Time to pay the piper, boys...(long) NEW & IMPROVED contract #50

[minkydog]

We have two 23yo's living in our basement. One is our son,John, the other is our foster son Eric. John has been unemployed (and barely looking) for several months; he receives unemployment. Eric is recently unemployed. Eric goes to technical school full-time, majoring in culinary arts; John refuses to either go to college or get some training in any field. They are not paying rent and they only do housework if I get after them. My basement looks (and smells!) like a frat house.

Today DH had a conversation with John to the effect of "you need to get things together because you can't live like a teenager anymore". John says he doesn't like school because they tell him when to be there and what to do. And he can't get a job anyway. I think I know why: He has hair below his shoulders, facial hair and two lip rings. He refuses to part with any of it, insisting that "they have to accept me as i am or no deal". He says he wants to join a band, but he needs to buy some 6ft tall amps. Guess who he wants to finance that? Won't be happening.

We will be having a "come to Jesus" meeting tomorrow complete with contracts. The contracts are exactly alike, except the chores are to be done on different days. DD16 has a similar chore contract, except instead of a work requirment she has a grade requirement(but her penalty is loss of cell phone--the horror!). Would you like to see the contract?

**Original contract deleted

 

[shirleyb]

Sorry, my penalty for not abiding by my rules would be leaving my home, not loss of internet.

 

[sbell111]

What's the point of the 'out of the house between 10a and 4p' clause?

 

[lecach]

I might need to borrow this for my husband

Seriously though, I would cut your foster son a little more slack than your bio son. At least Eric is in school full time. He's trying to better himself. I would be a bit more lenient - or at least not charge him rent.

I understand the 10 a.m.-4 p.m. thing - kindof forces them to either work or go to school.

 

[sbell111]

I might need to borrow this for my husband

Seriously though, I would cut your foster son a little more slack than your bio son. At least Eric is in school full time. He's trying to better himself. I would be a bit more lenient - or at least not charge him rent.

I understand the 10 a.m.-4 p.m. thing - kindof forces them to either work or go to school.

Unfortunately, it disincentivises getting an evening or night job.

 

[minkydog]

Sorry, my penalty for not abiding by my rules would be leaving my home, not loss of internet.

They live by the internet. The only thing worse would be to take away their cell phones. I believe that stoppin the internet will be pretty good incentive for them to get their work done. And the internet stays off until the work is done.

What's the point of the 'out of the house between 10a and 4p' clause?

Cuz I'm sick of them laying around playing World of Warcraft all night and sleeping all day. I don't care where they go, they just need to be out(looking for jobs!)

I might need to borrow this for my husband

Seriously though, I would cut your foster son a little more slack than your bio son. At least Eric is in school full time. He's trying to better himself. I would be a bit more lenient - or at least not charge him rent.

I understand the 10 a.m.-4 p.m. thing - kindof forces them to either work or go to school.

We will cut Eric some slack and we're encouraging John to go to tech school. As long as they are in school full-time we don't expect them to work full-time. But there is no reason they can't do their chores in the evenings after school. After all, that's what grown-ups do.

Unfortunately, it disincentivises getting an evening or night job.

Which is why we will allow for discussion. If they get a night job in a warehouse or something I would expect them to work at night and sleep during the day. But they are still expected to do their chores.

I'm just tired of having to work every day to keep the house clean when i've got 2 adult men living rent-free, eating my food, and sleeping all day. And if they don't like the New Order they can go live elsewhere for free,eat wherever they want and sleep all day.

 

[wdwfan16]

We have two 23yo's living in our basement. One is our son,John, the other is our foster son Eric. John has been unemployed (and barely looking) for several months; he receives unemployment. Eric is recently unemployed. Eric goes to technical school full-time, majoring in culinary arts; John refuses to either go to college or get some training in any field. They are not paying rent and they only do housework if I get after them. My basement looks (and smells!) like a frat house.

Today DH had a conversation with John to the effect of "you need to get things together because you can't live like a teenager anymore". John says he doesn't like school because they tell him when to be there and what to do. And he can't get a job anyway. I think I know why: He has hair below his shoulders, facial hair and two lip rings. He refuses to part with any of it, insisting that "they have to accept me as i am or no deal". He says he wants to join a band, but he needs to buy some 6ft tall amps. Guess who he wants to finance that? Won't be happening.

We will be having a "come to Jesus" meeting tomorrow complete with contracts. The contracts are exactly alike, except the chores are to be done on different days. DD16 has a similar chore contract, except instead of a work requirment she has a grade requirement(but her penalty is loss of cell phone--the horror!). Would you like to see the contract?


House & Yard Work Contract
Eric & John


Mon & Thurs----1. Clean room. Sweep, fold or hang clothes, CDs/DVDs put away, trash out, wires neat. Laundry in basket. Sheets on bed.

Tues & Fri -------2. Clean kitchen--wipe counters microwave dishwasher & stove, dishes in dishwasher, wash any dishes that don’t fit in dishwasher, trash out, sweep floor.

Tues------------1. Do all your laundry, including sheets. Gather towels, washcloths, & mat: wash them. Put clean sheets on bed.
2. Clean hall bath. Sweep, wipe counters & toilet. Bleach tub (bleach solution: ¼ cup bleach, small amt shampoo, small tub water). Replace towels and mat.

Oct 1--------------Mow grass every other month. Oct, Dec, Feb, etc.
Weeks 1 & 3-----Blow driveway to street. Use 2-3 orange cords.
Week 2 & 4------Pick up pine cones in front yard

Penalty for not doing chores on time--loss of internet for 24 hours.
Chores must be done on time.
………………………………................................................................................................

You must be out of the house between the hours of 10am and 4pm.

Sep 20--- Must have some kind of job.
Penalty: 5 days out of house. May return for 2 weeks. Must get a job within that time frame.

Oct 15----Rent $25/week is due on Sunday of each week, or $100 every 2 weeks. Penalty: After 2 weeks late--5 days out of house.


I agree to abide by these house & yard rules. I understand the penalties for not completing chores. If I have a conflict I will bring it to Mom & Dad for careful consideration and I will abide by their decision. I understand that this contract will be reviewed and may be changed Oct 1.

_(signed)___________________________________________

This is just childish. Just show them the door and the problem is solved.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

And even if they sign it, do you really think they'll adhere to it? And if they don't adhere to these new rules, are you or your husband willing to physically remove them from the house for those 5 day periods? If you're not, then don't waste your time.

 

[XYSRUS]

This is just childish. Just show them the door and the problem is solved.

Sing it sista'! They're 23 years old! PS... I use the 24hour no internet on my 5yo!

 

[marshallandcartersmo]

I'm sorry to rain on your parade, but I think it's ridiculous. If you take out the boys ages, the contract reads like it's geared towards a high school student.

These are grown men. Give them 2 months to find an apartment then show them the door. But you have to be serious about it. It seems like if it's gotten this far, you may not have been serious enough up to this point. There are two of them, they can get an apartment together!

 

[RitaE]

A come to Jesus meeting?


I think Jesus would kick their heiny's out of the Temple and tell them to act like men.

 

[shirleyb]

I'm sorry to rain on your parade, but I think it's ridiculous. If you take out the boys ages, the contract reads like it's geared towards a high school student.

These are grown men. Give them 2 months to find an apartment then show them the door. But you have to be serious about it. It seems like if it's gotten this far, you may not have been serious enough up to this point. There are two of them, they can get an apartment together!

Ding ding ding! We have a winner. I think at least for John, you're going to need a little more tough love than you're giving him.

 

[marshallandcartersmo]

They live by the internet. The only thing worse would be to take away their cell phones. I believe that stoppin the internet will be pretty good incentive for them to get their work done. And the internet stays off until the work is done.



Cuz I'm sick of them laying around playing World of Warcraft all night and sleeping all day. I don't care where they go, they just need to be out(looking for jobs!)



We will cut Eric some slack and we're encouraging John to go to tech school. As long as they are in school full-time we don't expect them to work full-time. But there is no reason they can't do their chores in the evenings after school. After all, that's what grown-ups do.



Which is why we will allow for discussion. If they get a night job in a warehouse or something I would expect them to work at night and sleep during the day. But they are still expected to do their chores.

I'm just tired of having to work every day to keep the house clean when i've got 2 adult men living rent-free, eating my food, and sleeping all day. And if they don't like the New Order they can go live elsewhere for free,eat wherever they want and sleep all day.

I'm sorry, I couldn't let this pass (I highlighted the part above). They can't go to school full time and go to work at the same time?!?!?!
Seriously, my DH works 50 hours a week, goes to school nights for his Masters program, and coaches both my DS's baseball games. Seriously mama, they are 23. Not 13.

 

[Skatermom23]

While I like contracts in general for teenagers, your boys are way too old for this. How are you going to keep them off the internet for 24 hours? My 18 year old learned long ago how to get around that one. I'm pleased to report he will be majoring in computer science since he is such a brain with the computer. Seriously though, these boys need some tough love. They get a job or go to school within two months or they leave the house. I tell DS all the time, if you don't go to school, the military would love to have you.

 

[minkydog]

This is just childish. Just show them the door and the problem is solved.

We are not willing to kick them to the curb without giving them a chance for redemption. Eric is trying his best to better his life. He has no family; his mother is dead, his father has a new trophy wife who doesn't want any of the 6 kids around. I"m happy to let him live here for a period of time as long as he stays in school and gets a job and does what's expected of him. There is an expectation that both boys will move out within 6 months.

And even if they sign it, do you really think they'll adhere to it? And if they don't adhere to these new rules, are you or your husband willing to physically remove them from the house for those 5 day periods? If you're not, then don't waste your time.

They'll have to adhere. The 5 day suspension is designed to make them toe the line or find other lodgings. If they can find somewhere to live for 5 days, they can find someplace more permanent. They have to know that there are escalating consequences. We put it in writing because we want to be respectful. They both have severe ADHD--they can't remember verbal instructions,especially this many instructions. Written contracts are a better tool for them.

I'm sorry to rain on your parade, but I think it's ridiculous. If you take out the boys ages, the contract reads like it's geared towards a high school student.

These are grown men. Give them 2 months to find an apartment then show them the door. But you have to be serious about it. It seems like if it's gotten this far, you may not have been serious enough up to this point. There are two of them, they can get an apartment together!

Rain all you want. These *are* grown men--but they haven't matured enough to jump off the cliff. That's why we made the contract. They have to do housework just like the rest of us.

All we want right now is for them to get skills so they can have a future. We have not done a good job of helping them grow up, we know that. However, I believe it is unrealistic and unkind to toss them out knowing they have no way to support themselves currently and with their savings depleted. Even working 2 minimum wage jobs, they would probably not be able to afford an apartment here in the Atlanta metro area.
.....
They have moved out in the past, when they were working together in Florida for about a year.My goal is to have them out of the house, working and saving, by Christmas. We will be giving them a timeline, be sure of that. I have no intention of having these boys living here permanently, playing video games in the basement until we move into the senior center. But I want to give them a chance to get on their feet before we send them out in the world to live in their cars(which is where Eric was 3 weeks ago when he lost his job. )

 

[Mellie2162]

They live by the internet. The only thing worse would be to take away their cell phones. I believe that stoppin the internet will be pretty good incentive for them to get their work done. And the internet stays off until the work is done

Just stop the internet now and that will inspire them to get out and get a job. Why are you catering to these grown men? Do you pay for their cell as well?

 

[m&m's mom]

I think you had a great idea, just might need to be more firm.

 

[canadianjovigirl]

The rules in our house are simple and easy to follow:

If your in school you pay no rent, but follow my rules and have housework to do....

If your not in school you pay rent and still follow my rules as its my house, my way...... if you dont like that your welcome to get your own place with higher rent and no rules...

This applies to all the kids regardless of age...they all know it, even the 7 year old so no issues in that regard.

 

[minkydog]

I'm sorry, I couldn't let this pass (I highlighted the part above). They can't go to school full time and go to work at the same time?!?!?!
Seriously, my DH works 50 hours a week, goes to school nights for his Masters program, and coaches both my DS's baseball games. Seriously mama, they are 23. Not 13.

With their ADHD and bipolar disorder I think going to school full-time and working full-time is probably not realistic. Our goal is for them to actually finish their training. I'm glad that your husband has got his act together. I don't think these boys are quite as mature as your husband.

. How are you going to keep them off the internet for 24 hours? My 18 year old learned long ago how to get around that one. I'm pleased to report he will be majoring in computer science since he is such a brain with the computer. Seriously though, these boys need some tough love. They get a job or go to school within two months or they leave the house. I tell DS all the time, if you don't go to school, the military would love to have you.

Well, the military didn't want either of these boys due to their disabilities(ADHD and bipolar--seriously, would you want to hand either of them a bazooka?) If I have to restrict them from the internet I will be confiscating their laptops. they can go to the library and use the internet for free if they just have to have it. I do like your suggestion of getting a fulltime job or going to school within 2 months and I may change the contract to reflect that.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I'm sorry, I couldn't let this pass (I highlighted the part above). They can't go to school full time and go to work at the same time?!?!?!
Seriously, my DH works 50 hours a week, goes to school nights for his Masters program, and coaches both my DS's baseball games. Seriously mama, they are 23. Not 13.

I think she said work full time and go to school full time. That would be a bit difficult. Doable, if your work or schooling was flexible, but it would leave little time for anything at all, including studying.

Your DH coaches two teams?

My husband used to work full time and take three classes a semester and I hated it. It didn't leave much time for him to spend with his family and friends.