My DS is different. He wasn't adopted. He had 2 parents who loved him very much. But one parent taught him he could do no wrong and rules never applied to him. Indulgence to the extreme. And now he thinks everything is his god-given right. He's stolen more things that I have fingers to count on. Rules aren't for him and neither is work...he deserves everything on a silver platter. And hell hath no fury if he doesn't get what he wants. Life is hard but we go on. Always looking for a new "cure"....always hoping that we do see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Yeah, that pretty much describes my DS. It's ALL about him. No one else is worth sh*t.
Gosh, you ladies have me in a full on panic about fertility. We're not married and I know some programs prohibit singles from adopting. I have a friend--she's a doctor, he's a lawyer--and they've been trying to adopt for four years. The papers and red tape, which I completely understand, has been so immense! Truth is, if I can get pregnant, that would be the most efficient/less costly route. Tick tock, tick tock.
argh...when did it get so complicated?
Kitty, if you can conceive and carry, do it. MUCH easier. The hoops we had to jump through, redoing papers and then redoing them again, filling out reports, not to mention the homestudy which is very deep. I know they have to check out the family to be sure the kids are going to a safe place, but given the number of kids who've been adopted by monsters, it's safe to say that "faking it" for the HS is not unheard of. We tried domestically first, also had a referral that fell through when the BMom changed her mind (she was 17), and finally ended up in Russia. We also had to go, do the court stuff and paperwork, and then come home empty handed. We couldn't stay the 3 weeks needed to bring DS home with us, becuase we had DD at home waiting for us. So he was brought to us 2 weeks later. I often wonder if things would have been different if we'd gone to get him right after the referral. We ended up waiting 4 months becuase DD was having surgery and we wanted to be able to give her our full attention with that. I don't know if those 4 months made the difference, but they sure didn't help.
Alot of countries will allow a single parent to adopt a special needs child, so if that's what you're interested in, it could be in your favor. You just need to do some investigating. The main thing is, deal with a repuatble, well known, established agency. The one we used for DD lied through their teeth to us. As it turned out, DD was meant to be mine, no doubt about it, and I'm almost glad they lied. But others have not been so fortunate.
D&D, we attempted international adoption...that's where our hearts are at. We went through Guatemala where it was typical to get the babies still as infants (for a boy, it was usually 6 months from referral to pick up, a girl could be a year long). Our loss came from the bank side...they would not give us a loan for the adoption because we did not own a house and DH was a student (in seminary) so they told us that we provided them with no guarantee that we'd pay off the loan. It broke our hearts. Guatemala is now closed and unless they decide to open it back up...we won't be able to adopt from there. In my heart, I feel like there's a little boy in that country who is still waiting for me to get him and bring him home.
The hard part was my extended family. I am half Bolivian, so I thought that the idea of doing an international adoption through a Latin American country would be delightful to them. Apparently not. One criticized the fact I wasn't adopting from Bolivia (we wanted to, but either we had to live there for 2 years or I had to apply for dual citizenship which was extremely difficult to do and took a lot of time). Another criticized me for not doing domestic adoption and then eventually criticized me for not doing a foster-to-adopt option (as she used to be a foster parent for a few years). I kept wondering why they couldn't just be happy for us. *sigh*
I'm an endo girl as well, by the way...so I can definitely relate with those struggles!
Oh how awful! I can't imagine how that must have torn your heart out. And I'm just speechless about your family's reaction! I am blessed to have a very international family (my DBro is from Croatia, my DBIL is Turkish, my cousin's DH is from Bali, and my other cousin adopted from Korea, in addition to my 2 little Russkies.) My family was very very supportive. And my kids are treated the same as my nieces, who are my DSis's biological daughters. To be honest, I often forget that my kids are adopted!
Wow, isn't it weird how we've been talking about adoption and then I see this on the Yahoo homepage:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/eu_russia_adopted_boy Be forewarned, though, it is not a warm and fuzzy story. Really sad and outrageous actually...I feel so bad for the little boy.
That is just HORRIBLE!! That mother and grandmother should be drawn and quartered! If you truly feel like you can't parent the child you've adopted, there are avenues to pursue a disruption. But to send a 7 year old on a transatlantic flight all alone?!? Especially one who's as emotionally scarred as this boy sounds! That just makes me sick to my stomach. And think of all the children over there who will lose out on having a loving family becuase of this selfish woman's actions!
As far as waiting til you can afford kids--fuhgeddaboutit! You can't! Not now, not ever, unless you're super rich. You just do the best you can with what you've got.
Today I took my parents to buy a new bed. Quite an experience! But they ended up finding what they needed. When the guy told them the bed and frame both have a 20 year warranty, my mom said "that's nice. Too bad WE don't!"
Right now, DD6 has an obsession with the Disney fresh fruit snacks that our store sells. They are clear Mickey head shaped containers with grapes, pretzels, dip, raisins, etc. They cost a pretty penny but it is so easy to get her to eat fresh fruit that way.
for those with child problems. I wish I had found you guys earlier. Maybe I would have had more ideas re my DD.
It was then that we decided to bite the bullet and go international.
Ugh!!! Meanwhile, this little boy is growing older, not being properly loved and cared for and we're an emotional wrek waiting to get the call to come get him. We're convinced that had we picked up DS when he was 1 he wouldn't have half the issues he has now. When you hear that all this "extra" time and paper work is for the benefit of the children, thats a big FARCE!!! Its all about MONEY!
We miss you and hope all is well with you.
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