To Christians,

[MerryPoppins]

Everyone has baggage whether they have had girlfriends in the past or not. In fact, I think sometimes it is a benefit to meet a guy who knows the ins and outs of having a girlfriend. And I agree that my husband's heaviest baggage came from his family and not from any past girlfriend. In fact, I've met some of his old girlfriends and they were lovely people but remain part of his past.

I've dated some nice guys that were clueless to what would hurt a girl's feelings. Let's face it, guys look at the world a little differently than women do. They have to learn where we are coming from and we have to learn where they are coming from. I don't think women and men fit into neat compartments, but there is a lot of truth to the Mars and Venus stuff or whatever you want to call it.

I guess I'm just trying to say that with baggage sometimes comes knowledge. That can be a good thing.

 

[FOJMO]

...but the only thing you can pray for IS patience. Because God's plan is already made, whether you marry or not, find a BF or not, have a family or not, it is all set out ahead of time. It is written down. You don't know what's ahead for you. You can't change, influence, or make it happen.

Many years ago, when my DH and I were hoping to get pregnant, we went thruogh a lot of trying times with "oh so close" realizations. Yes, we prayed, and prayed, and prayed. Finally, I realized that God makes some people to have children, some to adopt them, some to lose them. Just as HE makes some people to marry, some to be single, some to follow a religious vocation, some to be parents and some to remain childless.

The only thing you can pray for is for HIM to give you to patience to wait until HIS plan is realized. Even HE wanted the "cup to pass" but HE knew that his Father's will was to be done and there was a reason for it.

We finally adopted our DD from Korea and now we realize that THAT's what was meant to be for us.

I don't know what you could possibly mean by praying for patience will cause something bad to happen. That's ridiculous.

If you have a loved one that is dying of cancer, etc., you CANNOT pray for them to get well (although that would be one's first inclination). But whether they live or not is not yours (or theirs) to ask for. All you can do is pray that you can ACCEPT what God has planned for you and your loved one. Your life belongs to GOD.

You're missing out of what God has given to you by wasting it trying to find someone to share it in a marriage -- that may not be in God's plan and who are you to question it? Share yourself, your talents, your worth and values with others as God meant for you to.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

FOJMO, some religions do not believe in predestination. There is a lot to be said for free will. And I believe in miracles.

 

[SilverLily]

I think you need to forget about marriage for awhile and go on some dates! (You ask someone out if nobody is asking you). A little "romance" might do you some good.

 

[WDWHound]

FOJMO, I respect your beleifs, but since I am a Christian who is not a beleiver in pre-destination, I am curious about your take on what Christ meant when he said "If ye abide [remain] in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will [desire], and it shall be done unto [for] you. (John 15:7)

 

[AmyA]

Diane, I'm not a Christian so I hope that it's OK to answer on this thread.

I met DH when I was 14 and he was 15. We got married when I was 19, and in September we're having our 10th anniversary. Whenever I tell the story of how we met, someone is bound to say, "Oh, y'all knew you were meant to be together from the beginning," when, in truth, we didn't. When I was 17, DH went off to the Army and I to Ohio State. For 2 years we dated other people.

When I was dating, I certainly wasn't looking for husband material right off the bat. I don't know how you really feel, but from your OP it does appear that you automatically weigh a man's marriage potential when deciding whether or not to go out with him. I think that's putting the cart about 2 states in front of the horse. Here were my absolute, I will never, ever go out with you on even one date deal breakers:

-I wouldn't date a guy that was abusive--in any way
-I wouldn't date a guy that was a felon
-I wouldn't date a guy that was suffering from an active addiction to drugs and/or alcohol and had no desire to attempt recovery
-I wouldn't date a guy that enjoyed making people feel bad (ie, a bully)
-I wouldn't date a guy (knowingly) that was currently married or in a long term relationship

OK, pretty low standards, right? But that's the thing--I was looking to get to know them, not marry them. I felt that if I truly fell in love with someone, the "small stuff" didn't matter. If he was older than me, younger than me, hardcore into religion, a conservative Republican, or even if he wasn't a Buckeyes fan , I figured we could work these things out.

I can honestly say the best thing that happened to our relationship before we got married is that we decided to date other people. Yes, we picked up some baggage on the way, but more importantly, we knew for sure that we wanted to be together. That sentiment may seem rather callous and isn't applicable to every relationship, but I'd just hate to see you decide to not be with a really nice guy because he brought some baggage with him.

 

[MerryPoppins]

I'm not a big predestination believer either. I do think that God takes the choices we make and allows us to learn and grow through those situations. He helps us make it through the bad times and often turns them into valuable learning experiences. It's knowing that He's holding my hand that helps me make it through the rough times.

If having a baby or a mate isn't meant to be, I think He opens a window when that door closes. I can't believe that the loving God I know sent me breast cancer. But He turned it into something constructive, and it was through His grace that I am here today.

I don't think it helps to turn in a shopping list. Just let go a little, relax and go where God is leading you. I found my husband when I stopped looking. I think that is the way if often happens! He was a good friend and then our friendship turned into something more. I don't think we were destined to be together, but I couldn't have done much better. He's kind, considerate, and he loves me very much. We aren't a perfect fit, but in my opinion that might be a little boring anyway. Our interests are different, but our love is the same. I pray that you will find someone like that someday.

 

[FOJMO]

Originally posted by WDWHound
I am curious about your take on what Christ meant when he said "If ye abide [remain] in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will [desire], and it shall be done unto [for] you. (John 15:7)

What that means to me is that if you do what Christ has asked you to do, and follow HIS word, you WILL get what you desire; BUT, what you desire is supposed to be everlasting life with HIM and not material things and people on earth. Your reward will be in HEAVEN; not here on earth.

When people asked to be healed while Christ was walking this earth, they said "If YOU wish it, you can heal me" NOT "Hey Christ, heal me cause I want you to."

When I pray for others, I pray for them to be able to GET THROUGH their strife and trouble and, if HE WISHES IT, that they have less pain, less sorrow, less deaths, etc. But, again, that's not up to us. It's up to HIM.

 

[EltonJohn]

Originally posted by denisem
EltonJohn:

I'm curious...could you define what you mean by "baggage" in reference to prior relationships?

Thanks!

Denise

You must read Voltaire, good for you

Baggage is hard for me to describe, for instance, say Jon just gets out from a serious relationship, a year passes and he meets me. Do you still think he would have emotions/feelings for his ex? That kind of baggage.

The reason that he hasn't had a GF is because he is shy. The reason I've never had a BF, nevermind, too depressing to get into. I will say that I a shy and I'm a Southern gal.

diane

 

[Buckalew]

Predestination...a confusing topic to me. I believe that God has a plan for our lives but He has also given us free will to do as we please. Look at what Abraham did when he and Sara didn't wait on God to fulfill His promise of a child. But, He still worked even though they didn't trust Him and took matters into their own hands.
Anyway, this has been an interesting thread.

 

[WDWHound]

Thanks for the feedback. I end all my prayers with "not my will but thine", so we actually agree in that area. Where we disagree is that God has one set path for his will (I think that concept limits God). I beleive God can manage our input into the equation, honoring our requests, and still have the ultimate outcome be his will. If there is just one set path God's will can take, I don't think asking for anything in prayer makes sense (including eternal communion with Christ) since its all going to happen anyway.

For example, Jesus taught to to ask for our daily bread (generally intpretted as asking for what we need to get through the day). If God had already worked out what he was and wasn't going to give us, why ask for it?

I'm not expecting you to agree, and please forgive if I sound confrontational. I really do respect what you beleive.I am just trying to understand. Still, I guess I should stop with the questions, I have already sidetracked Diane's thread far enough.

Thanks again.

 

[EltonJohn]

FOJMO,

I have to agree with what Miss Jasmine says in her post below your's. I'm strongly armenian, and I don't believe in predestination. Nothing is set in stone, as we do have free will.

I don't know what you could possibly mean by praying for patience will cause something bad to happen. That's ridiculous.

I'm assuming that you've never prayed for patience before.

Let's just say that the last time I prayed for more patience I was rewarded with roommates from hell. In my (and many others) experience when you pray for patience God will then test you.

Pax Christi,
Diane

 

[jfulcer]

Originally posted by EltonJohn (about Jeff in Big D)
So you live in the Metroplex too

Just teasing, I don't meet anyone through the internet.

Thank you for your advice though.

diane

This is just an opinion from another 'Internet' person, but in all my dealings with BigD, he is a very interesting, grounded and well liked individual. IMHO, if I had daughters his age I would not mind terribly if they dated him (except for that Mac thing). I would tend to think that the LARGE majority of people who know him through the boards and personally think very good things about him.

I don't meet anyone through the internet.

You are meeting all of us, and asking our opinions. Jeff, this is Diane. Diane, this is Jeff. There, now you're not even strangers anymore.

 

[EltonJohn]

Originally posted by jfulcer
IMHO, if I had daughters his age I would not mind terribly if they dated him (except for that Mac thing).

I must ask, what is this "Mac thing"???

diane

 

[goofy4tink]

AmyA....man, I wish my dd, 26, had subscribed to your list!! Her life might be a little different now. This has indeed been an interesting thread. Makes one actually think.

 

[Jeff in BigD]

Originally posted by Lars624
What's wrong with the Red Wings?!?!?!?!?!

They are the embodiment of all that is evil, nuff said!

 

[Jeff in BigD]

Originally posted by jfulcer
Make sure the guy God chooses for you doesn't like Macs. <i> (sorry BigD)</i>

Pssst....

 

[helenabear]

Truthfully Diane, I think you have gotten a lot of good advice here. I really do think you need to toss out your "requirements" or at least lighten them up even more. My requirements were really "low" but that allowed for all types to walk in and out of my life.

Originally posted by EltonJohn
Baggage is hard for me to describe, for instance, say Jon just gets out from a serious relationship, a year passes and he meets me. Do you still think he would have emotions/feelings for his ex? That kind of baggage.diane

I really wanted to address this particular comment of yours. No, the feelings won't be there. If there are still strong feelings towards an ex after that, then that just shows to me that the person was not meant for me, but maybe for that ex. I had dated a lot and so had my DH. Trust me, that kind of baggage is NOT something you need to worry about.

I agree with those who have said, let go and let God. It really is hard, but I do think that you are not letting God help you the way that he sees fit. Good luck to you

 

[Jeff in BigD]

Originally posted by SonjaH
I knew when I saw the list of dating criteria Jeff in Big D would be posting here somewhere! LOL!

LOL, not only that, but 1st reply no less!

 

[Jeff in BigD]

Originally posted by jfulcer
This is just an opinion from another 'Internet' person, but in all my dealings with BigD, he is a very interesting, grounded and well liked individual. IMHO, if I had daughters his age I would not mind terribly if they dated him (except for that Mac thing). I would tend to think that the LARGE majority of people who know him through the boards and personally think very good things about him.

Aw shucks.