To pull or not to pull kids out of school?

[Planogirl]

It's totally idiotic, is what it is. How dare a social worker come to my home because I took a vacation with my family!

And yet, I can homeschool my kid, and teach him nothing (I know this doesn't apply to you, I'm just making a point) and no problem!

And frankly, I'd like to hear from someone who had a social worker visit their home because of a vacation. I keep hearing about it on these boards, but have never seen any stories in the newspaper about it.

I haven't ever heard of a social worker visiting a home because of one vacation but I've certainly heard of it whenever the kid is absent from school more than present. I guess that somewhere between the two, is where the line should be drawn.

Our son is in 7th grade now and I won't be taking him out for trips. He has so much going on that a lengthy absence would be way too hard on him. I can see a mental health day or two though.

 

[DawnM]

It really depends on the school, the state you are in, and the teachers.

I was a school counselor in CA for many years and we heard all kinds of "exuses" for absenses. In the early 90's the policy was that if a student is absent due to ILLNESS or death in the family only, the school would receive the ADA State funds as if the student had been in attendance. Any other reason was a reason, but only had consequences for the school, not the student. Then with No Child Left Behind, there was a change and ANY ABSENCE took money away from the school. This has caused schools to be much more strict with their policies.

Now, as far as make up work was concerned.......according to the state of CA guidelines, teachers are ONLY required to give make up work for illnesses and family deaths. They are not required to give make up work for vacations. That said, most teachers are helpful and will give it anyway but it is more work for them.

One suggestion that I have learned helps is to be very mindful of when the next grading period is coming up. Asking for extra work and for it to be graded and counted on the next report card is difficult if your child is returning one week before the grades are due. Also, make sure your child isn't going to miss a major test or quiz. Teachers (at least in CA) are not required to give make up tests or quizzes for anything other than illness or death in the family. It is more work for them than you think. Giving a test often requires more than just giving up a lunch period, if often means staying after school and those teachers need to pick up their own children after school often times.

I am a big teacher advocate but I am a big student advocate too. I just had a hard time when parent after parent would ask for special attention to their kid and we simply didn't have the resources to give that. I had 600 students on my load and many high school teachers have over 200 students per day that they not only teach, but have to grade papers for.

Ok, sorry, I didn't mean to harp on this.....just really wanted to try and explain both sides, especially at the higher grade level.

Dawn

 

[crisi]

I have friends who teach and it happens. The only time I've ever heard it having more impact than simple visits was in a custody case, where the social worker records from the absenses is what decided who got the kids. But that story comes from a friend who is a child advocate for the court system.

But, jodi, you don't need to worry about it, your state doesn't have mandatory attendance. Just don't move to Minnesota or Texas or one of the other states that does.

 

[EmmaAndQuinnsMommy]

I am still struggling with this myself too. I can honestly see both sides and it does worry me to pull my daughter out (and to tell the teacher!). My DD is in 2nd grade and we don't plan to go until May, but it is right after a school vacation as it is, which seems harder to me. I guess everyone has different opinions about this. It is certainly hard to know the right thing to do!

 

[MiaSRN62]

I guess everyone has different opinions about this. It is certainly hard to know the right thing to do!

I agree....everyone has different situations to deal with. If it weren't for off season, most times we, personally, wouldn't be able to vacation at all.

Know your school's policy, keep in good communication with the teachers and let your child know exactly what will be expected of them in terms of homework or projects. My kids always handled being taken out very well and were never far behind in their classes for very long. A couple days and they were caught up. But everyone knows their child and what they can handle. Haven't heard back from the OP in over 5 pages of posts. All I know is they said it was a "trip of a lifetime". If this were the case and their school was ok with it, I'd take the kids out. But only they know for sure if this will work for their family.

 

[livingthedream]

Wow! When I said I thought this was a hot topic, I sure didn't realize how involved the debate would be. My problem is that I do see, and AGREE, with the many sides of the argument. I don't want to cause inconvenience for the teachers involved because I do recognize that preparing things in advance can totally throw subject prep time out of whack.

I also agree with some of the students' perspectives when it was noted that if the student is a good student and ORGANIZED, they can recover very well from an extended absence. As a child I was a straight A student proned to respiratory illnesses. Therefore, I missed a lot of school (over 35 days per year) and still pulled off good grades. However, if the student is not organized, it is easy to lose the thread.

I also sympathize with those whose jobs simply do not allow for summer holidays for whatever reason (high season for sales, insufficient coverage in a department, etc.). Some can afford to travel in the value season, but not the high season. Some can't handle the muggy heat. So many reasons!

I was feeling very down when I posted the first time. I wanted to hear what people were thinking as far as missing school went. My circumstances are pretty unusual. I am a re-married divorced mom of 2 boys (DS14 and DS12). I have been planning this dream vacation (yes, it will be a "once in a lifetime" trip) for almost 6 years. We were going to go 2 years ago when both boys were still in elementary school, but my husband was outsourced from a good government job and we were uncertain about his job security, so we decided to delay until we knew better that he was more secure.

I had already booked the airfare and accommodation for a pre-Christmas trip in the late fall of 2004. Then after Christmas my ex-husband asked that the boys come live with him. It was the hardest decision I ever made, but I agreed that they should move about 4 hours away so they could spend some time with their re-married dad before they grew up and left home.

Before I had agreed for them to move to dad's, I explained to him that we already had this trip planned. I stated it as a fact, and he never said anything pro or con at that time. After the boys moved, it was time to start talking in more detail about the plans, and dad denied me permission to take them. I was crushed. The trip had gained even more importance to me as I tried to adapt to daily life without them.

I know my kids. They are both straight A students. I know their work ethic. I know what they are capable of. I also know that they do not do well in heat (we all turn into big puddles in the heat). I remember going there in the summer heat and crowds before they were born, and while I enjoyed WDW immensely, I always swore that if I had the chance to go with children, I would go during a cooler, slower season and take enough time to really ENJOY it, take it all in, and not push commando-style.

In a perfect world, if I had pulled them out of school, I would have done it two years ago, but life threw us a curve ball. I respect their dad's belief that he has their best interests at heart (he does), but they have only just started living with him, and he doesn't know them yet. In a perfect world, I would have wanted to go under my watch, with them living with me. But it was a total surprise when his dad asked to have custody. It was not something we had discussed before he dropped the "bomb". My sense of fairness felt the boys should get to know their dad on a daily basis rather than just on long weekends. However, I cannot tell you all how unfair not being granted permission to complete our two-week WDW trip has felt.

If I had responded sooner, I would have poured my heart out even more than this. Sorry to dump on my fellow DISers, but I knew you would all understand what I am going through.

 

[muffy0110]

1) you are a very un-selfish to do this.
2) if this is a dream vacation-DO IT-you have already told the boys.
It really is the end of the discussion
3) they will recover in the long run-even just even if this one seminster
is not so great-the dreams you will create with your kids

 

[MiaSRN62]

I would have poured my heart out even more than this. Sorry to dump on my fellow DISers, but I knew you would all understand what I am going through.

Absolutely livingthedream ! You can vent to us anytime. I can certainly see how much more complicated things really are now that you explained it all. I'm sorry your ex-husband will not give permission. True, he doesn't really know them yet. Perhaps you can show him report cards/tests/projects they've done, or maybe an interim report from their teachers ? Sure sounds like this would really be a wonderful trip for you all. Take my word, kids grow up waaay too fast to not enjoy trips like this now. I look at my 18 yo ds now and wonder where the time went. I am so glad we had those family times together in WDW because he's getting less and less interested in traveling with mom and dad now that he's in college. I fear he may have taken his last WDW trip with us this year. I hope you can work something out in your family to be able to take this trip, but if not, maybe you can plan something else next year.

 

[Donnask8pro]

You do what you need to do. Although it may be alittle hard to recover w/ schoolwork. I am sure they will. Family needs to come first. I certainly do not think their whole lives will suffer missing a few days of school.

 

[crisi]

It sounds to me your big issue isn't pulling the kids out of school, its getting your ex-husband to agree to the idea. You can convince us, or yourself (and at one time you had convinced yourself, you went ahead and bought tickets), all you want - but he seems to have the power to deny the trip. Would he deny it if you switched to summer? Are you trying to develop an argument that would work on him?

 

[livingthedream]

No. I'm not trying to come up with an argument to convince him. I know he won't change his mind. It is just that I thought I had it all "thought out". I thought my approach was reasonable, and then to have someone come along and totally challenge it made me second-guess myself, not just a little bit, but totally.

I guess I started wondering if the magic of a once in a lifetime trip to WDW was blinding me to what was the right thing. I know I have read that many DISers have taken their children out of school for a variety of reasons for a trip to see the Mouse. I also know that it would have been better to do it a couple of years ago when they were younger. However, I wanted to hear a variety of opinions from everyone about how detrimental people feel taking kids out of school for a couple of weeks can be.

I personally believe that if kids are providing with a work plan to "work ahead" a little bit that they can manage missing a couple of weeks without a huge disruption. I also believe that not every child can do it, but I truly believed I was not causing a huge problem for my own two boys given their track record. I really believe the consequences of missing now would not be extremely significant, especially if I work with them during this time on the work they will "miss".

That being said, I really appreciated hearing everyone else's views on this so I can see the bigger picture instead of only "my" side. Hearing so many other views helped me accept the other side better.

Yes, there is opportunity to go in the summer with them, but spring break will not be able to happen because their schools have differing holiday times. It will not be the dream trip I envisioned because my husband's health will not allow him to go during the heat, so it might just have to be me and the boys (not necessarily a bad thing, but both my husband and I wanted this to be a "family trip".).

Thank you everyone for helping me see all of the points of view on this one so I can accept things better. I'll bet you didn't know the DIS board was also a place for therapy - "Disney therapy" You have all given me some valued pixie dust. Thank you!

 

[jodifla]

No. I'm not trying to come up with an argument to convince him. I know he won't change his mind. It is just that I thought I had it all "thought out". I thought my approach was reasonable, and then to have someone come along and totally challenge it made me second-guess myself, not just a little bit, but totally.

I guess I started wondering if the magic of a once in a lifetime trip to WDW was blinding me to what was the right thing. I know I have read that many DISers have taken their children out of school for a variety of reasons for a trip to see the Mouse. I also know that it would have been better to do it a couple of years ago when they were younger. However, I wanted to hear a variety of opinions from everyone about how detrimental people feel taking kids out of school for a couple of weeks can be.

I personally believe that if kids are providing with a work plan to "work ahead" a little bit that they can manage missing a couple of weeks without a huge disruption. I also believe that not every child can do it, but I truly believed I was not causing a huge problem for my own two boys given their track record. I really believe the consequences of missing now would not be extremely significant, especially if I work with them during this time on the work they will "miss".

That being said, I really appreciated hearing everyone else's views on this so I can see the bigger picture instead of only "my" side. Hearing so many other views helped me accept the other side better.

Yes, there is opportunity to go in the summer with them, but spring break will not be able to happen because their schools have differing holiday times. It will not be the dream trip I envisioned because my husband's health will not allow him to go during the heat, so it might just have to be me and the boys (not necessarily a bad thing, but both my husband and I wanted this to be a "family trip".).

Thank you everyone for helping me see all of the points of view on this one so I can accept things better. I'll bet you didn't know the DIS board was also a place for therapy - "Disney therapy" You have all given me some valued pixie dust. Thank you!

But they are your kids too! Why can't you insist?

 

[crisi]

Depending on his health, consider taking your husband along anyway. Find a nice resort that he can enjoy - if he is a reader, bring lots of books. Or bring movies (rent DVC points and the rooms come with DVD players). Some of the Disney resorts are great just to spend days in. He may be able to enjoy the mornings, head back to the resort, and venture out to meet you for dinner and the cooler evening hours. You'd get some probably much wanted just mom time with your boys - you can have family mom and stepdad time, too.

 

[MiaSRN62]

Livingthedream......
Not sure if it's too late for discussion with your ex, but could you talk about the educational benefits of a trip to WDW (and the Orlando area) ? Disney and Sea World have much to teach children if you know what to zone in on. Sometimes all the fun masks the educational aspects. Found this information from some past threads here on the DIS :
Epcot

Spaceship Earth ~
Name the different forms of communication used over the years.


The Universe of Energy ~
Ellen's Energy Adventure

Where do fossil fuels come from?

Name different ways or things we can use to get energy.


The Land ~
The Circle of Life Movie -

What can we do to prevent pollution of our planet?


Living with the Land -

What part did the American Bison (or buffalo) have in helping the land?


Does a plant have to have soil in order to grow?


To avoid using harmful chemicals, what do some farmers use to get rid of pests?


Imagination!
Journey into Imagination with Figment -

Name the five senses:


How do you think they made the butterfly disappear?


World Showcase
Name one thing from each country that stands out about their culture:

Mexico -
Norway -
China -
Germany -
Italy -
U.S.A -
Japan -
Morocco -
France -
United Kingdom -
Canada -

Further, some more information found :
Some things [student] will learn about:

* Different cultures of the world, including architecture, language, diet, and dress, by visiting the different countries in the Epcot World Showcase (Japan, China, Germany, Mexico, Norway, Canada, France, etc.) [student] will have the chance to explore the exhibits for each country and speak with natives from each country who work as cast members.

* American history by viewing the Hall of Presidents presentation in the Magic Kingdom and the American Adventure show in Epcot.

* Nature and conservation at Animal Kingdom.

* Science by exploring the Mission:Space ride in Epcot where he will have a chance to see and feel what it would be like to travel by rocket to Mars and by experiencing the Universe of Energy exhibit which teaches about fossil fuels, energy, and conservation.

* Economics by managing his own spending money and making budget decisions on how to spend his money.

[student] will also be learning about map reading by navigating in and to the different theme parks, as well as the resorts and water parks via the Disney bus system, sociological aspects of crowds including patterns and behavior, physics of the different rides, breakthroughs in technology at the Innoventions computer lab in Epcot, art and animation and the history of film, and mathematics.

Anyway.....thought some of this might help a bit to convince your ex that taking the kids out of school is not as bad as he might be thinking it is ? Good luck and hope you can work something out. Just check out Sea World's site for lots of educational learning experiences there
http://www.seaworld.com/seaworld/fla/education_resources_home.aspx

 

[NYMomof4]

Maybe Disney will come up with some homework for kids to take back that vacation during the school year I think that it is possible to make the trip at least partly educational and the family time is valuable. I think it really depends on the school calendar, grade, how they're doing, etc.... I am taking my 2nd grade daughter out of school for 5 days in Feb/Mar but her brothers are only going for 2 days off school in Nov. (they have 1 of the 3 days off).
My rule is that there are no other absences unless they are definitely sick if we use days for vacation. It has a way of inspiring kids.