This whole "clique" thing - a vent - be warned!

FSUMARCHIEF

<font color=blue>Adjust your cargo deary<br><font
Joined
May 3, 2004
Messages
1,196
This is, I believe my first ever thread that I have actually started on the CB. I could be wrong, but it doesn't really matter. I don't want to run the risk of hijacking someone else's thread - especially if some of the folks who are my friends happen to read my comments and jump in.

Folks, this is a community board. Think about your section of town, your community, for a moment. Do you know everyone in your section of town? What about on your street? Do you know everyone on your street? We live in a particular section of town that is not gated, but we are kind of on the outskirts, you might say, of a subdivision. We know some of the people that live around us. Most of the people we know well are a part of our church. That is not an exhaustive group. The lady across the street is a good friend - in fact, I did the funeral for her husband about 6 months ago, cause they didn't have a church. We are aquainted with lots of folks in our neighborhood, but to say we're close to all of them would be a lie.

Does it mean that we choose to associate more often with a few folks because we want to be a clique? Heck no! It just means we have more in common with those folks and enjoy each other's company. Doesn't mean we don't like other folks. When new people move into the neighborhood and we are aware of it, we try and welcome them - and invite them to church!

But that doesn't make our small group of friends a clique.

In fact, now that I'm thinking about it - let me use a church example - seeing as how that is the nearest and dearest thing to my heart. In church, whether its large or small, there are small groups. Sometimes those small groups can be bad. People wanting to control things, etc. But take my church for example. We have doubled in size in about 2 years. There are more new people now than there were 'old' people when we first moved there.

There's no way all those folks are going to get to know each other. They are varied in age, experience, needs, interests, etc. What we try to do is to encourage folks to get to know each other - but to also get involved in a small group. It's in the small groups that relationships are built, trust begins to happen, and a deepening of faith can occur. When someone is connected in some way to a small group, be it the choir, a Sunday School class, a women's group, or whatever, the church begins to be a home, rather than just the place you go to worship on Sundays.

That's what we're trying to build - knowing that everyone isn't going to know everyone else. But if they are able to build some relationships, it will keep them from feeling lost in the crowd.

I say all that to say this. This whole issue about cliques on the DIS is crazy. I can't speak for any of the other threads that are clique threads. I'm only a part of one of them - the Maelstrom thread. Are there inside jokes sometimes? Yeah. But that's only cause these folks have been posting together for some months now. There's a lot of funny, silly stories that can come out of months of conversations back and forth. And unless you keep up with it every day, you will miss out.

These threads are not like Soap Operas (most of the time) where you can miss it for a year, and then turn it on and have the people still dealing with the same stuff. Real life moves fast. On the Maelstrom thread, we share silly stories, some more appropriate than others probably, but we share concerns that we have, celebrations that we have. We basically are sharing life with each other. If something funny happens during the day, someone posts it. If someone has had a particularly bad day, they post it. In the midst of all that, little phrases are tossed in that are considered "inside jokes" but its all because we have gotten to know each other so well - at least as well as you can on an internet discussion board.

Has the Maelstrom crew always been welcoming? No. Are we perfect in every way? As Mary Poppins says, we're just practically perfect. We still make mistakes. On occasion.

But here's the thing - if you come on to a thread and feel like you're lost, you have two options.

A. Stick around, post and try to catch up.

B. Go somewhere else.

When a newcomer comes to my church, we share with them all of the small groups that are available so that they can try them all if they wish until they find their place. If we don't have the place they're looking for, we encourage them to make their own place. We encourage all our small groups to be open and welcoming. Are they always? Probably not. Does every person fit into every small group? No! Will they fit somewhere - even if they start their own? Yes.

Folks, if you go into a so called clique thread and you don't feel comfortable, then find another place. I think it is silly to sit around and whine because you haven't fit into every single place on this board. The other thing is, why keep going back? If you feel uncomfortable, why torture yourself by continuing to return to a place you don't really want to be in the first place?

Maybe I'm silly. Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way. Maybe I'm just tired of all the drama. But dadgummit folks, there's no sense in all this. Anyone is welcome to come to the Maelstrom thread. Will it take you a while to get on board with everything? Yeah probably. Will you understand why we're Maelstromers in the first place? Probably not unless you ask. Will you know all the ins and outs immediately? No way! Remember, most of us have been posting together for months. If you come, post every once in a while. Don't be a thread hog and post 50 times in an hour. Ask a question. Say hello. Post a picture that has to do with Vikings. I don't care. If you get ignored at first, please don't think its personal. Perhaps the thread is busy that day. Perhaps it's totally dead and no one is around. Post again, ask the question again. PM someone.

But for crying out loud, don't just sit back and whine.

We have a rule that we have taught our 4 year old son. It is as follows: Nobody likes a whiner. Don't be a whiner.

I come to the DIS for fun, information, and now to stay in touch with the friends my wife and I have made on here. Being a pastor can be a lonely job at times. Often, only other pastors and their families can really understand what it's like to do what we do. But, for whatever reason, God has given us the gift of having met some really nice people on the DIS. We've had lunch with a couple of them. We're meeting a whole bunch of them at Disney in a few months. It has been nice to meet this group of people I call my friends. I like having friends. If you're not the bride of Chuckie, or a crazy stalker type person, I'd like to be your friend. I'd love to tell you about the God I serve and how awesome He is. PM me if you wanna know more.

Let's get over all this clique mess and whining about this and that. If you want to be a part of a particular thread, post on it. If you find that's not the place for you - start your own.

Nuff said.

Blessings!
MarkyMark
 

So, what is the problem of people talking with one another about how/why they don't like clique threads? It seems a funny thing for someone to vent about. If you don't like those threads, skip over them, as they say. KWIM. To start another thread just to rag on people that seem to be bothered by this issue doesn't make any sense to me.
 
Well said! And if someone doesn't like the club type threads, that's great, too. But just because it's not their cup of tea doesn't mean that they need to complain about what other people do like. Perhaps they should form their own board and approve membership to their chosen people.
 
Shouldn't you take your own advice and stop whining? You're basically being a hypocrite for crying foul on people who started a thread against cliques and then you yourself started one for cliques.
 
Awesome post!!

I do see where some are comng from though because I have been here a long time and sometimes I post a remwrk on a "clique" post and I am totally ignored. It has happened to me several times....so I just don't post very much anymore and I am ok with that!!
 
Hi FSUMARCHIEF-
I totally understand the small group community at church. I go to a megachurch here in the Chicago area and our church has started the small groups in the early 1990's. I have been in many different small groups at church. One or two of them I fitted well in. Other small groups were too shallow or the other people were too controlling, or personailty conflicts.
I totally understand that some of the threads here are for community. I defintely believe in the community aspect! :thumbsup2

I think one of the sad things here on the CB boards is the thread hijackings, the intentional thread hijackings by the cyber drinking posters.
Don't be surprised if your thread here gets hijacked by these posters. Just a warning. I hope your thread doesn't get hijacked.


Rosemarie
 
Very well said!!! :thumbsup2

I applaud you!!!
6.gif
 
NewJersey said:
Shouldn't you take your own advice and stop whining? You're basically being a hypocrite for crying foul on people who started a thread against cliques and then you yourself started one for cliques.


Wow, I don't think that was the intention at all. A little harsh, don't ya think?
 
Ok and what if you have a problem getting into the church because of all of the friends chatting have blocked the parking lot and the entrance? Or if you want to join a new Church and you are all set to go to this one and the huge groups of people hanging out in the parking lot ignoring you asking for directions turns you off and you go find another church? Or you really need to get into the church to check the bulletin before you make plans for which Mass to attend and damn it you can't because the traffic is backed up for miles to get into the parking lot.

The point is that the cliques themselves are fine. It's the fact there are so many and it spills into other threads. It comes to a point where some people really need to get their own message board for their personal friendly chit chat.
 
I dont think most people are bothered by the fact that people have formed threads to hang out or that these types of threads make people not feel included. I think most people know that if you want to join in, you can. (and even that it may take some time to get into the swing of it) We all know how friendships start and can relate to wanting to hang out with people we like. That part is not the problem.

I think the bigger issues here are that many people just think there should be a sub board created to house the really long threads because there are so many of them, the smaller threads are being bumped back a fw pages because of it. And also, that people are getting annoyed by some people hijacking threads with their insider banter and taking them off topic.
 
Kim&Chris said:
Wow, I don't think that was the intention at all. A little harsh, don't ya think?

Not at all. I'm ambivalent towards the whole issue, but I just found irony here in this post.
 
Mark -
Have you ever seen Star Trek: The Next Generation? There is an alien race of cyborgs portrayed on that show known as the BORG - they have a collective mind, what one knows, they all know. Collective memory, collective thoughts. What you said (much more eloquently than I) about the so-called "cliques" on this board is just what I said on another thread.

I have a circle of friends in real life. Because we are no longer in junior high, we are not considered a "clique" anymore. We are a group of friends. I also have a small group of friends that I met through these boards. That doesn't mean I don't say hello to anyone, or respond to questions posted by those that I am not privileged to know better (I hope I said that right, the privilege is in knowing OTHERS, not them knowing me!) It just means that, as in real life, I know SOME people who post here better than others. Because I know them better, I try to keep up more with them, their daily lives, their joys and woes.

But I understand your frustration.

Where's the popcorn vendor? I think I might need some before all of this, too, blows over.
 
I don't post much (which is farily clear from my post count)...I joined mostly to comment on trip reports (way back in teh delswife days) and I have to say many of the cliques seem to have their "roots" in trip reports.

Personally I too find they move to "fast" for me to keep up...I can't (or don't want) to post pictures of my family. I'm not sure I can think of enough funny things to say to keep editing my posts for comic effect or any of the other stuff you'd need to do to "fit" in.

But I do find them funny sometimes...and I come to the disboards to laugh (and sometimes findout I'll cry with someone) not to go back to high school and run around wondering why I'm not in this or that in crowd.

But if the purpose of the clique threads/game/show/exchange threads is to just highlight the idea that perhaps a sub board for one or more of these things would be good shouldn't be looked at as an attack or a problem just a different point of view.

I'm sorry Mark if you felt it was about you or your friends...who are often quite funny...
 
poohandwendy said:
I dont think most people are bothered by the fact that people have formed threads to hang out or that these types of threads make people not feel included. I think most people know that if you want to join in, you can. (and even that it may take some time to get into the swing of it) We all know how friendships start and can relate to wanting to hang out with people we like. That part is not the problem.

I think the bigger issues here are that many people just think there should be a sub board created to house the really long threads because there are so many of them, the smaller threads are being bumped back a fw pages because of it. And also, that people are getting annoyed by some people hijacking threads with their insider banter and taking them off topic.


:cheer2: :cheer2: :cheer2:

Very well said :thumbsup2
 
poohandwendy said:
I dont think most people are bothered by the fact that people have formed threads to hang out or that these types of threads make people not feel included. I think most people know that if you want to join in, you can. (and even that it may take some time to get into the swing of it) We all know how friendships start and can relate to wanting to hang out with people we like. That part is not the problem.

I think the bigger issues here are that many people just think there should be a sub board created to house the really long threads because there are so many of them, the smaller threads are being bumped back a fw pages because of it. And also, that people are getting annoyed by some people hijacking threads with their insider banter and taking them off topic.

BRAVO and Hoorah!

:thumbsup2
 


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