TIM RUSSERT PLANNING TO USE ANNOYING CHALKBOARD ON ELECTION NIGHT AGAIN, NBC EXECS FEAR
Newsman, Irritating Prop Have Been Inseparable Since Election 2000
NBC newsman Tim Russert, who used a small, hand-held chalkboard to illustrate various Electoral College calculations on Election Night 2000, plans to use the annoying prop again this Tuesday night, network insiders worry.
That chalkboard of Tims was cute at first, one NBC news executive said today. But ever since the 2000 election, Tims been carrying it around everywhere he goes. I mean, get over it.
Other executives agreed, saying Mr. Russert and his chalkboard have been inseparable since the lame prop made its debut in 2000.
According to one news executive, Mr. Russert brings the chalkboard with him to NBC staff meetings and uses it to tally up how many good points he makes, as well as how many stupid remarks are made by others.
He has one column on the chalkboard labeled 'GOOD,' and one labeled STUPID, and hes always making these little chalk marks when youre trying to say something, the executive said. Tim and his little chalkboard have turned into one gigantic pain in the ***, and Im not the only one who feels that way.
In other election coverage news, the three major networks announced today that they have agreed to wait until the polls are closed before incorrectly predicting the winner of a tight congressional race.
Once we have confirmation that the polls have closed, then and only then will we incorrectly announce that the loser won the race, CBS anchor Dan Rather said.
**** BOROWITZ ON CNN MONDAY AFTERNOON ****
Andy Borowitz appears Monday afternoon on CNNs Talkback Live. 3:00 EST; check local listings.
Newsman, Irritating Prop Have Been Inseparable Since Election 2000
NBC newsman Tim Russert, who used a small, hand-held chalkboard to illustrate various Electoral College calculations on Election Night 2000, plans to use the annoying prop again this Tuesday night, network insiders worry.
That chalkboard of Tims was cute at first, one NBC news executive said today. But ever since the 2000 election, Tims been carrying it around everywhere he goes. I mean, get over it.
Other executives agreed, saying Mr. Russert and his chalkboard have been inseparable since the lame prop made its debut in 2000.
According to one news executive, Mr. Russert brings the chalkboard with him to NBC staff meetings and uses it to tally up how many good points he makes, as well as how many stupid remarks are made by others.
He has one column on the chalkboard labeled 'GOOD,' and one labeled STUPID, and hes always making these little chalk marks when youre trying to say something, the executive said. Tim and his little chalkboard have turned into one gigantic pain in the ***, and Im not the only one who feels that way.
In other election coverage news, the three major networks announced today that they have agreed to wait until the polls are closed before incorrectly predicting the winner of a tight congressional race.
Once we have confirmation that the polls have closed, then and only then will we incorrectly announce that the loser won the race, CBS anchor Dan Rather said.
**** BOROWITZ ON CNN MONDAY AFTERNOON ****
Andy Borowitz appears Monday afternoon on CNNs Talkback Live. 3:00 EST; check local listings.
