Time out for 17 month old?? Help!

[HGD24]

My SIL tried timeouts when her son turned 15 months old and was pinching, biting, slapping, etc. Sometimes he would cry, sometimes he would laugh (afterall, he's getting attention since you can't put him in timeout and walk away and expect him to stay there). I worked in a daycare center for a while and the only thing we could do was get right in the child's face and say in a very sharp, loud tone of voice "NO BITING!" or hitting or pinching...whatever it was they were doing. It scares them and then they associate being scared with the behavior.

My nephew repeatidly hit our dog one day (the dog had been abused as a puppy and was removed from that home) and after he slapped her across the muzzle, I immediately got down to his eye level, just about nose to nose and said in that very loud, sharp tone of voice "You don't hit the doggy!" That was 8 months ago and to this day, he has never touched the dog again in a mean way. In fact the very next week, he just looked at the dog from across the room and said "doggy". My SIL knows it worked and was amazed that it worked, but she won't do it...she still tries timeouts which still have no affect on him

 

[Angielou1079]

The pack and play for time out since your child is so young...unless you want to use the pack and play for them then they equate it with "time out" and won't want to go in there...we have a bad boy "couch" in our tv room ....sometimes I have to sit on a chair next to the couch to make sure he stays there....you have to ignore them while they are there if he gets up I don't talk to him and put him right back on the custion...so far its working...although we have our days
GOOD LUCK!

 

[tjlovespooh]

IMO time out for toddlers is all about NOT giving them the attention they're craving. DH and I actually started time out for DS when he was a little over a year and found that it was very effective for eliminating the undesirable behavior. We used to put him in a corner of his room (he had room to move around and we didn't care if he laid down, sat, or stood) and set the timer for one minute. One of us would stay nearby and make certain he didn't take off - we often need to create a human "gate" to keep him contained. The key for us was to NOT give him eye contact/attention throughout the process. When the buzzer rang that his minute was up we would try to reinforce the positive behavior we wanted him to follow, such as, "You need to pet the doggie nicely" instead of, "No more hitting the doggie". We also made sure to give him a hug and kiss after each time out ended.
Needless to say that in the beginning we did numerous time outs. However, now that he's 2.5 we rarely need to do time outs.
Personally, I believe in appropriate consequences and most of the "bad" things DS does nowadays has a more direct negative consequence (such as: bad behavior - throw a toy; consequence - toy gets taken away). I always give him a warning that the consequnce will follow if the behavior continues and 9 times out of 10 that warning is all it takes. I think the key to any sort of discipline (at any age) is consistency.

 

[crisi]

Why is your seventeen month old seeing the 13 month old? It doesn't sound like its daycare - and 13 and 17 months are too young for anything other than parallel play. And its only this one child, right? Is this really a Mommy playdate? End the Mommy playdates for three months, and try again.

If this is something else - like daycare - where you don't have much of a choice, then you need to work on stopping the behavior. But if you can just avoid this child for a few months, the problem is likely to go away by itself - which at 17 months avoiding the bad behavior is a valid discipline strategy.

 

[kerrynic78]

Thanks for the advice everyone!

Since I posted this we have had no more instances of the pinching. I watch her like a hawk when they are together and she has been really good with her little friend. I will use the time-out advice in the future if I see the behaivor again, but for now everything is much better.

Crisi- to answer your question, no this is not daycare. Her mom and myself are best friends and she is not the least bit worried about it and knows that I will take the appropriate actions if anything were to happen again. (I am the one worrying) Her DD is walking and talking, they are past just parallel play.

Thanks again everyone.