecting your child!

I agree, if it works for you, do it. NEVER let other people make you feel bad. Whenever my DW has a “run in” with a stranger, I always say why do you let some stranger bother you, who cares what they think, do, say, etc.

For those that are above using a leash, I hope no one ever tries to snatch your child while you glance away for just a second.

I don’t think anybody said they are “above using a leash.” As stated above: “To each their own.” Do what works for you.

You can never say never but I don’t think anybody is going to be snatching my children away from me. I am a former sex crimes prosecutor so I know better than most what real dangers are out there. Stranger abductions happen but are extremely rare. You should be more worried about things closer to home (neighbors, clergy, teachers, relatives, etc.).

Originally posted by all4fun
OK, now lets just agree to disagree and start critisizing those parents that just allow their children to run amok? And I don't think people - at least the ones here on this board - who use leashes are worried about constantly losing their kids. It just that it can only take one time.

Well said Cheryl. As far as I can tell, the posters on this board are wonderful parents.

By the way, I love criticizing! Lets start a thread about the worst parenting we’ve seen at WDW!

 

[Stimpy]

Originally posted by beattyfamily
ITA

My DD is either in the stroller, holding my hand, or daddy is carrying her.

To each their own.

Another mommy who agrees! I had an extremely active DS who is now almost 5. From the minute he could walk he never went in a stroller again. We've been to Disney about 6 times with him, many other family vacations, cruises, NYC many times and haven't had a problem (Thank God!) since he must hold our hand at all times. BTW DH and my father are both cops and they do not like the leashes at all.

BUT, I do not believe in criticizing any one else about the leashes. I've seen some children who SHOULD have been on leashes. What ever you feel is best for you and your family is the right decision! Do what you feel is safest and don't worry about what anyone else thinks!

 

[CapeCodFam]

I hate to admit it but I did by a sasety harness with leash last year when ds was 14mo. We bought it for our trip to WDW. We never ended up using. I was glad because I don't really like it. My ds is two now and we are going this Dec. I don't think I'll bring it. He is very good in his stroller OUTSIDE only. He won't squak and if he wants to walk he will hold my hand or he'll go right back in his stroller.

I have seen a little boy, maybe about 2or3, pull so hard his grandmother tripped and fell. Not good. Kids can pull you down when your not paying attention. The harness just makes me nervous accidents can happen.

I really don't care if people use them or not. It is their child and every parent has the right to protect their child as they see fit.

Just my 2 cents.

Joy

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I too will join the ranks and use the dreaded leash. I too used to think it was horrible when people used them but that was before I had kids. I have a very active 2 year old who, by the way, does listen to us, and an 8 month old. I initially scoffed at the idea of a leash when my Mom suggested it. I have since given it serious thought and will be using one. I can guarantee that my son will not want ot sit in a stroller every day and that is not fair to him. I can also guarantee that it only takes the blink of an eye for a child to be missing. I am not willing to take that risk. I felt a little funny at first but all my friends who have traveled with toddlers have used them and we all agree that we don't care what anyone says as long as our babies are safe. I am excited to see many different versions from people on the board. I will check them all out before making my final decision. As a Mom I say that you have to do whatever will protect your kids. So- On with the leash!!!
Jennie

 

[Tigger&Belle]

We had one for our son when he was a toddler. I don't know if I ever used it, but kept it with me, my security blanket. Better to ahve it and not need it than the other way around.

T&B

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I did see a family using them my last time at WDW. They had at least 4 children and the youngest 3 had the halters. BUT, they were preschool age and older--I guessed 4, 6, and 8yo. Strange! Even so, I don't know their situation. The children sure didn't look special needs, but they could have had special reasons for using the halters.

T&B

 

[J/T Gramdma]

You know thru this whole thread leash or no leash the botton line is nobody uses them every day all day. We are talking about a place that has hundreds of thousands of people visit every day. Some children and families come from small towns and surburbia and their kids may have never seen so many people and dont realize in the time that ittakes to stop and say 'theres Mickey' alot of people can come between them and their mom or dad. Also most people are talking about kids 15mths to 31/2 in age where they are active and sightseeing at all times. Give these people a break and realize that just because your kids werent runners ,some parents no matter what they do have kids at this age that are stubborn,independent and will respond to anyone who is nice to them. life is an adventure to these kids and if a harness keeps them safe then help the parents by not degrading them for keeping their kids safe.

 

[MATTERHORN]

I don't think anyone has degraded anyone! Everyone's post pretty much said, "In my opinion" That said, I did notice that most people who buy them or are thinking about buying them say they are embarrassed to admit it. The only reason one would feel that way is if deep down they thought it was unnatural or odd. If you really feel like your child should be on a leash and don't care what others htink, why would you feel that way. I don't get it!

Also just curious, if I came on here to say that I thought my child might get sick from touching all the things that others touch at the world, like tables and chairs, would you all feel it appropriate to see me next to you at Crystal Palace feeding my child off the floor from a dog dish so they didn't use the dishes millions of others use? Same thing as using a leash, I am looking out for the child's well being. There has to be a line and treating children like dogs is one of them I won't cross!!

And if someone says" Then you shouldn't take them there, I agree. If you can't get by without a dog dish or a leash, you shouldn't go!

Again just my opinion.
Andrea

 

[Lollipop Mom]

IMHO, there is a BIG difference between using a safety harness for your child and feeding them out of a dog dish. That's an extreme.

There were an awful lot of things that I said "I will NEVER do that" before I had children and since having them I've done a lot of those things beacuse once I had kids of my own, I was able to see things from a different perspective. That's how it is for me with the harness. It was something I always said "no way" to and felt that way all through DS #1's toddlerhood. I didn't need it with him. DS #2 is a different story. They are night and day different in temperment. No, I don't think every person at WDW is out to snatch my child. No, I don't use a harness on my child all the time. I don't use it at the mall or walking to the playground. Yes, he does stay with me and knows he's supposed to at all those places but he is SOOOO excited at WDW and the parks have so much sensory overload for him that he tends to forget while we are there. He's overall a well behaved child who does understand the "rules." He knows what he can and can't play with at home. Where he can and can't go etc. but I still feel like they are SO overwhelmed at the parks that it's easy for them to forget. He's 2, I forgive him if he does. For me it's as much about not having him get into the way of others as it is about his safety. And to the people who wonder why not MAKE them stay with you. Yeah, I could do that but it's one of those situations where it's time to evaluate what is important. Is it worth tantrums and "we'll just go back to the room RIGHT NOW" fights or is it worth more to me to let him feel he has some freedom but still know he's safe? In my case I used the harness in 2 places...in lines and sitting waiting for parades. My son sat happily in my lap waiting for parades to start but once they did he wants to get up and dance. Him wearing it meant I knew he could dance away right in front of me but he couldn't dart out after a favorite character before I had a chance to stop him! In line queues there isn't an option of staying in the stroller. Whenever possible we avoid long lines or we do something to keep the kids from standing in them (DH stands in line for Astro Orbiter while I take them through TTA once and then join him) but sometimes you just can't avoid the line. I do not expect my 2 year old to stand perfectly still holding my hand while we stand in a queue for 20 minutes and quite frankly, my back can't take holding him that long! The harness worked great. It kept him out of anyone else's way but let him have some freedom of movement in the line.

And if someone says" Then you shouldn't take them there, I agree. If you can't get by without a dog dish or a leash, you shouldn't go!

See here's the thing. Could I get by without it? yeah. I could. Does using it make things easier for us? allow DS freedom to move around while I keep him (1) safe and (2) from disturbing others? yes, and that's why one is packed in our bag.

The thing I hate about debates on this are the number of times someone says "I wouldn't use it but that's my opinion" but then goes on to pass judgement on the parenting, or worse on the child, of someone who does. There is no one single solution that works for all families. Do what is right for yours. No one is going to force you to use a harness or not use one.

 

[MATTERHORN]

Everyone on here including me is going to do what is right for their child (hopefully) but the OP asked for our opinions on it.


You said:
"The thing I hate about debates on this are the number of times someone says "I wouldn't use it but that's my opinion" but then goes on to pass judgement on the parenting, or worse on the child, of someone who does."


Of course that's all you are going to get is opinions, because that is all there is to give! But I am not willing to say it's okay when I don't think it is. If she would have posted, give me your thoughts, but only reply if you think what I am doing is right, then I wouldn't have said a word. Isn't every debate post about trying to get them to see your point of view and why you believe that it's right? I didn't personally say anything but my opinion. It's funny that the ones who disagree with the leashes often get told why they are wrong! Like we must not care if our children get taken. Actually my DD's never talk to any strangers, and I never force them to say hello or anything for that matter. Is anyone here ever worried that because they have the harness, it can be a false sense of security? They have broken before (looked it up) and what if it ever did, and you are thinking your child is fine because you are holding the leash, and all of a sudden they are not on the other end? Just wondering what would you do then? Again, I don't want anyone to get ruffled up, it's something I feel strongly about just like you feel strongly about using them. I was just telling the OP why I wouldn't, and why I think no one should!


Andrea

 

[Lollipop Mom]

Of course that's all you are going to get is opinions, because that is all there is to give!

I don't have a problem with people giving their opinions. An opinion is "I personally don't agree with it because ___________." It's when the opinion ends and judgement starts being passed on those who do use them that I have a problem. Not everyone makes judgements but they seem to pop up a lot on topics like this. People assume that it's being used as a way for people not to pay attention to their kids. That's not the case for many many many people who use them.

It's funny that the ones who disagree with the leashes often get told why they are wrong! Like we must not care if our children get taken.

I don't think anyone has said you are wrong not to use one. I know I certainly haven't (maybe I'm assuming wrong but it sounded like you were addressing me...if not I appologize). I think every situation is different. Every child is different. it's one of the great challenges of parenting to adapt to the needs and temperment of each child. I never would have considered using one when my now 4 year old was a toddler because I had no need to. Up untill my 2 year old learned to RUN (he never walks ) using a harness was still firmly on my "I'll never do that" list. As a toddler, my now 4 yo would happily play by my side and if he started to stray off saying his name in a stern tone would have him right back by my side. My 2 year old is totally different. I am aware that not everyone has a child like Connor (my 2 year old). If you don't have one, you have no need to even consider it and like I felt when my oldest was little, you don't understand the reason for considering it. BUT just because your child isn't like him please don't pass judgement on my parenting or on him because he is different from your child. He's not a bad kid and I'm not a lazy Mom who can't be bothered to keep her kids in line. He is the most polite 2 year old you will ever want to meet. I constantly have people telling me they can't believe how polite my boys are. He's as well behaved as any 2 year old out there...he's just got a very strong independent streak in him. He does not want to hold your hand most of the time. Walking through the park his choice is hold my hand or ride in the stroller and he knows that but like I said, in queues I'd much rather use the harness and let him happily, but safely and without bother others have freedom. I'm sure those around me would rather see him happy and on the harness than screaming and yanking at my hand saying "mama off! i do myseff" the entire time we wait in line!

I don't think you are wrong to use one or not use one. Do what works best to keep your child safe and you comfortable. I am well aware that what works for my kids may not work for yours and vice versa. I don't think that "different from me" = wrong.

Is anyone here ever worried that because they have the harness, it can be a false sense of security? They have broken before (looked it up) and what if it ever did, and you are thinking your child is fine because you are holding the leash, and all of a sudden they are not on the other end? Just wondering what would you do then?

I have no concern about thinking that my child is safe and turning around to discover he isn't there. It's not because of a false sense of security or because I think if he's on a harness he's safe 100% of the time; it's because he's never more than an arms reach away from me and because I'm still watching him the whole time. I don't view the harness as a babysitter. I do actually watch my child even though he's on it. I would bet that 99% of the parents using them are the same way. There's always a small percentage who don't pay attention to their kids but I'd bet they wouldn't pay attention with or without that harness. Please don't assume that those of us using an extra measure to keep our kids safe means that we don't pay attention to them and have an excuse not to parent.

I don't want anyone to get ruffled up, it's something I feel strongly about just like you feel strongly about using them.

I actually don't feel strongly about using them in general. I would say we didn't use it more than 4 or 5 times on our trip with 2 of those being watching parades where I didn't hook the strap to his fanny pack till the parade started and it was unhooked as soon as it ended. The other 2 or 3 times he had it on for not more than 10 minutes b/c as soon as we were on the ride, I had it packed away again. We don't use it anywhere else either. What I feel strongly about is that a decision to use one or not use one shouldn't be the basis for passing judgement on someone's parenting or on the behavior of their child. Especially not when it's just being discussed like this. Yeah, if I see someone sitting on a bench chatting with a friend and not even looking up while their kid runs amok on the end of a leash tangling other people etc. I would think "not a candidate for mother of the year there!" but I don't have the same feeling about the mom who has one on her 2 year old, has the strap pulled way in so the child can't get more than one step away from her and has a child who is just happily walking around not pulling, not upset...just happy to be at WDW.

I don't mean any of this to sound rude or mean...just sort of the friendly discussion sort of debate.

 

[MelodyMack]

Originally posted by MATTERHORN
I don't think anyone has degraded anyone! Everyone's post pretty much said, "In my opinion" That said, I did notice that most people who buy them or are thinking about buying them say they are embarrassed to admit it. The only reason one would feel that way is if deep down they thought it was unnatural or odd. If you really feel like your child should be on a leash and don't care what others htink, why would you feel that way. I don't get it!
A[/B]

I have been reading these boards for months and have never seen a post make such personal and debasing accusations about an obviously sensitive issue: parenting.

Obviously I don't care what others think, because at the end of the day I have only myself to blame/applaud for decisions I make regarding the well-being of my gorgeous child. However, because I really want you to "get it", I will clarify my initial post. Of course I am embarrassed about putting my child in a restraint system. My embarrassment does not come from the use of the restraint, but from the implication of it By using a restraint system I think some self righteous people will assume I am shouting out to the world "I do not have control of my kid!". My embarrassment does not come from the idea that a leash is in anyway "unnatural" or "humiliating". I felt comfortable sharing that on this board because obviously I never imagined that someone would take my hard thought decision and apply the words "odd" or "unnatural" to it. Those types of words are often used by people who look at things judgmentally. I thought the purpose of these boards was to advice and support?

QUOTE]Originally posted by MATTERHORN
Is anyone here ever worried that because they have the harness, it can be a false sense of security? They have broken before (looked it up) Andrea [/QUOTE]

We'd all like to believe our kids will walk calmly by our side, or hold our hand, and never, ever, wander away. That is not reality. I can point you in the direction of several articles that I "looked up" regarding lost children as well. Let me assure you that the first words spoken by these terrified parents were "She was right here - I just looked away for a split second". I am not using this harness system as an excuse to forfeit my responsibility as a watchful parent, but to provide an additional level of assurance.

Please understand that the reason I am so passionate regarding this issue is because you are not questioning my opinion, which I will easily concede could be wrong, but you are in fact attacking me as a PARENT. Certainly you can understand that to be extremely insulting, especially in a forum such as this...you know? DISNEY? Happiest place on Earth? Spread the magic? Heard of it?

Also, I'd like to offer you a piece of advice. Take it or leave it, that's up to you. In the future I would recommend you not compare ANYONE'S child to a "dog". That was one of the saddest things I have ever read. I don't know your children, madam, but I can assure you that I would describe them with the same respect and courtesy that I would expect compassionate people to give mine. We're sharing things about the most important people in our lives and you have the audacity to suggest feeding them from a dog bowl? No way.

 

[MATTERHORN]

Actually, I didn't compare anyone's child to a dog, I said: "What if I (meaning my own children) had them eat out of a dog bowl at DW" It was hypothetical obviously and if you didn't get that, then I'm sorry! But in essence it's the same. You can say it's not but to me, it is. On another note, no one attacked you, and again, if you feel that way, that is because of your own insecurity about what people think of you using the leash. You flat out said you were embarrassed because of people like me who would look or judge you, and then acuse me of passing judgement, when you flat out used to pass the same on others - "I used to make fun of people who used them." - This is a healthy debate and so far I think all of the responses have been pretty tame compared to some other posts I've seen here before. You asked what people thought, so I told you. If you don't agree with it, I'm sorry again. As I said previously, you should have said "Only people that will agree with me." As Lollipop Mom said, I think we can all speak our minds here, and I didn't at all take her post as rude. She is making a strong argument for how she feels and there is nothing wrong with that. So am I. When I said about embarrassment, if you didn't notice, others posted also that they would have NEVER thought of using one. Well all the reasons for feeling that way just don't dissappear. I understand the reason people say that the good of it outweighs the bad, I really do. Yes I have heard of the Happiest Place on Earth, and would you want me to "walk" you through it on a leash? Just because it's a Disney forum doesn't mean we all agree, and it's a magical world full of Pixie Dust! You asked if it was a good idea, and I told you No! I am sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear. I hope there will be no hard feelings. I promise not to pat any kids on the head and say "GOOD BOY/GIRL"!


Andrea

By the way that last part was a joke!! Hope we can all still laugh!

 

[MATTERHORN]

Just wanted to say that I hope there are no bad feelings. I truly am not one to judge. If you read my earlier post about the Grandma walking her grandson, I guess it had more of an effect on me than I thought, so I am a little more defensive about it this week. No kid should be treated like that or allowed to do that, even if they are having a good time. I know that none of you here abuse it like that. Just wanted to let you all know that even though I don't agree with using one, I can accept your views on the subject. I guess it's just too frequent lately that I see kids with no discipline or parental guidance, and I took it out on you guys. I am pretty young but I take an old school approach to raising my children, none of that new age "I am my child's best friend instead of a mom" bull. I see so many kids where the parents say "Oh they are just so spirited!" Which mostly what I see is that it means code word for horrible brat that they don't even try to control. Sorry to go off on another topic, but is anyone else scared about who their kids will grow up with, attend school with, and such? I for one am terrified, and will try to give them the best foundation I can, which is what I am sure everyone here is trying to do. I apologize if I offended anyone, my view hasn't changed, but I have to just get over it. I just really really really wanted to say something to that lady in the mall. Hope you guys have a great night~


Andrea

 

[GEM]

We will most likely be using one occasionally in December with our little guy. He will be 20 months old at the time. He doesn't mind being in his stroller now, but I do not feel it would be fair (or healthy) for him to sit in his stroller all day every day of our 10 day trip. He likes to walk, and he needs to be able to walk. Our problem is that, at 16 months, our little bitty buddy is only 23 inches tall. Even if he were to grow an inch a month between now and our trip, he would only be 27 inches in December! So, we have a toddler who is about the size of an average six month old! There is no way that we can walk around for more than a few minutes holding his hand as it requires us to be totally doubled over. He was a micropreemie and is still not anywhere close to being on the chart for height and weight. So, a harness will allow him to walk next to him without us stooping over to hold his hand, which is very hard on my back. And, yes, he DOES listen to us - just as well as any 16 month old listens to anybody. He is quick, though, and I'm not willing to take a chance. His physical therapist is actually the one who reccomended we get a harness for the trip so that he doesn't have to sit in the stroller all day. As for anyone who thinks that we are treating our children like dogs - Let's see, I push groceries around in a grocery cart, so maybe we are treating kids like groceries when we push them in strollers. Hmmm . . . I give my dog chew toys and I give my baby chew toys. Does that mean I'm treating him like a dog? Of course not! Now, if I kept him outside chanined to a tree and fed him Kibbles and Bits, the "dog" people might have a valid argument. My little one will be safe and MUCH happier than being in the stroller all day and my back will not be in misery. So, what do I care what a bunch of clueless people think.

 

[Stimpy]

Oh where, oh where has the Debate Board gone.......

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I agree about the debate board...

I love these boards, however, the thing that drives me batty is saying things on a discussion board that a person would never say to a friend in person. Or even a stranger in person. We should be able to be civilized enough to carry on a mature discussion without it turning into a rude shouting match.

I thought that's what was happening here, but the thread went south fast.

To day that a person shouldn't go to WDW if the kids won't stay with you is silly. I have 4 children--I should deprive my older kids of going until my youngest can stay with me? Or I should put my little guy at risk so I won't have to resort to a halter. Like I'd said in an earlier post, I didn't even use my halter, however knowing it was there and I could use it if I felt the need helped me.

Doesn't make me a bad or good mom for having the halter. Or a bad or good mom for not using it. Seems some people are way to quick to judge others.

T&B