Tips for traveling with In-Laws

[PinkJade]

I am looking for some advice on taking a vacation with my in-laws. I don't really know why but I am very nervous about this. The last time we went on vacation with them was very, very laid back. They slept in late, had no plans or itinerary, etc. I am by nature an early riser and a planner.

The trip will be myself, my husband, our 5 year old daughter, and his parents. We get along okay, but not great, if that makes sense. They are paying for most of the trip, but that is their decision (we offered to pay our way and they refused). We have been to Disney in October 2007 and August 2009. We were hesitant to go back to Disney World so soon, but they really wanted to take us and we really enjoy it there.

So I guess my main concerns are making sure that we get along okay, that we can accomodate our different vacation styles, and making sure they get to spend some time with our daughter, without them "taking over" (which they tend do).

I would appreciate any advice, from grandparent perspective and anyone who has travelled when with their in-laws. Thanks.

 

[ktlm]

We travel with our inlaws and we have very different vacation styles. We like to go constantly and see everything we can see, and they could sit and look at the inside of a hotel room all day and swim in the pool and be happy. After a very frustrating trip where we didn't get to do everything we wanted to do because we sat in the room with them quite a bit bored and going nuts, we learned how to handle it. We basically told them we like going places and spending time with you, but we really like to get out and see things. We are going to do that, and if you want to go with us, we would love to have you. If not, we can split up and meet you at dinner and at the places/activities you want to do/go. It works out great with us. We had a fantastic WDW trip with them. We had 1 ADR a day for all of us. They actually kept up with us quite a bit, and when they wore out, they went back to the room and we stayed.

For late sleepers, I would tell them we are going to head out when we are ready in the morning, and you guys feel free to sleep in and meet us when you are ready. You have already been twice, and they are paying for this one, so you probably should do some things they want even if it isn't your thing. We never have that issue because my in-laws would never even think of paying our way.

However it turns out, you are still at Disney!!! My Mom drove us nuts when we went with her, but we still had fun!

 

[GrtWtNorth]

First: Insist on separate rooms. That way there's always opportunity for 'cool down time' if little things start to get on your nerves. It's also a lot more comfortable not sharing bathrooms.

Second: Pro-actively manage expectations. Initiate the discussion on how much time you intend to spend together. Are they assuming that you will spend every waking moment together? You may want to insist on taking one day to spend with your daughter and husband alone. Be sure to communicate your thanks for the trip, and include them in your planning: ask them what one special activity they would like to do with your family (meeting Mickey, riding Dumbo, watching Illuminations, etc.). It will be to your advantage for everyone to know the others expectations in advance, even if you don't agree 100%. Manage expectations. And remind your husband in advance that you expect him to back you up if there's a conflict with his parents.

 

[Dee77]

In November, DH, DD and I will be taking our third trip with my in-laws. Unlike the previous 2 trips, this year we will share a villa at SSR, my mom is also joining us. They always travel to Disney with my SIL and her 3 children so they have a very good idea what they want to do and which restaurants they prefer. I told my MIL that I will be happy to book all the dining reservations and have already explained that we will definitely be doing character meals and MVMCP and she said that her and my FIL are not interested in either. My Mom was with us this past year and has a good idea of what she would like to do again but is open to trying some new restaurants etc.

Being upfront and honest about what you want to accomplish on your trip is the best option. My in-laws know that we are still very much into the parks experience and will likely get going early in the mornings, they stay behind and read by the pool and sometimes get to the parks but more than not they don't even go to the parks. It's what works for us, my in-laws, my SIL and her children.

The only issue we may encounter is that my Mom is sort of in the middle of each of our Disney styles, she loves seeing DD and her interactions with the characters but has also said she would love some downtime by the pool. She also feels like she may be a third wheel with DH and I or my in-laws. My Dad passed suddenly last year and with that I have a renewed appreciation for DD having one on one time with her living grandparents. Speak up about your preferences and compromise where you can. It sounds like it will be a fantastic vacation. For DH and I we are taking our parents up on the offer to take DD one evening to dinner themselves so we can have time on our own.

Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[DrMomof3]

We've been to Disney with my MIL and (separately) with my parents. Each experience had its own challenges and lessons!

My MIL is a sleep late, chill out type of person. She *thinks* she loves Disney but truthfully she can't handle much touring. She requires an ECV (and is a scary driver!). We stayed in adjoining rooms at Poly. We left the hotel early in the morning without her. When she was ready to join us, she'd call our cell phones and meet us someplace. She can be very annoying but we basically spent the afternoon/evening with her and that included naptime for the kids. It worked out pretty well. We included her on dinner ADRs.

My parents stayed with us in a 2 bedroom villa at SSR. They are very helpful with the kids BUT have lots of their own ideas about discipline, etc. We had to bite our tongues on multiple occasions. My mom went into "prima dona" mode a few times. And even though they tried to keep up with us, my mom was 71 at the time and has bad emphysema. It was 95 degrees and hot. I wish they had been a little more honest with themselves about how much energy they had. My step-dad had a work emergency and they ended up flying home a few days early which was a blessing of sorts (we had to cancel a coveted California Grill date night when we lost of childcare).

My lessons: Manage expectations BEFORE you go. If you're a family of early-risers, let the in-laws know that you'd rather hit the parks early and meet up with them. When we travel with my MIL, I know we need to stay in a convenient location because she could never drive herself around Disney and I don't want to wait for her. I would recommend against sharing a room/villa with the in-laws. The ability to close the door for the night (or a nap) is priceless. Having my parents in our villa was a mixed blessing at best and I think we'll probably stay in separate rooms next time.
Most importantly - ENJOY!

Amanda

 

[robinsegg]

Have you considered scheduling some special time for your child and ILs to spend together? You could maybe ask them what in particular they'd like to do with your child, and you could let them know you're planning to do that on x day. Or, you could have them spend every day from 2-5 with your child, then meet up for dinner after. Something structured like that could make things easier . . . everyone would know what to expect. If ILs want to tour with your family at other times, that would be fine, but there would be no expectation of that.

 

[PinkJade]

Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it.

We are staying in separate rooms... I couldn't imagine being in the same room!

My husband and I have already talked to them about how it has worked out best for us to get to the parks when they open and take a break in the middle of the day. And they did seem fine when they said they would meet us later.

We are having the dining plan, and when we explained that although it doesn't sound like a lot of food, it really is. However my husband told me yesterday that they upgraded themselves to the deluxe dining because it didn't sound like enough. Granted his dad eats a lot, but his mom barely eats anything. We tried to explain that even if he had to pay out of pocket for a couple extra meals it would be cheaper than upgrading, but they were not listening. It just made me worried about the trip, even though that it isn't that big of a deal and doesn't really make any difference. It just makes me worried about other aspects of the trip.

I am probably putting too much thought into this! Which is not unusual!! I just want to avoid any arguments and hope that the trip meets their expectations as well as mine. I will definitely talk with them more about it and get a better idea of what they expect.

 

[robinb]

I have traveled to WDW with my parents and my inlaws. They are both very late risers ... noon is the crack of dawn for them . I know not to call either of them before 1-2 pm because I know that they won't be awake.

We left in the morning to get to the parks early and arranged a meeting place at a park or back at the resort in the afternoon. We also arranged to have dinner with them every night. I worked with them in advance to find out the kinds of foods they liked and built a schedule around restaurants and park days.

I see two potential problems with your upcoming vacation. First of all, they are paying for you to go. To many people that gives them the right to dictate how you will spend the time they are paying for. The fact that you offered to pay for it doesn't matter. It's their treat and their party. You may run into them wanting to control the whole vacation. Secondly, the DxDDP scares me. They will realize that it is too much food and will try to force YOU to stay back with them for a late breakfast or meet them somewhere for lunch even though you already have something planned for dinner. They will spend their entire time eating and will come to expect YOU to eat with them.

Good luck!

 

[Belle5]

I agree with robinb that because you allowed them to pay for the trip, there will be strings attached. That doesn't mean things will be horrible--but you will be expected to vacation WITH them.

My in-laws presented things to their friends as if they were "treating" us to WDW, when in fact, they sat back and let us take the food bill several times and we were always expected to pay for our own family's way. (They were Florida retirees who's friends all treated their kids and grandkids to WDW--so they wanted to make it look like they did the same. Worst trip of our lives!!!) They even left us high and dry on one of the resort rooms we were sharing with them as they decided to leave early so we were stuck. (What a blessing that turned out to be, though!)

I think that you will want time alone as a family, but I also think they will want some WDW time with your daughter. (I am thinking ahead to grandkids, and I really think I would like that) That would be nice. Maybe you could leave your daughter with them for some specific activities while you and DH do some wild rides or head back to the resort to relax or have a romantic dinner. You probably should ask the in-laws up front what their hopes and expectations are for this trip. If arrangements are made up-front, I think all will go pretty well.

 

[tzolkin]

My parents are coming along with us this year. I think it will go pretty well, but I still have a bit of anxiety over it. We are going for 10 nights. Originally, I didn't think my dad would be able to take that much time off work so I thought we would do 6 nights or so with them and then have a few days by ourselves at the end of the trip.

They insisted we do the dining (they did Deluxe last year when they went with my two adult sisters). I have scheduled almost all of our TS meals together. One night they are going to take the 3 kids while DH and I have a "date" night and one other night they are going to take the two little ones so DH and I can do EMH at MK with older DD. I figured a few other evenings they may split off from us after dinner. We do rope drop/am EMH most days of our trips. Just yesterday my mom said that maybe they would relax and the resort in the mornings a few days and meet up with us later. I'm glad she suggested it.


Last year MIL joined us for 3 nights (we booked her a separate room). Honestly it just didn't go well. I started getting stressed out with DH (because I was irritated with her) and DH just wanted her to leave. I felt bad because we usually get along with her well. It was during the record rains last May, so I'm sure that added to it. We had already been there for several days and knew that it was going to pour all day every day, but we would be in a park and she would suggest that we wait for the rain "to pass". She also just couldn't handle the walking and DH was frustrated with slowing down. I think it would have been more pleasant if she had some one else with her. I won't have any issue splitting up with my parents, but we really had to be with MIL 24/7 because we would have felt guilty just leaving her at the resort or in a park alone.

 

[rosedolph]

My tip - DON"T DO IT!!!!

I am totally joking! We are taking a trip to Disney in Dec with my ILs and this will be our 2nd trip in 2 years with them. My M&FIL are paying for this trip as a Christmas present to the kids and grand kids (there will a total of 11 people). So we are kind of in the same boat (everyone sing - It's a small world after all).

We sat down as a group and talked about what we wanted out of the trip, if we all wanted to tour together, eat together, rest together. I was able to explain that due to our kids ages will have our days planned out - if anyone wanted to join us they could, but we would be following the plan. We even gave everyone a copy of our schedule.

For our large group this worked out great because everyone knew what to expect from the beginning. There were no hurt feelings because people could decide when and if to join us and we all had times that we would be together.

I don't see our December trip being any different. Sure the IL's are paying for tickets and lodging but doesn't mean they are expecting to run the show. (They don't tell me when to wear the sweater they gave me last Christmas)

Your trip will be a great time for your family to make some wonderful memories with parents and grandparents. Have fun!

 

[blana]

Went with the extended in-laws 2 years ago. (DH's parents & both brothers & his oldest brother's family.) DS & I are early risers, so the night before, we'd agree as a group on a park to go to. DS & I would head out for rope drop (with DH most days), and the others woudl call on teh cell when they got there. Then we'd meet up. At times I was annoyed with them becuase they expected me to just sit at the exit ramp with DS (which SIL did with her DD who was 1 1/2), but I would just go do something DS & I could do & meet them after they got off the ride. (Sorry, it's a bit unreasonable to expect the pregnant lady to just sit at the exit ramp of a ride with a 45 minute stand-by line with a 2 year old. Twice, so SIL could ride with everyone but her DH right after everyone else got off, since I couldn't convince them to use baby swap.) Just make sure everyone knows what the other wants out of the day & meet up at times when it works best.

 

[micheleq]

Like everyone has already said, manage your expectations ahead of time.

We invited my ILs to join us this fall on a trip and I plan on separate rooms, and time apart. My MIL likes to take over as well, but you just need to be clear about what your plans are. If there are some things you want to do with your DD alone, then say so.

Our first family trip was with my parents and brother, and we had a great time. They spent ample time apart from us which gave us time alone with our girls.

Good luck! Maybe stay club level so you can have a drink at the end of the day of needed Or pack a flask...I might be doing that!!!

 

[badblackpug]

I think you will be fine. Like others said, if you are a morning person, get up and go. You can either arrange to meet in the park in the afternoon, or you can come back to the hotel for your nap and then all head out together after, and have dinner together. Sit down with your in-laws and plan dinner ADRs together. I agree with the PP that suggested you should ask your in-laws if there is something special they would like to do with the kids. That would give you and your husband time together, and the grandparents time alone with the kids.

I think if everyone is aware of what the other's expectations are things will go fine.