All of the issues tied to my cancer diagnosis and complications - I probably would not be here today if I didn't face this head on. You often hear that everyone's experience is different and to never minimize one person's battle over another...yet, I sometimes get reactions like that when people hear that I didn't have to endure chemo and radiation. That does not mean it wasn't hard. It was just different. Most people, unless they've been through something like this, don't know how to treat you. My husband, who doesn't handle people being emotional very well, thought it would be more beneficial to my mental state if he didn't feed my fears and chose to be less attentive. Over the course of 2 weeks, I went from my dermatologist insisting it was nothing and caving when I demanded a biopsy to it's something uncommon, it's been classified as aggressive, and it's nothing we can care for in the way we originally discussed, so we're referring you to the top cancer hospital and you've been assigned to one of the chiefs. So, when I went to MD Anderson for my big pre-surgery visit as well as my secondary pre-surgery Covid testing (the one where I could bring a guest because it's scary being treated with people in full on HAZMAT gear)... I went alone. Post op, when they realized the infection that had developed in my leg wasn't responding to oral antibiotics, I went alone and went through one of the most excruciatingly painful procedures of my life while being comforted by the PA on hand. After being admitted to the hospital and staying the better part of a week so they could treat me with IV antibiotics, I had to prove to my medical team that I was capable of treating my leg 2-3x a day, because we all came to the realization that my husband was too repulsed by the wound and squeamish with the process to help me. So, it was either me learning this more complex and invasive version of wound packing and cleaning on my own or shouldering the expense of a home health nurse. This is just some of it, but you get the idea. At the very least, I probably would not have my right leg if I didn't tackle the hard stuff here.
Moving and starting my life in Houston - I grew up in NY metro NJ and went to college in upstate NY, but about 6 days after I graduated from high school, my family moved to northern FL. I absolutely hated it there. I didn't know anyone. I had no leads after college graduation so I was stuck living there and trying to carve out a life. I did eventually make some friends, had a part time job, and was even accepted to a program where I would earn both my masters and doctoral degree. While I was doing really well, I hated it. I wasn't having much luck with the resumes I sent out for real jobs in more desirable areas, some of the jobs in my desired field were literally scary (counselor at a prison camp was one) so I decided moving to where I might want to live and doing temp work until I found something would be the answer. I considered NJ because that was what I still saw as home and I could stay with my grandmother indefinitely to help with costs. I considered DC because I had a lot of friends there and my best friend's family was willing to let me stay in their guest quarters for a while. Then there was Houston. My dad was doing contract work there on weekdays (due to some changes in FL). His contract was ending but his company was offering me his corporate apartment for free (all bills paid, fully furnished, free parking, great location) until I could get on my feet. I knew absolutely nobody in Houston but the cost of living was really low and the job market looked the most promising. So, I picked up and moved to Houston. It was not easy but after one really horrible job and several months of temp work, I landed something life changing and never really looked back.
Getting audition ready and back on stage - I am putting this out here because it's one of my main goals after DD17 graduates high school and I need to remind myself that I can do it again...maybe even better this time since I've got some confirmation that the voice as well as the dance components are still there. It is really humbling to get back into training after you've stepped away for years. If you've ever performed at a high level, you know your core talent is still there but working yourself back to the point that you're stage ready, including taking all of that constructive criticism and harsh feedback, is not for the faint of heart. Every time you hit a road block, you find yourself wondering if those years of not properly caring for yourself or that bad chest cold where you got a nasty sore throat and coughed yourself mute for a couple of weeks did irreparable damage. The dance component is harder because we all know our bodies can't do many of the things they could when we were teens and twenties. I guess at least the acting part usually falls back into place pretty easily. Still, when you walk into that audition room and you nail it and then subsequently get to walk out onto that big stage and feel that intoxicating energy for the first time in ages... well, you realize it was all worth it and are reminded of just how much you truly love being up there.
Sorry for the novels
