To use a Leash or not use one?

[hsmamato2]

OK....as an experienced mom of a previous 'runner' here's where 'leashes' work well....when a child is so short,the parent has to stoop or lean over to hold their cute little hand. That doesn't work so well for hours on end. so attach the leash,and small child can safely walk near Mom,without all the stooping.
Strollers are nice but in our case,little man was very unhappy stuck in one for hours. He simply needed to walk and move and explore things!
AND....he ran! He wandered,ran,walked,and did it everywhere,all the time! By the age of 4,he knew to stay near us,but in high crowds,we had to be extra careful,as he is an independent little soul with absolutely no fear.
HE started walking at 9 months (running and climbing really) So when we'd be out,if he wanted to go somewhere other than where we were going,he'd throw himself flat out and do the toddler thing,at which point we'd hold his hand and talk him in our direction,or if need be just pick him up and carry him for a while,etc.
A toddler leash is like giving parents a slightly longer arm. we don't drag the kids screaming along the ground!
Not all kids are the same,not all will need this,but I just don't get the 'stares' for this. I know people who feel that baby strollers are an affront to a child too,does that make using THOSE wrong? (they believe in carrying or free walking)

 

[mjkacmom]

Do things not catch kid's eyes when they have the leash on? I am being serious. When the leash is on and the kid wants to run what happens? Do they strain and pull against the leash? Throw themselves on the ground? I am truly not being snarky about it but no matter how many times I ask this on any thread about this nobody really answers.

As for holding hands over their heads etc. We always taught the kids to hold onto the stroller so it was at their height. Just thought I'd throw that out there in case someone was looking for an alternative.

People have answered you - it's exactly the same as if you were holding their hands. It's like having a longer arm, but more comfortable.

 

[dodle]

Lots of opinions. From experience, I can tell you that a "leash" brings peace of mind. I have 4 kids who are now 25, 24, 22, and 14. When going to Disney, and go every other year, it brings great piece of mind knowing that they can't get far. ALL 4 year olds are apt to get distracted at Disney, even ones that have been in daycare and preschool (mine all were). That is part being 4. Yes they know how to walk in line in a calm environment like school, but they will see the rides and the lines for characters and there is good chance they will wander. Mine are all grown, or almost, and all are well adjusted with no problems from being on a leash. They knew that to go into the parks they had to have them on and would bring them to us after breakfast so we could get going.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Lots of opinions. From experience, I can tell you that a "leash" brings peace of mind. I have 4 kids who are now 25, 24, 22, and 14. When going to Disney, and go every other year, it brings great piece of mind knowing that they can't get far. ALL 4 year olds are apt to get distracted at Disney, even ones that have been in daycare and preschool (mine all were). That is part being 4. Yes they know how to walk in line in a calm environment like school, but they will see the rides and the lines for characters and there is good chance they will wander. Mine are all grown, or almost, and all are well adjusted with no problems from being on a leash. They knew that to go into the parks they had to have them on and would bring them to us after breakfast so we could get going.

You used a leash for a 4 year old? If so, how did you keep them from taking it off?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

People have answered you - it's exactly the same as if you were holding their hands. It's like having a longer arm, but more comfortable.

I guess I don't see that as an answer. To me it is nowhere near like holding hands etc. I still don't get it but I guess it doesn't matter since I don't use them and I don't really care if someone else does.

 

[Tiana]

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[princessmom29]

I have a bachelor's degree in Social Studies Education, with an emphasis in Psychology, and I am a trained and licensed foster parent.

I`teach with someone who has qualifications very similar, and i wouldn't trust her with my dog much less my kid. Degrees don't necessarly mean you really have a clue. I don't know you so I cannot make that judgment about you, ust pointing out that the two don't necessarily always connect.

Boo-yah!


Sorry, Jaylin, I agree with her. We used one on my son at the ages of 2, 3 and 4, at random times... not very frequently, but definitely a few times at Disney. Kudos to you for having great, well behaved kids. They do exist, b/c I was one of them! My son, HOWEVER, is NOT. It doesn't matter how well you keep him in line, discipline, etc. he has NO impulse control and can/will run off without one thought about consequences. He's 5 now, almost 6, and he's A LOT better. But the child STILL runs off occasionally. He gets spanked for running off and/or running through a parking lot b/c it's a matter of life and death. The child STILL does it!!

Are your kids boys or girls?? I have come across several parents who have extremely well behaved children who just don't understand why others' kids aren't as "great". They usually have girls. Not all the time, but usually. It's the moms with multiple that TOTALLY understand what I have to deal with. If you have 4 boys under the age of 7 that are as well behaved as you say, then you are blessed beyond measure and/or have the patience of a SAINT!

At any rate, any person that has credible experience with kids KNOWS that they are not all the same and some need more help to behave and can take longer to get there, no matter how well the parent, well, parents. Which explains how so many crappy parents produce good kids and vice versa.

As a former preschool classroom teacher, the boys versus girls thing is totally bogus IMO. It only justifies the expectation that boys will run, jump, destroy things. Hold kids to the same standards and gender divides virturally disappear.

Do things not catch kid's eyes when they have the leash on? I am being serious. When the leash is on and the kid wants to run what happens? Do they strain and pull against the leash? Throw themselves on the ground? I am truly not being snarky about it but no matter how many times I ask this on any thread about this nobody really answers.

As for holding hands over their heads etc. We always taught the kids to hold onto the stroller so it was at their height. Just thought I'd throw that out there in case someone was looking for an alternative.

I don't see how it can work without snapping a kid back at the end when they run either. Four year olds are stronger than youwould think and that has to start hurting both them an the parent after a while. If they are not running, I don't see the need for the leash in the fiirst place.

I also want to caution everyone here about the armband leashes. When I was in college we had a neighbor with small children. Her child's arm was dislocated when he ran to the end of one of the armband leashes and then fell down. It was awful to watch and very painful for the child.

 

[wish_upon_a_star35]

I will be going to Disney by myself with a 3,5 and a 14 year old. Both of my little ones are very hyper. But my 3 year old is a runner and a wanderer. I've used the teddybear back pack/leash on the three year old in the past when he was one.

We went to Disney last year, but there were also two adults. This year I am planning on taking it just in case. I'll carry it in my back pack and if he doesn't need it, I won't pull it out. But if he does. I won't hesitate. I could care less about anyone elses opinion. He's my child, my responsibilty.

People will always have opinions and negative things to say. If you put a 5 year old in a stroller, there's a chance that you will STILL get rude and ignorant looks. So, do what makes you happy and what you feel comfortable with. Don't worry about stares or rude comments. I know I wouldn't. If a person is bold enough to stare ignorantly or to make a bold comment about an issues that does not concern them. They should definitely expect this woman with a sharp tongue to definitely say something back.

 

[wahooker]

Last time we went, we had 3 kids who were 1 1/2.

Leashes + Multiples are a bad, bad tangle, waiting to happen.

Next time, they will be 4 1/2, and wouldn't do leashes then... But i can understand why some kids might still need them./

 

[Tiana]

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[Schmeck]

Do they still sell those telephone-cord coiled up type of leashes? Saw two nasty accidents involving kids with those on their wrists/waists. One was taken down by a stroller, another by an adult walking by. Both times it happened at park closing, in a crowd. Parents let the kid get too far away, and people came between them and took the kid down.

 

[hmacmahony]

Originally Posted by princessmom29
I`teach with someone who has qualifications very similar, and i wouldn't trust her with my dog much less my kid. Degrees don't necessarly mean you really have a clue. I don't know you so I cannot make that judgment about you, ust pointing out that the two don't necessarily always connect.


As a former preschool classroom teacher, the boys versus girls thing is totally bogus IMO. It only justifies the expectation that boys will run, jump, destroy things. Hold kids to the same standards and gender divides virturally disappear.

(sorry I can't get my quote to work)

Your post just makes me laugh out loud! Just so you know my background, former nanny, also have my early education degree. Mom to four....my first three are GIRLS, the last is a BOY!! And I just laugh my butt off when you say the boy vs girl thing is bogus...HA HA HA HA HA!! I remember when I was pregnant, thinking I have THREE KIDS!! There is NOTHING this baby can throw at me that I can't handle (and there hasn't been), BUT he is so night and day different than my girls its unbelieveable.
The minute that kid could sit he would play with toys differently (and they were the EXACT SAME baby toys my GIRLS had). He would try to take things apart, figure out how they work, etc, etc, where the GIRLS never did that.
At two, he is NIGHT and day different than they are, and guess what....he has the same parents, more or less the same toys, and has been brought up the exact same way....so explain all the differences.

Its even proven boys learn differently than girls, I WISH we would do boys and girls only classes, with learning catered to that sex....over and over the numbers scream how differently the sexs really learn!!

So, here I am just laughing at your expertise of boys and girls!


As for a leash, your kids, you do what YOU want.

 

[princessmom29]

Just b/c you were/are a teacher does not mean that you have a clue either. There are PLENTY of teachers that I would never trust the education of my child too... you sound like one of them.

Boys and girls ARE different. Just b/c you think it SHOULDN'T be that way doesn't mean that it IS that way. There are hundreds of study's and THOUSANDS of years of human behavior to back that up.

I have read several of your posts and can say, without a doubt, that we have VERY different views on child rearing and education. Your education/experience is no better than anyone elses. How dare you shoot down someone elses credentials and then throw out your opinion like it it's the law of the land.

I would consider someone who deals with foster kids and all the problems that that entails (on a 24/7 basis, mind you) to have more insight than a person who deals with preschoolers 8 hours a day, but maybe that's just me.

I don't see where I said my opinion was law???? It is just that, an opinion based on what i have seen in the classroom and with my own child. Obviously, there are differences between boys and girls, but I think that using that as an excuse as to why they should not be held to the same standards is wrong. Every child learns differently, but there are certian things that are required of all of them, regardless. I jsut don't think the "boys are different" aregument should be used as a justification for poor behavior.

Originally Posted by princessmom29
I`teach with someone who has qualifications very similar, and i wouldn't trust her with my dog much less my kid. Degrees don't necessarly mean you really have a clue. I don't know you so I cannot make that judgment about you, ust pointing out that the two don't necessarily always connect.


As a former preschool classroom teacher, the boys versus girls thing is totally bogus IMO. It only justifies the expectation that boys will run, jump, destroy things. Hold kids to the same standards and gender divides virturally disappear.

(sorry I can't get my quote to work)

Your post just makes me laugh out loud! Just so you know my background, former nanny, also have my early education degree. Mom to four....my first three are GIRLS, the last is a BOY!! And I just laugh my butt off when you say the boy vs girl thing is bogus...HA HA HA HA HA!! I remember when I was pregnant, thinking I have THREE KIDS!! There is NOTHING this baby can throw at me that I can't handle (and there hasn't been), BUT he is so night and day different than my girls its unbelieveable.
The minute that kid could sit he would play with toys differently (and they were the EXACT SAME baby toys my GIRLS had). He would try to take things apart, figure out how they work, etc, etc, where the GIRLS never did that.
At two, he is NIGHT and day different than they are, and guess what....he has the same parents, more or less the same toys, and has been brought up the exact same way....so explain all the differences.

Its even proven boys learn differently than girls, I WISH we would do boys and girls only classes, with learning catered to that sex....over and over the numbers scream how differently the sexs really learn!!

So, here I am just laughing at your expertise of boys and girls!


As for a leash, your kids, you do what YOU want.

Uh, just because your one boy is different doesn't mean every boy will react the same way. I was the child in my house taking the toys apart, and using the m outside the intended purpose. I didn't do dolls, dressup, or princesses, but my sister did. My DD's best friend is a boy and he plays dressup and dolls with the girls. he is very calm, quiet, and worries about hurting people's feelings. His brother is into sports and trucks, and could care less if he makes the girls cry. All kids are different, but blanket stereotypes just don't appply. I treat every kid I come into contact with as an individual, but expect all of them to exhibit proper behavior, and if they can't, I model it for them, and do whatever I have to in order to get results. It doesn't matter if they are a boy or a girl, certian behaviors are unaccetable no matter waht your gender. i will not accept "boys will be boys" as an excuse.

 

[MyDizneyBoyz]

It's the moms with multiple that TOTALLY understand what I have to deal with. If you have 4 boys under the age of 7 that are as well behaved as you say, then you are blessed beyond measure and/or have the patience of a SAINT!

O. M. G. Yes.

Yup, I use tethers on my kids and leashes on my dogs. Don't feel a need to justify it to anyone as I really don't care what anyone else thinks.

 

[hmacmahony]

Uh, just because your one boy is different doesn't mean every boy will react the same way. I was the child in my house taking the toys apart, and using the m outside the intended purpose. I didn't do dolls, dressup, or princesses, but my sister did. My DD's best friend is a boy and he plays dressup and dolls with the girls. he is very calm, quiet, and worries about hurting people's feelings. His brother is into sports and trucks, and could care less if he makes the girls cry. All kids are different, but blanket stereotypes just don't appply. I treat every kid I come into contact with as an individual, but expect all of them to exhibit proper behavior, and if they can't, I model it for them, and do whatever I have to in order to get results. It doesn't matter if they are a boy or a girl, certian behaviors are unaccetable no matter waht your gender. i will not accept "boys will be boys" as an excuse.




Ahhh...so because YOU and YOUR friend were different...therefore this theroy is debunked! HA HA once again!!
No one said ALL boys are one way, and ALL girls are one way.
Do you even have kids? What are their sexes?
There are very certain behaviors that ARE unacceptable, and should not be tolerated no matter what.
BUT its plain ignorance to say boys don't learn any different, and aren't different. ANY good teacher will point this fact out to you. Boys generally (not all but most) are active learners, and learn better when taught in an active way. Girls, are much more visual learners (not all but most), and learn better in a visual way. This fact is proven, over and over and over, and there are even some schools going to boy only class rooms (and even getting rid of desks,with male teachers...why???? Its the best way for boys to learn).
I feel sorry for your kids you teach, when you can't even recoginize that there ARE differences in the way kids learn that can 100% be linked to the sex of that child. How closed minded.

 

[mjkacmom]

Just b/c you were/are a teacher does not mean that you have a clue either. There are PLENTY of teachers that I would never trust the education of my child too... you sound like one of them.

Boys and girls ARE different. Just b/c you think it SHOULDN'T be that way doesn't mean that it IS that way. There are hundreds of study's and THOUSANDS of years of human behavior to back that up.

I have read several of your posts and can say, without a doubt, that we have VERY different views on child rearing and education. Your education/experience is no better than anyone elses. How dare you shoot down someone elses credentials and then throw out your opinion like it it's the law of the land.

I would consider someone who deals with foster kids and all the problems that that entails (on a 24/7 basis, mind you) to have more insight than a person who deals with preschoolers 8 hours a day, but maybe that's just me.

I had one sister, so I was totally clueless when I had my first son. Why are they so loud? Why do the wrestle like puppies? Why can't they sit still? Fortunately, I had another son, so my dd11 has someone to wrestle with, and throw a ball to. My poor dd9 is such a girly-girl, and yet, before ds7 came into the picture, had to be goalie in the living room for her brother.

Having witnessed both boys and their friends, the ones that aren't very physical are not the norm, and stand out. I've found a huge difference between boys and girls - as DH says, girls are emotionally draining, boys are physically draining. Yes, it's not always the case, but it is most of the time.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Some posters are saying they feel sorry for the students a few teachers here teach. Can you imagine the out cry if those teachers said they feel sorry for the children you all are parenting?

Just as there are teachers who aren't great, they are parents who aren't great.

You only have to deal with a teacher for a year, you're stuck with your parents for a lifetime.

 

[princessmom29]

Uh, just because your one boy is different doesn't mean every boy will react the same way. I was the child in my house taking the toys apart, and using the m outside the intended purpose. I didn't do dolls, dressup, or princesses, but my sister did. My DD's best friend is a boy and he plays dressup and dolls with the girls. he is very calm, quiet, and worries about hurting people's feelings. His brother is into sports and trucks, and could care less if he makes the girls cry. All kids are different, but blanket stereotypes just don't appply. I treat every kid I come into contact with as an individual, but expect all of them to exhibit proper behavior, and if they can't, I model it for them, and do whatever I have to in order to get results. It doesn't matter if they are a boy or a girl, certian behaviors are unaccetable no matter waht your gender. i will not accept "boys will be boys" as an excuse.



Ahhh...so because YOU and YOUR friend were different...therefore this theroy is debunked! HA HA once again!!
No one said ALL boys are one way, and ALL girls are one way.
Do you even have kids? What are their sexes?
There are very certain behaviors that ARE unacceptable, and should not be tolerated no matter what.
BUT its plain ignorance to say boys don't learn any different, and aren't different. ANY good teacher will point this fact out to you. Boys generally (not all but most) are active learners, and learn better when taught in an active way. Girls, are much more visual learners (not all but most), and learn better in a visual way. This fact is proven, over and over and over, and there are even some schools going to boy only class rooms (and even getting rid of desks,with male teachers...why???? Its the best way for boys to learn).
I feel sorry for your kids you teach, when you can't even recoginize that there ARE differences in the way kids learn that can 100% be linked to the sex of that child. How closed minded.

Did you even read all of what I posted before you responded??? I really just don't think you are getting what I am trying to say. I am absolutley aware that there are differences in the way children learn based on thier personalitites and the way in which they porcess information, but I refuse to use blanket gender streotypes, because every child is different. Anyone who has been in a classroom for any length of time has to know that kids learn differently to have a prayer of reaching the kids they teach. ALL I am saying here is that those differences CANNOT be used as an excuse for unacceptable behavior such as running from an adult, disrespect, ect. We are talking about behavior here, and I never think the gender of a child should be used as a justification for misbehaving. When I said the gender differences were bogus, I ONLY meant as a justification for boys behaving badly. I thought that was clear, and obviously it was not.

ETA: I don't think seperating boys and girls does anyone any favors. I feel it eliminates an important component of social growth, and limits children to a particular style of learning. I think everyone in a clasroom needs to learn to get along and cooperate so that everyone can learn. Putting a group of children with the same learning stlye in the same classroom does them a disservice because they are not exposed to all the other avenues of learninig and are not challenged to process something using a method outside their comfort zone. I work hard to make my classroom an enviornment where everyone can learn and everyone is challenged. I think you lose some of that when you seperate boys from girls and only teach to the learning style that you assume that most of the class has based on gender streotypes. They learn to act according to type, and are not as adaptable to learing things in different ways. I think it is important to teach children to process information in differnt ways, not just their prefered style. Everyone needs to be exposed to information in a variety of different ways. You lose some of that in same sex classrooms, because teachers naturally cater to what is working for the majority. In a clasrrom with an even distribution of learing styles it is not as much of a problem.

 

[Tiana]

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[princessmom29]

And you are not reading what WE are saying right... We are not using "boys will be boys" as a justification for their bad behavior. It is very hard for parents of girls to GET what we are saying. That whole, "just tell them what you expect from them and disciplie when they don't listen" thing, does NOT always work with boys. You can tell them until you are blue in the face what TO do, what NOT to do and what's GOING to happen if they disobey. They look you in the eye, say, "OK, mommy" and 5 minutes later, they see something cool and "Swoosh!".

The whole "boys will be boys" thing means that we KNOW, without a doubt, that no matter how hard we try to train them and how well we discipline them for bad behavior; they will STILL have issues with listening and being distracted and not paying attention. They want to run, jump, climb, chase and TOUCH everything!! ESPECIALLY somewhere like Disney. We would rather not deal with the heartache of losing our children, or having soemthing bad happen to them, while on vacation so we put a leash on them to make them conscious of their boundaries and help control their impulses.

I'm sorry, but I just don't believe that boys CANNOT be taught to control thier impulses. It can be done, you just have to work harder with some boys. I have proven it over and over in a clasroom setting. They CAN do it given the right motivation, and enough positive reinforcement from me for acceptable behavior. It really helps to have the parent behind what you are trying to do as well. I am much more successful when the parent agrees that the behavior is unacceptable and needs to stop both at school and at home. To say that just because I don't have a boy at home that I cannot possibly understand is not vaild because I deal with it every day. I have sucess getting them to control themselves in the clasroom, there is no reason it cannot also be done at home. I am NOT their parent, and do not have anywhere close to the insight that a parent would have, nor do I have the same relationship a parent has with thier child. I can only do so much. If I, limited as I am, can do it, a parent should be able to accomplish it as well. I just cannot buy into the idea that it is ok for boys to misbehave just because they are boys, or that they should be held to different standards of behavior. In my classroom everyone is expected to follow the rules, and everyone is given the same consequences for breaking them. I don't have one satandard for boys and one for girls. That doesn't mean that I don't aknowledge that there are differences and try to reach children in a way that works for them, but it does mean that it is not ok to use those differences as an excuse as to why you can't do something. In the end it boils down to the same old "your child your decision" mantra. If the parent chooses to accept subpar behavior form a child just because they are male, there is nothing I can do to change that. I feel sorry for the child, and do everything I can to help them in the clasroom, but I cannot fix what is going on at home.