Tired of people saying I've lost enough

[TaraBelle1069]

I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this. I have lost almost 70 pounds since January. However, my goal is to lose 120 pounds. I need to explain that 120 pounds will not put me in Karen Carpenter/Mary Kate Olsen range. 120 pounds will put me in the MIDDLE of my ideal weight range for my height. Because I don't really want anyone to know how much I weighed when I started (until I'm done), I only tell my loss.

The thing is that I'm still overweight. I was obese according to the BMI calculators and now I'm overweight. Therefore, I'm still working away. However, lately I've had people who seem surprised that I'm still working at losing. At first I thought they were just trying to be nice but now I think some of them are serious.

Has anyone else had this? Maybe I carry my weight really well but I'm still wearing in the size 14 - 16 range...and the people telling me that I've probably lost enough are size 10s or smaller.

Should I be annoyed or flattered? Should I just stop talking about it to people who don't encourage me to continue? I think in the back of my mind, I'm afraid someone is going to convince me to stop when I know I need to keep going!

 

[kidzmom3]

I do know that there are people who become frightenend when a woman changes her appearance. Sometimes its a husband, sometimes a friend or family member. These people think that you will change, just as your weight is changing. They begin to think that they, might not be good enough for you, when it is all said and done. Some people do not like to see someone else succeding at something they have been unable to do. Lose weight, stope smoking and other addictions. It could be that they are afraid that you will no longer have something in common and will stop being close Sometimes they try to sabotage your efforts thru direct and indirect means. You have to watch out for this type of person. They do not usually do it from meaness, but from their own insecurities.

 

[TaraBelle1069]

Thanks. I'm not sure that's the case since they are mostly people who work in my office (no one I'm particulary close to). However, there are quite a few people in our office who have lost a lot of weight lately. But most of these people are not in need of losing weight (the people commenting, I mean) so I don't think it's jealousy or anything. I guess it could just be their way of saying "you look great". I think I should just nod and smile. Inside my head I'll be saying "you should see me naked!".

 

[Princess Michelle]

I think a lot of times others are just concerned about you because they don't see you the way your see yourself. I've told people before that I need to lose between 80-100lbs and they just don't believe it. Even if I tell them how much I weigh they are like no way you could weigh that much. I wouldn't read too much into it, if anything take it as a compliment because they obviously think you look good enough already!

 

[newholiday]

yup - lots of people say it - friends, family, coworkers
I didnt really listen to them though.
Kept loosing until my doctor told me not to loose any more

 

[TaraBelle1069]

Originally posted by newholiday
yup - lots of people say it - friends, family, coworkers
I didnt really listen to them though.
Kept loosing until my doctor told me not to loose any more

Someone did tell me I should check with a doctor because they believed those weight range charts aren't always accurate. I know I'm not that close yet so I might explore that later. My original goal was 100 pounds but when it started coming off in the beginning, I upped my goal. I'm slowing down now and know that I'll be "happy" with 100 pounds but still striving for the 120.

Thanks everyone!

 

[clarabelle]

Someone on this board said that when people say ask them how much more they want to loose they say "until I get to be about your size"
I thought that was a good line

 

[Baileymouse]

Boy, am I in the same boat! I'm now a 16 bottom, 14 top, and everyone says "you're so skinny! You've lost so much!" Yeah, I did lose a lot, and I'm no longer a size 28, but a 14/16 is not thin by any stretch of the imagination. According to BMI charts I'm still obese!

I just smile, say thank you, and go on my merry way.

 

[TigerBear]

Originally posted by TaraBelle1069
Inside my head I'll be saying "you should see me naked!".

I can so relate to this. I have actually reached the middle of my ideal range but really want to take off a few more pounds. My DBF is the only one who remains supportive. He is also a physician so I trust his opinion -he is not worried that I am getting "too skinny".

Try not to let them get to you. Not sure of your relationship with them, but I hate when women undercut other women. Some are probably trying to be complimentary -others probably are jealous you are getting so hot! LOL!

 

[tiggerlover]

Originally posted by Princess Michelle
I think a lot of times others are just concerned about you because they don't see you the way your see yourself. I've told people before that I need to lose between 80-100lbs and they just don't believe it. Even if I tell them how much I weigh they are like no way you could weigh that much. I wouldn't read too much into it, if anything take it as a compliment because they obviously think you look good enough already!

I totally agree with this, we really do carry a distorted image of ourselves and where we see ourselves is not always were others can see us. We also see the hidden rolls of skin that people do not see because of our clothes. We have to do what we feel is best for us, not what others think. I would just smile, thank them for their concern and enjoy the fact that they think you look good.

 

[TaraBelle1069]

Originally posted by Baileymouse
Boy, am I in the same boat! I'm now a 16 bottom, 14 top, and everyone says "you're so skinny! You've lost so much!" Yeah, I did lose a lot, and I'm no longer a size 28, but a 14/16 is not thin by any stretch of the imagination. According to BMI charts I'm still obese!

I just smile, say thank you, and go on my merry way.

This is exactly it! Skinny is such a weird word. In one way it's flattering and in another way, I'm thinking "who are you kidding?". The fact is, if you didn't know me when I was a size 24, you wouldn't think I was skinny at a 14/16. I'm proud of my success and know that I've come a long way but I still have quite a way to go. Plus, now it's about health, not size. Size is the bonus that comes along with no longer being obese (and just barely) and hopefully, eventually, with no longer being overweight.

This board is very therapeutic...so glad I joined! In some weird shift, all of my best friends who were previously thinner than me, are now going through various things that have resulted in weight gain. I feel like I don't want to celebrate my success with them since they are going through tough times. It's nice to have people who share the same experiences.

Thanks again everyone.

 

[sm4987]

I get that too. I'm in a size 4 now, but I think it's because I work out alot. I'm only 4'11 and my ideal is between 105 and 124. I'm still sitting at 134. I'm hacking away just not to be overweight.

I just ignore people. i do believe some say it out of jealousy. Other's may be concerned, but just don't know what your goals are. Stick to your program and your gut. I think you'll know just when it's time to say enough.

Good luck

 

[disneygoof]

Here's a quote from my journal:

"I got the "someone said you look too skinny" call from a friend. Well, I'm still 5'3", 135 pounds, wearing 8's with few exceptions, and have plenty of body fat to show for it. I'm sure the 25 pound loss is dramatic in before and after, but I feel like the "too skinny" label is an attempt, and perhaps a subconcious one, at sabotage. It did throw me off track for a few days, half wondering if I looked bad, half thinking that I could take it easy diet-wise. Finally I realized that I need to focus on the goal THE DOCTOR AND I SET FOR ME. I can't worry about what other people's opinions are. I know I'm not "too skinny". I know I don't look bad, just healthy. I'm just going to lose the last 5 pounds and then maintain as I planned."

I was, as you are, using a goal that put me in the mid-range of all the health scales, particularly BMI. The doctor and I set a goal of 135, and I went for 130 knowing that I needed a five pound buffer to maintain.

I don't think anyone telling you you're "too" anything is really very nice. Of course, I was offended a couple days ago when someone said "Right, you used to be MUCH heavier." Well, I know that, but I don't have to be reminded of times I wasn't very proud of how I looked.

Sometimes people just don't know what to say, and then they don't say anything, which offends as well. Boy, I guess I offend easily!

Anyway, I wouldn't stop talking to these people, I'd just chalk it up to people trying to pay a compliment, and not really knowing how to say it well. The "friend" who told me I was "too skinny" tried it again, and when I smiled and said "why, thank you" she was left kind of speechless. It did make me wonder what her motivation was. So to those that you think are trying to sabotage your success out of jealousy, or because they feel threatened by it, do as I do now and smile sweetly and say thank you. Whatever you do, don't let it throw you off track.

Sorry so long, but I feel pretty strongly about this...